How To Revive Passion In A Stagnant Relationship

In long-term relationships, it is not uncommon for couples to find their connection strained by routine and monotony. If you sense that things between you and your partner are starting to stale, know that it could just be a phase. With love and intention, many couples are able to reconnect and fall in love all over again.

Here, we will explore some relationship revival strategies that you can use to restore your bond and build a more resilient and fulfilling partnership.

What is a stagnant relationship?

A stagnant relationship is one where the growth, excitement, and progress that typically characterize healthy relationships have slowed or come to a halt. 

Whereas a new relationship may have been ripe with passion and enthusiasm, a stagnant one can leave you disconnected from your partner. This does not necessarily mean that you do not still love them, but daily stressors and routine may be draining your relationship of its vitality. 

Causes of a stagnant relationship

Relationships can stall for a number of reasons, including:

• Poor communication, which may lead to misunderstandings and unresolved conflicts.
• Neglect of each other's emotional needs, resulting in a lack of support and intimacy.
• External pressures, such as work or family obligations, which may dominate your time and energy.
• Lack of quality time together, which can deprive the relationship of meaning.
• Decreased romance and intimacy, which may weaken your connection.

Recognizing the signs of a stagnant relationship

In addition to that sense of “stuckness,” those in stagnant relationships may perceive that their relationship’s spark has gone.

This emotional disconnect is a hallmark trait of a stagnant relationship. You may feel more like roommates than romantic partners, lacking the physical affection, meaningful conversation, and passion that may have been typical at the start of your relationship.

Other common signs of a stagnant relationship may include:

• Superficial conversations that dominate your daily interactions. 
• Dwindling physical, sexual, and emotional intimacy.
• Monotonous routines that neglect to prioritize shared experiences.
• A lack of common goals.
• Dissatisfaction, which, if left unaddressed, may devolve into resentment.
• Conflict avoidance, which can sow dissatisfaction and resentment between partners and may supplement unfavorable relationship circumstances.

Tips and techniques for rekindling romance

If you and your partner have drifted apart, there are steps you can take to reconnect and strengthen your partnership. Here are some psychology-approved ways to rekindle your romance. 

Talk about it

First, it may be worth having a heartfelt conversation about how you are feeling because there is a good chance your partner is having similar thoughts. Getting your thoughts out in the open might help the two of you begin to work through some of the issues that are contributing to your stagnation.

While it may be worth discussing the different factors at play, try to approach the conversation with a problem-solving mindset, emphasizing your desire to start a new chapter in your relationship. 

Remember also that a healthy relationship dynamic often depends on both individuals making bids for connection and responding warmly to each other’s bids. If things have come to a standstill in your relationship, it may be worth examining instances where you may have missed an opportunity to connect, either by neglecting to make a bid or disregarding your partner’s.

Spend quality time together

Sometimes, a relationship may start to feel stale simply due to a lack of quality time together. For many couples, work and family obligations can become overwhelming, and in some cases, financial stress, health issues, or external pressures can leave little room for nurturing the relationship.

Whatever the reason, rebuilding your connection may depend on deliberately scheduling some time to do just that. Whether it is arranging regular date nights, planning a weekend getaway, or simply setting boundaries regarding phone usage or work hours, it can be crucial to create intentional spaces where you can focus solely on each other and strengthen your bond.

To take it a step further, you and your partner might want to consider establishing some new rituals in your relationship. These rituals can provide shared meaning, which may be an important facet of relationship health. For example, you may choose to have an unplugged dinner together, begin each day with a chat over morning coffee, or start a new movie night tradition. However you do it, aim to make spending quality time with each other a regular habit.

Look to infuse your relationship with novelty and excitement

Remember the beginning of your relationship when your shared experiences together felt new and exciting? Perhaps you can recall a fun date you went on or a trip you took. For many couples, breathing new life into the relationship may be a matter of recapturing that initial sense of adventure and curiosity.

This could involve trying out a new hobby or activity together, revisiting places that hold special memories, or even creating new traditions that spark a sense of novelty and excitement in your day-to-day routine. 

This might also be a time to think outside the box — you may be able to find fun games to try out as a couple or think of a way to surprise your partner. Even small gestures, like leaving a love note on the bathroom mirror or planning an unexpected outing, can show your partner that you are invested and add a new dimension to your relationship.

Reestablish intimacy

Both emotional and physical closeness are important elements of romantic partnerships, and rekindling yours may mean prioritizing time for intimacy. Physical affection and sexual intimacy, in particular, can offer a way to reconnect. In fact, one study found that sexual satisfaction may have a positive influence on emotional intimacy.

To rekindle intimacy, you might consider taking yourselves out on regular dates or simply planning distraction-free evenings at home. You may also find that spending more quality time together naturally leads to increased intimacy, so it is not necessary to force romantic moments. Starting small with some quiet time on the couch together may be enough to spark a moment of deeper connection.

Set goals as a couple

In some cases, a stagnant relationship may be rooted in a lack of personal growth or a lack of growth as a couple. If you sense this may be contributing to your disconnect, consider setting some goals, both individually and with your partner. Sharing goals within your relationship can be an effective way to foster a sense of teamwork and common purpose. In fact, research has found that pursuing collective goals and supporting each other’s personal goals can positively impact marital satisfaction. 

These findings align with John Gottman’s ideas about the importance of shared meaning in long-term partnerships. By working toward a common objective and encouraging each other in the pursuit of personal growth, you and your partner might find yourselves growing closer and deepening the sense of camaraderie between you.

How do you know if your relationship is beyond repair?

Though many couples are able to recover from a period of stagnation, a prolonged period of disconnect may be a sign that a relationship has reached a natural conclusion. If attempts to revive it consistently fail or feel forced, it could be an indication that it is time to let go. 

Other signs that you may be ready to move on can include persistent feelings of unhappiness or resentment, a lack of trust or respect, or relief at the thought of a future without your partner. If you or your partner are not inclined to put in effort, this may also indicate that it is time to move forward independently. 

How couples therapy can help

If it seems like you and your partner have drifted apart and you find yourself missing the way things used to be, it may be worth talking with a licensed couples counselor. In couples therapy, you will explore factors that might be fraying your partnership and learn new skills and strategies for dealing with them. 

Cognitive behavioral couples therapy, integrative behavioral couples therapy, and emotionally focused therapy are a few empirically supported couples therapy approaches that have been found to bolster relationship satisfaction in a substantial number of couples.

Is online couples therapy right for you?

If you are looking for a flexible, cost-effective way to attend couples therapy, it may be worth looking into an online platform like Regain. Regain can connect you with a licensed couples therapist for weekly sessions, which you and your partner can attend via video chat, phone call, or in-app messaging. 

Teletherapy via online providers like BetterHelp can be as effective as in-person sessions. Additionally, it may offer benefits such as group sessions, interactive couples therapy homework, and an option to take turns attending therapy one-on-one.

Takeaway

If your relationship has stalled, it may be worth discussing how you and your partner can make more time for intimacy and togetherness. It may also be worth setting some goals together for keeping your lives moving forward as a couple and brainstorming ways to keep things fresh and playful between you. For specific guidance tailored to your unique situation, consider connecting with a couples therapist via an online platform like Regain.