What Can An Open Relationship Mean For You?

For some couples, starting a romantic partnership means putting aside sexual situations with others. However, others may explore a less exclusive arrangement to meet their physical or emotional needs. 

What is an open relationship? Meaning, and more

If your partner brings up the idea of starting an open relationship, communicating respectfully, reflecting, and considering your boundaries can be crucial. If you’re unsure how to respond to the thought of an open relationship, therapy may also be helpful. 

Defining consensual non-monogamy for yourself

An open relationship is a form of consensual non-monogamy. In traditional monogamous relationships, partners are emotionally and sexually exclusive with each other. Someone in a monogamous partnership agrees to have a committed relationship with one partner and no romantic or sexual contact with anyone else outside of their partner. 

In an open partnership, both parties may agree that they can engage in romantic or sexual behavior with more than one person. If a partner agrees to be sexually open, they may find themselves having sexual activities with someone else, expanding their sexual partners beyond a traditional two-person dynamic. Depending on the couple, this arrangement may improve intimacy, communication, and overall satisfaction.

Features of a successful open relationship  

Features may include the following: 

• Ground rules: An open relationship often requires both parties to be on the same page about limits. Different couples may have different ground rules, so discuss expectations about various aspects, such as sexual boundaries, romantic boundaries, emotional boundaries, and time commitments.
• Consent: Consent is a defining factor in an open relationship. Consent means both partners agree to the arrangement, as well as all parties involved. Starting a new, main relationship without your partner’s consent may be seen as cheating or dishonesty.
• A primary partner: In open relationships, both partners may stay primarily committed to each other. In this case, they may prioritize the primary relationship, even when other people are involved. Quality time, communication, and affection can factor into this arrangement. 
• Safety: Prioritizing sexual health can be vital in a relationship where one or both people have multiple partners. Practicing safe sex may help prevent STIs, unplanned pregnancies, and other issues. 

Polyamory

Polyamory is another type of non-monogamous relationship and may sometimes be considered a type of open relationship. However, these two types of open relationships are generally different. In a polyamorous partnership, a person typically has romantic relationships with multiple people, which may also include sexual activities. In an open relationship, the other relationships are often sexual, without being long-term or involving strong feelings. It is common for partners in open relationships to stay emotionally committed to each other, even if they are physically with others. 

Reasons your partner might ask to open the partnership

If your partner brings up the idea of changing your relationship dynamic to open, it may be beneficial to understand the meaning or reasoning. Having more context may help you navigate the situation.

Your partner might ask for a change for various reasons, including but not limited to the following: 

• Different sex drives: When one partner has a much higher sex drive than the other, an open relationship may provide a way to achieve sexual satisfaction through sexual relations with multiple partners. 
• A desire to explore: Some partners may find that an open relationship gives them a chance to experiment more with fantasies or other types of intimacy. 
• A need for independence: For people who believe a traditional relationship constrains them, an open relationship may provide a sense of freedom. 
• Practical concerns: People in long-distance relationships or whose partners work demanding jobs may struggle to get enough physical or emotional intimacy. An open relationship may be a way to work around this issue.
• Reigniting the spark: In some cases, after the honeymoon period ends, a relationship can become less passionate. Some partners may suggest a change to bring back a sense of excitement.

These are a few reasons your partner might be interested in an opening your partnership. Understanding what they’re looking for may give you valuable insight before deciding. Talk to them to understand their point of view on the meaning behind this change for them. 

How to respond if your partner wants to open your partnership

If your partner tells you they want this, it can be challenging to know how to respond. Depending on your perspective, your first instinct might be to react with anger, jealousy, sadness, or worry. However, try to avoid giving in to negative feelings immediately. Approaching the conversation with respect and curiosity may be more productive. Below are a few tips for this process: 

Practice healthy communication

Listen actively instead of waiting for your turn to speak. Ask questions, be curious, and try to understand your partner’s perspective. How long have they been thinking about this? Is there an underlying challenge in the partnership that hasn’t been addressed?

Consider what the meaning is for you

You might also be interested in exploring this dynamic or be uncomfortable with the idea. Either way, validate your feelings. Ask yourself honestly if this arrangement would be comfortable for you. This decision can be personal, and there may not be a right or wrong answer.

Give yourself time to decide

You don’t have to give your partner a response right away. It may be helpful to think through their proposal and get outside opinions on open relationships. Journaling may help you sort through your thoughts and has been associated with improved mental health. 

Consider a trial period

If you’re interested in trying this, try one briefly to gauge your feelings. Consider sitting down with your partner to agree on ground rules. Take note of what you each hope to get out of the arrangement before checking in after a set amount of time has passed.

Consider a break

If you are pressured to start a non-monogamous relationship, you may be in an unhealthy situation. Your boundaries are crucial. If your partner is set on opening the partnership but you’re not comfortable with it, consider weighing your options. It may be healthier to step back from your partner than to commit to an arrangement you don’t want. 

Support options for couples

Exploring different relationship dynamics can be stressful. If your partner brings it up, you might feel jealous or experience insecurity and doubts about the relationship. Insecurity can lead to symptoms of anxiety, like racing thoughts, trouble sleeping, or uncontrollable worry. You might also become confused about what to do or how to respond and what your friends and family might think. 

Working with a therapist may help you manage your emotions in these situations. They may also be able to help you explore what this change means beyond the confines of monogamous ones. Discussing your views and boundaries regarding a sexual relationship can be helpful for gaining more clarity on your values.

Online therapy

If you face barriers to meeting a therapist in your area, you can also try online therapy. Online therapy through a platform like BetterHelp for individuals or ReGain for couples can allow you to talk to a therapist from wherever is most convenient. This benefit may be helpful if stress or anxiety about your relationship makes it difficult to leave the house. In addition, online therapy is often more cost-effective. 

Online therapy has been found to be effective in managing anxiety and stress from daily life. In a 2018 review, researchers analyzed data from 14 studies of internet-based treatment. They found that online therapy led to a 50% average reduction in symptoms of anxiety, stress, and other mental illnesses.