Signs Of Unhealthy Relationship Behaviors And Their Effect On Mental Health

Romantic relationships can be enjoyable and fulfilling experiences. However, for some, an unhealthy relationship may cause low self-esteem, poor mental health, and other challenges due to a relationship partner’s unhealthy behavior. While healthy relationships can cause someone to feel peaceful, supported, and empowered, the signs of an unhealthy relationships can cause them to see themselves as small, fearful, and unstable. 

Although unhealthy behaviors don’t necessarily mean the relationship is beyond saving, it can be crucial to recognize the signs of an unhealthy relationship and ensure the relationship doesn’t escalate into abuse. To start, partners might take steps to improve communication and build a healthy relationship or potentially end the unhealthy relationship altogether. You can also look at common signs of unhealthy behaviors, signs of whether your relationship is healthy, and possible options going forward if you’re in an unhealthy or unhappy relationship. 

Common signs of unhealthy relationship behaviors

Relationships can look different for everyone, but common signs that your relationship might be unhealthy or unhappy can include the following:

Controlling behavior

In an unhealthy relationship, one relationship partner might believe they need to control the other partner’s life. Unhealthy, controlling behaviors can include tracking the signs of where you go, who you see or communicate with, what you wear, or how you choose to spend your money. Control can also involve behaviors like checking up on you, asking you not to partake in independent activities that bring you joy, or isolating you from your loved ones.

Unhealthy jealousy

While jealousy isn’t necessarily an unhealthy behavior, problematic patterns involving excessive jealousy, possessiveness, or frequent accusations of infidelity without cause can be harmful. Someone who doesn’t trust their partner might go through their partner’s phone, monitor where they go, or control who they talk to, potentially becoming angry, unhappy, or accusatory.

Lack of trust

If you struggle to tell your partner about certain topics, it may be a sign of an unhealthy relationship. Conversely, if you believe your partner is lying to or purposefully hiding information from you, or if they get defensive when you ask sincere questions, it may foster an environment of distrust. This lack of trust could also be the result of an anxious attachment style, which is often established in childhood relationships, and it could affect your and your romantic partner’s ability to spend time together in a positive and fulfilling manner.

Fear or anxiety

Constant feelings of fear or anxiety around your partner can be signs of an unhealthy relationship. You might work excessively to hide things or avoid upsetting your partner, causing you to walk on eggshells around them or put their happiness before your own. You could also be afraid of them lashing out at you if they experience stress from an unhappy day.

Disrespect

If your partner is frequently disrespectful of you, it can be a sign that the relationship is unhealthy. Disrespectful behavior could include your relationship partner being overly critical of you, making fun of you, or being dismissive of your needs, personal goals, thoughts, or opinions. They might make you feel wrong all of the time, which can undermine the responsibility and understanding needed for a relationship to work. If your partner also makes you feel unstable or rejected, they may be exhibiting disrespectful and unhealthy behavior.

Fighting

It can be normal to disagree in a healthy relationship, but frequent picking, bickering, or fighting without resolution can be unhealthy for you and the relationship. Additionally, having the sense that you are unable to communicate your thoughts and feelings to your partner, or that they won’t be receptive to your emotions, can be a sign of an unhealthy relationship as well.

Self-doubt

Believing you’re unable to be your authentic self around your partner can be a sign that a relationship is unhealthy. Questioning your decisions, opinions, feelings, or aspects of your personality for fear of upsetting your partner or your partner disrespecting you can cause harm to your self-esteem, potentially leading to feelings of shame, of unhappiness, of guilt, or of embarrassment.

Infidelity

If your partner cheats on you or is unfaithful to your relationship in any way, it can signify an unhealthy relationship. In a monogamous relationship, infidelity can include having an emotional or sexual encounter with another person outside the relationship.

Potential signs of abusive relationships

Are you in a healthy relationship?

• Am I happy in this relationship?
• Does this feel like an unhealthy relationship?
• Do I like who I am when I’m with my partner?
• Would I be comfortable telling friends and family how this person treats me?
• What advice would I give to a friend in a relationship like my own? 
• Would I be satisfied feeling this way for the rest of my life?

How to cope and move forward

Being in an unhealthy relationship can undermine your well-being and lead to destructive patterns, especially if you’re unsure of how to make the relationship work. However, staying with a partner who makes you feel fearful, unstable, unhappy, or unsafe can be harmful to your physical and mental health. It can be important to take steps to make positive changes in your relationship or make the decision to leave the unhealthy relationship.

Positive change can happen in a relationship when both parties are willing to put in more effort and actively engage in talking about their unhealthy behaviors. If you decide your relationship is fixable, and if you both want to fix the relationship, you and your partner may actively listen to one another, make changes to your unhealthy behaviors, and maintain open communication going forward. You may also consider the following ways to cope or move forward from unhealthy behaviors in your relationship. 

Have a conversation about the signs of unhealthy relationship behaviors

Be honest and actively listen

Rebuild your emotional intimacy

Set boundaries for your mental health

Couples or relationships counseling

Working with an unbiased neutral party specializing in relationship counseling can be helpful in navigating difficult conversations and finding realistic ways to make positive changes in an unhealthy relationship. A relationship counselor can be a neutral party and offer professional advice to address poor communication, persistent patterns of disrespect, and a lack of healthy boundaries. 

End the relationship

If your relationship partner is unwilling to work toward a healthy relationship, or if you feel you've become a different person who no longer aligns with this relationship, it may be healthiest to end the relationship. It can be helpful to stay firm in your decision, end communication with them, and allow yourself time to grieve the relationship once it’s over, practicing self-care and leaning on friends or family members for support as needed.

Support options for an unhealthy relationship

Whether you and your relationship partner want to work toward a healthy relationship or make the decision to end the relationship, therapy may be a helpful tool in navigating your feelings, improving your behaviors, and healing from the unhealthy relationship you’ve experienced. It may be helpful for both parties to be involved in choosing the relationship's path forward, whether it involves staying together or parting ways.

However, being in an unhealthy relationship could make it difficult or dangerous to regularly attend in-person sessions, especially if your partner is untrusting or controlling. If you opt for relationship counseling, it could be challenging to find a time and place you can both commit to attending long-term. In those situations, online relationship therapy through BetterHelp for individuals or ReGain for couples can be a beneficial alternative.

Online therapy to improve mental health