"I Broke Up With My Girlfriend And I Miss Her": Questions For Reflection

Breaking up with a partner can be an emotionally confusing experience. You may experience a range of emotions, or intense nostalgia — and learning to live well through the transition can feel overwhelming. Therapy and lifestyle changes can be two of the most common tools that some may reach for to attain a higher quality of life, each of which can be taken at your own pace. However, to make them as effective as possible, many choose to confront and work through their feelings first. 

"I broke up with my girlfriend and I miss her": Did I make a mistake?

After breaking up with your girlfriend, it can be normal to feel competing emotions — like relief, hope, regret, or guilt.

Below, we’re exploring possible reasons why you might miss your girlfriend after a breakup, and different methods of thought that can help you to move on in a healthier way. 

Why do you miss your girlfriend after a break-up?

When you break up or are missing someone you care about deeply in your life, it can be challenging. You may be afraid of what the process signifies, such as the concept of growing up and outgrowing certain relationships in your life. You may also be worried if you will be happy as this version of yourself, or the “lonely you”. As a result, you may experience feelings such as nostalgia, sadness, or regret. One study involving over 5,700 participants from 96 countries suggested that men and women experienced emotional responses to breakups with similar levels of intensity.

This leads us to the question: How can we begin to move through these feelings of sadness, frustration, or nostalgia in a healthy, growth-oriented way?

If you aren’t sure where to start, you may take a moment to try writing it down. You can ask yourself questions, such as: What was the reason you broke up with your girlfriend, and did that differ from what you told them? What if being with this person means compromising your true self? If you felt suffocated and your negative emotions led to the idea of breaking up, did you discuss this with them and hope to seek solutions? 

Consider being as honest as you can as you go through these feelings. Doing this in this way can help you process the events of the breakup as healthily as possible. 

Is it too late to go back?

If you miss your ex-girlfriend, you might consider honestly acknowledging this to yourself — releasing any shame that you may feel as a result. We do want to note: It can take time to analyze any situation. With this in mind, it may be best to give yourself and your ex-girlfriend time to process through intense emotions before having any type of conversation or talking about reconciliation. 

Can I fix things with my gf? 

You may oscillate between “maybe,” and “maybe not.” However, you could experience more benefits if you don't let the "maybe not" prevent you from asking about your ex’s feelings and emotions on the matter in an effort to gain clarity and sharing your own. Having these feelings shared may give you both perspective on what the other one thinks about the situation, potentially creating a path to reconciliation. 

It can be helpful to not forget the potential need for work within the relationship if all parties agree to get back together. The issues that prompted you to end the relationship may still be present. However, work can be an important part of any relationship. Working with a licensed therapist and accountability partners can help individuals in the relationship walk away with the best possible resolution for their specific needs.

If you aren’t sure if you want to get back together, you may benefit from waiting and exploring what you're willing to do to make the relationship work. You may want to know what your ex-girlfriend is willing to do, as well. You can address these concerns by being honest and showing respect for each other's emotions, experiences and perceptions — in either case. 

If you aren’t sure where to start with the process, you might consider texting, calling or scheduling a video chat with your ex. You can also get together somewhere and talk things over.  You might start by explaining, truthfully, why you broke things off and how you think you could make changes to address the problems that made it hard to continue growing in your relationship. You can encourage them to do the same. By showing vulnerability, your ex-girlfriend may feel comfortable doing the same thing on their own, and discussing how they want to change.

Having an open and honest conversation can support a healthier breakup process or may give you the framework for reconciliation, potentially allowing all parties to answer questions and process what happened in the past.

What you need vs. what you're willing to compromise

When we first meet someone and fall in love with them, we might spend a lot of time together — potentially remaining so immersed in those feel-good emotions that we may not consider how being in a long-term relationship with this person might compel us to change or grow. 

By the time those changes occur, we may have crossed so many boundaries with our partner that we don't know how to get back to a state of emotional balance in our life in the event of a breakup.

It's not impossible to achieve this balance, and you don’t necessarily need to separate to do so. If you feel like things have moved too quickly, it can be a good thing to speak up. Perhaps your partner is thinking the same thing. Taking time to think about your needs and wants can be beneficial to all partners in a relationship, and it can promote themes of honesty and confidence in each person. 

You may find solace in “I miss you” quotes

While it likely won’t be as helpful as talking with loved ones or seeking out professional help, you may be able to find some solidarity with others who have gone through similar experiences. Here are some quotes for those who are missing someone or going through a breakup.

• “It’s hard when you miss people. But you know, if you miss them it means you were lucky. It means you had someone special in your life, someone worth missing.” – Nathan Scott
• "Whatever you do, never run back to what broke you." – Frank Ocean
• "We have to be whole people to find whole love" – Cheryl Strayed
• “I miss you in ways that not even words can understand.” – Gemma Troy
• “Life moves on and so should we.” – Spencer Johnson
• “The greatest distance in the world is the 14 inches from our minds to our hearts.” – Agnes Baker Pilgrim
• “Falling in love is like learning a whole new language and the culture that goes along with it. When you fall out of love it can be hard to pick up where you left off and start anew.” – Isabella Poretsis
• “Everybody has problems. Everybody has bad times. Do we sacrifice all the good times because of them?” – Phoebe Banks
• “The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever.” – Jacques Yves Cousteau

Support is available

Whatever your decision is regarding your relationship, you may benefit from some impartial advice — or help learning new tools to bring into your reignited relationship. An online counselor can be a helpful option for you to consider when you are thinking about whether to reconcile with your girlfriend. 

How can online therapy support those living with relationship conflicts?

Sometimes talking to a person who is objective and hearing their advice can be freeing and can feel safer than talking to your good friends or close family, especially if you’re uncomfortable or experience shyness. 

BetterHelp’s licensed and professional counselors have the experience to help you to understand what healthy relationships can look like, offering helpful support to assist you in navigating disagreements with your partner. You can receive help discreetly through our online platform, generally reachable through Internet connections.

There are a variety of reasons why many are turning to online therapy to support them in their time of need. For example, online therapy can be particularly useful for long-distance couples who may find it more difficult to attend in-person sessions. In cases where a breakup is ongoing, online therapy can create a less challenging environment than a face-to-face appointment might entail. 

Additionally, if clients are experiencing feelings of shame, frustration, or sadness, online therapy can be a more reachable option to most that aren’t as physically demanding as in-person sessions. 

Is online therapy effective for those experiencing relationship concerns?

Online therapy has been suggested to have helped many couples resolve relationship concerns, or find closure in order to move forward amicably. Using an eight-hour online intervention adapted from an empirically based, in-person mode of couples therapy, researchers discovered that participating couples experienced significant improvements in relationship satisfaction, relationship confidence, and quality of life through a series of self-reports.