Deep Questions To Ask Your Girlfriend To Strengthen Your Relationship

For many, establishing a strong relationship takes intentional work, commitment, affirming experiences, and romantic attraction. An intimate conversation can be a helpful tool for many to explore each other and learn about their unique preferences and inclinations. However, this doesn't necessarily mean that it's an easy process. It can be helpful to have a go-to list of questions to ask your significant other to strengthen and deepen your relationship. You might ask them about their childhood, their needs in a relationship, their plans and dreams for the future, and much more. Couples therapy, whether in person or online, can be another effective way to get to know your partner and strengthen your relationship.

Note: Although this article discusses “questions to ask your girlfriend,” the information here can be applied to people of any gender.

This article explores some deep questions and conversation starters that might help you connect with your partner. We’ll also highlight resources for individuals who’d like to speak with a mental health professional about topics surrounding love and connection.

Getting to know your partner

It can be normal for it to take some time to really get to know another person, especially within a serious, intimate relationship. Couples' conversations can range from simple, surface-level topics to more meaningful, deep areas of conversation. Examples of this may include questions that are considered by many to be “general,” such as where you are from, what you do for a living, and what school you went to. 

Alternatively, they may be themed questions based on how one or both partners may be feeling. Questions that are out of the ordinary may help you laugh together. Flirty questions could shed some light on their past experiences or lead you to more romantic or relationship-oriented discussions. There may be no wrong way to converse and grow with your partner. 

The role of conversation in intimacy 

As your relationship develops, it can be helpful for you to continue to get to know your partner on a deeper level beyond surface attraction. This can offer the potential of a lasting framework for you to continue to build your relationship in the long term. 

Conversation within the boundaries of any potentially romantic or intimate relationship can highlight what type of attraction may be present for any of the partners involved. For example, there can be different types of attraction, generally ranging from a deep friendship to intellectual, sexual, or romantic attraction. Having meaningful conversations can offer you confirmation of what your partner may be feeling within your relationship, and how you can reach a deeper level of intimacy with them.

Another difference that potentially lies between short-term and long-term relationships can be a certain level of compatibility. As things become more serious and you invest more time into the relationship, you may want to have the understanding and confirmation that it can go somewhere and become a long-term, healthy relationship, if all parties are interested. Conversation can be a helpful tool to confirm this. 

Fostering conversation across all personality types

Either you or your partner may find that conversation comes easily. However, others may not feel as comfortable with conversing. Understanding the range of attraction and varying ease of conversation across everyone’s individual experiences can help you have more intimate, honest conversations that can be both rewarding and productive. If you’re having trouble fostering conversation in your relationships, you may consider bringing this to your partner’s attention or seeking therapeutic support to continue growing in your relationship past this temporary difficulty.  

Forming the conversation: Using deep questions to ask your girlfriend

If you're in a new relationship or are new to the concept of deeper conversations within your relationship, it can seem overwhelming. However, it can be helpful to remember that you can always start by finding some lighthearted questions to ask your partner, helping to prepare the conversation for the more complex or nuanced topics. They can serve as a jumping-off point to get to know each other more, which may eventually bring a deeper level of connection to your daily interactions. 

Below, we’ve listed 30 questions to ask your partner that may help you establish a deeper level of connection in your relationship.

30 questions to ask your partner

1. What is one thing I do that makes you happy? What does a happy life look like to you?
2. What is your biggest fear? Why? 
3. What is one thing you would like to change about our relationship (if any)?  Why?
4. What is one thing you absolutely love about me?
5. Do you believe in marriage? Are some relationships meant to last forever? Why or why not?
6. What are some expectations you have of a long-term partnership? Why?
7. Do you want to have kids? Why or why not/How many?
8. How do you want our relationship to be different from your parents' relationship? How do you want it to be similar?
9. What is the biggest lesson you have learned from a past relationship? 
10. What is one secret you've never told anyone?
11. If you had things your way, how often would we be physically intimate, if at all?
12. What's the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for you?
13. What is the best gift you've ever received?
14. If you could be any fictional character, who would you be and why? 
15. What were your first impressions of me when we initially met? 
16. What do you want your retirement years to look like?
17. If you could go back and change one thing in your life, what would it be? What advice would you give your younger self?
18. What is your biggest regret?
19. What’s one thing you appreciated about your high school experience?
20. If you are having a hard day, how will you let me know, and how would you like me to respond?
21. When was a time that you felt lonely? What was that like for you? What could have helped?
22. What is your favorite childhood memory? 
23. Who was your best friend growing up? What is your favorite memory from spending time with them?
24. Who has been the most positive influence on you thus far? How did they change the course of your life?
25. What are your biggest vices? 
26. What has been your favorite date of ours? What does your ideal date night look like?
27. How did you know that you wanted to do _________ for a career? If you could do anything else, what would be your dream job?
28. What is your love language? Do you prefer words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, physical touch, or a specific combination of these?
29. What's your favorite holiday? Why does it hold such a special place in your heart?
30. What’s something you’ve always wanted to know about me?

Most of these questions can be applied to any type of relationship, whether romantic or aromantic in nature. They can also be applied to all partners within a relationship, including the spectrums of gender, romantic, and sexual orientations. 

Making an impact: Asking questions to deepen your connection

Looking to get the most out of your next conversation? While these conversation starters may be helpful, we’ve compiled a few other notes to keep in mind. 

Generally, these questions are not meant to be asked as though you are interviewing or interrogating anyone. These can be thought of as questions to strengthen your relationship. It can be helpful to foster discussions around the questions that you are asking and actively listen to the answers that you both are giving. This can have a lasting positive effect on your relationship in many cases.

Using "I" statements

You can do this by being kind and empathetic wherever possible. If disagreements arise, consider managing them using "I" statements and a calm tone of voice. It can be vital for all partners in a relationship to feel heard and accepted, even if there may be instances of disagreement. Even just saying one sentence to acknowledge that you’ve been listening can go a long way for many. If you don’t understand, you may choose to think of questions to ask to better grasp their point of view.

Other ways beyond questions to strengthen your relationship

Asking questions can be one of the best ways to get to know each other. However, there can be many other ways to strengthen the relationship and the connection you have with your partner. These can include the following:

Spending quality time together

When you are spending time together, consider taking the steps needed to be fully tuned in to each other and learn how to build a lasting bond. This can include actively listening to what they have to say, putting your phone away or removing distractions, and having conversations to build and strengthen the connection you have with them.

Leaving love notes for them

Writing your partner small notes about how much you care about them can be a great way to foster intimacy and confidence in a relationship. 

Showing them you appreciate them

Doing little things your partner loves and telling them how appreciated they are can go a long way in strengthening your relationship. It may help them feel noticed and loved, which can strengthen your connection.

Further help through online therapy

It may not always seem easy to speak with your partner. This can lead to frustration and nervousness, which can impact your ability to take the initiative to seek in-person therapeutic support. Online therapy, in this case, can be a helpful alternative, offering comparable benefits while meeting your needs in a more convenient and affordable format. As online therapy allows you to connect with a licensed therapist through a virtual platform from the comfort of your own home, it can remove barriers to support and foster a more collaborative, comfortable atmosphere for growth in your relationship. 

Online therapy for those in a relationship can be effective for individuals and couples. A 2022 study investigating the efficacy of online couples therapy noted that “the study provides evidence for couples therapy via videoconferencing as a viable alternative to face-to-face interventions.”