How to not rush a relationship: Steps to take

When you first start dating a romantic interest, it can be common to experience a flood of emotions. Excitement and a sense of connection with another human being can often be coupled with fear of rushing into a relationship. Some people also feel pressured to have a serious relationship, whether it's from the person with whom they've gone on a few dates, friends or family members, or out of an internal impulse to have a long-term relationship. 

However, given that you’re reading this, if you're reading this, you probably already know that you don’t want to rush into a relationship for whatever reason, even if it's to curb your own desire for it. There are many reasons for wanting to gradually get to know someone and avoid rushing into something that may or may not work out. To avoid committing to being in a relationship before you're ready, you might consider taking a few steps that invite reflection, open communication, and setting healthy boundaries. 

Emophilia: One possible cause of rushing a relationship 

Emophilia refers to a tendency to fall in love quickly and more intensely, which may lead to rapid romantic involvement. Stemming from a desire to "be in love," emophilia may prompt some risky behaviors, including ignoring red flags of romantic partners, engaging in unprotected sex, or making a commitment one may later regret. While associated with an anxious attachment style, researchers suggest emophilia is distinct in that it is by being motivated out of desire, not needs. Accordingly, those who tend towards emophilia are motivated by the rewards of connection and the rush of being in love. 

Regardless of whether you experience emophilia, if you suspect that you have a tendency to become seriously involved with people too soon or have a history of doing so, you may be seeking to break this pattern. 

Below are some reasons for taking things slowly and how to not rush a relationship in the early stages of dating someone new. 

Dating after a breakup or separation

For someone who is newly single, other concerns may arise. Known as a rebound relationship, conventional wisdom counsels against entering a new relationship (sometimes known as a rebound relationship) before resolving feelings from a previous relationship. The reasoning for caution is that a person may not have had enough time to process lingering feelings, issues or they could be seeking to fill a void left by the absence of the ex-partner. Alternatively, a person could be also going into a relationship for the wrong reasons, such as revenge or a need to prove themselves desirable. There's also a risk of unconsciously transferring feelings of attachment from one relationship to another without attachment having naturally developed in the newly founded relationship. having earned it. 

However, research on the topic suggests that so-called rebound relationshipsaren't necessarily doomedaren't necessarily doomed or misguided. For some people, especially if they were in an unhealthy relationship or in one that no longer aligned with their interests, dating again can coincide with a phase of personal growth.

One study that looked into the potential for personal and interpersonal growth following a breakup in early adulthood indicates that having a grasp of the reasons for a breakup could predict later relationship satisfaction and "relative decreases in partner-reported romantic conflict." 

Examining your motivations and assessing where you're at along the way may help you set the right pace for your developing relationship.

Steps to take when you wish to slow things down:

• Spend time alone: A little time away from the person you're dating may help you reflect on your feelings about the relationship, your concerns, and the speed at which it's going. Essentially, it's a way for you to assess where you're at with this person as well as your readiness for it and how it's progressing. Time alone may also help maintain your individuality and identity away from the relationship. 
• Make time for friends and family: As well as spending time by yourself, staying in touch with friends and family may help balance your time. They might also serve as a sounding board for your concerns and offer some perspective on a new relationship by reminding you of your hobbies and, interests., and be a sounding board for your concerns. 
• Communicate your needs: A successful relationship is typically grounded on mutual respect and communication of needs. On the way to building a relationship, it may be important to express your concerns to see whether you are on the same page about how the relationship is going, including its pace and how you feel about it. If the person you are dating feels differently, this may serve as it also offers an opportunity for them to express their needs, feelings, and concerns. 
• Consider slowing down on physical intimacy: Slowing down your level of physical intimacy, even if you're very attracted to the person and want to have sex with them, may help you gauge whether this is someone with whom you want to be involved. While sexual intimacy can precede and sometimes coincide with emotional intimacy, it may also make one more prone to confuse passionate sex with love. There are many ways to express and foster genuine intimacy. People also have different emotional styles, and it might be that either you or your romantic interest have an approach to intimacy that doesn't include sex, or at least not at this time. Learning about and expressing what intimacy means to both of you may also cue you in as to whether you might be a good match. Typically, what matters is that both of you are doing what feels right to you at any given time, which may change. 
• Establish and express boundaries: Being attuned to what matters to you and being able to articulate it to others may be one of the keys to establishing a healthy relationship, whether it be with a friend, coworker, or partner. One study published in the journal Practice Innovations refers to this as differentiation of self, which is defined as the “ability to self-define (i.e., identify and articulate one’s beliefs, values, and goals) while remaining emotionally connected to others who may be different.”"the ability to self-define" by identifying and expressing one's beliefs, values, and goals while staying connected to others. 
• Resist oversharing: At the same time that you want to establish open and honest communication from the start, sharing too much too quickly may backfire if your intention is to gradually get to know someone. By oversharing, you may also run the risk of regretting what you said before trust has been established. Instead of spilling details of your life history, you may conscientiously share on a need-to-know basis, wait for their reaction, and go from there. 
• Remember that relationships take time to develop: Regardless of how compatible you may seem from the outset, it may be a while before you may eventually have to navigate thorny matters, concerns, and disappointments. Over time, you are likely to experience challenges, which can either strengthen the relationship or bring it to a halt, depending on the circumstances and how you manage to address them together. By not overcommitting to a relationship before you're ready, you may be able to save yourself and the other person a little pain if either of you find that you would rather not be together. 

Consider therapy

If you’re wondering whether you’re rushing a relationship, it may help to get an outside perspective. A therapist may be able to provide insight into what you’re experiencing and help you navigate the path forward. you sense that you could benefit from learning how to cultivate a positive relationship with yourself and others, you may want to consider therapy. Whether online or in-person, an accredited therapist can support your exploration of what a fulfilling relationship means to you and how you can welcome someone into your life without compromising your goals, values, and identity. 

If virtual therapy is more convenient for you, you can have consider signing up for sessions through a platform like BetterHelp. After answering an initial questionnaire, the platform can match you with a licensed therapist who meets your criteria, needs, preferences, and location, allowing you to have sessions through audio, video, or live chat., as well as phone or video. 

Numerous studies have found that online therapy can be just as effective as traditional in-person therapy. A study by the Berkeley Well-Being Institute suggests that "high-quality online counseling is a viable alternative to face-to-face counseling, and in some cases could lead to better outcomes."

Takeaway 

When you first start dating someone, you may experience many emotions, some of them contradictory. It can feel great to be around the person, talk to them, and explore physical and/or emotional intimacy. For many people, it can also be challenging to override the pleasure-seeking part of the brain in favor of the logical side. 

Along with exhilaration and a sense of connection, doubt and a fear of rushing into something may accompany the process of opening up to someone new. There are many reasons you may want to avoid overcommitting to a relationship before you're ready, in which case you may want to reflect on your needs and goals and establish honest communication from the outset. 

A licensed therapist may be able to help you learn to establish boundaries, find out what's most important to you, and explore ways to cultivate healthy relationships. Take the first step toward learning to navigate relationships at your own pace and contact BetterHelp today.