Knowing The Six Types Of Love That Can Improve Your Relationship
You may love your spouse, your job, or your car; even though we use the same word to express these feelings, they're different types of love and should often be approached differently according to the situation. Earning about the different types of love can help you increase relationship satisfaction and develop stronger connections. Here are some of the different types of love and how they play a part in your life.
The Greek theories of love
Altruistic love (Agape)
When you give to others without expecting anything in return, you display altruistic or selfless love, called "agape" by the ancient Greeks. This is one of the types of love that can be shown in multiple relationships between family members, best friends, romantic partners, or even strangers. Some people tend to express this affectionate love through patience and giving; they may find great joy in their relationships by giving more than receiving.
Infatuated, playful love (Ludus)
One could argue that infatuation isn't one of the types of love at all, but this is relative and up for interpretation. Infatuated love colloquially (called "puppy love") may require no commitment between partners, but the individuals involved typically have passion and desire for each other, sharing ludus or playful love. They often enjoy fun activities together but may not be ready to commit to a long-term relationship.
Of course, ludus playful love can evolve into more long lasting love, such as pragma enduring love or philia affectionate love, over time without sacrificing passion. As lives intertwine and friendships deepen, memorable and impactful moments may contribute to this transformation.
Companion love (Storge)
It is one of the types of love that typically involves a close connection in which two people care about each other, feel connected and understood, and offer emotional support. Romantic partners may also experience this form of love, which involves caring and commitment but may lack passionate love. Brotherly love and friendships can similarly embody this type of connection. This kind of love, and all other types of love, can be experienced in tandem with others. None are at the exclusion of others.
Romantic love (Eros)
If you have fallen in love, you may have experienced romantic love. Eros is named after the Greek god of love, which is characterized by intimacy (being emotionally close to each other) and sometimes sexual passion and attraction (whether physical, mental, or both). However, it is possible and natural to experience romantic love without any sexual element.
Many people seek Eros when looking for a long-term partner, hoping to find everlasting love. Successful romantic relationships often depend on both partners' romantic love for each other. This love style can also combine with a commitment to creating a stable, long-term relationship, fostering well-being and a lasting impression in their lives.
Obsessive love (Mania)
Obsessive love is not considered healthy and may involve jealousy, controlling behavior, and one-sided attraction felt only by the pursuer and only on a surface level. The person experiencing this may feel that they genuinely love the other person but may not be familiar with their personality. Instead, they may feel attracted to a mental image they have created rather than the natural person.
It is challenging to maintain stable and happy relationships with obsessive love. Research indicates that tendencies toward obsessive love may have roots in an individual's attachment style, particularly the attachment style built with their caregivers as children.
Practical love (Pragma)
Two people can commit to one another without necessarily having intimacy or passion, often forming a strong friendship. Many alternative marriage arrangements involve this kind of family commitment between friends or partners who do not feel romantic attraction toward one another. Physical touch and self-worth can play a role in pragma relationships.
Additionally, some romantic relationships evolve into this kind of commitment. The pragma can grow into other forms of love, be experienced in addition to other forms of love, or exist within a relationship independently, impacting the lives of people around the world.
Using love to improve relationships
While learning about and understanding the six types of love can give you more insight into love, knowledge alone cannot help you cultivate better relationships.
It may be helpful first to understand your relationship dynamic with another individual. Then you may explore your love languages (how you feel and express love) and those of loved ones. Next, you can implement this knowledge, take action, and create the change you want. Being open and communicative with yourself and others may be one way to improve your bond.
Below are three ideas you may want to emulate in your relationships as you move forward.
Know (and care for) yourself
Our personalities and actions often have direct and indirect influences on our relationships with others. Understanding your personality and behavioral patterns may help you know your close relationships. Along with cultivating self-awareness, it may be beneficial to nurture your internal relationships and take care of yourself.
Sometimes, we may spend too much energy trying to find someone else to satisfy our emotional needs when we can look within and find fulfillment there. Learning to accept and love ourselves genuinely can improve self-esteem and empathy, with studies confirming that low self-esteem and self-love can affect our relationships with others.
Additionally, taking care of yourself can help you face difficult periods with courage.
Know (and care for) your partner
When you enter a relationship, your priorities may shift as you make room for another person in your life. All relationships require attention and effort to thrive; as the relationship develops, you're likely to learn more about each other. It may be helpful to take the time to discover your partner, treasure them for who they are, and communicate with them.
Treating your partner with attention and care may increase relationship satisfaction for both of you.
Know (and care for) your relationship
Relationships can grow, change, and evolve with time. Relationships may have the best chance to thrive when given consistent time and care. You can provide care to your relationship by scheduling quality time with friends, family, or a romantic partner.
You may also try setting aside time to talk about your week. Listen to your loved one, and make sure they feel heard and validated. Being mindful of your relationships can help you form a deeper bond.
Seeking help
More than one type of love can exist in a relationship, and the same connection can fluctuate between kinds of love over time. If you want support with relationships, you may try speaking with a therapist, such as those found at BetterHelp. If you're not happy in your relationship, online therapy can also help with that.
A growing number of studies show that online therapy is just as effective as face-to-face therapy in treating concerns and conditions like relationship issues, anxiety, depression, substance use disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and a range of others – all things that can impact our relationships. One study found that the primary reasons people don't seek out relationship counseling are social stigmas and stereotypes associated with couples counseling, cost, and scheduling difficulties. The study also found that online therapy removes many of these barriers, as online treatment can be utilized from home.
If you are struggling with substance use, contact the SAMHSA National Helpline at (800) 662-4357 to receive support and resources. Support is available 24/7.
For example, platforms like BetterHelp offer sessions outside of traditional hours since they're not limited to an office setting. BetterHelp can match you with a licensed mental health professional you can start seeing in just a few days. You can also message your counselor anytime with questions and comments between sessions to receive in-the-moment guidance.
Takeaway
What are the top three types of love?
While love is a complex phenomenon, many researchers have tried to simplify it into distinct categories. One common theory developed by Robert Sternberg, the triangular theory of love, suggests that all forms of love are built upon three fundamental components: intimacy, passion, and commitment. Intimacy refers to emotional closeness and trust, passion refers to lust or strong attraction, and commitment refers to making a conscious choice to have a relationship with someone.
Sternberg’s theory doesn’t just cover romantic love. For example, intimacy and commitment without passion form companionate love, which is the love between close friends. When all three foundational types of love are combined, they form consummate love, often considered the type shared between loving romantic partners.
What are the seven levels of intimacy?
Matthew Kelly coined the seven levels of intimacy in his book The Seven Levels of Intimacy: The Art of Loving and the Joy of Being Loved.” The book describes how to experience and enjoy intimacy while gaining confidence and fully embracing love. The seven levels are listed below:
Clichés. These are typically day-to-day interactions like small talk and are good for interactions with unknown others, such as the grocery store clerk or bank teller.
Facts. Facts are simply informational statements about people, places, and things. They lack emotional depth, and people may have different beliefs about whether a particular fact is true.
Opinions. This level begins to add depth to the conversation without revealing too much about the meanings behind differing opinions.
Hopes and dreams. This level reveals a person’s deepest desires and highest aspirations, adding significant emotional depth and personal declaration to the conversation.
Feelings. Sharing feelings is an intimate act that requires vulnerability. It also requires overcoming preconceived notions about whether sharing feelings is acceptable.
Fears, faults, and failures. This level involves sharing “scars” or qualities a person doesn’t like about themselves.
Legitimate needs. All people need intimacy, but relying on another person to meet deep physical, spiritual, intellectual, and emotional needs requires an intense intimacy that relies heavily on trust and acceptance.
What are the seven love styles?
The seven love styles refer to research conducted by Truity, a business specializing in personality assessments. They initiated their study in 2022. Originally, the study focused on confirming the five love languages identified by Gary Chapman in the 1980s. When Truity analyzed the results of their research, it suggested that there were seven love languages, not five. That research went on to form the basis for their 7 Love Styles test, which categorizes a person’s love style into one of seven categories:
- Activity. Those with this love style feel valued when their partner actively participates in their hobbies and interests.
- Appreciation. People who value appreciation tend to feel loved when their partner gives them praise and compliments.
- Emotional. People with the emotional love style feel loved when their partner can connect with them and support them through tough emotions.
- Financial. Those with a financial love style feel valued when their partner shows generosity with money and finances.
- Intellectual. Intellectual love style types tend to feel valued when their partner values their intelligence and participates in thoughtful discussions.
- Physical. People with this love style feel special when they are being touched and held by their partner.
- Practical. Those with a practical love style feel loved when their partner contributes to chores or offers practical, everyday help.
What are the general types of love?
There are many ways to categorize love, but one of the oldest is the system used by the Ancient Greeks, who defined seven different types of love:
- Eros is the type of love experienced when one falls deeply in love.
- Philia refers to shared goodwill. In love, philia usually refers to the love between friends.
- Storge refers to familial love, or love between family members.
- Agape is universal love, such as love for humanity or the Earth.
- Ludus is a type of uncommitted love that is playful. It often includes good-natured teasing or flirting.
- Pragma is a practical love founded on duty or commitment.
- Philautia is self-love, which can have both positive and negative connotations.
What are the four types of relationships?
The four broad types of relationships are generally considered to be family relationships, friendships, acquaintanceships, and romantic relationships. However, the four categories above can be split into dozens or hundreds of potential relationship types.
What is the highest level of love?
Many people consider agape to be the highest form of love. Agape is a form of love first defined by the Ancient Greeks. It refers to universal or selfless love. Agape is about wishing the best for others, marveling at the beauty of the earth, or feeling grateful to be part of the universe.
Are there 5 or 7 love languages?
In the 1980s, Gary Chapman, a pastor and counselor, recognized that romantic couples tended to express love in only a handful of ways. Based on his work helping couples build better relationships, he developed his love language theory to enable couples to understand how they prefer to give and receive love. His theory contains five distinct love languages: words of appreciation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch.
Despite the popularity of the five love languages, their accuracy has been frequently questioned by those in the scientific community. To contribute to the growing body of research, Truity, a company specializing in personality testing, conducted a study to determine whether Chapman’s five languages were scientifically valid. Their study found some support for his original theories, but it also revealed two additional love languages that don’t mesh well with his theory.
This led Truity to develop the seven love styles based on their study. The styles include activity, appreciation, emotional, financial, intellectual, physical, and practical. The practical style roughly corresponds to Chapman’s acts of service, the physical style is similar to physical touch, the financial style is akin to receiving gifts, and the appreciation style is similar to words of affirmation. The other three styles, emotional, intellectual, and activity, were clustered into the quality time language in Chapman’s model. Truity’s research revealed that those three factors were unique enough to qualify as independent love styles.
The intellectual love style refers to people who feel loved when their partner values their intelligence, respects their opinion, and discusses important issues. Those with the emotional style feel loved when their partner connects with them and supports them through tough emotions. The activity style refers to those who feel special when their partner engages with them in their hobbies or interests.
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