Get Over A Guy You Love While Maintaining Mental Health
Deciding to move on from a relationship can be difficult. For many people, getting over someone you love takes time, and sometimes a great deal of it.
It may take weeks, even months, for the pain of an ended romance to subside. In some cases, you may be grieving an unrequited love. Although you may not want to hear that getting over someone can take time, there are still ways to aid in the healing process that may help you speed it up.
People are varied, and what works for you may not work for someone else. That's why getting over someone is a personalized experience. Taking the time and processing your emotions how you need can ensure that you're truly over someone and encourage your mental well-being and growth.
You may have work or school to attend, kids to care for, bills to pay, or people relying on you to "keep it together." You may not have the time or space to spend your days in bed watching TV shows or ignoring other responsibilities. Although that can be helpful in the short term, there are many long-term ways to get relief from the negative feelings that accompany a break up.
Getting over a guy fast without using social media
Here are a few steps to take if you're curious about how to get over someone fast. These may assist you in your efforts to move on quickly.
Try avoiding social media to get over a guy you love
Avoid seeing or talking to the person you're trying to get over for a while. The "No Contact rule" allows you to focus inward and see life without the person in it.
Enlist help from a loved one if you think you won't have the control to avoid him alone. Don't think of reasons to call or text him because it may bring up old romantic feelings and make it harder to let go. You may actually feel worse after making contact.
"No contact" means no contact or connection. Don't check his social media accounts, don't answer any of his messages, and don't reach out through a third party to get information. Being out of contact doesn't have to last forever, but it may help you get over someone more quickly.
Look to the future
Thinking about past positive times with the person may not be helpful. It could be the opposite. Reminiscing about someone might include writing about them often, thinking about your happy times together, or trying to convince yourself that the relationship shouldn't have ended.
When you're feeling tempted to go back, it can be beneficial to recognize why your relationship didn't work out in the first place. Even if it was a mutual breakup, there may have been a reason that you both agreed it wouldn't work at the moment.
It can feel more tempting to remember the good times over the bad. It's okay to respect and care for someone. However, if you find yourself stuck thinking about the past, cover every side of the story. Seeking the support of your best friend or family member who can offer a balanced relationship perspective may help. They may be able to reassure you about why the relationship ended so you can feel good about the decision.
Try journaling to support your mental health
Research shows there are numerous benefits of expressive writing in improving mental health and well-being, especially when moving forward after a challenging event. According to one study published in the US National Library of Medicine National Institutes of Health, reflecting on our experiences can enhance our sense of self while helping us better understand others. This effect may be significant following a breakup, as a person's sense of identity may become entangled in their relationship. After the end of a relationship, journaling can help you re-establish your sense of self and self esteem, which may reduce loneliness.
It may seem intimidating to start a journaling practice if you have never done so, but there’s no wrong way to do so. Think about how you might start small, like setting aside 10 minutes to write down your thoughts and emotions daily. Try not to monitor or judge yourself as you write openly about whatever comes to mind.
You might also try some journaling prompts online to help you process the breakup. You may not notice immediate progress, but over time, you may be able to look back and realize that getting your thoughts and feelings on paper has helped you to begin moving forward.
Invest in your other relationships
Avoid isolating yourself as you move forward after a break up. This could be the time to invest in other meaningful relationships in your life, whether with close friends or family members. Maybe there are some people you have not seen or caught up with for some time. You might consider reaching out to reconnect.
Spending time with your support network may aid healing. It may also remind you that while you are without this person, there are other avenues for filling your life with meaningful connection and love.
Rediscover yourself
Distracting yourself may help you move on from a broken heart. Although it can be helpful to take time to process what has happened and mourn the loss, allowing life to return to normal can also be. It may allow you to re-discover yourself or open yourself up for your next relationship. You might find that you're enjoying your time as a newly single person. Focusing on self-care and self-love may open you up to new experiences that you might not have had before, and staying busy may help you from getting stuck in the past.
What hobby have you set aside that you might pick up again? Is there a new hobby you always wanted to try but never got to do because it didn’t matter to your significant other? Now is your chance to do those things!
Spend time with other people, make new friends, and see how fun this new stage of your life could be.
There’s no need to do all the things, but if you need inspiration, consider trying one of these activities to learn something new about yourself:
- Blogging
- Photography
- Calligraphy
- Bowling
- Art
- Camping
- Meditation
- Canning
- Making cards
- Painting
- Scrapbooking
- Embroidery
- Floral arranging
- Genealogy
- Learning a new language
- Playing an instrument
- Pottery
- Puzzles
- Traveling
Other things that might work for you could include exercise, getting out in nature, or learning new things via books or podcasts.
Grieving a relationship
Grieving stages are often not linear, may occur in any order, or may appear multiple times before the final step is achieved. These stages include the following.
Stage one: Shock and other feelings
At this point, you may feel lots of different emotions, including:
- Sadness
- Fear
- Disgust
- Loneliness
- Feelings of abandonment
- Anger
- Hurt
- Shock
In the first stage of grief, you may still be processing what happened and what it means for you.
Stage two: Denial
Denial can be common with any grief. You may feel that the relationship has not truly ended or that what happened isn't real. You may wish to continue speaking to the person or acting like everything is okay.
Stage three: Begging and bargaining
Stage three may cause feelings of desperation. You may try to bargain with yourself or your ex to "make things right." For example, you might replay moments, decisions, and actions, ruminating on what you should have done differently to prevent the breakup and what you can do to fix it. Or, you may have urges to reach out and try to bargain with your ex to get them back.
Stage four: Relapse
A relapse stage doesn't happen for everyone. However, in some cases, it can cause people to get back together or attempt to do so, even if they know it's not the healthiest form of action. If you get back together, you may find relief from the prior pain is only temporary.
If the problems that drove you apart aren't solved, you may end up at stage one again, and the grief process can repeat itself in the same way. It may be best to skip this stage and work toward accepting that although things have ended, the future is still bright.
Stage five: Acceptance
The desire to reach the destination of acceptance may have led you to this article in the first place. Once you reach this phase, you may be closer to getting over your ex and feel a budding sense of peace and acceptance. However, you don't have to go through the process of getting here alone.
Finding acceptance through counseling
It's easier than ever to reach out to a counselor when you're having a tough time. Online services like BetterHelp allow you to exchange messages with experienced professionals who can provide you with the guidance and insight you need for moving on. The sessions are online so that you can stay at home for therapy, and you won't need to add another outside errand to your schedule during this difficult time.
A recent study has proven that therapy is effective in healing anxiety after a breakup, with over 50% of participants finding relief. If you're experiencing anxiety, panic attacks, or stress due to the end of the relationship, you may find relief from speaking to an online therapist.
Online therapy with BetterHelp can be done from any location with a Wi-Fi router and strong internet connection. Thousands of therapists are available and signing up only takes a few minutes. After signing up, you'll be matched with a therapist within 24-48 hours.
Takeaway
How do you get over a guy you love and protect your mental health?
Getting over someone you love can be a complicated, painful process, and no two people experience it the same way. In some cases, people don't really and truly "get over" someone in the sense that they stop caring for them completely, but with time and self-care, it is possible to move on. Here are some tips to help you get over a guy you really love:
Acknowledge it's over and accept your grief
It can take some bravery to admit that a relationship is over when you don't want it to be, but doing so can help you take the first steps towards growth and healing. Allow yourself to feel the sadness and loss that accompanies this truth. Give yourself permission to feel your emotions, and don't try to deny or suppress them. Treat yourself with kindness and the same nonjudgmental empathy you'd give a friend going through a similar time.
Cut off contact
It often requires space and distance to move on from a guy. Cutting off, or at least limiting, contact with the person you're trying to get over might be necessary to take that space. Delete their texts and remove their contact information from your phone. Unfriend or unfollow them on social media, or, if you think this will create hard feelings, hide or block their posts. Put or throw away any photos, mementos, or gifts that remind you of them.
Focus on yourself
Take care of yourself by engaging in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. Pursue hobbies, spend time with friends and family, and prioritize self-care. Moving on from a breakup (or crush) can be an excellent time to learn new things and participate in activities that promote self-growth.
Seek support
Avoid isolating yourself and seek support from friends, family, or a therapist. Talk to the empathetic, nonjudgmental people in your life about your feelings and experiences. A support system can help you navigate the healing process and remind you that you are loved and valued.
Get introspective
Part of self-care is reconnecting with your inner self after the end of a relationship in which you potentially put a lot of focus on the other person. Try journaling, meditation, or talking to a counselor to uncover the parts of you that may have taken a back seat during your relationship. Approach yourself as you would approach anyone you'd like to get to know better. Ask questions about your values, goals, and aspirations, then write down your answers. You may discover things about yourself that you didn't know before.
Stay busy
Keep yourself occupied with activities and goals that keep you focused and motivated. For example, do those home improvement projects you've been thinking about or volunteer your time and energy towards helping others. Staying busy can help distract you from your thoughts of him.
Give yourself time
Healing from a breakup or getting over unrequited love takes time. Be patient with yourself and heal at your own pace.
How can I stop having feelings for a guy?
Again, you may not be able to stop having feelings for a guy completely. You might still hold a small space in your heart for him no matter what, or at least care about his well-being long after you're apart. But you can distance yourself from those feelings and live your best life without him. Pamper yourself, give yourself permission to grieve the loss, surround yourself with loved ones, and focus on self-growth during this time to get started and move on. If you're having a hard time and the feelings are too overwhelming or are hindering your ability to function, reach out to a mental health professional for help.
How to get over a guy ASAP?
Perhaps the fastest way to get over a guy is to find another one—but this might not be the best way. There are no real shortcuts to the process. Getting over a guy completely (and healthily) will take time and effort on your part.
How do I stop wanting him so much?
It takes time to stop wanting someone, whether you're trying to move on from a long-term relationship, a "situationship," or a crush. To do so will likely require distraction, distancing yourself from him, and spending time with people you enjoy. If you want someone you can't have, focus on why that is the case. Are you already in a committed relationship? Recommit to your partner. Do you work together, and a relationship would be inappropriate? Think about ways you can work without running into him, or at least limit your contact significantly. Then, renew your focus on your career goals. Maybe it's time to work towards a promotion or find a new job you can be passionate about.
How do you make him miss you?
Whether a guy misses you ultimately depends on him and his feelings towards you; however, there are some things you can try to make him miss being with you:
- Allow him to have his own time and independence without your involvement
- Let him take the initiative to contact you
- Focus on your own life, hobbies, and goals
- Don't go out of your way to be available when he calls
- Avoid oversharing, and keep some things about you to yourself
- Randomly surprise him with little things
- Stay positive
- Communicate honestly
- Make the time you spend together count
How do I mentally let him go?
Letting go of someone you've built a connection with can be painful and full of unknowns. What will you do without him? What will he do without you? How will you change without him in your life? But even though you may be used to including him in the minutiae of your everyday life, with time and the right focus, you can mentally let him go and move on. Here are some suggestions:
- Understand it's necessary to let go to find happiness in your next chapter
- Take good care of yourself mentally and physically
- Avoid blaming and forgive (both yourself and him)
- Develop a gratitude practice
- Stay busy and focus on self-development
- Avoid social media and other potential exposures
- Be patient with yourself and take your time
How do you accept he doesn't want you?
It can be hard on the self-esteem when someone you're attracted to doesn't feel the same way. While it might be a blow to your confidence, making peace with the fact that he doesn't want you is integral to rebuilding that confidence and self-esteem.
To begin the journey to regaining your self-confidence, acknowledge your feelings and label them. You might want to keep a journal or write letters to him that you'll never deliver—whatever the medium, it's helpful to put a name to your feelings and how they emerge in your thoughts.
Distance yourself and limit opportunities for contact on social media, in your social circles, or in other places you may potentially encounter him. Keep your body and mind busy doing things that boost your well-being. Engage in activities you're good at or make you feel good, like volunteering or offering to help a friend or family member who needs you.
If you find it too overwhelming to handle on your own, seek guidance from a therapist who can help you navigate the negative thoughts and painful emotions you're experiencing right now. Methods like radical acceptance (a type of dialectical behavior therapy) and cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) are just a couple of examples of the techniques mental health professionals use to help clients cope with emotionally painful experiences.
How do you uncrush someone?
"Uncrushing" someone may take time, patience, and effort on your part. Allow yourself to fully experience your emotions as they are without judgment, and take this opportunity to get to know yourself better. Reach out to friends and family for support, stay busy doing things you enjoy, and treat yourself. Consider taking yourself on a date to a movie or a new restaurant you've been meaning to go to—whatever you can do at this point to treat yourself lovingly can help you on the way to letting go.
Why do guys avoid their crushes?
There are several potential reasons why a guy might avoid someone he has a crush on. One of the most common is fear of rejection. If a guy is afraid to engage with a crush, they're likely worried about making themselves vulnerable. They might have a history of rejection or are just recovering from a relationship in which they were hurt and aren't ready to put themselves out there just yet.
Some guys avoid their crushes because they are "playing hard-to-get" and think that if they make themselves less available, their crush will pursue them more. Others may ignore a crush because it's easier for them, and they don't care. There's also the possibility that your guy isn't trying to avoid you; he's just legitimately really busy.
Ultimately, the only way you'll know for sure why you're being avoided is to ask him. This might be difficult, and you may have to prepare yourself for an answer you don't want to hear, but at least you'll know for sure why he isn't paying attention.
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