What To Do If Your Partner Is Exhibiting Controlling Behavior & How To Keep Yourself Safe

Does a controlling man really love you?

It is not healthy for a man to be controlling in a relationship, and those types of behaviors aren’t indicative of love. While it can seem like love sometimes, controlling partners aren’t usually interested in loving someone in the way most people think of as healthy. They may use gestures of love such as intimacy and affection to “reward” you when you comply with their wishes, but they’ll just as easily withhold them as a form of “punishment.” 

Healthy relationships are based on mutual respect and balance, not on the desire to control. It might be challenging to say for sure whether your controlling partner does love you— but people who are controlling in relationships don’t typically behave from a place of love. They’re usually motivated by insecurity or a lack of respect for your autonomy and individuality. 

How do you outsmart a controlling person?

Dealing with a controlling person can be challenging and frustrating, but there are some strategies you can use to navigate the situation:

• Stay calm and avoid engaging with the behaviors

Controlling individuals may try to provoke a reaction from you to maintain control. They might start an argument or overreact to something they take as criticism or resistance. In such cases, stay composed and non-reactive. Don’t engage in an argument; instead, set boundaries by saying something like, “I know ___ is important to you, and I think we need to talk about it, but I’d rather do so without arguing. Can we talk about it after we’ve both calmed down?”

• Set clear boundaries

Take a little time to consider what behaviors you will and will not tolerate from your partner, and then clearly communicate how you feel. Stand firm in your decisions. If they attempt to cross your boundaries, assert yourself. 

• Practice assertiveness

Remember that you have autonomy over your actions, and no one has the right to dictate what you do, where you go, and who you see. When your partner tries to control your behavior, stay calm and respectful, but express your expectations and feelings clearly and assertively.

• Seek support

Reach out to friends and loved ones for perspective and guidance on handling the situation. Having a support system of people in your corner can help you feel more empowered and confident.

• Practice self-care

It can be easy to neglect your own personal care if you live with or spend a lot of time with a controlling person. Be sure to take time out and do things you’re good at and you enjoy. Eat well, get plenty of rest, and exercise regularly. 

• Consider seeking professional help

If your partner’s controlling behavior is affecting your mental health, a therapist can help you develop coping strategies and address any underlying issues you may have. 

What is controlling in a relationship?

Controlling behaviors in a relationship may vary depending on individual traits and circumstances, but there are some core behaviors that controlling people often exhibit. Warning signs of a controlling partner might include:

• They monitor or restrict your communication

A controlling partner might monitor your calls, texts, emails, or social media accounts. They may try to isolate you from your friends, family, and loved ones and become upset if you attempt to have a life outside of them or make plans that don’t include them. 

• They dictate your actions

Controlling partners might try to tell you what to wear, where to go, and who to spend time with.

• They are manipulative 

“Guilt-tripping” or gaslighting are common tactics controlling people use to get their way. They might blame you for their unhappiness or when things go wrong or try to make you feel bad about spending time with others. They may twist the truth to make you question your judgment or sense of reality. 

• They are jealous and possessive

Controlling partners are often highly insecure, becoming overly jealous and possessive of their partner’s time and attention. Your partner may accuse you of cheating or flirting with others without any reason or evidence, not just because they sense a need to control you but also because they need constant reassurance and validation. 

• They try to undermine your self-esteem

A controlling partner may criticize or belittle you to try to make you feel insecure—often in front of other people. If you speak up against the behavior, they might say you’re being too sensitive or you can’t “take a joke.”

• They make significant decisions without your input

Controlling partners may make decisions that affect you (or both of you) without consulting or considering your feelings and opinions. 

Do controlling men get jealous?

Just because someone has jealous tendencies doesn’t automatically mean they are controlling, but it is often a trademark behavior of controlling people. If your partner is constantly accusing you of flirting or cheating, know that this could be one of the signs of a controlling man. 

Is he clingy or controlling? How do you tell the difference?

It can be challenging to distinguish between clingy and controlling behavior because they often overlap. Still, there are some key differences that might help you discern whether your partner is controlling or clingy. 

For example, clingy behavior is often driven by a need for reassurance. A clingy person might constantly seek attention, validation, and affection due to a fear of abandonment rather than a desire to control you. Clingy behavior is typically more emotional and focused on seeking connection while controlling behavior is more about seeking power and influence. 

What makes most men jealous?

A man may become jealous when you pay attention to someone else, or he feels threatened by your relationships with others. Sometimes, a man might feel jealous if you’re successful in your career or are more socially active than him. Many things can make a man jealous, but it typically stems from insecurity in the relationship (although you don’t have to be in a relationship together for him to be jealous), fear, and low self-esteem.

What are the signs of an unhealthy relationship?

Several signs might indicate your relationship is unhealthy or is becoming unhealthy. These may include:

• A lack of trust: A lack of trust between partners can lead to jealousy and suspicion and may contribute to clingy or controlling behaviors. 
• Lack of communication: If there’s a lack of open, honest communication or one partner refuses to listen or consider the other’s feelings, it can lay the foundation for an unhealthy relationship. 
• Disrespect: Insults, name-calling, or demeaning comments aren’t acceptable in a healthy relationship. 
• Constant conflict: Disagreements are typical in most relationships, but if there’s regular strife and your partner seems to be unhappy with you all the time, it might be an early warning sign of deeper issues.
• Controlling behavior: It is a distinct sign of an unhealthy relationship when one partner monitors the other’s activities, dictates their decisions, or isolates them from friends and family. 
• Physical or emotional abuse: Any type of abuse is a clear sign of an unhealthy relationship. Abusive behaviors may include but aren’t limited to, manipulation, belittling, threats, or any type of violence. 
• Lack of support: Supporting each other’s goals, dreams, and emotional needs is essential for a healthy relationship. If your partner doesn’t share in celebrating your successes or isn’t there for you during difficult times, the relationship might be unhealthy.
• Feelings of fear or insecurity: If you feel (delete – ‘If your partner makes you feel’) anxious, insecure, or fearful in the relationship, it might be a sign that it is unhealthy.

How do you know if a guy is obsessed with you?

It can be difficult to discern the difference between obsession and the early signs of love—but there are early warning signs that might signal whether a guy is obsessed rather than simply excited about your burgeoning relationship:

• He’s excessively jealous over superficial interactions or other small things without reason
• He tries to control who you spend time with or constantly questions your interactions with others
• He is constantly calling, texting, or messaging you and becomes upset or anxious when you don’t respond immediately
• He monitors your whereabouts and social media accounts
• He appears randomly in places where you are
• He shows up uninvited at your home or workplace, sends unwanted gifts or messages, or engages in stalking behaviors
• He ignores your boundaries or personal space
• He doesn’t respect your wishes or decisions
• He tries to merge his life with yours in unwanted or unhealthy ways

What bothers a control freak?

Overall, people with a strong need to control situations, people, or outcomes are often driven by fear and insecurity. However, everyone is different, and what might bother one “control freak” may not affect another. 

For example, some individuals assert controlling behaviors because they are uncomfortable with change. Others may struggle with perfectionism and become frustrated or disappointed when things don’t meet their (often unrealistic) standards of perfection.

Some control freaks may have difficulty relying on others or delegating tasks because it requires them to relinquish control and trust others. Control freaks might be sensitive to criticism or feedback and become defensive or dismissive when questioned. Additionally, control freaks often struggle with unpredictability and uncertainty, feeling anxious or overwhelmed when things don’t go according to plan. 

How do you test if he respects you?

The easiest way to tell if someone respects you may be to ask, but if you aren’t sure or don’t feel comfortable asking, there are some typical behaviors you may look for:

• He asks for your thoughts and opinions, shows interest in what you have to say, and values your perspective
• He’s interested in and supportive of your goals, dreams, and aspirations
• He respects your personal space and autonomy
• He isn’t jealous or possessive
• He treats you as an equal partner in your relationship
• He trusts your judgment and doesn’t try to commandeer your responsibilities
• He treats you with kindness, consideration, and empathy
• He doesn’t try to belittle or change your core values and is happy to agree to disagree if you don’t see eye-to-eye 
• He wants to spend quality time together doing things you both enjoy
• He’s honest with you and doesn’t feel the need to hide things from you
• He’s honest about what he wants from your relationship