Open Relationship Vs. Polyamory: Key Differences
According to a 2020 poll, about one-third of adults may prefer non-monogamy to monogamy. The younger the adult, the more likely they may be to consider a non-monogamous relationship as a viable option, the poll suggests. While non-monogamous relationships may be on the rise in terms of interest and acceptance, many people have sought alternatives to monogamy during different periods in history.
In a nutshell, an open relationship can be defined by having one central relationship but mutually agreeing that either one or both partners may see other people. Broadly speaking, it may also refer to any type of consensual, non-monogamous relationship. Meanwhile, a polyamorous relationship generally involves being in a romantic relationship with multiple people at once. There can also be different polyamorous dynamics, such as solo polyamory and hierarchical polyamory. To further explore these relationship types with the help of a licensed professional, consider scheduling a therapy session in person or online.
Open relationship vs polyamory: Recognizing similarities
Both polyamorous and open relationships can be practiced as forms of ethical non-monogamy, as they both typically consist of consensual arrangements between or among individuals.
In some polyamorous arrangements, there may be a primary or central relationship, which can be similar to an open relationship dynamic in this respect.
Open relationship vs polyamory: Navigating different approaches
In open relationships, one or both partners may initially express a wish to explore sexual relationships with others while still sharing sexual and emotional intimacy with their main partner. This kind of arrangement may offer partners a way to explore desires or needs outside of their relationship. For some couples, opening their relationship may offer a way to enhance or promote individual or joint satisfaction in the relationship, potentially bringing more excitement and connection to the couple's dynamics.
Swinging: A physical approach to open relationships
Swinging is when individuals in a committed, open relationship engage in sexual activities with another couple, outside of their relationship. Sometimes, swinging is considered a social or recreational activity, but it is also a form of open relationship. People may partake in swinging to promote excitement in the physical aspects of their relationship. However, swinging is often considered a physical act. Oftentimes, couples who engage in swinging aren’t emotionally involved with the individual/couple outside of their committed relationship.
Depending on their agreement, couples in an open relationship may or may not talk about their experiences with others. Some couples may choose to keep their encounters discreet, while others may practice swinging by having sexual encounters together.
Polyamous relationships: An emotional approach
Polyamorous relationships are generally characterized by being receptive to having a romantic relationship with more than one individual at the same time. Poly people may describe themselves as being in love or emotionally involved with more than one person. The root word “poly” in Greek generally means "many," whereas “amor” usually means "love" in Latin.
In some polyamorous arrangements, no single relationship may be prioritized over the other, while in others, there may be a primary or central relationship.
Due to the emotional intimacy in polyamorous dynamics, there may be more open communication about the different relationships among partners. It may also be egalitarian in that all members of the group may spend time or live together.
Open relationship vs polyamory: Exploring different dynamics
In some relationships, two individuals could be dating one person, or the primary relationship could consist of three people. There can be many other configurations and arrangements, however, such as a married couple dating another couple, or a single person dating one partnered person.
Poly groups may or may not be dating or be receptive to adding someone else to their dynamic, however. When poly relationships are closed, there may be an expectation that no new romantic partner is added to the group.
Types of polyamorous relationships
Within polyamory, there may be various arrangements.
Mono/poly relationship
In this type of dynamic, one partner may identify as poly, whereas the other may be monogamous.
Poly fidelity
This term generally refers to restricting intimacy to certain members of a poly group. For example, a partner's lover may only be romantically involved with them.
Solo polyamory
Polyamorous people can also be solo polyamorous (also known as solo poly), which generally refers to being open to intimate relationships and emotional connections with more than one person without having a primary partner.
A person who identifies as solo poly might see themselves as their own partner, eschewing more typical relationship dynamics and expectations, such as cohabitating or getting married. For some people, this may be a way to explore sexual attraction to different individuals without conforming to heteronormative values.
While some solo polys may regularly experience sexual attraction, others may identify as asexual while engaging in meaningful non-sexual relationships. They may also prioritize other relationships in their lives over their romantic relationships.
Hierarchical polyamory
In a hierarchical dynamic, one main relationship is usually recognized as being more central or primary than the others.
Maintaining ethical non-monogamy: Discuss your boundaries
For any ethical non-monogamous relationship, honesty and respect is highly valuable. In a polyamorous relationship, for example, this would typically entail treating all members kindly and with compassion. Here are a few guidelines you can follow to ensure polyamorous and open relationships are working for everyone:
Physical boundaries
It’s important to discuss both your emotional and sexual boundaries before deciding to engage in polyamory or an open relationship. This ensure that each partner feels comfortable, seen, and valued. With regards to sexual boundaries, you may want to discuss how often sex can occur, number of partners, types of sex, and the people who each other have sex with. Discussing this beforehand can help to reduce negative feelings such as guilt and ensure their is open honest communication in your relationship.
Emotional boundaries
It’s also important to communicate your emotional needs. If possible, each partner should openly discuss what they feel comfortable with before anything occurs. Also, feelings can change over time, especially once you’re emotionally invested in another person. Therefore, as emotional needs evolve and change, it’s important to continue being open and honest.
Prioritizing safe sex: Open relationships, polyamory, and swinging
Since polyamory, open relationships, and activities such as swinging may involve sexual activities with multiple people, it’s important to use protection. Making sure you maintain safe sex practices when you are sleeping with multiple partners will ensure the health and safety of those you care about.
When it comes to polyamory and open relationships it’s important to be transparent and honest. This will ensure each person feels safe and seen in the relationship. Openly communicating your needs, taking responsibility for your actions, and recognizing that others may have different needs or preferences may be seen as cornerstones to building healthy relationships, no matter the configuration.
Considering therapy
Novelty in a relationship can be both exciting and daunting for many people. If you and your partner are considering alternatives to monogamy, you may wish to speak to a therapist to help you navigate your new arrangement or explore alternatives in a healthy way.
Support for ethical non-monogamy
There are a number of therapists and counselors that can offer you specialized support, depending on your needs. People engaging in ethical non-monogamy may benefit from family and marriage therapy, open relationship counseling, or non-monogamy therapy. Often times these therapists have worked with multiple individuals and can help you to navigate your mental and emotional needs during a polyamorous relationship.
Benefits of online therapy
An online therapy platform like BetterHelp may allow you to express your thoughts and concerns from the boundaries of your own home. You can schedule a convenient session with a licensed therapist by phone, video, or in-app messaging. The ease of communication can be especially helpful if you've reached a challenging conflict you’d like to address as soon as possible.
Convenience and accessibility
Especially in the case of polyamorous and open relationships it can be difficult to arrange an appointment that fit everyones schedule. Since you can participate in group call sessions and online therapists have a more flexbile schedule, it’s easier to maintain appointments. It’s also a convenient way to speak to a therapist, since you engage in therapy from the comfort of your home. This stops multiple people from having to travel to an in-person appointment.
Effectiveness of online therapy
According to a 2022 study evaluating the efficacy of online couples therapy, “the results indicated improvements in relationship satisfaction, mental health, and all other outcome scores over time.” Online couples therapy may be a valid alternative to face-to-face relationship counseling.
Online therapists offer the same level of care and attention as in-person therapists. Also since it is a convenient, affordable, and accessible option, it is easier to maintain appointments. Regular therapy tends to lead to better mental, emotional, and physical health outcomes.
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