How To Make A Relationship Work: 9 Everyday Tips For Healthy Partnerships
In general, relationships take work. No matter how much you may love your partner, growing as a couple often means facing challenges together, making mistakes, and (occasionally) having disagreements. However, a handful of “couples’ habits” can be instrumental in building a healthy partnership that withstands the test of time. For instance, showing love and appreciation regularly, communicating in an open and respectful way, and being responsive to each other can improve your relationship health. For further guidance on improving your relationship, consider working with a licensed couples therapist in person or online.
What is a healthy relationship?
A healthy relationship can be defined as one in which both partners feel secure, respected, and valued. Each relationship tends to be unique, and yours may be shaped by your personal experience, shared history, and life circumstances. However, researchers studying long-term relationships tend to agree upon a few key features of healthy relationships.
While updated research may be beneficial, one of the most preeminent scholars in the field, Dr. John Gottman, has identified seven characteristics of healthy relationships:
- Mutual understanding: In successful partnerships, the pair usually has a deep understanding of one another, including their needs, desires, values, and quirks.
- Fondness and admiration: Happy couples tend to hold a deep admiration for each other, regularly expressing their love and fondness.
- Responsiveness: In healthy relationships, partners typically respond positively to their partner’s bids for attention and support.
- Positivity: Successful relationships are usually characterized by a high ratio of positive to negative interactions. Additionally, couples tend to have an overall positive view of one another.
- Effective conflict management: Managing conflict directly and methodically using respectful, solution-oriented communication can be a hallmark feature of a healthy relationship.
- Achieving goals as a couple: In happy long-term relationships, couples tend to work toward achieving shared objectives, such as purchasing a home, planning for retirement, or raising a family.
- Creating shared meaning: Happy relationships are often characterized by the presence of unique rituals, symbols, and traditions that couples create together.
Tips for building a healthy partnership
Building a healthy partnership usually requires effort, understanding, and commitment from both partners. These tips can help you and your significant other build a loving, fulfilling relationship.
Practice open, respectful communication
Effective communication can be the cornerstone of every successful relationship. Even in the most minor interactions, there may be an opportunity to show your partner that you value them and cherish your relationship. In your partnership, aim to adopt a style of communication that is not only open and honest, but also respectful and empathetic.
This typically involves strategies such as the following:
- Demonstrating interest in what your partner is saying
- Asking questions if you don’t understand
- Using “I” statements to communicate feelings
- Expressing yourself clearly
- Checking understanding to avoid miscommunication
- Being mindful of tone and delivery
You and your partner can get a sense of your strengths and weaknesses by completing the Interpersonal Communication Inventory. Although it was created in the 1980s, it can still be helpful today. If there’s room for improvement after completing the inventory, consider seeking the guidance of a couples therapist.
Show your love and appreciation
Research has found that happy couples tend to express fondness toward their partners frequently. This can be as simple as saying “thank you” for a small favor or routine chore, or writing a thoughtful love letter to celebrate an anniversary.
You can also demonstrate appreciation through your actions, such as by making them a fresh cup of coffee or planning a surprise date night.
However you do it, try to show your affection frequently, in both big and small ways.
Sustain trust and honesty
In any successful relationship, trust can be paramount. It may be helpful to think of trust as the foundation of your “relationship house”—without it, other aspects of your relationship may be unsound.
As it can be tough to rebuild trust once it’s been broken, try to prioritize honesty and transparency in your interactions. If you find yourself tempted to omit a detail or bend the truth, try to remember the impact it could have on your relationship and ask yourself how you might feel if the roles were reversed.
Adopt a healthy conflict style
Couples’ quarrels tend to be a normal part of being in a relationship, and the occasional disagreement doesn’t necessarily indicate there’s something wrong. However, your conflict style—that is, the dynamic that drives your interactions during conflict—can significantly influence the health of your relationship.
Compromise and collaboration can go a long way when it comes to resolving conflict. As a couple, aim to solve problems using reasoning, negotiation, and solution-oriented discussions. Start by recognizing the problem and its consequences, identifying possible solutions, and agreeing upon one that’s mutually workable.
If you’re having challenges with conflict resolution, it may be worth talking to a couples therapist.
Spend quality time together
Setting aside time to enjoy one another’s company can foster intimacy and meaning in your relationship.
Even simple, routine activities can infuse your partnership with joy and connectedness. Moments spent sharing a meal, taking a walk together, or cuddling on the couch after a long day can be profoundly impactful.
You can also keep romance alive by pursuing shared experiences and creating memories together. This could include romantic date nights, weekend getaways, or even a once-in-a-lifetime trip to an exotic location.
Maintain your independence
In addition to nurturing your partnership, it may be worth thinking about how you can maintain your sense of self.
This may mean making plenty of time for the other important relationships in your life and getting plenty of quality alone time. Pursuing a hobby or interest independently can be another way to ensure you carve out personal space and maintain your individual identity within the relationship.
Keep it positive
In his research on marital happiness and stability, John Gottman identified what he called a “magic ratio” of 5:1. That is, for every negative interaction in a relationship, there should be at least five positive ones. In your relationship, try to build a culture of kindness, appreciation, and affection by sprinkling kind words and gestures throughout your everyday interactions.
It can also be helpful to strive for a positive mindset surrounding your partner. By conceptualizing your relationship as a source of love and fulfillment, you may naturally gravitate toward positive interactions and expressions of appreciation.
Be responsive to one another
Research has found responsiveness to be a hallmark characteristic of successful partnerships. Responsiveness generally refers to the tendency to tune into and react appropriately to your partner’s needs, feelings, and desires. For example, you may notice they’re feeling overwhelmed with work and offer to help with chores or suggest a relaxing activity.
John Gottman also stresses the importance of responding warmly to your partner’s bids for attention and affection, a practice he calls “turning toward.” For instance, if your partner tells you about an experience they had that day, you might follow up with a question, a compassionate comment, or even a joke.
In these small moments, you can show that you value your partner and reinforce your role as a friend and confidante.
Prioritize physical intimacy
There is a substantial body of research to support the role that physical intimacy plays in romantic relationships. A healthy sex life is often (but not always) a pillar of happy relationships, and research has found that it can also have a positive impact on emotional intimacy.
However, even small gestures of love and affection, like a warm hug or peck on the cheek, can contribute to your overall level of relationship satisfaction. These simple acts of closeness can reinforce your connection, helping you maintain a close bond and feel secure in your partnership.
Strengthen your relationship in couples therapy
Whether you and your partner are struggling to maintain a healthy relationship or are looking to deepen your connection, couples therapy can help.
Cognitive behavioral couple therapy, emotionally focused therapy, and integrative behavioral couple therapy can serve as just a few examples of evidence-based couples counseling approaches that can help you learn some of the relationship habits discussed in this article, and all have generally been found effective for boosting relationship satisfaction.
Benefits of online therapy
If you’re looking for a convenient and affordable way to attend therapy with your partner, it may be worth considering online couples therapy through a platform like BetterHelp. Through BetterHelp, you and your significant other can meet weekly with a licensed couples counselor, attend regular group sessions, and schedule individual sessions alongside your couples sessions.
Effectiveness of online therapy
A growing body of research suggests that online couples therapy can be just as effective as in-person couples therapy. For instance, a 2022 study on the efficacy of online couples therapy reported that “results indicated improvements in relationship satisfaction, mental health, and all other outcome scores over time.”
Takeaway
Healthy relationships tend to be those in which both partners feel loved, understood, and respected. You can build such a relationship by practicing healthy communication, expressing your appreciation, maintaining trust, and spending quality time together. Even small interactions can go a long way in showing your partner that you value them, so try to prioritize these moments each day. You can learn more about building a lasting partnership in couples therapy online or in person.
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