The joys and challenges of interracial relationships

Interracial relationships are romantic or sexual relationships between people of two different races. Depending on the individual couple, these connections can take various forms and involve unique dynamics. Understanding race and how it may uniquely impact couples can be crucial to understanding the joys and challenges of these pairings. 

Race and interracial relationships  

The terms “race” and “mixed race” refer to socially constructed groups within mainstream culture. Within the context of how race has been used to establish hierarchies and categories in society, interracial relationships may enhance one's perspective and enrich one's life. However, while a 2021 Gallup poll indicates that 94% of Americans may approve of such relationships, having a successful interracial relationship may take a mindful, conscientious approach to navigate its potential challenges. 

Race as a social construct

People of certain racial groups may hold different opinions about their identification with race. Although some people may see it as a social construct, others may identify profoundly with their racial group and heritage, as well as the unique parts of them that help them identify with their group. The idea of “not seeing color” can be harmfully connected to racism and erase the distinctive traits and experiences of BIPOC individuals. 

According to science, race is more social and cultural than biological. The National Human Genome Research Institute points out that there is "more genetic variation within self-identified racial groups than between them." Some scientists argue for the phasing out of the use of racial categories to define genetic diversity while conceding that the concept of race can still be helpful when applied to linking structural inequities according to racialized groups. 

Other researchers argue for abolishing the term race altogether while considering geographic ancestry (ethnicity) as a marker for how social categories play out in society. Moreover, findings indicating more genetic variation within groups than between them align with current views that race is a social construct. However, abolishing this term may not be in the interest of people of marginalized groups, as many marginalized individuals find strength in their connection with each other, as well as physical characteristics that may tie them to their culture and upbringing. 

Findings also suggest that people tend to display less empathy for those outside their groups, which has implications for racial relations. At the same time, attitudes can change with education and interventions. For example, one experiment found that when a white person virtually traded places with a Black person and was led to see the world through their eyes, empathy increased. However, it can be crucial to understand that the experiences of marginalized racial groups are unique to them, and it isn’t possible for a white person to understand this experience or live it fully. 

Figures around intermarriage 

Historically, social norms have discouraged interracial marriages, as it has the potential to "blur the boundaries" of social categories that privilege one group over another. Anti-miscegenation laws prohibited these marriages and were only repealed in 1967. 

In the present, around 17% of newlyweds comprise interracial unions. According to the Pew Research Center census, Asian Americans and Hispanics are more likely to intermarry compared to other groups. However, Asian women are more likely than their male counterparts to marry outside their identified racial group. The figures also indicate that a Black man may be twice as likely as a Black woman to marry outside their identified race or ethnicity.

The joys of gaining insight into other cultures and perspectives

Being in an interracial relationship can offer profound opportunities for connection and self-expansion. Self-expansion is "a motivation to increase one's self-concept through engaging in novel, exciting, and interesting activities or by taking on one's partner's qualities." By gaining knowledge and new perspectives, one can widen one's self-concept. This ability is linked with helping one gain insight into the lived experience of others, building one's capacity for empathy and understanding. 

Among the potentials of interracial dating are the opportunities for personal growth and gaining perspective on the experiences of other social backgrounds. While couples who date outside their groups or communities may experience stress, empathizing with the experience of their partners has been shown to reduce stress and strengthen the couple's bond. 

According to recent research on interracial couples, encountering discrimination can also prompt "positive self-expansion" for a white person if they examine discrimination in light of their partner's experience and worldview. The researchers suggest that perspective-taking could be a buffer against adversity, as it's associated with positive experiences of self-expansion and relationship quality.

Other studies suggest that "actively sharing cultures and discussing their differences were linked to greater cultural and relational self-expansion, which in turn differentially predicted partners’ relationship quality and cultural identities." These studies also found that self-expanding through a romantic partner's culture is linked with positive outcomes. Other studies note the "resilient nature of these unions, underscoring the strength found in diversity."

The challenges of interracial couples

Along with potential personal growth and widened perspectives, dating or marrying outside one's identified race or ethnicity may present challenges. Learning to navigate cultural differences and facing invasive questioning or scrutiny are some issues commonly reported by interracial couples. 

An article in the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy examines research suggesting that interracial pairings are more likely to experience antagonism, as well as discrimination and racism. Stress can be one of the main predictors of the dissolution of a relationship, which is compounded by prolonged stress. Another study shows that interracial couples may experience more criticism from peers and family, receiving less support than same-race counterparts. The study noted that this statistic may be especially true for a white woman with biracial children. 

Researchers suggest that gender norms can play a significant role in reinforcing racial boundaries, placing added stress on white women partners when compared to their male counterparts. A Black woman may also be more likely to express being judged for being in a relationship with a white man, indicating the intersection between gender and race expectations. 

A 20-year study examining the role of stress in marriage dissolution indicates that a shared perception and appraisal of the stressor can help mitigate its effect. For some people, the stressors they encounter can lead to breakups or divorce. Simultaneously, when both partners are on the same page on how they view the stressor and its gravity, they may be able to cope more effectively.

Multicultural children

The American Society of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry (AACAP) notes that for most mixed children, a rising demographic, the experience of growing up with more than one culture can lead to enriching, well-adjusted lives. AACAP also points to representation in many prominent Americans who "challenged long-standing views on race."  

The organization asserts that multiracial children tend to be high achievers with a developed sense of self and appreciation for diversity. They point to research affirming that "children with a true multiracial or multicultural identity generally grow up to be happier than multiracial children who grow up with a "single-race" identity." 

However, when faced with biases, some children may develop a public "minority" identity and a more fluid personal interracial identity at home or with friends. They may also identify with one identity over another to fit in and may identify with one part of their heritage in different developmental stages. 

Some children of more than one race may also experience discrimination. To address this, AACAP acknowledges the role of parents in mitigating the impact of societal biases. They suggest the following strategies for helping children cope and handle challenges to their identity or identities: 

• Aiming to help children develop coping strategies to answer questions and biases without taking racism personally
• Fostering engagement in multicultural life by helping children learn the language, customs, and traditions of various members of the family
• Living in a diverse community
• Exposing children to books and movies featuring multicultural individuals and families who can serve as role models
• Connecting children with a support network 

A note on intimate partner violence

Some studies also suggest that interracial pairs are more likely to report some form of intimate partner violence, including verbal aggression and mutual partner assault. Women who identified as racial minorities were also more likely to report verbal aggression than women in same-race relationships. 

If you are facing or witnessing abuse of any kind, the National Domestic Violence Hotline is available 24/7 for support. Call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or text “START” to 88788. You can also use the online chat.

If you would prefer to speak to a BIPOC crisis counselor, you can call or text BlackLine at 1-800-604-5841 for peer support, resources, and affirmation. They are trained to support those struggling with mental health concerns, hate crimes, BLM-related concerns, police brutality, prison advocacy, and referrals. These individuals work from a Black feminine lens and prioritize BIPOC individuals calling for support. 

Support options

Stress can put pressure on any relationship, impacting your mental health and well-being. If you feel that you could benefit from the support of a licensed therapist familiar with the concerns you may be experiencing, it may be helpful to consider individual therapy or couples therapy. 

If seeing a therapist in person presents a challenge, online therapy might be more accessible. With a platform like BetterHelp for individuals or ReGain for couples, you can have sessions with a therapist by phone, videoconferencing, and in-app messaging. In addition, online platforms can allow you to choose to get matched with a BIPOC therapist if it fits your needs, preferences, and location. 

One study comparing the efficacy of videoconferencing versus in-person sessions of a behavioral couples therapy program evaluated 60 couples. The results showed improvements in relationship satisfaction and mental health" for in-person and virtual therapy. 

Takeaway

A relationship between individuals of different races or ethnicities can be enriching and enriching for both partners. However, due to societal attitudes on race relations and in-group expectations, some couples may experience significant challenges. 

Learning to navigate challenges may reduce the impact of stress but also strengthen a couple's bond. If you think you may benefit from therapy, consider contacting a licensed therapist online or in your area for further support.