How Domestic Violence Therapy Can Help You
One out of three women and one out of four men have experienced domestic violence at the hands of their intimate partner. Intimate partner violence accounts for 15% of all violent crimes. In addition, one out of 15 children are exposed to domestic violence, with 90% witnessing violence in their homes.
Domestic violence may start with verbally or emotionally abusive patterns and escalate to physical ones. Many individuals develop post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) or another mental health condition after the abuse they experience in an unhealthy relationship. Besides online domestic violence resources that can offer support, talking to a therapist can also help you see that you're not alone and find strategies for defending yourself, moving forward, and healing after violence.
What is domestic violence?
According to the United Nations, domestic abuse or intimate partner violence is any pattern of physical, emotional, sexual, financial, or other types of coercive or threatening behavior that harms or threatens to harm another person. Domestic violence can be between family members or romantic and sexual partners. However, intimate partner violence is one of the most common forms.
The Center for Disease Control and Prevention identifies four types of intimate partner violence, including:
- Physical Violence
- Sexual Violence
- Stalking
- Psychological Aggression
In addition, abusive or violent behaviors may include but are not limited to the following:
- A disregard for sexual consent and other forms of sexual abuse
- Physical abuse, such as kicking, punching, or slapping
- Forced physical contact or sexual acts
- Manipulation
- Financial control
- Using force to maintain power and control over another person to harm them
- Name-calling
- Frequent yelling
- Blaming
- Gaslighting (telling someone their experience is incorrect to make them doubt themselves)
- Cheating and not using protection, exposing a partner to potential STIs
There are many warning signs and forms of abusive behavior, and it can be challenging to see if you're in an abusive relationship. Psychological abuse, for example, can be less obvious to identify. If you feel unsafe, afraid, or concerned, talking to a therapist or a hotline may help you make plans to protect yourself.
What to do if you’re experiencing abuse
If you are actively experiencing domestic violence in any form, resources and services are available to you. Consider reaching out to the following:
- The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
- The Sexual Assault Hotline at RAINN: 1-800-656-4673
- The YWCA: An organization offering crisis and housing services to women and families leaving domestic violence
- The 211 Line: A line dedicated to helping individuals find local resources for financial insecurity, food challenges, or family matters
You can also reach out to local safehouses. If you're unsure where to find resources in your area, the above hotlines can support you. RAINN and the National Domestic Violence Hotline (which joined with the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence to create Project Opal) also offer a live chat with an agent on their websites, which can be done discreetly without calling, or you can search for "domestic violence counseling near me" to have a list of your options within your location.
Note that you're not alone, and it can be brave to reach out for support. No matter the situation you're going through, leaving abusive relationships can be possible, and community resources may help you take this step. You may also want to reach out to a loved one if you believe they are experiencing abuse, but it's best to be careful how you approach the subject. It may be helpful to research the proper ways to talk to abuse survivors; for example, make sure not to use terms like “abuse victims” or “victims of domestic violence”, as these aren’t appropriate.
What is domestic violence counseling?
Domestic violence counseling is therapy with a counselor, psychologist, social worker, or therapist focusing on the topic of domestic violence. In these sessions, you might discuss the following:
- Past traumatic experiences with a partner, including sexual violence or abuse
- Mental health conditions and symptoms
- How to leave an abusive situation
- Family concerns
- Divorce and separation
- Child custody
- Keeping yourself safe
- Practicing self-care and improving self-esteem
Therapists trained in domestic violence support are often experienced in how it can impact an individual. They may use a specific therapeutic modality developed to treat trauma or support you through talk therapy as you discuss what occurred or the circumstances around your present-day challenges.
You may find domestic violence counseling from domestic violence service providers (DVSPs), one-on-one practice therapists, professional clinical counselors, or online. Note that if you are in crisis, contact the domestic violence hotline options before reaching out to a long-term provider.
How can a therapist offer support?
A therapist can offer support in various ways. Many domestic violence counselors are trained in methods of helping survivors practice self-care, feel safe after trauma, and have healthy relationships. They might practice a type of therapy like cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) to help the individual discuss their thought patterns about themselves after the abuse.
They might also practice forms of therapy like rapid eye movement desensitization and reprocessing therapy (EMDR), which is specifically targeted to symptoms of PTSD. If you're meeting with a therapist for the first time, ask them about their experience in fields related to mental health, issues they’ve had success dealing with, and how they might be able to support you through these challenges.
Therapists can also offer counseling, local resources, and suggestions for those looking to navigate the process of leaving someone. For example, they can offer emotional support after or before divorce proceedings, help the client devise ways to set boundaries with their ex-partner and discuss the individual's safety plan.
Alternative forms of support
Other forms of therapeutic support might not involve traditional counseling sessions. For example, many clients partake in support groups for survivors of domestic violence, abuse, and assault. These groups can allow them to connect to others who have been through similar experiences and feel less isolated after leaving. Some might also partake in retreats for those who have experienced abuse, which are longer-term getaways that facilitate the healing process and allow for rest and relaxation.
Counseling options
You're not alone if you're experiencing mental health challenges related to domestic violence. Many resources are available to support you, and taking the first step can be brave. If you are worried about meeting a therapist in person due to fear, mental health concerns, or barriers to in-person therapy, you can also consider meeting with a therapist online.
Online therapists have the same licensing requirements as traditional ones and can offer many of the same forms of therapy. In addition, they can be more cost-effective as you and the therapist do not have to commute to an office for the session to take place. You can partake in therapy from home or anywhere with an internet connection.
One study found that online therapy can be highly effective for supporting those experiencing or recovering from abuse or domestic violence. In the study, participants were given a virtual trauma-focused intervention. After successfully finishing the intervention, depression, and PTSD scores were significantly lower for most participants. If you're interested in partaking in this type of counseling or another form online, consider signing up for a platform like BetterHelp, which can allow you to be matched with one of over 30,000 licensed compassionate counselors based on your needs, preferences, and location.
Takeaway
Domestic violence can be traumatic and scary, and you're not alone. No matter what has happened in your life, in-person or online trauma-informed counseling for domestic violence is available. Consider reaching out to a professional to gain further insight into this practice and ask how it might benefit you.
How does counseling help survivors of domestic violence?
Domestic violence (DV), also sometimes referred to as intimate partner violence (IPV) or domestic abuse, can be an intensely traumatizing experience for the people who experience it and often affects survivors throughout their lives. Counseling can be a vital tool in helping survivors heal and move forward. Here are a few of the ways in which counseling can help:
- Counseling provides a safe, supportive space for survivors of domestic violence to process their feelings and emotions associated with the abuse they’ve experienced. In an abusive situation, individuals often feel isolated and unheard. Counseling can give them a place to feel heard, validated, and understood.
- Counselors can help survivors develop healthy coping strategies to manage the emotional and psychological effects of abuse. These might include learning to recognize trauma “triggers,” techniques for managing anxiety and trauma responses, and navigating relationships with others.
- Counseling can help survivors rebuild their self-esteem and confidence after leaving an abusive relationship. Survivors often face struggles with self-blame and feelings of low self-worth. Counseling can provide them with a safe space to explore and overcome those struggles.
- Counseling can help survivors process the significant trauma often associated with domestic violence, including symptoms of PTSD. In therapy, individuals develop strategies for healing and moving forward.
- Counselors can work with survivors to develop safety plans to protect themselves from further danger. These might include identifying warning signs, establishing boundaries, and creating plans for leaving an abusive relationship.
- Counselors can provide information and support to help survivors navigate legal and social services and access resources like legal assistance, shelter services, and support groups.
What therapy is best for domestic violence?
There is no current consensus on what method of therapy is best for treating domestic violence, as there is no “one-size-fits-all” approach. What works best typically depends on the client’s needs, their unique circumstances, and the therapist’s experiences treating individuals who have experienced DV. There are, however, several methods found to be effective in helping survivors of domestic violence heal and recover:
Trauma-focused cognitive behavioral therapy (TF-CBT)
Trauma and domestic violence are closely linked, so trauma-informed variations on effective techniques like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) are often used to help domestic violence survivors. This type of therapy is suitable for survivors of all ages and their families to learn skills for emotional regulation, distress tolerance, interpersonal effectiveness, and mindfulness. TF-CBT also focuses on helping survivors develop self-esteem and self-worth.
Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR)
This type of therapy is often used as part of a comprehensive treatment plan for trauma survivors and might be combined with other therapies like CBT or supportive counseling. During EMDR sessions, the therapist guides the client through a series of bilateral stimulation techniques such as rapid eye movements, auditory tones, or hand tapping while the client focuses on specific traumatic memories, thoughts, or sensations. The bilateral stimulation is believed to change how the brain processes traumatic memories in a way that reduces their emotional intensity and impact.
Emotionally-focused therapy (EFT)
As the name implies, this type of therapy aims to help clients identify and change their emotional responses (in this case, with a focus on emotional reactions associated with trauma) to develop more secure and healthy relationships. For example, an individual with a fear of intimacy in relationships due to trust issues caused by past abuse might learn how to recognize the roots of their emotions, express them effectively, and overcome them.
Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT)
This is another clinically proven type of therapy focusing on teaching skills for emotional regulation, distress tolerance, and interpersonal effectiveness. DBT can be particularly helpful for trauma survivors who struggle with managing their emotions and relationships in the aftermath of domestic violence.
Solution-focused therapy (SFT)
This brief, goal-oriented therapy focuses on identifying and building on the client’s strengths and resources to overcome adversity and create positive change. Instead of focusing on the individual’s past, SFT asserts that clients can be empowered to overcome their current challenges through therapy support.
Supportive counseling and group therapy
Supportive counseling is a good option for people who are in crisis or early stages of healing from domestic abuse. It provides a safe, non-judgmental place for survivors to process their feelings, receive support and validation, and explore options for recovery and healing. Group therapy is an excellent complement to individual counseling, providing survivors with deep social connections and empathetic support from people with similar experiences.
Why is trauma counseling important?
Trauma counseling is important in helping survivors rebuild their lives, self-esteem, and relationships. However, trauma counseling’s importance reaches beyond individual healing and recovery. When a survivor gets the support they need to build resilience and move forward, it can positively impact their friends, families, and loved ones and potentially break the cycle of abuse in households with a generational history.
That person can act as a source of comfort for other survivors and, in cases of violence and physical abuse, direct them to immediate, potentially life-saving resources like the National Domestic Violence Hotline. They can advocate and influence communities to mobilize to provide resources and services for other survivors. They might draw attention to the issue by celebrating Domestic Violence Awareness Month and educating others on how they can give to aid organizations and local services.
What are the benefits of trauma therapy?
There are many benefits of trauma therapy for survivors, and those benefits can affect every area of a person’s life, including at work, in relationships, at home, and in overall well-being. Here are a few ways that trauma therapy can benefit individuals:
- It helps them process and heal: Trauma therapy provides a safe, supportive space for individuals to process their traumatic experiences, express emotions, and manage the impact of the trauma on their mental and emotional well-being.
- It helps them manage and reduce symptoms: The effects of trauma often manifest as distressing mental and physical symptoms such as depression, panic attacks, overwhelming feelings of guilt and shame, emotional dysregulation, disruptions in eating or sleeping patterns, difficulty concentrating, anhedonia, and more. Therapy can teach survivors healthy ways to handle and minimize such symptoms.
- It helps them build resilience and coping skills: Trauma counseling can help individuals develop the skills necessary to navigate complex emotions and situations in the present as well as future challenges and stressors. Such skills can help a survivor regain power and control over their lives.
- It helps prevent long-term consequences: Untreated trauma can have long-lasting adverse effects on an individual’s mental health, relationships, and overall well-being. Trauma counseling can help survivors recognize and address these issues to avoid lasting consequences.
- It helps restore a sense of safety and trust: Trauma survivors may struggle to trust others and have difficulty feeling safe in relationships and certain situations. Trauma counseling can teach individuals how to establish healthy boundaries, build supportive relationships, and rebuild a sense of overall trust and safety in their lives.
- It helps rebuild self-esteem and overall well-being: Issues of shame, guilt, and depression are common for survivors of domestic abuse, creating long-term mental health conditions. In therapy, individuals can address these deep-seating emotions and strengthen their self-esteem and confidence.
What is the aim of trauma-focused therapy?
Trauma therapy aims to provide survivors with the tools and support they need to process traumatic experiences, understand the emotional and behavioral impacts of those experiences, and develop resilience and coping skills for handling the subsequent challenges associated with trauma.
What is trauma therapy?
Trauma therapy is a form of treatment that aims specifically to treat individuals with past traumatic experiences. Its broad purpose is to help individuals reduce or eliminate traumatization symptoms.
Is counseling enough to treat trauma?
That depends on the individual and their unique circumstances. In some cases, therapy is all that’s needed to help a survivor recover and move forward. In others, medication might be necessary in conjunction with psychotherapy to address more severe symptoms.
How do I know if I need trauma counseling?
It isn’t always easy to tell when someone needs trauma counseling services, as people manifest traumatization in different ways. Here are a few signs you might need to seek guidance from a mental health professional skilled in treating people with trauma:
- You have chronic feelings of depression or anxiety that impact your daily life
- You feel emotionally numb or detached
- You avoid people, places, or activities that remind you of the trauma
- You isolate yourself from others
- You have recurring nightmares or flashbacks
- You have trust or anger issues in relationships
- Other people notice your behaviors as different or problematic
- You have substance use disorder or other addictive behaviors
- You have thoughts of self-harm or suicide
- You have unexplained physical symptoms like digestive issues, headaches, or body aches
How long does trauma counseling take?
The frequency and length of trauma therapy often vary depending on factors like the severity of the individual’s experiences, if they have cooccurring mental disorders and the kind of treatment they’re in. For some, therapy can last years or even decades. Others may achieve their therapeutic goals within weeks.
What are the symptoms of PTSD?
People with PTSD might have defensive symptoms like being easily frightened or startled and hypervigilance. They may experience nightmares or flashbacks that disrupt sleep and hinder the individual’s ability to focus. People with PTSD might display anger or aggravation without a direct cause and engage in risky, self-destructive behaviors.
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