Getting Back Together: I Miss My Ex, What Should I Do?

Medically reviewed by Karen Foster, LPC and Andrea Brant, LMHC
Updated October 14, 2024by BetterHelp Editorial Team

Finding a partner may seem like an impossible task, especially when you're experiencing loneliness. But even if your search hasn't been successful so far, there are ways to build confidence and boost your chances of finding someone that may seem special to you. Presenting yourself in the best light and practicing self love may attract the right person and create a real, lasting relationship. There are methods to help you build self-assurance in your life that can translate to improved possibilities of connecting with someone else, whether it's on dating apps or on a random day at a coffee shop.

Looking for a partner but feeling uncertain about where to start?

Here are some reasonable steps you might take to build your self-confidence and attract a partner with whom you can build a healthy relationship.

  • Focus On Self-Improvement

Taking care of yourself and working on personal growth may help you feel more confident and attractive, increasing your chances of meeting Mr. Right. This focus on you might include physical self-care, such as exercising and eating well, and mental and emotional self-care, such as practicing mindfulness, working on personal goals, and seeking relationship advice. Start dating with self-assurance and watch as you attract great people and form meaningful connections.

  • Practice Good Communication Skills

Being a good listener, staying honest and open about your thoughts and feelings, and having healthy, respectful debates or discussions are all key aspects of expressing yourself effectively. Mastering these skills can make a big difference in forming strong connections with others, whether it's with a best friend, a potential boyfriend, or your perfect match on a dating app or dating site. Don't underestimate the power of clear communication on your journey to finding lasting relationships.

  • Be Confident In Your Unique Qualities

Everyone has unique strengths and qualities that set them apart. Embrace these qualities and be confident in who you are to help you attract someone who appreciates and values your uniqueness, whether it's a nice new friend or your Prince Charming. This confidence can make a difference in your pursuit of a future partner or boyfriend. 

  • Get Out And Socialize

Meeting new people and making connections can increase your chances of finding a compatible partner. This effort might take you out of your comfort zone, but remember, much of the fun in life is in trying new experiences. Join social groups or clubs, volunteer, or go out and explore new things with an open mind. Embrace the journey and enjoy the process, as it can be more fun and rewarding than you may expect.

  • Set Healthy Boundaries

It's crucial to set boundaries in any relationship, especially when you find yourself thinking, “I want a boyfriend so bad." A strong desire to find a partner should not lead to you compromising on your values or participating in activities that might make you uncomfortable. Know what you are not okay with and communicate these boundaries to any prospective future partner. This kind of communication can help attract a partner who respects and values your boundaries, and fosters a healthy, fulfilling connection.

  • Seek Support

Feeling vulnerable and unsure when searching for a partner is natural. Seeking support from friends, family, or an online therapist to help boost your confidence and provide a safe space to process your emotions may help you in your journey.

  • Don't Settle

While it can be a good idea to be open to new experiences and opportunities, you want to make sure you are not settling for less than you deserve. Know your worth, and don't compromise on what you want in a partner.

  • Be Patient 

Finding a partner takes time and may involve ups and downs. Try to be patient and not rush into anything just so you can be in a relationship. Stop focusing on the outcome and trust the process, knowing that the right person may come along when the timing is best. Embrace the journey and grow along the way.

Remember that finding a partner might not happen overnight and is something you don't have the ability to control. It might be better to focus on being the best version of yourself and being open to new experiences and opportunities. This mentality shift might increase your chances of attracting a partner and building a fulfilling and lasting relationship.

Some ways you might find a compatible partner

Finding a compatible partner may take some effort and research. Aside from meeting people in person, you might want to try online dating sites or apps that can help connect you with potential partners with similar interests or values that align with yours. 

You could also look into attending events, such as meetups, or join a hobby club or community group that may help introduce you to like-minded individuals. 

Additionally, consider asking friends and family if they may know anyone who fits what you might be looking for. With the right approach, these methods could help you find someone compatible.

What is the best way to approach someone I'm interested in?

Approaching someone you're interested in may be intimidating and nerve-wracking. However, if done correctly, it may also be an excellent opportunity to build an initial connection with them.

Here are some tips that may help:

1. Make Eye Contact - When you want to approach someone, look at them and make eye contact first. This move can signal that you're open to talking to and engaging with them.

2. Smile - A smile may communicate warmth and friendliness, which might immediately put the person at ease. It also may help both of you relax more when conversing.

3. Introduce Yourself - Once you've made eye contact and smiled, the next step should be to introduce yourself. You should say your name and ask for theirs.

4. Show Interest - After introducing yourself, it is a good idea to show interest in getting to know them better. Ask questions about their interests or hobbies, so they can talk about themselves more and feel comfortable talking to you.

5. Listen - Listening to what the person has to say when they respond may also help them feel more comfortable around you. Ensure you're paying attention and engaging with what they have to say.

6. Be Confident - When approaching someone, it's ideal to remain confident in yourself and be friendly, but try not to be too forward or aggressive. This balance might help you make a great first impression.

What should I do if my search for a partner isn't successful?

If your search for a partner isn't successful, it might be helpful to take some time and reflect on what you are looking for in a partner. It may also be beneficial to think of ways to build confidence and increase self-esteem. Additionally, consider discussing the situation with friends or family who might provide support and insight. It is also perhaps a good idea to seek help from a therapist.

How to build confidence with the help of online therapy

If you are worried that finding a partner is impossible and you are considering giving up your search, online therapy might be an excellent resource for you to turn to. By engaging in online therapy sessions, you may gain more insight into yourself and understand what is keeping you from finding the right partner. Therapy can also help build self-confidence and teach valuable skills needed for communication, such as assertiveness and expressing your boundaries clearly.

With guidance and support from an experienced therapist, you should be able to learn to trust yourself more to make decisions that will bring positive results in your search for love.

Effectiveness of online therapy

Various studies have shown that online therapy may be an effective treatment option for people looking to build confidence and find a partner. For example, a study published by the American Psychological Association found that cognitive-behavioral therapy via videoconferencing was just as effective as in-person sessions in treating social anxiety among adults. This research suggests that individuals may benefit from engaging in online therapy sessions when working on self-esteem issues or learning communication skills needed for successful dating. 

Additionally, online therapy encourages more availability and flexibility than traditional in-person counseling, as you can connect with your therapist from the convenience of your own home. Therefore, it can be helpful for those who want to progress toward finding their ideal partner but who may need the flexibility and comfort of virtual support. Take the first step by seeking a connection with an online therapist.

"Dr. Carletta has been very kind of helpful to my boyfriend and I throughout our time meeting with her. She's a wonderful listener and always on time to our sessions. I would recommend her to anyone trying to work through their relationship."
— BetterHelp member’s review of their therapist

Takeaway

Finding a partner might seem daunting, but it is not impossible. With the right tools and guidance, anyone may be able to take control of their love life. Online therapy might be one of those invaluable resources that have the potential to help build confidence and self-assurance to the point where you can attract the right partner. 

Research suggests that online counseling is equally as effective as traditional in-person counseling for overcoming social anxiety and working on communication skills needed for successful dating. If you want to make a meaningful connection with someone special, online therapy may be just what you need to start your journey toward love.

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