Practical Relationship Guidelines For A Healthier Connection

Understanding what a healthy relationship looks like and a few practical relationship guidelines for forming a healthy bond may be valuable as you strive toward a stable and safe connection with your partner. 

What does a healthy relationship look like? 

According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, a healthy relationship means you and your partner are:

• Communicating
• Respectful 
• Trusting
• Honest
• Equal
• Enjoying personal time away from each other
• Making mutual choices
• Economic/financial partners

Relationship guidelines: Building a stronger bond

Romantic partners can identify specific signs to know they’re in a healthy relationship. A fundamental part of such a relationship is the sense of respect and interest each partner shows for the other, which makes each person feel loved and valued no matter the situation. This environment may help individuals stop thinking or worrying about the relationship with stress or fear. Instead, they can focus on strengthening their bond, whether as lovers or close friends. 

Unhealthy patterns in romantic relationships

Unhealthy relationships are characterized by frequent conflict, dishonesty, a lack of communication, and unequal treatment of each other. According to the United Nations (UN) website, abuse is “a pattern of behavior in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner.” These behaviors can be any that “frighten, intimidate, terrorize, manipulate, hurt, humiliate, blame, injure, or wound someone.” 

Although it may be possible to work through challenges in an unhealthy relationship, it is often advised that individuals in abusive relationships seek professional support as soon as possible. You’re not alone, and support is available to help you get out of your situation and find resources. 

If you or a loved one is experiencing abuse, contact the Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Support is available 24/7.

Practical tips for a healthier connection 

When working to have a healthier relationship with your partner, there are a few practical tips to keep in mind, including but not limited to the following. 

Value direct communication 

Communication is often considered one of the most vital aspects of a healthy relationship. One study found that commitment only led to marital satisfaction if healthy communication was also present. Direct communication means saying what you mean instead of assuming or trying to get your partner to read your mind. The ability to communicate openly often involves being honest about your feelings and needs. For example, below are indirect and direct ways of communicating to compare:

• Indirect: “The trash is piling up.” 
• Direct: “Can you please take the trash out today? It is your trash day on our schedule.” 
• Indirect: “I wish I was appreciated.” 
• Direct: “It's important to me to feel appreciated in a relationship. Please use clear words to affirm how you feel about me.” 
• Indirect: “I need the relationship to change.” 
• Direct: “For me to be stable in this relationship, I need us to change the way we talk to each other. Please don't be rude when we disagree." 

Direct communication comes with a specific request. To know if your communication is direct, ask yourself two questions:

• Is there anything I want my partner to know or do after talking to me? 
• Am I saying these needs out loud or expecting them to occur? 

Use active listening skills 

Active listening in relationships can increase empathy in romantic relationships. To actively listen, it can be crucial to follow these steps:

• Listen to your partner speak about their thoughts, emotions, and experiences. 
• While listening, intend to understand your partner instead of intending to think about how you’ll respond or defend yourself. 
• After they finish speaking, repeat what they said to them to ensure you understood correctly.
• Validate parts of what they’ve told you and thank them for being open with you about their feelings. 
• Ask if your partner would like you to offer solutions or hold space for their experiences while validating what they’re going through. 
• After working through these feelings, your partner can actively listen to you as you express your concerns. 

Effective relationship tips for better dating experiences

Active listening can be difficult in high-conflict situations. For this reason, it can be crucial for both partners to be committed to the process and know how to use it. Talking to a couples therapist can be a way to practice active listening in a safe environment with a neutral listener present. 

Find ways to have fun 

Studies show that having fun and “playing” with your partner can improve your connection. Playing or having fun might include playing sports, playing a board game, exploring together, taking a class, laughing together, watching funny videos at home, or talking about childhood. Playing may increase optimism, which has been linked to increased marital satisfaction. 

Be comfortable with silence

Silence may have some value in relationships. In a busy world, it can be common to expect constant communication. However, for some couples, silent touch, quiet parallel activities, and meditation or mindfulness can be a way to connect more intimately and ground yourself in your reality. 
Some people may express love and affection more in their body language, such as physical touch or acts of service. Silence can put a spotlight on these forms of communication, allowing couples to spend more time focused on the moment instead of what is being said or isn’t said. For silent moments together, consider the following activities:

• Cuddling in silence 
• Meditating or listening to a guided mindfulness tape together 
• Reading books side by side
• Writing in your journals together
• Completing separate activities in the same room without talking 
• Taking a silent walk in nature
• Listening to music together without talking 
• Kissing 
• Painting or creating art together in silence 

Look out for relationship “red flags” in the early stages

In the early stages of a relationship, “red flags” for unhealthy behavior may appear. A healthy relationship can mean catching these red flags before serious problems arise. Red flags might include:

• Trying to rush into marriage, living together, or having kids in the first few months of a relationship 
• Showering someone with constant gifts, compliments, and loving sentiments in the first few weeks to months of a relationship (known as “love bombing”)
• Constant arguments 
• Escalating communication during disagreements 
• Attempts to control a partner’s behavior 
• Fixation on past relationships
• Accusations 
• Severe jealousy
• Isolation from friends and families 
• A lack of trust 
• Constant negative comments 

If you notice these red flags, it may be valuable to talk to a couples therapist to see if these behaviors can be worked through before they escalate. Behavioral changes are often possible, but they can require effort from both partners and a desire to change. 

Talk about your desires, dislikes, and interests

Have open conversations with your partner about sexual desires, general dislikes, and interests as you get to know each other and as you change throughout a relationship. Open communication about these areas can help you stay on the same page about expectations and desires. It may also improve areas of your life that you have been avoiding addressing. 

Openly communicate about physical intimacy

Openly communicating about physical intimacy is a critical part of consent. People who do not know each other’s desires, dislikes, and boundaries may accidentally cross a line during sex. Before having sex, ask your partner what they’re interested in and what they aren’t comfortable with. In addition, talk about your expectations surrounding sexual health testing, pregnancy, and birth control (if relevant to your relationship). 

Consent means asking for enthusiastic agreement to participate in a sexual act. When changing the type of sexual act you partake in with your partner, ask them if they’re comfortable with changing the scene, position, or type of sex before doing so. In addition, ensure you stop having sex if your partner ever changes their mind during the act. 

Rules for a healthy relation: key practices to follow

Opening the floor for communication before, during, and after sex can ensure both partners are comfortable speaking up when they have a concern or want to say “no.” It can also be crucial to read your partner’s body language and check in with them during sex if you notice a change in how they’re reacting. Some couples might establish a “safe word” a partner can use to stop the act at any time. This strategy can be used in any relationship, regardless of whether fetishes or kinks are being practiced. 

Relationship guidelines and relationship tips: essential rules

Couples may often experience conflicts about common responsibilities and values. When dating or in a marriage, it can be crucial to set expectations about these areas so that both partners are aware of them. For example, suppose one partner wants to work full-time to provide for the relationship and wants their partner to stay home and care for the kids, but the other partner also wants to work full-time. In that case, compromises may have to be made to ensure the children are cared for and both individuals can maintain their individual preferences for the relationship. 

In cases where couples hold separate values, it may be beneficial to explore how those values impact the relationship and how boundaries can be set to ensure conflict doesn’t occur. For example, if one partner values having children and the other does not want children at all, it may be crucial to discuss options upon learning these factors about each other before they become a source of constant conflict. Talking to a therapist may be a way to work through these differences. However, some couples may decide that a difference in values is a dealbreaker. Others may choose to open their relationship. 

Safeguard your mental health in a healthy relationship

In healthy relationships, whether with romantic partners, best friends, or family, prioritizing mental health can be key. For example, you might work to recognize when something feels wrong and address the situation without judgment. 

It can be essential to know when to step away from a stressful situation to safeguard your own mental health and then come back to resolve any problems with a healthy state of mind. This approach not only safeguards individual mental health but can also promote the overall well-being of the relationship. In some cases, you might seek support from a neutral party if you or your partner are experiencing particularly difficult mental health challenges. 

Consider couples therapy

You’re not alone if you face challenges in your relationship on the road to having a healthier connection. Couples often attend couples therapy for support with these challenges. However, you don’t have to have a specific challenge, mental health condition, or marriage to start. Any couple at any stage in a relationship can try couples therapy as a tool to help them grow, learn, and communicate. A therapist can be a neutral mediator as you support each other to meet your goals. 

Online therapy support options

In some cases, in-person couples therapy may not be an option due to barriers like finances, insurance difficulties, or distance. In these cases, online therapy through a platform like BetterHelp for individuals or ReGain for couples may be helpful. With an online platform, you can choose a session time that fits your schedule and pay one rate for you and your partner. When split, this rate is often significantly cheaper than insurance co-pays or out-of-pocket costs for therapy. 

Studies have also found online couples therapy beneficial. In one study, researchers concluded that online therapy was more effective than in-person therapy. Most participants reported being more comfortable with the internet-based method and connecting with their therapist more openly and honestly due to the distance allowed via video teletherapy.