Reviving A Stagnant Relationship With Communication and Personal Growth
In long-term relationships, it is not uncommon for couples to find their connection strained by routine and monotony. If you sense that things between you and your partner are starting to stale, know that it could just be a phase. With love and intention, many couples are able to reconnect and fall in love all over again.
What is a stagnant relationship?
A stagnant relationship is one where the growth, excitement, and progress that typically characterize healthy relationships have slowed or come to a halt.
Whereas a new relationship may have been ripe with passion and enthusiasm, a stagnant one can leave you disconnected from your partner. This does not necessarily mean that you do not still love them, but daily stressors and routine may be draining your relationship of its vitality.
Causes of a stagnant relationship
Relationships can stall for a number of reasons, including:
- Poor communication, which may lead to misunderstandings and unresolved conflicts.
- Neglect of each other's emotional needs, resulting in a lack of support and intimacy.
- External pressures, such as work or family obligations, which may dominate your time and energy.
- Lack of quality time together, which can deprive the relationship of meaning.
- Decreased romance and intimacy, which may weaken your connection.
In addition to that sense of “stuckness,” those in stagnant relationships may perceive that their relationship’s spark has gone.
This emotional disconnect is a hallmark trait of a stagnant relationship. You may feel more like roommates than romantic partners, lacking the physical affection, meaningful conversation, and passion that may have been typical at the start of your relationship.
Other common signs of a stagnant relationship may include:
- Superficial conversations that dominate your daily interactions.
- Dwindling physical, sexual, and emotional intimacy.
- Monotonous routines that neglect to prioritize shared experiences.
- A lack of common goals.
- Dissatisfaction, which, if left unaddressed, may devolve into resentment.
- Conflict avoidance, which can sow dissatisfaction and resentment between partners and may supplement unfavorable relationship circumstances.
Talk about it
While it may be worth discussing the different factors at play, try to approach the conversation with a problem-solving mindset, emphasizing your desire to start a new chapter in your relationship.
Remember also that a healthy relationship dynamic often depends on both individuals making bids for connection and responding warmly to each other’s bids. If things have come to a standstill in your relationship, it may be worth examining instances where you may have missed an opportunity to connect, either by neglecting to make a bid or disregarding your partner’s.
Spend quality time together
Sometimes, a relationship may start to feel stale simply due to a lack of quality time together. For many couples, work and family obligations can become overwhelming, and in some cases, financial stress, health issues, or external pressures can leave little room for nurturing the relationship.
To take it a step further, you and your partner might want to consider establishing some new rituals in your relationship. These rituals can provide shared meaning, which may be an important facet of relationship health. For example, you may choose to have an unplugged dinner together, begin each day with a chat over morning coffee, or start a new movie night tradition. However you do it, aim to make spending quality time with each other a regular habit to avoid stagnant feelings.
Look to infuse your relationship with novelty and excitement
Remember the beginning of your relationship when your shared experiences together felt new and exciting? Perhaps you can recall a fun date you went on or a trip you took. For many couples, breathing new life into the relationship may be a matter of recapturing that initial sense of adventure and curiosity.
Reestablish intimacy
Set goals as a couple
In some cases, a stagnant relationship may be rooted in a lack of personal growth or a lack of growth as a couple. If you sense this may be contributing to your disconnect, consider setting some goals, both individually and with your partner. Sharing goals within your relationship can be an effective way to foster a sense of teamwork and common purpose. In fact, research has found that pursuing collective goals and supporting each other’s personal goals can positively impact marital satisfaction.
Though many couples are able to recover from a period of stagnation, a prolonged period of disconnect may be a sign that a relationship has reached a natural conclusion. If attempts to revive it consistently fail or feel forced, it could be an indication that it is time to let go.
Cognitive behavioral couples therapy, integrative behavioral couples therapy, and emotionally focused therapy are a few empirically supported couples therapy approaches that have been found to bolster relationship satisfaction in a substantial number of couples.
When couples report to a sense of stagnation, it's usually associated with experiencing less enthusiasm and growth that tend to characterize a healthy, long-term relationship or marriage. Often, these feelings result from couples falling into bad habits, such as not spending quality time together, settling into rigid routines, and failing to meet each other's emotional needs, which can impact their emotional and physical connection. Emotional disconnection is often a clear sign of stagnation, which results when couples feel the initial spark of their connection is no longer there.
A standstill relationship may be characterized by a sense that the relationship has become monotonous and dissatisfying for the partners. A sense of complacency may be one of the key features of a standstill, often resulting in a feeling that the relationship is not fostering growth for the partners. Many couples who experience a stagnant relationship feel disconnected from their partner, which can manifest as having more superficial conversations, less physical and emotional intimacy, and less enthusiasm for spending time together.
According to Mark Knapp's relationship model, the stagnation stage of a relationship refers to the "coming apart" stage. At this stage, many couples may struggle with communicating with each other, which often results in emotional disconnection. This stage is also associated with less intimacy, dissatisfaction, and a sense of monotony in a committed relationship.
How do you change a stagnant relationship with couples therapy?
Couples therapy may help couples identify and address concerns that are affecting their relationship. Professional help can also promote realistic expectations and introduce practical strategies for addressing unresolved issues, improving communication, and fostering positive changes. These strategies many also help couples rekindle emotional and physical intimacy. Couples may also be encouraged to clarify boundaries for each partner's time and personal space.
Psychologists may refer to stagnation as "languishing" — a state that is associated with feelings of emptiness and reduced motivation, as well as repressed emotions. When prolonged, stagnation can impact mental health as humans tend to thrive when they are fostering personal growth.
How to tell if a relationship is stale and is affecting personal growth?
While every relationship is different, some signs that you're in a stagnant relationship include poor communication, dwindling or no intimacy, constantly arguing about the same things, difficulty finding common ground, and little interest in each other's lives and making future plans. When people experience a sense of being stuck in a relationship, they may feel drained and less motivated, which can affect their self-esteem and well-being.
What is a stagnant friendship communication style?
One indication that a friendship has grown stale is the "walking on eggshells" feeling to discuss matters you might disagree on, and/or predicting what they might say beforehand. For example, long-distance relationships between friends can turn stale when friends look for excuses to postpone talking, or find their talks are more superficial, making them feel drained and disconnected after they talk.
There are many reasons why one may feel stuck or stagnant in a relationship. Some common themes that arise in stagnant relationships include having negative feelings about your partner and feeling as though you don't have enough personal space. Feeling stuck in a relationship can make people feel isolated and less motivated to grow, which may impact confidence in one's strengths and abilities. When unaddressed, these feelings may lead to depression and other mental health concerns.
How to end a stalemate feeling in a relationship?
If you are feeling stagnant in your relationship but hope to revive it, there are some steps you may take. Firstly, it's helpful to identify what your main concerns are and what you want to change. Then you may begin to communicate your thoughts and feelings in a constructive way. For example, using "I feel" statements may reduce defensiveness in your partner's response. If you and your partner are both willing to revive your relationship, it's helpful to have realistic expectations as you take baby steps to change the dynamics of the relationship. Sometimes, however, couples have difficulty addressing challenges and underlying issues on their own, so benefit from seeking professional help.
What does it mean when someone says they feel stagnant?
A person who expresses they are feeling stagnant may be experiencing a sense of dwindling personal growth, dissatisfaction, and boredom. When prolonged, these feeling can significantly impact one's well-being and mental health. However, sometimes these feelings may arise because of underlying issues or mental health challenges, such as depression.
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