50 Couples Relationship-Building Questions

As you start to get comfortable with a romantic partner, it can be easy to assume you know the answers to certain questions about them. However, believing you know all you can about someone may cause you to miss opportunities to deepen your connection. Keeping the spark alive can be easier for couples who continue to learn about each other throughout their time together. That’s the idea behind the following 50 relationship-building questions.

Not all of these questions may be equally romantic. Getting on the same page about practical life questions can be as important as exchanging poetic sentiments when maintaining a healthy relationship. Intimacy-building topics may help you connect with your partner on a deeper level. 

You and your partner may not be strangers. However, you may still build intimacy by learning more about each other. Psychologists have repeatedly found that self-divulge — the voluntary sharing of information about your needs, desires, experiences, and values — can contribute substantially to relationship strength. It may also protect you against stress and conflict-promoting behaviors that often drive couples apart.

Sharing information about yourself can be crucial in maintaining romance, impacting your sense of trust and closeness. Emotional intimacy can be one of the most important predictors of relationship satisfaction. When your partner tells you secrets or information they’ve never told anyone else, it’s an expression of vulnerability — a signal that they may trust you to honor what they’ve shared. Meanwhile, knowing what makes the other person tick may improve your ability to care for them while reinforcing the sense that you’re deeply intertwined. 

“The big questions” for couples

You may not want to blurt out intense questions while you and your partner get ready for bed. You may get better results if you set aside time for a meaningful conversation. It can be helpful to thoroughly think through each topic and discuss your answers as a couple. A date night in an intimate setting, where you can talk without being overheard or interrupted, could be a perfect opportunity. You could also find time during a slow weekend afternoon while drinking tea on the couch or taking a walk in the woods.

When asking the below questions, try not to cover everything in a single discussion. Instead, think of these questions for couples as a way to spark productive conversations that can make your relationship stronger. How you respond to each other may be as impactful as what you say. Studies have found that supportive responses to vulnerable self-divulge increase intimacy. Judgmental, critical reactions may drive you apart.

Even if you’re surprised or upset by something you learn, try to receive it with an open mind and think through your response carefully. Your partner may be making a significant leap of trust in sharing these topics. The best results may come from expressing empathy and asking follow-up questions, signaling that you’re interested and not pulling away. 

Getting-to-know-you questions

The following questions are intended to help you get a more complete picture of who your partner is as a person. You may know the answers to some of them already, but others may surprise you.

1. What’s your favorite memory?
2. Who was your childhood hero?
3. What experiences do you want to have before you die?
4. If you could choose one superpower, what would it be and why?
5. If you could magically gain one realistic skill or ability, which would you choose and why?
6. Have you ever had any recurring dreams?
7. What are your biggest fears?
8. If you could have dinner with anyone from history, who would it be?
9. Would you ever want to be famous? If so, what for?
10. What are you most grateful for in life? (For a challenge: Neither person is allowed to answer “You”!)

Profound questions for couples

The following questions dig deeper, inviting you to share thoughts about your core values and other aspects you consider central to your identities:

1. Which of your parents do you like most and why?
2. If you knew there was a God or higher power and could ask them one question, what would it be?
3. What’s the one piece of advice you wish you could give your younger self?
4. What are your favorite and least favorite qualities in yourself?
5. What’s the most crucial aspect that makes someone a “good person?”
6. Is there anything you think is too serious to joke about?
7. What do you value most in a friend? What about a partner?
8. Is there anything you would regret not having told someone if you were to die today?
9. What are your biggest goals in life?
10. When do you feel most alive?

Below are a few questions specifically about romance. Some deal with your existing relationship, some encourage you to talk about each other, and some address your feelings and expectations about love:

1. What are your main love languages? What makes you feel loved and appreciated?
2. What first attracted you to me when we met?
3. What are your favorite qualities about me now?
4. Can you name one way we’re different that strengthens our relationship?
5. What’s the line past which you would consider an action cheating?
6. Do you believe in soulmates?
7. Is there anything you’ve been afraid to ask me or tell me?
8. If you had to change one thing about our relationship, what would it be?
9. What do I do that frustrates or upsets you?
10. Are there any actions you couldn’t forgive from a partner?

Communication can be critical in relationships, and communicating about sex may be especially important for maintaining happiness as a couple — both in and out of the bedroom. Below are a few questions about sex to ask your partner: 

1. What turns you on most about me?
2. Is there anything I do in bed that you don’t like?
3. Do you have any sexual fantasies you’ve been wanting to explore?
4. How do you feel about role-playing? What about sex toys?
5. How often do you want to have sex to be satisfied? 
6. What’s your favorite memory from our sex life?
7. When do you feel sexiest? When do you feel least sexy?
8. How do you feel most comfortable telling me what you want?
9. What would you want to try sexually if you didn’t have to worry about fear, judgment, guilt, or negative consequences?
10. What are your favorite and least favorite ways to get sex started?

Pragmatic questions for couples

In some cases, the most important questions to ask in a long-term relationship involve the mundane details of sharing a life. Below are a few of these questions: 

1. Where would you choose if we could live anywhere in the world?
2. What’s the most significant purchase or life decision you’d be comfortable with me making without consulting you?
3. Where do you imagine us ten years from now? What about 30 years?
4. Do you want children? If so, do you know how many?
5. If we could support us comfortably while one of us was a full-time parent, would you want that? If so, which role would you rather have?
6. What are your limits when it comes to personal space?
7. What about yourself would you never change, even if it meant we couldn’t be together?
8. How do you think we should resolve conflicts in our relationship?
9. What could I do to make your life easier?
10.  How much do you think committed couples should share finances?

Asking practical questions may deepen your emotional intimacy as a couple. Other ways to become closer may involve improving your interpersonal skills, self-confidence, and mental health. To become a healthier partner, it may also be helpful to work with a counselor to work through areas of growth and build on your strengths.

Online therapy for individuals & couples

If you’re unsure where to find support, have a long-distance relationship, or seek care from home, you might also try online therapy through a platform like BetterHelp for individuals or ReGain for couples. Compared to the potentially frustrating process of seeking a mental health professional in person, web-based platforms can be more convenient. It’s often possible to be matched with a therapist with the expertise you seek within 48 hours. In addition, you can choose between phone, video, or live chat sessions. 

A growing body of scientific evidence supports Internet-delivered therapy. A 2020 paper found that despite having low expectations of online relationship therapy, most couples found it effective and comfortable. Some noted that talking over the Internet gave them a greater “sense of control and comfort,” making it easier to engage with the process.