What Does A Couples Counselor Do During Marriage Counseling?

Medically reviewed by Melissa Guarnaccia, LCSW

Updated November 19, 2024by BetterHelp Editorial Team

All relationships have the potential to improve, grow, and change. Couples and marriage counselors can facilitate healthy relationships by encouraging communication skills, fostering acceptance, and analyzing the source of any problems. While many couples seek counseling to resolve a specific concern, it is a common misconception that counseling is reserved for only the most severe relationship problems.

In fact, licensed marriage and family therapists can help couples who already have high levels of relationship satisfaction. Experts suggest that couples who attend therapy at the earliest sign of difficulties in their relationship see a greater improvement than couples who wait for problems to escalate.

What does a couples counselor do? The role of a couples counselor is to create a safe space for relationships, free of judgment, where partners can effectively resolve conflict. While it may seem daunting to navigate relationship problems with a therapist, most couples who attend therapy see significant improvement in their relationships and overall well-being.

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Why couples seek marriage counseling

Experiencing relationship difficulties is one reason a couple might seek therapy sessions with a couples therapist, but it’s not the only reason. Here are more reasons why partners may choose to engage in relationship counseling with a licensed therapist:

Improving communication
Gaining a better understanding of their partner
Improving trust
Overcoming substance abuse
Addressing sexual difficulties
Improving relationship satisfaction
Discussing potential future relationship challenges
Understanding the current relationship dynamic
Availing of counseling services with a trusted professional so they have an immediate option should future challenges arise

If you are struggling with substance use, contact the SAMHSA National Helpline at (800) 662-4357 to receive support and resources. Support is available 24/7.

Examples of why couples may seek therapy

A couple might also visit a licensed professional counselor like a family therapy professional to gain a specific skill, such as learning to engage positively or listen actively. Some people who see a couples counselor may have no immediate concerns and simply wish to take advantage of the counselor's relationship expertise through regular talk therapy sessions.

An example is pre-marital therapy. In pre-marital therapy, partners visit a counselor—often a licensed marriage and family therapist—to learn relationship skills, uncover potential issues, and address these issues before they impact the marriage. They’ll often see the same therapist with initial sessions together, plus later one-on-one sessions in addition to pre-marriage therapy.

Often, couples counseling focuses on providing relationship tools for resolving issues that have grown beyond what the partners feel they can handle. Many couples counselors are mental health professionals who are licensed in marriage and family therapy, and some provide online therapy options.

What does a couples counselor do?

Counselors who provide couples therapy regularly work with severe relationship problems and mental health challenges. They may be adept at helping clients restore trust, resolve anger, and reach a mutual understanding. Partners who seek counseling via couples therapy can expect a non-judgmental atmosphere that prioritizes growth as the main benefit of couples therapy. The focus tends to be placed on the well-being and happiness of both partners, not on assigning blame or determining who is right and who is wrong.

There is no prerequisite for seeking couples therapy. Nearly every relationship has room for improvement, and couples counseling can provide an environment to safely explore how a relationship can reach its greatest potential.

The evolution of counseling resources for couples

Today's couples therapists may use techniques based on nearly a century of scientific investigation and discovery. Researchers first began to apply psychotherapeutic techniques to couples in the 1930s. The methods of the time bore little resemblance to their modern counterparts. The first contemporary therapeutic strategies emerged in the 1960s. The mid-20th century was a period of enormous progress for psychotherapy. During this time, the scientific community introduced several new, empirically supported counseling techniques that proved more effective than previous methods.

Since the 1960s, couples counseling has continued to improve. The success rate has steadily increased as techniques become more effective and counselors receive additional tools to address relationship concerns. Modern couples counseling has also grown more inclusive. In the past, couples therapy was termed "marital therapy" and was intended only for straight, married couples. Today's methods tend to incorporate an understanding of modern cultural norms and various relationship dynamics.

Online therapy and couples counseling

Couples counseling recently experienced another major boom spurred by the growing popularity of teletherapy. The option to attend counseling online has removed barriers many partners face when availing of therapeutic services, including cost, transportation, and comfort. Community perception is also shifting; the influx of new couples seeking therapy might indicate a greater acceptance of couples counseling, especially as a preventative measure. The number of couples seeking counseling to improve communication in their relationship or address minor problems has also increased.

Effectiveness of marriage and family therapists

Modern couples therapy can be highly effective, and most couples tend to be happier with their relationships after counseling. Research indicates that over 70% of couples are likely to report a significant improvement in their relationship after attending couples therapy, which is on par with success rates for individual therapy. In addition, several couples therapy treatments have proven effective in treating specific relationship issues such as sexual dysfunction or infidelity.

There is also a vast body of evidence supporting an improvement in each partner's general well-being as well as coexisting emotional or behavioral concerns as a result of couples counseling. This improvement is significant enough that researchers and therapists are adapting couples counseling techniques to treat individual concerns. Couple-based intervention can leverage the benefits of couples therapy to help one partner address physical or mental health hurdles. The emergence of couple-based interventions may speak to the effectiveness of couples counseling and could represent one of the most important recent innovations in relationship science.

What can couples therapy help you with? Mental health, communication, and more

A couples counselor may have several different types of therapy—and a wide variety of techniques from which to choose. The modality they utilize for couples therapy may be based on each partner's needs, the desire to address a specific problem, and the severity of the concerns in the relationship. For example, marriage counseling for a couple who are considering divorce will likely look much different than therapy for partners who are only looking to strengthen their relationship prior to getting married. Couples counselors and clients can work together to decide the best course forward, often choosing a method that is attainable for the couple and addresses high-priority issues first. Some common approaches to couples therapy may include the following.

Solution-focused therapy

Solution-focused therapy is generally used in situations that have a specific issue at the center of the conflict. The couple and therapist work together to identify possible solutions to resolve the concerns of both partners. Solution-focused therapy doesn't usually take a deep dive into the problem itself. Instead, it may empower couples to identify what they need to move forward. The approach is forward-thinking and designed to reduce blame and anger.

Narrative therapy

Narrative therapy is a popular technique that encourages partners to tell the "story" of their relationship. The therapist can help the couple frame their relationship as a narrative and use the story structure to help each partner better understand themselves and each other. Couples may be encouraged to adopt new narratives emphasizing respect and reducing blame.

Emotion-focused therapy

Emotion-focused therapy, also called emotionally-focused therapy is a popular and well-understood therapeutic approach used in both couples and individual therapy. For couples, the process is grounded in attachment theory. Attachment theory, as the name suggests, describes how individuals attach and connect to others emotionally. It was first studied as a framework to understand parent-child relationships, but it has since been adapted to reflect other types of interpersonal relationships.

Behavioral couple therapy

Behavioral therapy focuses on specific behaviors that may impact a relationship. This approach acknowledges that certain behaviors are inherently beneficial to the relationship. The counselor might model and instruct partners on several relationship skills such as expressing emotions and negotiating requests, for example. Partners can then complete exercises outside of the counseling session to reinforce positive behaviors.

Cognitive behavioral therapy

Cognitive behavioral therapy is perhaps one of the most widely used and best-understood therapeutic techniques available to counselors. It is often used with both couples and individuals and focuses on addressing thought patterns that negatively influence behavior. Unlike behavioral therapy, the focus is not on the behavior itself, but rather on the thoughts (cognitions) that lead to unhealthy behaviors in a relationship. A couples therapist utilizing cognitive behavioral therapy can also work with each partner to address individual mental health concerns that may be impacting the relationship.

The Gottman method for couples counseling

John Gottman, a psychology professor and relationship expert, developed the Gottman method. Gottman focuses on the development of problem-solving skills and the recognition of behaviors that are destructive to the relationship. The Gottman method has become well-known among professionals and couples alike and is commonly used during couples counseling sessions.

The list above includes a few modern approaches to couples counseling. Dozens of additional techniques are available, all of which are backed by rigorous scientific evidence. If a couple does not feel that any of the methods listed are suitable for them, it can help to consider other options with a counselor. Couples counseling may begin with building trust between the couple and therapist, and both partners will have an opportunity to discuss various approaches before committing to the process.

Imago relationship therapy

Imago Relationship Therapy was created by Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt. It focuses on helping couples understand and transform conflicts by exploring the deeper emotional needs and childhood wounds underlying their relationship dynamics. It also emphasizes fostering effective communication through structured dialogues and exercises.

Online couples therapy

Meeting with a couples counselor online is an increasingly popular approach to availing therapy. The convenience of therapy from the comfort of home has been a benefit since the early days of teletherapy. This advantage may be even more pronounced for couples who are juggling not one but two busy schedules.

Moreover, current research indicates that online relationship therapy may provide additional benefits for couples. For example, many couples report that online couples counseling allowed them to feel more engaged with their partner, and others found that online counseling increased their engagement with the therapeutic process.

Takeaway

Meeting with a couples counselor may be beneficial, even if a relationship has no apparent problems. If concerns about the relationship do exist, it may be advisable to seek therapy early rather than letting issues compound. Couples therapy is evidence-based and can be highly effective. Recent evidence has demonstrated that online couples counseling is just as effective as in-person counseling, which may lower the barrier to availing care. To connect with a mental health professional who specializes in online couples counseling, reach out to BetterHelp today.

Frequently asked questions

Read more below for answers to questions commonly asked about this topic.

Does counseling really help partners with their mental health?

Yes, couples counseling can help couples address issues that are causing conflict, cope with mental health concerns, improve relationship satisfaction, and gain the skills needed to cultivate a strong, healthy relationship.

What questions do they ask in couples therapy?

Some examples of possible questions a couples counselor may ask include:

How do you and your spouse feel about the relationship?
What has been a major source of recent conflict?
What areas of your relationship are you looking to improve?
What are you hoping to gain from counseling?

What does a couples counselor do?

A relationship counselor generally works with a couple to address relationship concerns and develop a strengthened bond. The exact methods and approaches a counselor might use to help a couple achieve this can vary.

What are the stages of relationship counseling?

The exact structure of relationship counseling can vary, but common stages include an initial assessment stage, then a stage of promoting change for a few sessions, and then a final stage of termination and maintaining the benefits couples therapy has provided. Couples who longer engage in counseling may experience other stages.

What not to say in couples therapy?

In a couples therapy session, it can be helpful to try not to blame your partner, call them names, ignore them, or shout at them. Showing respect, practicing active listening, and maintaining active participation from both partners can be key for ensuring productive sessions.

How many couples stay together after marriage counseling?

A variety of factors can impact how well couples and marriage counseling work, including how long couples wait to seek help, the skills of the marriage counselor, and the dynamics involved, among other factors. Research published in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy suggests that couples therapy positively impacts about 70% of couples.

What can couples counseling help with?

Couples counseling can help couples with a wide range of concerns, such as helping them cope with the stress of demanding jobs, learn healthier conflict resolution skills, navigate complex dynamics with a partner’s family, develop stronger communication skills, identify and discuss issues regarding family life, and work through the impact of negative past experiences to bring about positive change.

What is premarital counseling?

Premarital counseling is a type of couples counseling that is intended for an engaged couple ahead of their marriage, while marriage counseling is something a married couple might seek for support.

How can I find a couples counselor?

You can find a couples counselor by searching online for counselors near you, asking friends for recommendations, exploring directories from resources like the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, and connecting with a couples counselor through an online therapy platform, which can be helpful for those who don’t want to visit a therapist’s office for appointments. When trying to find the right counselor for you, it can help to consider their background, training, expertise, and clinical experience.

What is the difference between couples therapy and individual therapy?

Individual counseling or therapy is conducted on a one-on-one basis between an individual and a therapist, while couples therapy is intended for couples to help them improve their relationship. Different forms of therapy have different uses and benefits. Individuals experiencing mental health issues may find individual therapy with a therapist experienced in clinical psychology to be more helpful, while couples experiencing relationship distress may want to seek couples therapy.

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