My Girlfriend Broke Up With Me: What To Do When A Relationship Ends
When the person you were closest with breaks up with you, it can leave you feeling lost, confused, hopeless, and like your life lacks direction. That person was probably the center of your everyday life and your plans for the future. And all those memories! It can just seem like too much at times.
So, what can you do when your partner breaks up with you? You can start by looking within. You have the strength to overcome this with the right tools and information.
Who am I without them?
If they had been your partner for a very long time, you probably have a very good idea of who you were when you were with them. You may have found it easy to be funny, caring, or smart when you had them by your side. Now, you need to find out who you can be when you are by yourself, as well as with people other than them. If the relationship spanned for many years, understanding your identity might take some serious effort now.
You are not the person you were before them, but you are not who you were when the two of you were together, either. That can be a really scary concept to contemplate immediately following a breakup. It can also be incredibly liberating when you consider all the possibilities. The canvas of your life and future now has blank spots where you previously assumed there was permanent art. What are you going to create for yourself? We'll discuss this more later in the article.
What are my priorities now?
Finding new ways to spend your time
Your relationship probably took up a large portion of your life's pie chart. This is an opportunity to consciously replace that time and energy with healthy and productive choices. That space will be filled with something. If you are not mindful, that space can end up being filled with things that are either not helping you achieve your goals or are working against your goals. For example, you may end up on the couch watching television, which may not be very productive.
How can I move on after my girlfriend broke up with me?
This is a natural question after a breakup, so let's cover some strategies to get over someone when the relationship has ended. Take your time reading and understanding them. Make a note of those that particularly resonate with you.
Tips for moving on after a breakup
- You may be best off avoiding the person who broke up with you as much as possible. No calls, letters, texts, sleeping together, or trying to be friends. Nothing. If you are going to be friends, that will be down the road, not now, since you may still be in love with them. This is the hardest step, and it's the one people stick with the least. It is also the most important.
- When you find yourself thinking about them, immediately distract yourself. But you must throw yourself into an activity that demands your attention, or you will be multitasking and thinking about them while doing the activity.
- If you find distraction is not effective, then redirect your mind to thinking about all of your ex's undesirable qualities. (You're not together for a reason, after all, and the reason is not that things were going well.) Think about things that annoyed you about them, how they dumped you, how they slept with their new partner, etc., anything that helps you begin to associate them with negative feelings.
- Avoid contact with anything that reminds you of them, for example, places you used to go, places you planned to go, mutual friends, pictures, texts, mementos, and emails. Anything that reminds you of them should be avoided at this time.
- Stop telling people how much you still love or miss them, and try to stop saying it in your head. "Unfriend" and "unfollow" on social media.
- If you run into them, there's no going out of your way to hug them or be super nice to them. Be polite, then move on. There will be a time for the "high road," but we are not there yet.
Try these steps faithfully, and you are more likely to get over them, perhaps even sooner than the usual passage of time.
Caring for your mental health after a breakup
Sometimes, getting over them on your own is not enough. You may feel many emotions when your partner leaves you.
“I feel depressed ever since my girlfriend broke up with me”
Emotions are a natural part of losing touch with someone who matters to you. But, if you begin to have signs of depression, you need to address it. Below are several symptoms of depression to watch out for:
- Being excessively worried, agitated, anxious, or irritable.
- Feeling indifferent to what happens in your life
- Having low energy
- Feeling guilty
- Having trouble concentrating
- Having trouble making decisions, especially decisions that are relatively minor or used to come easily to you
- Isolating yourself. (Some isolation may make sense. You are mourning a loss and taking stock of your life now. But you also need support from the people who care about you. It can be hard to get that support if you are alone.)
- Having unexplained pain
- Experiencing loss of or increase in appetite
- Having insomnia or sleeping too much
- Thinking about suicide or engaging in self-injurious behavior (SIB)*
If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available. Text or call 988 or chat 988lifeline.org. Support is available 24/7. If you are experiencing trauma, support is available.
Other strategies for coping and moving on
Implement self-care routines
Connecting to yourself can help you adjust to life without your partner. Make sure to set time aside daily to dedicate to taking care of yourself.
Do some yoga
If the changes in your life are causing stress, yoga can help. You don't have to be a pro; plenty of poses are perfect for beginners. This method has proven to be a low-impact, calming way to deal with mental health concerns.
Try a new hobby
Sometimes, all you need to get over your partner is something to distract yourself with. Starting a new hobby could give your mind something new to focus on that will give you a chance to breathe.
Consider therapy
A therapist can help you assess your mood and determine the best treatment to help you heal during this time. With the right kind of therapeutic help, you can recover from the breakup of a past relationship and have a fulfilling life on your own. If seeing an in-person therapist is inaccessible, consider online therapy. Online therapy is a convenient way to get the help you need from the home, ensuring you avoid any run-ins with your ex. It's also often more affordable than traditional therapy.
Additionally, online therapy has been proven to be as effective as in-person therapy for treating common mental health conditions, like depression and anxiety, which can be common after a breakup.
Takeaway
What should I do if my girlfriend breaks up with me?
Breakups tend to be challenging experiences, especially if the person was your best friend, first love, or someone with whom you felt a deep connection. Even if the breakup was generally a good thing or the relationship lately felt "wrong" for various reasons, it can be difficult to act on advice to simply move on. For example, while you know "more girls are out there," it's one thing to realize it and another to feel that this breakup may eventually allow you to meet someone more compatible.
If your girlfriend breaks up with you, consider the following steps.
- Give yourself time to process your emotions.
- Respect her decision and avoid begging or pleading.
- Reach out to friends and family for support.
- Focus on self-care and personal growth.
- Consider seeking professional help if needed to cope with the emotional impact.
Should I text my girlfriend after she broke up with me?
Whether or not to text your ex-girlfriend after a breakup depends on the circumstances. It’s generally advisable to respect her space and decision initially. If you wish to communicate later, do so respectfully and without pressure.
Can my girlfriend come back after a breakup?
It is possible for a girlfriend to come back after a breakup, but it depends on various factors, including the reasons for the breakup, the willingness of both parties to work on the relationship, and changes made to address underlying issues.
Do I reach out if my girlfriend broke up with me?
If you decide to reach out after a breakup, make sure it is for the right reasons, such as seeking closure, discussing important matters, or expressing your feelings calmly and respectfully. Avoid communicating out of desperation.
What are the five stages after a breakup?
The five stages after a breakup are often described by the Kübler-Ross model. People may experience these stages differently and not necessarily in a linear order.
Possible stages you may experience after a breakup
- Denial
- Anger
- Bargaining
- Depression
- Acceptance
How do you know if a breakup is permanent?
A breakup may be considered permanent if both parties have made a clear and mutual decision to end the relationship, have taken steps to move on independently, and have not expressed interest in reconciliation. Of course, the end of a relationship may also be permanent if only one of the parties is confident in that decision, even if they're sad and afraid to move on.
Why is silence powerful after a breakup?
Silence after a breakup can be powerful because it allows both individuals to process their emotions, gain perspective, and heal without the added emotional turmoil of continued communication. It can also create space for personal growth. For example, if you keep talking to them, you may hear and say things you might regret, doubt your decision, and make a mistake in judgment. While it's absolutely understandable to experience many emotions, you both deserve time and space to process them.
What can you say when she dumps you?
When she dumps you, it’s important to respond with respect and maturity. You can express your feelings, acknowledge her decision, and thank her for the time you experienced. Avoid arguing or trying to change her mind. For instance, if the situation were the other way around, you may also have wanted her to respect your decision.
Should I stop talking to her after the breakup?
Stopping communication after a breakup can be beneficial to both parties as it allows for emotional healing and the possibility of moving forward separately. However, the decision to stop talking may be mutual or at least respected by both sides.
When your girlfriend is done with you, what should you do?
When your girlfriend is "done with you," it means she has made a decision to end the relationship. It’s important to respect her choice, give her space, and focus on your own well-being, self-improvement, and personal growth. While everyone's healing process may be unique, there are many healthy ways to move on with your life. Below are some suggestions:
- Reexamine your goals and what you hope to achieve.
- Practice self-care, such as exercising, mindfulness meditation, yoga, and self-compassion.
- Seek new ways to spend your time, such as pursuing a new hobby or activity.
- Avoid contact with your ex for the moment, as this may be the most important thing that allows some distance between you. Another important thing is to avoid places, people, and things that bring them to mind.
- Wait to get involved with other women to avoid carrying unresolved feelings onto others before you are ready.
- Seek healthy distractions when your ex pops into your mind, such as going for a run, drawing, or signing up for a class.
- Safeguard your sense of self-respect by politely but firmly avoiding contact while you dedicate your time to healing and moving on.
- Reframe how you think about your ex, remembering their unfavorable traits and behaviors, such as flirting with other guys in your presence or invalidating your feelings.
- If you experience signs of depression for two weeks or longer, consider reaching out to a mental health professional. Therapy can also help you navigate challenging emotions, such as hurt feelings, and provide support during this time, regardless of whether you're experiencing mental health challenges.
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