How To Get The Chemistry Back In Your Romantic Relationship
In this article, we'll explore the common factors that may cause changes in your relationship and review reviving the chemistry in a relationship.
What is chemistry in a relationship? Romantic chemistry and sexual chemistry in relationships
Why the chemistry in a relationship can fade
While initial attraction may be fueled by strong sexual chemistry, the sustainability of a long-term relationship typically relies more on compatibility. Relationships often kick off with what's commonly known as the "honeymoon phase.” This period, typically characterized by an exhilarating rush of emotions, lust, and attraction, can extend for weeks, months, or even years in a relationship.
Sometimes, loss of attraction or chemistry can also be a result of relationship issues. Relationship issues and challenges like sexual dysfunction, poor communication, or an unhealthy relationship dynamic can further contribute to the fading of chemistry over time. Understanding the biological and external factors at play can become crucial in addressing and potentially rekindling the chemistry in a relationship that may have diminished.
How to get the chemistry back in a relationship
Chemistry in a relationship typically goes beyond the initial allure; chemistry involves navigating the complexities of a relationship to maintain a deep and meaningful connection over time. The Gottman Institute, known for its research-based approaches to relationship therapy, provides valuable insights and tips to reignite passion in marriage or relationship.
The following are 10 tips from the Gottman Institute on getting chemistry back offer guidance directly from the renowned institute:
1. Change your approach to initiating intimacy
You might first consider whether you might be rejecting your relationship partner or approaching them too forcefully about intimacy. It may help to focus your attention on mutual respect and avoid blaming each other for lack of interest. You might also introduce variety to overcome challenges with chemistry or intimacy. For instance, those who tend to initiate sex might pause and express their partner's allure in subtle ways. Those who tend to distance themselves may benefit from initiating intimacy more frequently, while pursuers can express their partner's allure in subtle ways, avoiding criticism and demands for intimacy. These tips can not only make your relationship partner more receptive to sexual intimacy, but may also lead to great sex.
2. Engage in hand-holding
Studies indicate that engaging in hand-holding, hugging, and physical touch can release oxytocin, which research suggests is also released during sexual climax. Furthermore, physical affection diminishes stress hormones, thereby reducing daily cortisol levels. While seemingly simple, if you hold hands with your partner, you can become more attracted to them. Other small gestures like eye contact can also help to build chemistry or restore a connection to your partner.
3. Allow anticipation to build
The human brain tends to derive greater pleasure when the anticipation of a reward persists before its reception. With this in mind, you might take your time during foreplay, look into your partner’s eyes, share fantasies, change settings, go slowly with foreplay, and infuse more romance into your sexual encounters.
4. Separate sex life from regular routine
It may help to schedule intimate time and refrain from discussing relationship concerns and household duties in the bedroom. Sexual arousal can decline in the face of stress and distraction. Avoid talking about anything unrelated to sex or intimacy in your relationship during this time, such as dwelling in the past or focusing on current worry.
5. Dedicate time to your relationship partner
6. Prioritize physical touch
Consider ways to increase physical contact, such as by offering your partner a shoulder rub. While foreplay is commonly associated with sexual intercourse, affectionate touch can be a potent way to express and revive chemistry, even for individuals not inclined toward physical affection. You might go slowly if your relationship partner generally doesn’t like to be touched and always be sure to act respectfully and not to cross any boundaries.
7. Prioritize intimacy in your relationship
One way to prioritize intimacy in your relationship is to create the right atmosphere for intimacy before other activities diminish chemistry. For example, a romantic meal and your favorite music might set the stage for a fulfilling sexual experience. A light meal might be recommended if you expect to do sexual activities shortly after.
8. Increased vulnerability during intimacy
To practice more vulnerability, you might take a walk down memory lane and open up about your favorite moments together, as well as your strongest emotions, fantasies, and desires with your relationship partner. If emotional intimacy is a concern, consider individual or relationship therapy.
9. Sustain curiosity about sexual intimacy
10. Diversify the intimacy
How therapy can get the chemistry back in a relationship
If you don’t have time for traditional in-person therapy, you might consider online therapy. If you decide to pursue help as a couple, you can try online relationship therapy at Regain. If you prefer to explore your concerns individually, you can connect to an online therapist at BetterHelp. With both platforms, you can communicate with a therapist in a way that’s most comfortable for you, whether by audio, video, or live chat. You can also contact your therapist in between sessions through in-app messaging, and they’ll respond as soon as they can.
Numerous studies have demonstrated that online therapy can be just as effective as traditional in-person therapy.
Beyond communication, therapists help assess if the relationship has lost its chemistry or if unhealthy dynamics are at play. It's important to recognize that not all relationship issues have straightforward solutions, and therapists guide individuals and couples in understanding when walking away might be necessary, especially in cases of poor communication or signs of abuse in the relationship.
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