Self-Discovery And Empowerment In The Single Life
Throughout history and around the world, societal norms have often favored being in a romantic relationship—equating singleness with loneliness and assuming true fulfillment can only come from this type of committed relationship. Today, however, being single is increasingly being reframed as a time of growth and self-discovery. Here, we’ll present this changing point of view regarding singlehood through the lens of psychology and provide suggestions for how to care for your well-being and thrive as a single person.
Breaking the myth that single equals lonely
Solitude is a common human experience; everyone spends time alone at some point in their lives. Some people prefer to spend more time alone, while others tend to prefer being surrounded by others. Regardless, solitude, singleness, and loneliness are often bundled together as a “condition” to be overcome, rather than separate states of being whose impacts depend on the person experiencing them.
What science says about loneliness vs. solitude
While it is true that loneliness can be dangerous to our physical and mental health, it’s a common mistake to assume that if someone is single or spends a lot of time alone, they must be lonely. Loneliness is the feeling of being disconnected or not understood, which can affect anyone in any situation.
Some also believe that if a person is lonely, they must be single or spend a lot of time alone. This is a misconception as well. Studies suggest that people with an abundance of lower-quality friendships might be at a disadvantage in terms of connectedness and mental health compared to those who keep fewer, more high-quality friendships. In other words, someone surrounded by people can also feel lonely.
Changing your perspective on the single life
With a healthy, balanced perspective, one may discover there are many potential benefits of being single. For example, singlehood can provide an opportunity for individuals to cultivate more confidence and self-sufficiency, as single people are often free to make independent decisions about their lives on their own terms and without compromise. Also, spending time alone can allow a person to get to know themselves better and grow and develop as an individual.
Autonomy and personal empowerment when single
Single individuals may experience a greater sense of autonomy, allowing them to pursue personal goals aligned with their own values. This independence can increase self-confidence and resilience as individuals navigate life on their terms.
Self-determination theory (SDT)
According to the self-determination theory (SDT) of motivation, autonomy—or the ability to make independent decisions—is a fundamental psychological need. SDT posits that humans are naturally motivated to grow, learn, and overcome challenges, and having the chance to act on this intrinsic motivation is critical for well-being and optimal functioning. Along with autonomy, SDT cites competence (feeling capable and effective in one’s activities) and relatedness (feeling connected to others and a sense of belonging) as fundamental for human wellness. Single people find more opportunities to connect to these core needs.
The road to self-discovery
According to Erik Erikson's theory of psychosocial development, self-discovery and identity formation during adulthood are critical aspects of personal development. Living as a single person can give individuals more time and space to explore their own identities, values, and passions. Without the immediate pressures of maintaining a romantic relationship, single individuals may be able to find more clarity in terms of who they are and what they want out of life.
The journey of finding your purpose
According to experts, finding one's purpose isn't the same as setting a goal with the expectation of an absolute outcome. Instead, it’s thought to be a continuous process of exploration, adaptation, and growth, and how it manifests can change with time. For many, singlehood is a prime time to investigate their purpose and explore what truly matters to them.
The importance of self-care
Self-care is integral to maintaining well-being for anyone, regardless of relationship status. As a single person in particular, it may help you address challenges healthily, build resilience, and foster a positive relationship with yourself, allowing you to live a fulfilling and balanced life.
To take good care of yourself, you might develop sustainable habits that contribute to a healthy lifestyle, such as regular physical movement, mindful eating, and adequate sleep. It can also help to regularly engage in activities that nourish you, bring you joy, and provide a sense of accomplishment.
Setting goals as a form of self-care in the single life
Setting and achieving goals can be a significant investment in your well-being. It can allow you to focus on areas of your life that may need attention and prioritize them, boost your sense of accomplishment and purpose, and promote a sense of empowerment and control.
To begin, it can help to ensure your goals for the future are specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound (also known as SMART goals). You might also divide larger goals into smaller, more manageable steps to make them more attainable and track progress effectively. Finally, you might recognize and celebrate your accomplishments, no matter how small, to stay motivated and maintain momentum.
Building meaningful connections outside of the "dating scene"
Whether you’re single by choice or not, now may be an opportune time to build new friendships and deepen your connections with the people you care about. This can be a challenge for some, however—particularly those who were raised in a culture that prioritizes individualism and dating relationships above all other connections.
Tips for building healthy relationships
Building healthy connections with friends, family members, neighbors, and others can take time, but it may help to think of it as a skill like any other—one you can strengthen with time. The following tips may help you on your journey to cultivating stronger relationships outside the dating scene or the search for the one “right person” for you:
- Cultivate empathy: Empathy allows you to understand and validate the experiences of others, which can help in developing trust and deeper connections.
- Listen actively: Listen closely to what others are saying in the moment, both verbally and nonverbally, to truly understand their perspective.
- Engage actively: Ask questions and engage in meaningful conversations to show you care about the other person’s thoughts and feelings.
- Communicate honestly and openly: Share your genuine thoughts and feelings with those you can trust, creating a safe space for vulnerability.
- Share yourself (with reasonable boundaries): Build emotional intimacy by sharing your vulnerabilities and experiences, fostering a more profound sense of connection.
- Prioritize quality time: Spend quality time with loved ones and engage in activities that you both enjoy, which can create shared memories and experiences that strengthen your bond.
- Interact with authenticity: Be yourself and allow others to see your true personality, which may help in building trust and genuine connections.
Pursuing personal growth and self-improvement
Maslow's hierarchy of needs is another motivational theory in psychology, which posits that people can fulfill their own unique potential by cultivating well-being in stages. The most fundamental needs are those necessary for survival, such as food, water, and shelter. Next comes emotional, physical, and financial safety, followed by social connections and relationships. The next stage includes the need for self-esteem, respect, and recognition, and the highest is self-actualization. Self-actualization refers to finding your "best self" on your own terms, independent of societal expectations and pressure.
The role of therapy in self-discovery and empowerment
The journey of self-discovery and empowerment might seem overwhelming, and knowing where to begin may not be easy. Additionally, the process is rarely linear; it often takes unpredictable turns that present challenges for individuals along the way. These are just some reasons why many people seek help from a therapist, who can provide practical guidance and encouragement.
Therapists may help clients achieve empowerment and self-discovery by fostering self-awareness, assisting them in exploring past experiences as kids or younger adults, identifying core values, and empowering them to make positive changes and set meaningful goals. A therapist can provide a space where individuals can feel safe exploring their thoughts, feelings, and experiences without judgment or fear of doing it “wrong”.
Where to seek support
For those who feel uncomfortable meeting with a therapist face to face or can’t commute to regular in-person sessions, attending therapy remotely might be a preferable alternative. Online therapy allows a person to speak with a mental health professional virtually via phone, video call, and/or in-app messaging from home or anywhere they have an internet connection. Research suggests that online therapy can often be as effective as in-person therapy.
Takeaway
What happens when you are lonely for too long?
Prolonged social isolation and loneliness can lead to serious health impacts over time. One study from 2024 suggests that they can result in “increased risk for developing a range of cardiometabolic and neuropsychiatric conditions, such as heart disease, type 2 diabetes, stroke, dementia, mood disorders, suicidality and early mortality.”
Is it smarter to stay single?
Both staying single and entering a relationship can have their pros and cons. Some people fear relationships because of the potential to get hurt, while singlehood can be scary because it can cause loneliness. On the other hand, a healthy relationship can offer a sense of emotional connection, support, and joy, while being single can provide unique opportunities to learn more about yourself and cultivate strong relationships of other types. Deciding whether you want to date or not is a deeply personal decision with many factors to consider.
How to be ok with being single?
Building a fulfilling life that’s rich in connections and offers a sense of purpose may help you find peace and satisfaction with singlehood. If you’re looking for more support, it could be useful to meet with a cognitive behavioral therapist, who can help you learn to identify, challenge, and shift distorted and unhelpful thoughts about the single life—whether they're your own or were internalized from society.
What is the best thing to do when you are single?
Whether they plan to eventually enter a romantic relationship or stay single indefinitely, many people find singlehood to be a unique opportunity to get to know themselves. You might take this time to engage in self-reflection, push the edges of your comfort zone, and explore new interests.
Why do I struggle with being single?
People who struggle with being single may feel troubled by it for different reasons, but a common cause is societal pressure—especially when you’re the only single person in your friend group or family. It’s not uncommon for a person to be taught their entire life the idea that a romantic relationship is the only way to find fulfillment or even worth. In reality, each individual has inherent worth and can be a good person regardless of their relationship status, and many people prefer being single and are able to build deeply satisfying lives without a partner. Some single people focus more on their careers, while others lean into family and friend relationships, like being a great aunt, a great sister, or a great friend.
How to start enjoying being alone?
DIfferent people have different needs and preferences when it comes to solitude and social connection. In general, however, to enjoy spending time alone, it could help to explore and notice activities that give you a sense of purpose, happiness, or accomplishment or push you out of your comfort zone. You could also have decided to focus on building non-romantic relationships to decrease the risk of loneliness and isolation.
Does living alone affect mental health?
Some research suggests that living alone may increase a person’s risk of poor mental health outcomes, like depression and anxiety. To reduce your risk of developing these conditions due to social isolation or loneliness, it may help to focus on building strong friendships and adding regular social events to your calendar, like weekly coffee with a friend or playing in a recreational sports league every weekend.
Do I need therapy for being single?
Contrary to what some might guess, many people are perfectly happy being single and don't hold the hope or desire for a committed relationship or marriage. In such cases, therapy is likely not necessary, unless the person is experiencing other challenges. That said, a single person—or any person—might benefit from therapy if they’re experiencing mental health challenges, such as loneliness or signs of depression.
What's the best part of being single?
Most people find singlehood enjoyable because they don’t have to compromise on what they want to do or consult a partner before making life decisions, like married people or someone with a husband, wife, girlfriend, or partner typically does. In other words, many single people enjoy the unique freedom singlehood can give to get to know themselves, explore, and work toward personal or professional goals.
How to find self-love and worth?
There are many different strategies that may help you cultivate self-love and self-worth. Listing your skills, talents, and positive qualities, avoiding comparison to others on social media, and setting achievable goals are a few examples. If you're looking for additional support in building self-worth and finding your place in the world, meeting with a therapist can be helpful.
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