What Does A Couples Counselor Do During Marriage Counseling?

Medically reviewed by Melissa Guarnaccia, LCSW

Updated January 6, 2025by BetterHelp Editorial Team

All relationships have the potential to improve, grow, and change. Couples and marriage counselors can facilitate healthy relationships by encouraging communication skills, fostering acceptance, and analyzing the source of any problems. While many couples seek counseling to resolve a specific concern, it is a common misconception that counseling is reserved for only the most severe relationship problems.

In fact, licensed marriage and family therapists can help couples who already have high levels of relationship satisfaction. Experts suggest that couples who attend therapy at the earliest sign of difficulties in their relationship see a greater improvement than couples who wait for problems to escalate.

What does a couples counselor do? The role of a couples counselor is to create a safe space for relationships, free of judgment, where partners can effectively resolve conflict. While it may seem daunting to navigate relationship problems with a therapist, most couples who attend therapy see significant improvement in their relationships and overall well-being.

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Why couples seek marriage counseling

Experiencing relationship difficulties is one reason a couple might seek counseling and therapy sessions with a couples therapist, but it’s not the only reason. Here are more reasons why partners may choose to engage in relationship counseling with a licensed therapist:

Improving communication in the marriage
Gaining a better understanding of their partner through counseling
Improving trust with the help of couples therapy
Overcoming substance abuse through structured counseling
Addressing sexual difficulties in the marriage
Improving relationship satisfaction with support from a therapist
Discussing potential future relationship challenges with a licensed counselor
Understanding the current relationship dynamic in counseling sessions
Availing of counseling services with a trusted professional so they have an immediate option should future challenges arise

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Examples of why couples may seek therapy

A couple might also visit a licensed professional counselor like a family therapy professional to gain a specific skill, such as learning to engage positively or listen actively. Some people who see a couples counselor and undergo couples therapy may have no immediate concerns and simply wish to take advantage of the therapists or counselor's relationship expertise through regular talk therapy sessions.

An example is pre-marital therapy. In pre-marital therapy, partners visit a counselor—often a licensed marriage and family therapist—to learn relationship skills, uncover potential issues, and address these issues before they impact the marriage. They’ll often see the same therapist with initial sessions together, plus later one-on-one sessions in addition to pre-marriage therapy.

Often, couples counseling focuses on providing relationship tools for resolving issues that have grown beyond what the partners feel they can handle. Many couples therapists andcounselors are mental health professionals who are licensed in marriage and family therapy, and some provide online counseling and therapy options.

What does a couples counselor do?

Counselors who provide couples therapy regularly work with severe relationship problems and mental health challenges. They may be adept at helping clients restore trust, resolve anger, and reach a mutual understanding. Partners who seek counseling via couples therapy can expect a non-judgmental atmosphere that prioritizes growth as the main benefit of couples therapy. The focus tends to be placed on the well-being and happiness of both partners, not on assigning blame or determining who is right and who is wrong.

There is no prerequisite for seeking couples therapy. Nearly every relationship has room for improvement, and couples counseling can provide an environment to safely explore how a relationship can reach its greatest potential.

The evolution of counseling resources for couples

Today's couples therapists may use techniques based on nearly a century of scientific investigation and discovery. Researchers first began to apply psychotherapeutic techniques to couples in the 1930s. The methods of the time bore little resemblance to their modern counterparts. The first contemporary therapeutic strategies emerged in the 1960s. The mid-20th century was a period of enormous progress for psychotherapy. During this time, the scientific community introduced several new, empirically supported counseling techniques that proved more effective than previous methods.

Since the 1960s, couples counseling has continued to improve. The success rate has steadily increased as techniques become more effective and counselors receive additional tools to address relationship concerns. Modern couples counseling has also grown more inclusive. They do more than just guide discussions—they integrate evidence-based strategies to help partners navigate complex dynamics.

Marriage therapists today also focus on inclusivity.In the past, couples therapy was termed "marital therapy" and was intended only for straight, married couples. Today's methods tend to incorporate an understanding of modern cultural norms and various relationship dynamics.

Online therapy and couples counseling

Couples counseling recently experienced another major boom spurred by the growing popularity of teletherapy. The option to attend counseling online has removed barriers many partners face when availing of therapeutic services, including cost, transportation, and comfort. What does online therapy offer? It provides convenience and accessibility, allowing partners to participate in sessions from their own home.

Community perception is also shifting; the influx of new couples seeking therapy might indicate a greater acceptance of couples counseling, especially as a preventative measure. What do couples gain from online therapy? A safe, accessible space to address concerns and strengthen their relationship. Therapists offering online couples counseling have noticed an increase in couples seeking help to improve communication or address minor issues before they grow into larger problems. Online therapists continue to adapt their methods to meet the needs of a growing and diverse client base.

Effectiveness of marriage and family therapists

Modern couples therapy can be highly effective, and most couples tend to be happier with their relationships after counseling. Research indicates that over 70% of couples are likely to report a significant improvement in their relationship after attending couples therapy, which is on par with success rates for individual therapy. In addition, several couples therapy treatments have proven effective in treating specific relationship issues such as sexual dysfunction or infidelity.

There is also a vast body of evidence supporting an improvement in each partner's general well-being as well as coexisting emotional or behavioral concerns as a result of couples counseling. What do these findings suggest? They emphasize the holistic benefits of relationship-focused therapy. Researchers and therapists are now adapting couples counseling techniques to treat individual concerns, with couple-based interventions offering innovative ways to address personal challenges through the dynamics of the partnership. This improvement is significant enough that researchers and therapists are adapting couples counseling techniques to treat individual concerns. Couple-based intervention can leverage the benefits of couples therapy to help one partner address physical or mental health hurdles. The emergence of couple-based interventions may speak to the effectiveness of couples counseling and could represent one of the most important recent innovations in relationship science.

What can couples therapy help you with? Mental health, communication, and more

A couples counselor may have several different types of therapy—and a wide variety of techniques from which to choose. What does a counselor consider when choosing the right approach? The modality they utilize for couples therapy may be based on each partner's needs, the desire to address a specific problem, and the severity of the concerns in the relationship. For example, marriage counseling for a couple who are considering divorce will likely look much different than therapy for partners who do not have significant issues but want to strengthen their bond before getting married. What do couples and counselors focus on together? Couples counselors and clients can work together to decide the best course forward, often choosing a method that is attainable for the couple and addresses high-priority issues first. Some common approaches to couples therapy may include the following.

Solution-focused therapy

Solution-focused therapy is generally used in situations that have a specific issue at the center of the conflict. What does this approach focus on? The couple and therapist work together to identify possible solutions to resolve the concerns of both partners. Solution-focused therapy doesn't usually take a deep dive into the problem itself. Instead, it may empower couples to identify what they need to move forward. The approach is forward-thinking and designed to reduce blame and anger.

Narrative therapy

Narrative therapy is a popular technique that encourages partners to tell the "story" of their relationship. What does the therapist do? The therapist can help the couple frame their relationship as a narrative and use the story structure to help each partner better understand themselves and each other. Couples may be encouraged to adopt new narratives emphasizing respect and reducing blame.

Emotion-focused therapy

Emotion-focused therapy, also called emotionally-focused therapy, is a popular and well-understood therapeutic approach used in both couples and individual therapy. What does it involve for couples? For couples, the process is grounded in attachment theory. Attachment theory, as the name suggests, describes how individuals attach and connect to others emotionally. It was first studied as a framework to understand parent-child relationships, but it has since been adapted to reflect other types of interpersonal relationships.

Behavioral couple therapy

Behavioral therapy focuses on specific behaviors that may impact a relationship. What does this approach emphasize? This approach acknowledges that certain behaviors are inherently beneficial to the relationship. The counselor might model and instruct partners on several relationship skills, such as expressing emotions and negotiating requests, for example. Partners can then complete exercises outside of the counseling session to reinforce positive behaviors.

Cognitive behavioral therapy

Cognitive behavioral therapy is perhaps one of the most widely used and best-understood therapeutic techniques available to counselors. What does it focus on? It is often used with both couples and individuals and focuses on addressing thought patterns that negatively influence behavior. Unlike behavioral therapy, the focus is not on the behavior itself but rather on the thoughts (cognitions) that lead to unhealthy behaviors in a relationship. A couples therapist utilizing cognitive behavioral therapy can also work with each partner to address individual mental health concerns that may be impacting the relationship.

The Gottman method for couples counseling

John Gottman, a psychology professor and relationship expert, developed the Gottman method. What does this method focus on? Gottman focuses on the development of problem-solving skills and the recognition of behaviors that are destructive to the relationship. The Gottman method has become well-known among professionals and couples alike and is commonly used during couples counseling sessions.

The list above includes a few modern approaches to couples counseling. What do couples do if they feel these methods are not suitable? Dozens of additional techniques are available, all of which are backed by rigorous scientific evidence. If a couple does not feel that any of the methods listed are suitable for them, it can help to consider other options with a counselor. Couples counseling may begin with building trust between the couple and therapist, and both partners will have an opportunity to discuss various approaches before committing to the process.

Imago relationship therapy

Imago Relationship Therapy was created by Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt. It focuses on helping couples understand and transform conflicts by exploring the deeper emotional needs and childhood wounds underlying their relationship dynamics. What does this method emphasize? It also emphasizes fostering effective communication through structured dialogues and exercises.

Online couples therapy

Meeting with a couples counselor online is an increasingly popular approach to availing therapy. What do couples gain from this? The convenience of therapy from the comfort of home has been a benefit since the early days of teletherapy. This advantage may be even more pronounced for couples who are juggling not one but two busy schedules.

Moreover, current research indicates that online relationship therapy may provide additional benefits for couples. For example, many couples report that online couples counseling allowed them to feel more engaged with their partner, and others found that online counseling increased their engagement with the therapeutic process.

Takeaway

Meeting with a couples counselor may be beneficial, even if a relationship has no apparent problems. If concerns about the relationship do exist, it may be advisable to seek therapy early rather than letting issues compound. Couples therapy is evidence-based and can be highly effective. Recent evidence has demonstrated that online couples counseling is just as effective as in-person counseling, which may lower the barrier to availing care. To connect with a mental health professional who specializes in online couples counseling, reach out to BetterHelp today.

Frequently asked questions

Read more below for answers to questions commonly asked about this topic.

Does counseling really help partners with their mental health?

Yes, couples counseling can help couples address issues that are causing conflict, cope with mental health concerns, improve relationship satisfaction, and gain the skills needed to cultivate a strong, healthy relationship.

Counseling allows partners to communicate more effectively, rebuild trust, and resolve underlying issues affecting their connection. A licensed couples therapist provides a safe, non-judgmental space for open and honest expression.

Couples therapy helps partners examine relationship dynamics and identify patterns needing adjustment. A therapist guides the couple toward mutual understanding and growth.

Marriage counseling supports partners through life transitions such as marriage, parenthood, or separation, offering tools to handle these changes with empathy. The structured environment of couples therapy focuses on relationships and mental health with the guidance of a skilled therapist.

Couples counseling aims to strengthen the connection while supporting mental and emotional well-being.

What questions do they ask in couples therapy?

Some examples of possible questions a couples counselor may ask include:

How do you and your spouse feel about the relationship?
What has been a major source of recent conflict?
What areas of your relationship are you looking to improve?
What are you hoping to gain from counseling?

A couples therapist might ask about each person's experiences, communication habits, and goals to get a clearer picture of how the relationship works. Questions such as "How do you handle disagreements?" or "What does trust mean to you?" allow the therapist to shape the couple's therapy sessions around what the couple truly needs.

Marriage counseling is about creating a space where both partners can openly share their thoughts and feelings. The questions are designed to uncover deeper issues and identify areas where the relationship can improve. These conversations guide the couple toward understanding each other better and building a stronger, healthier connection with support from the therapist.

What does a couples counselor do?

A relationship counselor generally works with a couple to address relationship concerns and develop a strengthened bond. The exact methods and approaches a counselor might use to help a couple achieve this can vary.

In marriage counseling, the sessions might dive into rebuilding trust after a breach, exploring emotional patterns that shape the relationship, or tackling issues like intimacy struggles or financial disagreements. A couples therapist may use hands-on techniques like role-playing or structured discussions to help partners better understand each other’s feelings and perspectives.

Some therapists also focus on individual work within the context of couples therapy, asking each partner to reflect on their own communication styles or emotional reactions. This approach allows both individuals to take responsibility for their part in the relationship and actively work toward positive changes.

What a couples counselor does extends far beyond addressing current struggles. They equip couples with practical tools and strategies to build a healthier, more fulfilling relationship that can withstand future challenges. Through counseling, the therapist helps strengthen the couple’s bond, creating a solid foundation for a happier and more connected future together.

What are the stages of relationship counseling?

The exact structure of relationship counseling can vary, but common stages include an initial assessment stage, then a stage of promoting change for a few sessions, and then a final stage of termination and maintaining the benefits couples therapy has provided. Couples who no longer engage in counseling may experience other stages.

In the assessment stage, the therapist learns about the relationship by listening to both partners and understanding their concerns. This stage sets the foundation for the sessions and ensures the counseling process fits the couple’s unique needs.

The second stage focuses on making changes. The couples therapist helps the partners address specific issues, improve how they communicate, and work on rebuilding trust. Exercises like role-playing or guided discussions may be introduced to encourage meaningful shifts in the relationship.

The final stage is about maintaining progress. The therapist supports the couple in strengthening new habits and creating strategies to handle challenges on their own. This helps the benefits of marriage counseling last long after the sessions have ended.

For couples who move forward without active counseling, there are often new stages as they apply what they’ve learned in couples therapy. These reflect the ongoing effort needed to keep the relationship strong and rewarding.

What not to say in couples therapy?

In a couples therapy session, it can be helpful to try not to blame your partner, call them names, ignore them, or shout at them. Blaming your partner can make them feel attacked and prevent open dialogue, while name-calling or using disrespectful language can damage trust and shut down communication. Ignoring your partner’s thoughts or feelings undermines the purpose of counseling and shows a lack of engagement, and shouting escalates emotions, making it harder to resolve conflicts.

Showing respect, practicing active listening, and maintaining active participation from both partners can be key to ensuring productive sessions. The therapist creates a safe environment, but the success of couples therapy relies on the willingness of both individuals to work toward understanding and growth.

How many couples stay together after marriage counseling?

A variety of factors can impact how well couples and marriage counseling work, including how long couples wait to seek help, the skills of the marriage counselor, and the dynamics involved, among other factors. Research published in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy suggests that couples therapy positively impacts about 70% of couples.

The timing of seeking counseling, the commitment of both partners, and the approach used by the therapist all play a role in the success of marriage counseling. While not every couple may stay together, the process often provides valuable tools and insights that can lead to healthier relationships, whether as a couple or individually.

What can couples counseling help with?

Couples counseling can help couples with a wide range of concerns, such as helping them cope with the stress of demanding jobs, learn healthier conflict resolution skills, navigate complex dynamics with a partner’s family, develop stronger communication skills, identify and discuss issues regarding family life, and work through the impact of negative past experiences to bring about positive change.

Through counseling, partners can develop stronger communication skills and identify and discuss issues related to family life. Additionally, couples therapy provides a safe space to work through the impact of negative past experiences, fostering understanding and promoting positive changes in the relationship. Whether addressing specific problems or seeking to strengthen the overall bond, couples counseling offers tools and guidance to support growth and connection.

What is premarital counseling?

Premarital counseling is a type of couples counseling that is intended for an engaged couple ahead of their marriage, while marriage counseling is something a married couple might seek for support.

It focuses on building a strong foundation by addressing potential challenges before they arise. While marriage counseling is something a married couple might seek for support, premarital counseling provides tools and strategies for navigating life together as a couple.

What does premarital counseling do? It helps couples explore topics like communication, conflict resolution, financial planning, and family dynamics. This form of couples therapy allows partners to identify and discuss their expectations for the marriage and address any differences in a constructive way.

Premarital counseling sessions are often led by experienced therapists who guide the couple through meaningful conversations to foster understanding and alignment. These therapists provide a safe space to build trust, clarify goals, and set the stage for a healthy, successful marriage.

How can I find a couples counselor?

You can find a couples counselor by searching online for counselors near you, asking friends for recommendations, exploring directories from resources like the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, and connecting with a couples counselor through an online therapy platform, which can be helpful for those who don’t want to visit a therapist’s office for appointments. Many people also connect with therapists through online couples therapy platforms, which are convenient for those who do not want to visit a therapist's office for appointments.

When trying to find the right counselor for you, it can help to consider their background, training, expertise, and clinical experience. Finding therapists with a specialization in marriage counseling or couples therapy can make a significant difference in addressing your specific needs. Reviewing their qualifications and understanding their approach to couples therapy can help you feel confident in your choice.

What is the difference between couples therapy and individual therapy?

Individual counseling or therapy is conducted on a one-on-one basis between an individual and a therapist, while couples therapy is intended for couples to help them improve their relationship. Different forms of therapy have different uses and benefits. Individuals experiencing mental health issues may find individual therapy with a therapist experienced in clinical psychology to be more helpful, while couples experiencing relationship distress may want to seek couples therapy.

What does individual therapy focus on? It addresses personal challenges such as mental health issues, self-esteem, or trauma. Therapists trained in clinical psychology work directly with the individual to understand and resolve these issues.

What do couples seek in couples therapy? Couples experiencing relationship distress may turn to therapists specializing in marriage counseling or relationship dynamics to work on communication, trust, or conflict resolution. While individual therapy focuses on personal healing, couples therapy helps both partners address shared concerns and strengthen their bond.

Choosing between individual and couples therapy depends on the specific issues. Someone struggling with personal mental health challenges might benefit more from individual therapy, while those navigating difficulties in their marriage or partnership may find couples therapy more effective. Both forms of therapy offer valuable support, but their approaches and goals differ.

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