The Importance Of Compromise In A Relationship, And How To Practice It In Yours

As humans, we generally enjoy getting what we want, and it can be even better when we get what we want without having to give anything up. However, in life, it doesn’t always work out that way, and this can be especially true in relationships. When there are two people involved in a decision, having different perspectives, wants, and needs can be natural. The healthy way to navigate this dynamic may be through compromise. Practicing compromise in relationships can help partners improve their communication and better understand each other. This can involve being empathetic, looking for common ground, and learning to approach problems as a team. For professional help with compromise, consider scheduling an online or in-person session with a licensed couples therapist.

What is compromise in a relationship?

Compromise is a term that can be frequently used in conversations about relationships, but what does it mean? The Merriam-Webster dictionary generally defines the verb “compromise” as “to come to agreement by mutual concession.” In other words, when you compromise on something, you and the other person typically agree to meet in the middle. 

Even in romantic relationships, partners may not agree on everything. They may have different opinions on something as simple as what movie to watch or something as important as where to live or how many children to have. Compromise can be a way to manage these disagreements when they arise. Below are some examples of what this might look like:

• “I can do the dishes this week if you do the laundry.”
• “We can go out to eat tonight, but since we’re trying to save money, let’s make food at home tomorrow.”
• “Since we can’t agree on which car to buy, let’s figure out what features are most important to each of us and look for one that has those.”
• “I know you like to be spontaneous on vacations, and I like to plan in advance. Let’s schedule some activities ahead of time but leave some days open to get the best of both worlds.”
• “Since you’re an early riser and I go to bed late, how about I keep the light to a minimum at night and you keep the noise down in the morning?”

Compromises like these can serve as a path to positive growth and a happier, healthier relationship.

Why compromise can be important for couples

When it’s done well, compromise can be a key component of a healthy relationship. Its benefits may include the following:

• Making both partners feel heard
• Encouraging direct and open communication 
• Building problem-solving skills
• Encouraging partners to consider each other’s perspectives
• Contributing to a fair and balanced dynamic

On the other hand, a lack of reasonable compromise can hurt relationships over time. Beyond contributing to negative emotions like resentment, being unable to compromise may also result in the following:

• Turning small disagreements into larger arguments
• Making partners less willing to be honest about what they want
• Making it harder to handle big decisions
• Creating a power imbalance
• Reducing relationship satisfaction

These effects may add up to an unhealthy relationship in which one or both partners’ needs aren’t being met. This can contribute to high levels of tension and stress, as well as other mental health concerns, like depression and anxiety. 

Tips for practicing compromise in your relationship

Given the important role that making compromises can play in a relationship, you may be wondering how you can do it in your own. Whether you’re currently in a relationship or not, the following tips may make it easier to implement compromise—in both the big decisions and the small ones.

Practice empathy

Empathizing with your partner, even if you don’t agree with them, can be an important first step toward compromise. Do your best to look at the situation from their perspective and actively listen to their reasoning before asserting your own views. How would you feel if the roles were reversed? By stepping out of your own point of view, you may be able to be more objective.

Look for common ground

Compromise is generally about finding a solution that’s acceptable to both people. Is there a way you can each achieve your top priorities, even if you don’t get everything you want? For example, if you and your partner have different parenting styles, you could start by agreeing on key personal values you want to teach your children, and then choose to be flexible on other things. 

Don’t keep score

It may be tempting to keep a running tally of who’s compromised on what, but this can foster feelings of resentment and guilt. Instead, keep an eye on general trends. If you notice that you’ve been doing most of the compromising lately, try gently bringing it up with your partner. Remember, healthy relationships are usually about working together as a team, so do your best to avoid focusing on “winning” and “losing.”

Be clear on your boundaries

Although compromise can be important, it may also be worth reflecting on your non-negotiables from time to time. These can be thought of as the lines you aren’t willing to cross under any circumstances. In general, compromise should not violate your principles, autonomy, or physical boundaries. 

Seek relationship counseling

Even with all this in mind, healthy compromise, good communication, and conflict resolution are sometimes easier said than done. Significantly changing how you make decisions as a couple can be hard, especially if you’re used to your relationship functioning in a certain way. Working with a relationship counselor may offer the opportunity to practice managing disagreements in a safe space with the help of a licensed professional. 

Benefits of online therapy

Attending in-person counseling can bring its own set of challenges, especially for couples with children, busy schedules, or long commutes. Online counseling through a platform like BetterHelp may be an easier alternative, empowering you to meet with a therapist from wherever is most convenient and at a time that fits your schedule.

Effectiveness of online therapy

Studies have found that online couples therapy can be an effective alternative to in-person counseling. In a 2021 study, 30 couples took part in a relationship therapy program, either in person or via videoconference. Researchers found that both groups typically saw similar improvements in relationship satisfaction and mental health.