How To Know When Your Romantic Relationship Is Over: Real-Life Ways To Cope
The end of an intimate relationship is often one of the hardest times we’ll face in our lives. This could be especially true if we believed that our relationship was leading us somewhere, like down the path of lasting love, toward marriage, or toward having a family. When you start to see signs your relationship is in trouble, you may want to ignore them. You might also decide to work with your partner to overcome them, or you might decide to end things.
When a breakup occurs, it can be hard to move past the pain we feel, but it’s possible to learn from that experience, grow, and come out better on the other side. It can be helpful to practice self-care, exercise, and talk to someone, whether that be a friend, family, or mental health professional. One simple way to connect with a licensed therapist may be through an online therapy platform, where you can get the help you deserve from the convenience of your own home.
How to know when your romantic relationship is over
Instead of trying to hang on to a partnership that may have run its course, it can be important to understand that intimate relationships may come to an end for many reasons.
In most cases, it has to do with changing desires, personal growth, or circumstances beyond one’s control. Sometimes, two people simply grow apart and find they’re better as friends. No matter the reason, there are often indicators that the relationship may not be working for one or both partners.
How do we know when love is gone? The signs of a failing relationship can be hard to see if you’re unaware of what to look for. In addition, the reasons one relationship might fail can differ from why another relationship doesn’t work out. However, certain patterns of behavior can let you know whether it might be time for the both of you to go your separate ways. The following are some important signs that may signal the end of your intimate relationship.
Lots of petty arguments
Many couples find that the number of arguments about seemingly little things will increase toward the end of a relationship, especially when arguments seem to come out of the blue. Every relationship has its ups and downs, but constant arguments may make it untenable. As a result, both parties might decide that ending the relationship is the best step to take.
Always working late
Although it can be normal that you or your partner might need to stay late at work sometimes because your job demands it, some people use working late as an excuse not to come home and face their partner. If your significant other has suddenly started working tons of overtime that isn’t mandatory, this could be a sign that they are losing interest in the relationship.
Hiding their phone
If your partner used to grant you permission to their phone but now hides it and prevents you from seeing or using it, this may be a sign that they may have plans or interests that don’t include you.
Sudden changes in behavior
Do you find yourself wondering where your partner has gone because their behavior has changed so much? For instance, they once were always eager to spend time with you, but now they seem to prefer being alone or with others. These behavioral changes could be warning signs that their feelings about the relationship have changed.
Obvious lack of interest
If your partner used to shower you with affection but is not putting in nearly as much effort, this might be a sign that the relationship is close to the end.
They tell you it’s over
If your partner starts jokingly (or seriously) dropping hints that they want to end your intimate relationship, they might be signaling their true intentions. Pay attention to whether breakup teasing and hints have become a regular part of your routine. If your partner drops these hints frequently, they may be trying to tell you something. If you’re the one making those jokes, you might want to examine whether you’re serious about ending it or not.
No conversation
A lack of communication could be a sign of waning emotional connection. If your partner suddenly stops filling you in on all the little important details of their life like they used to, they may be thinking about ending the relationship. This silence can become hard to ignore, reflecting a growing gap between you and your partner.
Making excuses
Has your partner been making tons of excuses for not answering your calls, abruptly canceling dates, or not remembering important milestones? Honest communication is an important part of all healthy relationships. Being quick to make excuses could be a telltale sign that a committed relationship may no longer be their number one priority.
Decrease in physical intimacy
Physical closeness, from holding hands to having intimate moments, is an important part of a romantic relationship. A noticeable decline in physical intimacy or avoidance of affection may indicate waning attraction or emotional distance. While it's natural for the intensity of intimacy to ebb and flow over time, a consistent lack of physical connection might signal deeper problems in the relationship.
Now that we’ve covered some of the most common signs that a relationship might be in trouble, the next step may be to learn how to pick up the pieces if the relationship has ended. The following are three real-life coping tips and strategies that can help you recover when your intimate relationship ends in a breakup.
Three ways to cope when your intimate relationship is over
Practice self-care
When an intimate relationship ends, different people tend to have different strategies for dealing with their emotions. Some people tend to isolate themselves, while others turn to friends and family to help them feel better. At times like these, we often revert to what makes us feel most comfortable, including going out with friends or snuggling up on the couch with pizza and a movie.
Grief is often a part of the breakup process, so feeling unsteady and wanting to be alone can be a normal reaction. However, an important thing to remember may be that you can use this time when you’re alone to care for yourself.
Self-care can be especially critical after you’ve experienced an emotional loss. Remembering to rest, exercise, and focus on deep breaths and meditation to process the feelings you’re experiencing can help you get through the pain and move on, as can being gentle with yourself and recognizing that you are mourning the loss of your relationship. It’s okay to go at your own pace while you learn how to take care of the new you.
Exercise
The last thing you may want to do after a painful breakup is to exercise. However, exercising is likely one of the things that can help you feel better. Exercising can relieve the stress that may come with a life change, and it typically produces endorphins that can boost your mood.
Getting your blood flowing can keep your mind and body limber, and you don’t have to do anything particularly vigorous. A simple ten-minute walk can help ease your mind, center your thoughts, and stave off uncomfortable feelings like anxiety or sadness. This can be especially important for people who have mental health conditions, the symptoms of which might worsen after a breakup.
Talk to someone
When a breakup produces painful emotions, it’s generally normal to want to seek emotional support. Talking through your feelings with a trusted friend or family can help you process the breakup and potentially start to move on with life.
To help you gain valuable insights as you grieve the loss of a relationship or address other life challenges, you might consider talking to a licensed mental health professional. You can do this in person, if that suits you better or through an online therapy platform. Taking part in online therapy can help you learn new coping strategies for managing the emotions that come with the loss of an intimate relationship. A licensed therapist can also provide advice and support as you learn from this experience and grow as a person.
How online therapy can help you when your relationship is over
Online therapy can be a great option for people who want to connect with a therapist from the comfort of home, and studies have shown that online therapy can be just as effective as in-person sessions. You can participate in sessions via live chat, phone call, or voice call, and you’ll typically have the option to message your therapist outside of sessions. A therapist can guide you on your journey to healing from a difficult life change.
Takeaway
Although most of us will likely experience a painful breakup at some point in life, it can still be very challenging to process the feelings that often occur after a romantic relationship ends. Practicing self-care, exercising regularly, and reaching out to your support system can be helpful. You may also find it beneficial to meet with a therapist who can help you talk through your emotions and learn new ways to cope. It’s possible to connect with licensed mental health professionals online or in your local area.
Frequently asked questions
Read more below for answers to questions commonly asked about this topic.
How do you know if a relationship is over?
A few individuals may have an “ah-ha” moment that things are over, but for most others, knowing a relationship is overcomes from a number of possible indicators. Some of these may include:
- You don’t care enough to fight anymore
- You fight all the time
- One wants to seek professional help, and the other is unwilling
- You’ve stopped sharing with each other
- You have no desire to spend time together
- You’ve become superficially polite with each other
How do you truly accept your relationship is over?
It can be difficult to accept the end of a relationship, especially a long-term relationship. Experts agree that you should allow yourself to mourn and feel your feelings, but to continue moving forward through those feelings. Remember the reasons why the relationship ended, rather than thinking back on the good times in a nostalgic way. Practice self-care, lean on your social networks, and make plans for your future.
How do you know when to walk away from a relationship?
A good indicator of it being time to reevaluate and walk away is when you find yourself justifying the relationship through external factors like “we should stay together for the children/the family/for financial reasons”, etc.
How do you know if a relationship will last?
Some indicators of a strong and healthy relationship include:
- You feel safe and comfortable with each other as you are
- You choose your battles, not focusing on petty things that are unlikely to change
- You are friends…you want to share good news or bad with your partner first thing
- You love to spend time together, but you spend time apart as well
How to know you're not in love
One of the first indicators that you aren’t in love is that you are questioning whether you are in love or not. Some other signs may include boredom, disinterest, not missing them when they’re gone, a lack of willingness to compromise, comparing them to others, and disdain.
How to know when your romantic relationship is over
Acceptance takes time. When you’ve invested a lot of emotion and time into another person, it can be difficult to move on. However, by meeting any feelings head-on, you can heal more quickly. Experts agree that you shouldn’t suppress how you feel, rather allow yourself to process the grief, practice self-care, and spend time with other loved ones.
How do romantic relationships end?
While each relationship is unique, couples drifting apart tend to go through certain stages of "uncoupling" that signal a lack of emotional intimacy and disconnection. Learning about these stages may help a couple reflect and take steps to address concerns if they hope for their relationship's future. Key signs associated with stages that signal that a relationship may be coming to an end include:
- Stage 1: Noticing and emphasizing differences between partners and experiencing conflict and constant disagreements, where partners may be beginning to express more desire for autonomy. At this stage, they may sense they do not have the same goals or worldview. While this stage can be navigable, it may indicate underlying issues centered on personal needs, goals, and communication styles that may need to be explored for the couple to co-create a shared future.
- Stage 2: Spending less time together and experiencing a lack of emotional closeness and meaningful connection while avoiding communicating thoughts and feelings. For example, the relationship may now be centered on logistics.
- Stage 3: Feeling stuck or stagnating, where partners feel comfortable in the uncomfortable, and avoid putting energy into reviving the relationship.
- Stage 4: Withdrawing from the relationship, which may seem as though partners are living separate, parallel lives. For example, they may avoid conversations and spending time together. At this stage, the relationship may feel like it's already over, even though partners may be "officially" together. For example, partners may avoid being in the same space together at the same time.
- Stage 5: Terminating the relationship, where one or both partners communicate the desire to end the relationship and prioritize their well-being without the partner. This may be an emotionally challenging time as couples navigate various emotions.
How do you know it's time to leave a relationship?
Many people occasionally ask themselves if they should stay in or leave a long-term relationship. However, some signs indicate that considering ending a relationship may serve your well-being. These signs include:
- The relationship feels one-sided where you're the one who does most of the compromises or sacrifices.
- Sensing you can no longer trust your partner.
- An inability to envision a future together, and finding you're no longer interested in making future plans.
- A constant disregard for the other's perspective.
- No longer caring to put in the effort to improve the relationship.
- Experiencing any kind of abuse.
- Constantly arguing about the same issues.
- Experiencing a lack of emotional connection and no sexual desire in which the thought of intimacy is off-putting.
- Usual fun banter and engaging conversations easily lead into disagreements and hurt feelings.
- Your goals are misaligned, even if you happen to love each other deeply. This can be one of the hardest disconnects when couples are not willing to compromise on matters that seem important for their happiness as individuals.
- Feeling as though you can no longer be vulnerable around them.
- Being unable to problem solve as a couple.
- Sensing the only reason you are still together is because of the children or another reason.
- A family member or best friend expresses concern for your well-being, physical health, or mental health in connection with your involvement in the relationship.
Who is more likely to end a relationship?
Some findings suggest that people who report sexual disagreements may be more likely to end a relationship. However, many factors influence who may be more likely to end a relationship.
When to stop trying in a relationship?
It may be challenging to know when to stop investing in a relationship. Some signs that may indicate a relationship may not be worth saving include:
- Neither of you is willing to have conversations about your concerns.
- You have very different life goals and are unwilling to compromise on them.
- The relationship has not developed in a healthy way and the relationship dynamics are unhealthy and do not make you feel good about yourself.
- You argue on a regular basis about the same things.
However, if you believe you still have a deep connection and both you and your partner are willing to try to improve the situation, it may be worth speaking to a marriage and family therapist, licensed clinical psychologist, or another mental health professional specializing in working with couples.
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