How To Know If You’re Ready For A Romantic Relationship

Deciding whether to enter into a romantic relationship can be a complex and deeply personal choice. Committing to closely bonding with someone in this way is often a journey that uniquely challenges our understanding of ourselves, our needs, and our capacity to do the work to form healthy connections. That's why it often takes time and self-reflection to decide whether you believe you are ready to move forward. Here, we'll outline some factors that may be helpful to consider if you’re thinking of getting into a romantic relationship. 

What does it mean to be “ready”? 

Entering a relationship can seem like a daunting prospect if you don't feel entirely "ready.” That said, readiness itself is subjective and can be elusive. Being “ready” for a relationship can have different connotations for different individuals, influenced by their personal experiences, lifestyle, long-term desires, and emotional state. It's not a universal experience, but a highly personal one. That’s why it can be important to engage in honest self-reflection to weigh why you might want to enter a relationship and why you might be afraid or hesitant before you make this decision that only you can make. 

While emotions are certainly a key part of this decision, it can be helpful to look at it from a logical point of view as well. For example, if you know you don’t have extra time to spend with a partner until you’re done with school or if you don’t envision a long-term romantic partner as part of your future, you may want to adjust your decision accordingly.  

Why you may not feel ready 

There are many different reasons you may not feel ready for a romantic relationship. If you don’t experience romantic feelings, don’t feel an emotional connection with the other person, or a relationship wouldn’t align with your current or future life goals, it’s okay to decide not to move forward. If you feel unsafe or pressured by the other person, it’s usually best to listen to your gut instincts and walk away. 

If you are potentially open to a romantic relationship but feel hesitant, it can be helpful to put genuine effort into figuring out why. Sometimes, claiming you’re “not ready" for a relationship can be a method of self-protection as a result of a fear of vulnerability, a past hurt, or the sometimes-daunting prospect of becoming emotionally entangled with another individual. Even if you want to engage in a romantic relationship, you might decide that it’s not the right time because of your job, your education, or your mental or physical health, for example. 

Recognizing the difference between an avoidance mechanism and a genuine internal feeling is not always easy, and making the decision to not engage in a relationship even when you want to can sometimes be necessary. Getting to the root of it can be crucial for making your decision, and increasing your emotional intelligence is a potentially helpful way to do this. 

Strategies for improving emotional intelligence  

According to the American Psychological Association (APA), emotional intelligence is “a type of intelligence that involves the ability to process emotional information and use it in reasoning and other cognitive activities.” This concept can be helpful in evaluating one's readiness for a relationship. First, it may allow individuals to have greater self-awareness so they can be honest with themselves about their reasons for wanting or not wanting to engage in a relationship. 

Studies also suggest that those with higher emotional intelligence may be better equipped to handle the complexities of a committed intimate relationship, including conflict resolution, understanding a partner's perspective, and providing emotional support. Some methods that may help improve your emotional intelligence include the following. 

Keep a journal  

Journaling can provide an outlet for emotions and thoughts and foster a deeper level of self-awareness. By articulating your feelings in writing, you might be able to see situations from a different perspective and recognize patterns in your emotional reactions. By making a regular practice of reflecting on your experiences and the associated emotions that arise, you may develop the ability to better comprehend your emotional state. As a result, you may be able to increase both your self-awareness and your relationship skills. 

Exercise 

Consider the findings of a unique study that suggest that people who engage in regular exercise may experience improvements in emotional awareness and confidence in decision-making and also demonstrate higher levels of empathy and interpersonal skills. These findings indicate that physical health may be intricately linked with emotional and mental development. As such, adding exercise to your routine might help you with self-awareness, mood, and relationships of all types over the longer term. 

Meditate 

Regular meditation fosters self-awareness, teaching you to understand, process, and manage your emotions more effectively. As you become more attuned to your emotional landscape through meditation, you may find it easier to be honest about whether a relationship is truly what you want right now and whether you believe that this is the right time and the right person with which to build one.  

Other points to consider when evaluating readiness 

To better understand your readiness for a relationship, it may also be worth reflecting on the relationship you currently have with yourself. If you believe you take care of yourself well, are enjoying a balanced life, and have developed healthy coping strategies, you may be more likely to be a good partner for someone else. If you also have the time and emotional energy, feel connected to and safe with this person, and desire the same type of relationship that they do, it could be worth pursuing your connection together more officially, provided that seems exciting and appealing to you. 

Seeking therapy for emotional clarity  

If you’re interested in getting support on your journey to figuring out whether you feel ready to engage in a relationship, you might consider speaking with a therapist. They may use various evidence-based practices to guide you in recognizing your emotional patterns while helping you to differentiate between feelings that stem from past experiences and fears, versus those related to the present situation. By focusing on these emotional intricacies, you can explore your feelings, desires, and relationship readiness in a safe, supportive environment. 

If you feel nervous or intimidated at the prospect of opening up about your emotions with a provider face to face, you might consider online therapy as a more comfortable alternative. With a platform like BetterHelp, you can get matched with a licensed therapist according to your preferences as outlined in a questionnaire, and you can then meet with them virtually from the comfort of home. Research suggests that online therapy can often offer comparable benefits to in-person care, so you can typically feel confident in choosing whichever method appeals most to you.