What Kills Long-Distance Relationships? Poor Communication & More

Long-distance relationships can be challenging, but they also have the potential to be rewarding. It may be beneficial to take the time to understand the terms of the relationship and to communicate your feelings openly and honestly. This can improve your chances of making your long-distance relationship work. 

It might help to remember that effort is required for geographically close and long-distance relationships alike. For example, you'll need to work on your relationship whether one person lives in New York City and the other in Los Angeles or you're 10 minutes away from each other. The physical distance between you does not have to impact emotional intimacy or relationship quality. Most people in long distance relationships can benefit from reminding themselves that just because you don’t live in the same city, it doesn’t mean you can’t work toward the same future.

Remember, a long-distance relationship often involves unique dynamics that mix difficult and rewarding aspects of love. If you're in a long-distance relationship or considering one, it might be helpful to know the general pros and cons of these types of connections. This article explores benefits and drawbacks of having a partner whose physical presence is more limited, how it can impact mental health and personal growth, while suggesting resources for keeping your intimacy strong, no matter the distance.

Do long distance relationships work? 

According to one source, approximately 60% of long-distance relationships work over the long term. If you're in a long-distance relationship, you're not alone, and many people find that a long-distance relationship can be both rewarding and intimate. You don’t have to be in the same city or same place to stay connected and have shared experiences. 

However, maintaining any relationship, including a long-distance relationship, can take effort, dedication, and understanding. While it may seem like the distance between you could amplify challenges, some studies suggest that long-distance relationships may involve stronger bonds than face-to-face relationships. Despite these statistics, heartache and other strong emotions can feel unavoidable if you miss your partner or can't cope with the distance. By weighing the pros and cons of your long-distance relationship, you and your partner can determine whether to continue on together.

Common myths about long-distance relationships

There are a number of myths about long-distance relationships. Some people may think that people in these situations may fabricate stories about what they are doing when they are away from their partner or make false assumptions that they aren’t in love anymore if couples have to live apart to improve their economic status.

All couples differ, and there is no single relationship killer, even in long-distance relationships. For example, couples in long-distance relationships will have to decide to tell a white lie worth breaking trust. Comparing your relationship steals the joy from it. Instead of worrying about myths, focus on improving your communication styles and supporting each other while you are apart.

The advantages of long-distance relationships 

People enter a long-distance relationship for many reasons. Existing partners may enroll at colleges on different coasts or land their dream jobs in different cities. Due to technological advances, other people searching for companionship begin their relationships online despite being hundreds or thousands of miles apart. New and long-time partners may benefit from a long-distance relationship in the following ways. 

Emotional connection and intimacy 

Many people start relationships based on physical attraction and their physical chemistry. Since long-distance partners often get to know each other before being physically intimate, they might build effective communication skills and an emotional bond first. Although there may still be sexual or physical attraction in the long-distance relationship, long-distance couples might form their bond on their love and respect for each other, which could be associated with stronger emotional intimacy and  higher relationship satisfaction, according to one study.

Trust 

Trust is often a valued component of romantic relationships. If you and your partner are committed to making your long-distance relationship work despite the distance, discussing your expectations and concerns at the outset and maintaining open communication may lessen the chance of heartbreak. 

As many long-distance partners lead their own lives outside of their long-distance relationship, they may learn to respect their partner's time while enjoying their own and to focus on their own personal development while supporting their partner’s pursuit of personal growth . They might also develop a routine by checking in with each other at various times throughout the day, which can help build trust and instill a sense of comfort.

A solid bond 

Because building and maintaining an emotional connection can be essential for a long-distance relationship, long-distance partners might use various forms of communication to connect. They may communicate through phone calls, emails, and texts, have video chat dates, and send letters tucked inside thoughtful care packages. By mixing up forms of communication, the relationship can remain fresh and exciting, allowing you to find new ways to love each other that are supported by different communication styles. 

Resilience  

Resilience may be the best benefit of long-distance relationships and one that can help your relationship last. Many long-distance partners look forward to being together in person one day. Distance can sometimes be a stressor, so moving through this stress and finding ways to cope together can strengthen your resilience and help you meet your relationship goals. Resilience can be a crucial element in maintaining the shared vision of your relationship, as well as the strong emotions that can arise. If you've been through periods of separation or have spent months or years apart, your resilience could help you feel grateful and cherish your time together when you're face-to-face.  

How to navigate personal growth while apart

While you and your partner may be working toward a shared vision with relationship goals, you may also each have your own ideas about how you can become the very best version of yourself. If you and your partner are each working toward personal growth, open communication can be essential. To some, having the freedom to focus on your own personal development may be the best benefit of being long-distance. These changes don’t happen overnight, but you and your partner supporting each other through your personal journeys can result in a stronger relationship in the future.

The disadvantages of being in long-distance relationships

While challenges can occur in any relationship, the distance may intensify painful emotions. If you can't make up with a partner after an argument with physical gestures, gifts, or acts of service, it can be a frustrating experience and make it challenging to show love. Below are a few of the other potential disadvantages of a long-distance relationship. 

Communication challenges 

A long-distance relationship can be challenging if you or your partner has trouble communicating. Poor communication can lead to emotional disconnection, which can strain long distance relationships. However, a few authors have written books on long-distance love and how to keep the spark alive through verbal communication. Consider reading a book on this topic with your partner and checking in regularly to discuss—and practice—each skill. 

Keep in mind that text messages and emails can be challenging to interpret, whether your relationship is new or long-standing. Partners in a long-distance relationship may agree to discuss essential topics via phone or video chat rather than text or email to reduce the chances of a misunderstanding. 

Loneliness

Loneliness may occur when you love someone in another city, state, or country. Surrounding yourself with loving, supportive family and friends can lessen loneliness. In addition, try to be open with your partner when feeling alone. 

Some partners chat on the phone to beat loneliness while watching their favorite TV shows or movies. Others surprise each other with occasional gifts to brighten each other's day. Below are a few other ideas to connect with your partner: 

• Make a shared list of plans for your next trip together and add tourist attractions you'd like to see and share it with your partner to add their ideas
• Video chat after ordering takeout and eat the food together 
• Take an online cooking class together 
• Play an online game or multiplayer game on your favorite platform
• Buy a long-distance adult toy that connects to both partners
• Buy a long-distance message box where you can draw pictures and leave messages for your partner to find
• Try a long-distance heartbeat bracelet to see each other's pulse throughout the day 
• Create a package to send 
• Write a letter to your partner 
• Take online relationship quizzes together and discuss the results on the phone 
• Share your favorite songs or make playlists together 

Lack of physical intimacy

If you value physical intimacy, trying to love someone from a distance can affect your mental health and overall well-being. Lack of a physical connection or physical presence can also be difficult for a relationship if you or your partner express or crave love through physical touch.

In his bestselling book, The Five Love Languages, author Gary Chapman highlights five ways people might experience love. Along with words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, and quality time, Chapman explains that some individuals prefer to communicate through physical touch. Those with this love language feel most connected to their partners when holding hands, hugging, and kissing.

If your or your partner's love language is physical touch, consider sending each other a care kit of tactile objects you can feel and smell. For example, you can send one of your shirts, a blanket you've slept in, or a teddy bear your partner can hug at night. You can also send a letter with your favorite lotion, perfume, or cologne to remind them of you. 

A long-distance relationship increases the risk of jealousy 

Trust can be essential in any relationship, including long-distance ones. If one or more partners lacks trust, the relationship might struggle. If partners experience jealousy, complicated arguments might arise, and one partner may lose control of their emotions. In addition, if one partner isn't honest and uses their time apart to cheat or spend romantic time with others, it could cause challenging conversations or arguments in the future when the couple meets in person. 

If you don't trust your long-distance partner or they haven't been honest about who they are, you might ask them to have an honest conversation over video chat about these topics. Some couples may also consider therapy to discuss their conflicts if they begin to lose trust in one another. 

Distance 

Sometimes, the practical aspect of living apart is what kills long-distance relationships. At times, long-distance love might not feel feasible or beneficial. Some couples can have a hard time overcoming some of the challenges of living in different places, like scheduling times to visit or paying for travel expenses to see one another. Maintaining a relationship across the miles can be difficult if you don't see a way to be with your partner in person. If you're worried, you're growing emotionally distant, or bored of your routine with your long-distance love, consider prioritizing the relationship. 

Is the relationship stagnant? You can try to schedule more date nights, set aside time to talk over the phone, or send your partner a letter. These efforts might rekindle the connection you have with each other. However, if the relationship no longer works for your lifestyle, it may feel easier to end the relationship or pause until you understand how you want to proceed.

Online risks  

Many long-distance relationships begin online. Whether you meet a potential partner on a dating app or a website, try to use caution and don't ignore red flags. Red flags might include the following: 

• Refusal to let you meet others in their life
• Long periods of ignoring your messages or calls
• Social media profiles with few photos, lots of filters, or mostly cartoon images
• Frequent requests for financial support 
• Pressuring behavior 
• Refusal to talk about meeting each other in person 
• Telling you they are royalty or a celebrity 
• Using photos you can track online to another profile or person 

Suggest a video chat once you feel comfortable communicating with the other person. If you can, try to only meet in person when you've video chatted and talked to the person on the phone. If possible, choose a public meeting place. 

In some online dating scenarios, people are blindsided when they find out the person they've been communicating with for weeks, months, or years is someone else. This phenomenon is often called ""catfishing." Try not to ignore your instincts. If you're unsure of someone's intentions or identity, it might be best to believe your instincts. 

What kills long-distance relationships

While no single challenge can be considered a relationship killer, various factors can strain long-distance relationships and, if they’re not identified and addressed, the relationship falls. Distance prevents intimacy, which can make the relationship stagnant, and challenges can pile up if not properly managed.

If you’re wondering what kills long-distance relationships, it can be a combination of many things. Physical distance prevents intimacy of every kind, which can be challenging for many couples. Long-distance relationships can lead to intense emotions, and without strong communication, partners can lose trust in one another, emotional intimacy can fade, and relationship quality can suffer, which can lead to the relationship ending.

How digital communication can help you stay connected

In the modern age, digital communication has emerged as a way for those in long-distance relationships to communicate freely and stay connected. However, it is essential to understand how to use it effectively. For example, it can be beneficial not to over-communicate via social media posts or comments because the lack of non-verbal cues can make it easy to misinterpret what is being said. 

On the other hand, video chats can be an effective way to foster open communication and maintain a connection. Rather than using digital communication methods to text or comment on social media, try using them to: 

• Have a virtual movie night date, 
• Open surprise gifts on camera so your partner can see your reaction
• Support creative movement activities, like having a virtual dance party

If you need help navigating this aspect of a long-distance relationship, consider talking to a professional. The therapist’s focus on communication and strengthening your relationship can help you learn more about using this technology for expressing love.

Tips for building emotional intimacy from afar

In a long-distance relationship, making an effort to stay connected via texts and quick phone calls can help couples communicate freely and build emotional intimacy, but some couples may require more shared experiences to maintain the same enthusiasm about the relationship. While there may not always be time or resources for a quick meet up, there are other ways to help manage strong emotions that may arise as a result of the distance. For example, long-distance partners can send one another surprise gifts or plan creative movement virtual dates like dance parties or cooking dinner together. Making an effort can help build a stronger relationship and remind partners that they are working toward the same future.

Romantic ideas for long-distance partners 

Keeping any romantic relationship healthy can be difficult. When distance is involved, couples might face unique roadblocks. The components of a strong, successful, happy relationship are different for everyone, so finding what works for you and your partner may help you succeed. Below are a few resources to build a more profound connection. 

Online relationship quizzes

Online quizzes about personality, relationships, and love can be fun to take with your partner. Use the results of these quizzes to spark conversations and get to know each other on a deeper level. 

Apps and gadgets for long-distance relationships

Many people have developed unique objects or apps couples can use to connect. For example, you may be able to buy bracelets that show you your partner's heart rate from far away or light up when they tap theirs with their finger. You can also try an app to send messages to your partner throughout the day. Some people buy intimate objects for long-distance couples or send physical gifts to connect with each other. 

A couples journal

A long-distance couple's journal is a prompted journal you can write in for a week or month before mailing it to your partner to fill out. Although you can talk online, having a journal you can send back and forth can give you something to look forward to. You might also include gifts you've come across during your week or month before you send the journal back. For example, pressed flowers, cool beach rocks, or a bookmark you thought they'd like can be added to the package. 

When to seek professional support

If you are worried about your relationship quality, want to improve your communication skills, work toward gaining trust, or make positive changes, relationship therapy can help. A therapist who focuses on open communication and mental health can help you build a stronger relationship, regardless of the distance.

Remote counseling 

At times, long-distance relationships may feel challenging. However, modern psychological advancements have made it possible for couples to receive therapeutic support online. 

One study published in the Australian and New Zealand Journal of Family Therapy examined the benefits of online therapy for partners experiencing strained relationships. The study found that couples often avoided seeking therapy due to perceived stigma, logistical issues, and cost. Researchers found that internet-based therapy could effectively reduce those barriers, offering increased flexibility at a lower cost than traditional counseling.

Through online platforms like BetterHelp for individuals or Regain for couples, you can meet with a therapist remotely through video, phone, or chat sessions. Long-distance couples can attend the same couples therapy session on one account from two separate locations. Having a therapist to talk to about the unique experiences that come with long-distance can be beneficial, and you don't have to have a mental illness to talk to someone.