How To Fix A Relationship After Cheating: Repairing The Relationship

In general, a healthy relationship is a trusting relationship. However, it can be difficult to rebuild trust when dealing with an unfaithful partner. Cheating is typically a huge violation of boundaries and trust, and the healing process can be difficult. When your partner cheats, it can take a huge toll on your self-esteem and mental health. Many in this scenario assume they have an irreparably broken relationship, but in some cases, you and your partner can may be able to fix the relationship after cheating. This generally requires much relationship work from both partners and can often benefit from professional help, such as online or in-person therapy.

Potential signs your partner is cheating

Figuring out how to decipher the signs of a cheating partner can be difficult. While we might believe that certain behaviors seem “off,” we tend to be inclined to give our partners the benefit of the doubt. 

The following are some common potential signs of infidelity in a relationship:

Changes in behavior regarding phone and internet usage

You might notice your partner is suddenly switching from one browser tab to another when you walk into the room. Alternatively, maybe your partner is frequently texting someone, perhaps at odd hours, such as late at night. They might give evasive answers when you ask them about it.

Trouble reaching your partner

While it can be normal for your partner to have an independent life and to be given personal space, it can be a red flag when there are extended periods of time in which your partner seems to have disappeared. 

Changes to sex life

Your partner may be showing a lack of sexual interest in physical intimacy with you. Notably, a sudden increase in sexual activity can also be a red flag, as your partner might feel sexually energized from the affair. 

Inconsistent stories or schedules

In general, we all want to believe our partners when they tell us things, but you might notice that things don’t add up when your partner speaks to you. People who are leading a double life by having an affair can often get tangled in a web of lies and trip up. 

Projection from your partner

Your partner may suddenly lose trust in you. Knowing that people cheat — that they cheat — they might be worried about you doing to them what they’re doing to you. 

Sudden increase in relationship issues

You may notice more frequent arguments in the relationship.

Healing a relationship after cheating and infidelity

Deciding whether to fix a relationship damaged by an unfaithful partner can be extremely difficult, but while you may have a strong support system of family members and friends, it may be a decision only you and your partner can make. Whether you or your partner engaged in infidelity, it may seem as though the trust between you can never be regained. Rebuilding a relationship after cheating might seem like an uphill battle, but there are some strategies at your disposal that could help. 

While it often requires immense work and open communication, rebuilding a loving relationship built on trust can be possible. Some initial aspects of the healing process may include the following:

Making sure there is remorse from the partner who cheated

If your unfaithful partner does not feel bad about what they did, they may be likely to betray your trust again. It is equally important not to have a mindset where seeking revenge on your partner is an option. If your partner continues to cheat, it may be time to move on to a brand-new relationship.

Considering a nonmonogamous relationship

This can require a great deal of communication and clear boundary-setting to succeed.

Engaging in honesty after infidelity 

The cheating partner should generally be honest with the betrayed partner, as well as themselves, about why they cheated and ways to move forward.

Making efforts to prevent compromising situations

The cheating partner may remove themselves from tempting situations, such as taking down social media apps that make it easy to facilitate an affair.

Being selective about who you tell following the cheating

Not every friend or family member may need to know about the situation, and the added stress of the possibility of gossip can make the healing process more challenging. It can be important to discuss how (and if) you should tell loved ones.

Considering seeking help if you are wondering how to fix a relationship after cheating

In relationships that experience infidelity, offering forgiveness, not continually assigning blame for what happened in the past, and agreeing to create a new beginning can be key to moving forward into the future together. But “forgive and forget” is easier said than done. Attending sessions with a licensed professional can provide you and your partner with the necessary tools to work through incidents of infidelity.

Therapy for rebuilding a healthy relationship

When partners feel they’ve exhausted all available solutions, seeking help from an outside source, such as a licensed marriage or couples therapist, may help you determine how best to move forward.

Research related to couple’s therapy has identified certain maladaptive communication styles during conflict resolution, as well as antidotes to remedy the situation. Couples therapy can often help partners replace poor communication styles with gentle conversation starters and the acceptance of responsibility, potentially building a culture of appreciation and self-soothing skills in the relationship.

However, deciding on which style of therapy is right for your relationship’s particular predicament can present new challenges. While couples therapy can be especially beneficial to relationships that have been impacted by infidelity, individual therapy can also help to guide your relationship along the path of recovery. Additionally, individual therapy can provide perspectives that lead to comfort and closure, potentially empowering you to move on to a new relationship in a healthy way.

Online therapy options may offer an added sense of convenience and safety for those looking to overcome infidelity. The ability to attend sessions from the comfort of your home at a time that fits your schedule can make the idea of individual or couples therapy more reachable.

While therapy sessions can be attended in a therapist’s office, research has suggested that online couples therapy can be equally as effective as in-person sessions.