Taking A Break In A Relationship: The Pros And Cons to Expect

Even healthy relationships take work; sometimes, you or your partner may believe you need a break. While you may not be ready to end the relationship, you may want a temporary break to clear your head or focus on personal growth. In these situations, a relationship break might sound like a good idea. However, there may be some important factors to consider before agreeing to a temporary separation. Taking a break or taking time in a relationship can be a bit of an ambiguous gray area, which is why it can be so important to make sure you and your partner are both aware of what taking a break means, as well as the pros and cons of taking one. To take a healthy break in a romantic relationship, you will need to ensure that both partners agree on what that means and how long the break should last. To further navigate this situation with the help of a licensed mental health professional, consider scheduling an online or in-person therapy session.

When taking a relationship break can work

Every couple tends to be different. Breaks may work to keep the relationship healthy for some couples but not for others. Generally, a cycle of repeatedly taking a break and getting back together may be a sign of a bigger problem in the relationship. A healthy relationship will typically not follow this pattern. That said, there are some times when taking a break can be beneficial. Here are some of the situations in which taking a break may be the right choice.

If you need time to focus on your own needs outside of the relationship

A break can be helpful if you or your partner needs time to work on personal matters. For example, if you are considering a major life change or have gone through something that significantly impacts your life, a break may allow you to process and work through it. 

For instance, if you’re considering taking a big promotion that involves moving out of state or if you recently lost a close friend or family member and are trying to work through your grief, you might request a break. A break doesn’t necessarily mean you need time away from your partner; it can mean you just need some time to yourself to work on personal issues.

Spending time apart in these situations can help you determine where you want your life to go and whether you want to remain in your relationship. A break may give you time to think and press pause to help you determine what you want for your future.

If you are fighting a lot

If it seems like you’re fighting all the time and can’t resolve certain issues, it may be a positive step to take a break to give both yourself and your partner some space. Relationships can get stuck in cyclical and destructive behaviors. Sometimes, stepping away may be the only way to interrupt these dynamics and gain clarity. 

In this case, spending time apart may reset your relationship dynamic, giving you and your partner some space to calm down, think things through, and come back to approach the problems at hand with clearer minds. In these cases, taking a break may ultimately result in a permanent breakup if the relationship feels like it cannot improve. 

If you have no choice

Sometimes, taking a break may be something life demands from you due to circumstances. If you and your partner are going to be physically separated for an extended period due to work, family, or travel commitments, you may have to decide whether you want to take a break or commit to a long-distance relationship. Long-distance relationships can work for some people, but they can be challenging and don’t always work for everyone. Sometimes, a break can be a viable choice. Other times, you may end up deciding to end the relationship altogether. 

How to take a break without ending the relationship

Taking a break is usually not the same as a breakup, and it can be important to set ground rules to avoid ambiguity and make sure you and your partner are on the same page and know what to expect. Here are some factors you may want to discuss before starting your separation.

How to set ground rules to ensure you’re on the same page

When taking more space in a relationship, it can be important to establish rules and expectations. If you and your partner are considering a break, here are some factors to consider regarding ground rules. 

• Be realistic about your expectations.
• Be honest about what you want and need from the break.
• Set rules to minimize the damage to your relationship and yourself.
• Determine how much contact you will have with one another over the break.

Set a time limit

The length of your break will usually depend on your relationship and the reason for the break. Make sure you give yourself enough time to adjust to being on your own and to focus on your needs. Determining ahead of time how long the break should last can help both partners know when it is appropriate to reach out again and how long they have to themselves. When the break ends, you can discuss with your partner if you want to continue the relationship, if you want to extend the break, or what relationship work you may need moving forward in order for the relationship to be healthy. 

Set rules about whether you can see other people

Does being on a break mean you’re single? You and your partner will generally need to set some ground rules about whether you are free to see other people and the boundaries you should respect. Can you date and/or have sex with other people during this time? 

If you’ve already decided and know you want to end the relationship, be honest with your partner. In this case, taking a break may only prolong the inevitable, and it can be unfair to your partner to let them think that the relationship may still have a chance. If you don’t need to spend time making a decision, it can be best to be honest with your partner. 

Use the time to figure out what you want

In most cases, the purpose of a break is to work through your feelings and determine whether you want to continue the relationship. A break in and of itself may not fix anything, but it can be a time to think and reflect about whether you want to put the time and effort into working things out with your partner. Pay attention to how you feel and what you think while apart to help you determine the next steps.

Make a decision and communicate it with your partner

When the time limit is up, meet with your partner and discuss the next steps. Talk with your partner about how you feel and what you have learned during your time apart. You may both be excited to get back together, or you may have decided that the relationship has run its course. Sometimes, you may want to continue the relationship but recognize that you and your partner have some serious things to work through, such as better communication, in which case talking to a relationship counselor or couples therapist can be beneficial.

Pros and cons of relationship breaks

There is currently a limited amount of scientific research on relationship breaks, but one 2019 study looked at the effects of marriage separation and determined that there can be several pros and cons. 

The benefits distance may bring:

• It can take pressure off the relationship.
• It can serve as an impetus for change.
• Independence can make daily life easier.
• You may come to realizations about yourself that you otherwise wouldn’t have.

Downsides of taking space:

• In general, you do not have clarity about where the relationship stands and live in a gray area until a decision is made. 
• It may seem as if your life is on hold.
• There may be confusion about how you are to interact with one another. 
• Terms of the separation may be difficult to work out without there being a clear outcome.
• Relationships with friends and family can get complicated.
• Time apart can lead to loneliness and emotional distance. 

Talk to a therapist for support

Romantic relationships can be complicated and difficult to navigate on your own. Whether you decide to work on your own mental health journey during your break or you and your partner need help working through your relationship issues, talking to a therapist can be beneficial. Professional help is available to all couples, whether they are in a long-term relationship or have only been dating for a short amount of time. 

If talking to someone in person seems intimidating, or if you’re looking for a different way to approach treatment, consider online therapy. With online therapy, you can attend sessions from anywhere with an internet connection, and you typically have more flexibility with scheduling, so you can work around your unique schedule. An online platform like BetterHelp can make it easy to connect with a licensed professional you can trust from a place where you feel comfortable.

Research shows that online therapy can be just as effective as in-person treatment. One study reported that couples in online treatment usually found the experience beneficial and positive and believed that the online video format enhanced their therapeutic alliance.