Not Receiving Enough Emotional Support For Mental Health?

You may have heard of the term “emotional support.” You may have even told your partner when they weren’t providing you with enough emotional support at some point. But do you really know what kind of support you need and how you can ask for it without putting your partner on defense? Emotional support can play a significant role in a person’s health and well-being, yet many people don’t receive sufficient emotional support. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, in 2021, 6.9% of adults reported that they “rarely or never got the social and emotional support they needed.”

This articleBelow, we’ll explore how to identify and communicate your needs, and how you can be there to support the people you love. 

Not getting enough emotional support from your partner?

A therapist can help you express your needs

What is emotional support and why is it important? 

Emotional support encompasses verbal and nonverbal demonstrations of compassion, reassurance, comfort, affection, and encouragement. You can receive emotional support from many sources, such as family, friends, romantic partners, coworkers, therapists, religious figures, pets, and support groups., or other groups.

Examples of emotional support

• Texting with your friend about frustrations in your relationship
• Celebrating success with people you love
• Having your feelings validated by your therapist
• Hugging your partner at the end of a hard day

When people receive emotional support, they tend to feel happy, safe, secure, loved and supported. According to recent studies, emotional and social support are considered protective factors for physical and mental well-being. 

What happens when you’re not receiving enough emotional support? 

If your partner is not providing emotional support, you may begin noticing some of the following signs: 

• You’re experiencing anger, frustration, or resentment.
• You’re becoming distant from your partner. 
• You feel lonely 
• You worry that they don’t care about you.
• You’ve become highly critical of them or picking fights regularly.
• You’re ignoring your own needs.
• You’re getting your emotional support elsewhere.
• There is less physical affection than there used to be.
• You’re experiencing low self-esteem, inability to manage stress, or other mental health challenges. 
• You don’t feel as though your partner “gets” you.
• Communication is one-sided. 

The amount of emotional support needed varies for each person

There can be many reasons that emotional intimacy doesn’t develop in relationships or erodes over time. Oftentimes, it may occur due to breaches in trust, fear of abandonment or judgment, mismatched emotional needs, poor communication skills, or negative past experiences. Additionally, the amount of emotional support someone needs in a relationship will vary between each person seeking support. 

What to do if you’re not receiving enough emotional support

It may help to remember that your romantic partner is not responsible for fulfilling all your emotional needs. No matter how great they are, you can benefit from having other people and things in your life that bring you satisfaction and contentment. According to Jodee McCaw, Ph.D., the “best friend-companion” model for relationships is new. Historically, people had an entire support network to meet their emotional needs, including extended friends, family, and community members.  

Discovering your emotional needs

According to Abraham Maslow’s theory of needs “human givens” approach, human beings have a few basic emotional needs, including:  

• Security: An environment where you can live without fear
• Volition: The power to be an independent person with autonomy
• Attention: The ability to receive and give attention to those you care about (including yourself)
• Emotional connection: Emotional intimacy and acceptance from at least one other person, such as friends, family, or romantic partners
• Connection to community: Connection and importance beyond oneself
• Personal space: Time and space for self-reflection
• A sense of status: Status that comes from adding value to the community
• A sense of achievement: Satisfaction derived from achieving things that add value and boost self-esteem
• Meaning: A sense of greater importance

Each of these terms can have slightly different meanings for different people. To identify what your unique needs are, you might asking yourself questions like:, 

• “What do I need to feel safe and secure?”
• , “What things am I able to compromise on and what things are dealbreakers?”
• , or “What gives my life a sense of meaning?” 

These questions can be difficult to answer, especially if your emotional needs go unmet in childhood. 

To get started, you might consider your needs at any moment by using the STOP method: 

• Stop: Take a moment to freeze before acting. 
• Take a step back: Next, give yourself some space to calm yourself and process your feelings. To do this, you could go for a walk, listen to some music, or take a few deep breaths. 
• Observe: Gather information and consider why you might be feeling the way you do. 
• Proceed mindfully: After taking time to process, think about what you could do to improve the situation. Ask yourself, “What outcome would make this situation better?" or “What choices could I make to improve the situation?” 

You can also reflect on friendships, family members, or other people in your life who are emotionally supportive. Consider how the people around you supported you when you felt your happiest, most secure, or most loved. Once you’ve identified your needs, you may be better able to communicate them. 

Asking your partner for what you need

Once you uncover what you want and need from others, you can begin to learn to ask for it. For example, when you’re looking for support, you might say some of the following statements to your partner:  

• “Do you have time to talk? I need to vent about work.” 
• “You have a lot of good advice, and I’d like to hear it in the future., but for now, I’d just like it if I could get all of my emotions out there.”
• “When you say I shouldn’t feel sad, I feel dismissed and less willing to share my feelings in the future. I know you just want me to feel better, but I think I’d just need to cry to feel my emotions fully. and have a hug. Could you sit with me for a few minutes and be my shoulder to cry on?”
• “I know you’re giving emotional support when you talk with me about this, b. But right now, I want to do something joyful to take a break from these heavy emotions.”
• “I’ve been feeling nervous about this doctor’s appointment. Could you come with me?”
• “I feel worried when you cancel our plans last minute because it makes me wonder if you don’t want to spend time with me.” 
• “Thank you for sitting with me to process this. I feel emotionally supported when you take the time to process these things with me.”

When you’re communicating your needs to your partner, you might try to keep the following strategies in mind: 

• Use “I” language: Rather than saying, “You did something wrong,” you might say something like, “I feel sad when you don’t come to see me on the weekends because it makes me think you don’t value time with me. In the future, could we set aside some more time to spend together?” This language expresses your feelings without making judgments about your partner. 
• Be clear: Ask for what you need and tell your partner how you would like to be supported.
• Be specific: Asking your partner for “more emotional support” is vague and may not lead to the most effective emotional support. Instead, consider what you want from them. Is it a hug,? Advice, or? Someone to listen to you? 
• Ask if they understand: Things can get lost in translation, especially if you’re just learning how to express yourself. You might ask them, “Did what I’m trying to just say make sense to you?”  

Meeting your partner’s needs

Meaningful relationships are typically a two-way street. In addition to asking your partner for the emotional support you need, you should provide emotional support for them. Here are a few communication tips you can use so your partner feels seen and valued: 

Active listening: Active listening includes giving someone your undivided attention, allowing them to speak without judgment or interruption, asking clarifying questions, and summarizing what they’re telling you to make sure you understand. When you’re actively listening to your partner, you might say things like: 

• “It sounds like you’re feeling frustrated by what your colleague said to you. Do I have that right?”
• “How did that make you feel?” 
• “That sounds really difficult.” 

Emotional validation: Rather than trying to change how someone feels, you can practice emotional validation, validating their emotions is about understanding and accepting the validity of their feelings. You might say:

• “This must be really difficult.” 
• “You have the right to feel sad.” 
• “I’m here for you, whenever you want to talk.” 
• “I can understand why you feel that way.” 

Ask them what they need: When your partner comes to you for emotional support, it may be sometimes helpful to ask them what kind of support they need from you. For example, they may want someone to listen to them, help them solve a problem, provide a distraction, or give them a hug. Consider asking something like: 

• “I’m happy to offer to be a listening ear or to help you brainstorm. I’m here for whatever you need.” 
• “Do you want to vent, or do you think it might be helpful to get out of your head for a bit and do something fun?”  

How therapy can help improve your mental health

When emotional needs go unmet, people may often experience low self-worth, loneliness, fear of abandonment, or a sense that they’re not “good enough.” These feelings can contribute to worsening well-being and the development of mental disorders. 

CBT and online therapy sessions

If you’re not getting the emotional support you need, you may want to work with a therapist. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is a type of therapy that often helps clients learn mindfulness, emotional regulation techniques, communication skills, and healthier thought patterns. Popular online platforms, like BetterHelp, match clients with licensed cognitive behavioral therapists based on the therapist’s expertise and client needs, preferences, and location. Some people prefer online therapy because they can attend sessions while sitting on their couch and petting their cat.from home or anywhere they feel comfortable. Online therapy sessions can take place via audio, video, or live chat. 

Effectiveness of online therapy for mental health concerns

Additionally, research suggests that online CBT can be as effective as in-person therapy. For example, a 2023 study on major depressive disorder found that in-person and online CBT sessions resulted in comparable improvements in depressive symptoms and quality of life. This study also found that people tend to be better at sticking with online therapy than they are with in-person therapy, and sessions can be more flexible to schedule. 

Takeaway 

When your emotional needs go unmet in your relationship, you may notice that you’re drifting apart or beginning to resent your partner. However, unless you know how to identify and communicate your needs, it may be unreasonable to expect your partner to know how best they can support you best. When you speak up for your own emotional needs and emotionally support your partner, you may find that your relationship becomes more fulfilling. 

If you’re finding it difficult to do this, that’s okay. Online cognitive behavioral therapists frequently help their clients reflect on their needs and build healthier communication skills. With BetterHelp, you can be matched with a therapist who has experience helping people who are not getting their emotional needs met. Take the first step toward getting support and reach out to BetterHelp today.