Addressing Emotional Needs In A Relationship
Keeping your relationship healthy can be similar to keeping your body healthy. Eating enough calories can be a good place to start, but to make the most of your diet, you generally need to be sure you’re getting the right nutrients. Emotional needs can play a similar role in a relationship.
Expressing emotion your partner
We may not think about emotional expressions as grand romantic gestures, but they can be the difference between an unfulfilling relationship and a healthy relationship. From acceptance to quality time, meeting your and your partner’s emotional needs can help you both feel safe, valued, and loved.
This article explores mental health and emotional needs within relationships. We’ll also discuss how working with a licensed couples therapist in person or online may be helpful if you and your partner want to put more work into meeting each other’s needs and maintaining a healthy relationship.
What does it mean to have emotional needs in a relationship?
You may have heard the term “emotional needs” used in the context of relationships, but what exactly does it mean?
Emotional needs can be defined as the basic things that are necessary for your mental and emotional health. For example, if you’re an extrovert, then you may need to be able to interact with others in order to feel happy and healthy. In a relationship, this might mean you need a partner who can make time to chat and do social activities with you. On the flip side, if you’re someone who values independence, then you may need more personal space to do your own thing or alone time to recharge.
Having these types of needs met can allow you to feel safe and at ease. Specific emotional needs in a relationship can vary based on the person, but in healthy relationships, they often involve feeling heard, loved, and respected by your partner.
How meeting your partner's emotional needs can benefit your relationship
Meeting emotional needs may support your and your partner’s mental health, emotional energy, and general well-being by:
- Deepening your connection
- Building trust and empathy
- Promoting open, honest communication
- Demonstrating each partner’s commitment to the relationship
- Preventing conflicts (and making them easier to resolve)
The effects of unmet emotional needs
A relationship that prioritizes emotional needs can allow each person to feel fulfilled and valued. However, when partners ignore or fail to meet each other’s needs, this can set the stage for:
- Hurt feelings
- Problems with communication
- Reduced intimacy
- Loneliness and isolation
- Trouble resolving conflicts
Furthermore, because these needs are often tied to mental health, not having a partner meet them or only having one partner committed to the idea can raise the risk of certain mental health issues. Some common examples may include depression, anxiety, and stress. Over the long term, these issues can contribute to physical health problems like high blood pressure, chronic pain, and illness.
Common examples of emotional needs for relationship satisfaction
Now that we’ve seen how important feeling safe can be for romantic relationships, you may be wondering what these needs look like. Because everyone tends to be different, people’s individual needs can vary, but it may still be helpful to get a sense of some of the most common ones.
Quality time
Spending quality time with your partner can be a common emotional need because it can enable you to get closer to one another. Having less time with your partner can mean fewer chances to discuss your thoughts, discuss your relationship, and learn about each other. Remember, quality time doesn’t always have to mean fancy dates and big adventures. You can spend time together doing something as simple as watching a movie together or giving each other your undivided attention for a few minutes each day.
Support
Providing emotional support generally means being someone your partner can turn to in a time of stress, sadness, or another complicated emotion. Offering words of validation, loving gestures, or even simple favors can be valuable, healthy ways to show your commitment and help your partner feel supported when they have a rough day. Support can also mean encouraging your partner to grow and congratulating them for their achievements.
Honesty
Honesty can be a key component of a healthy relationship. This typically means being willing to openly discuss how you're feeling and helping your partner feel safe to do the same. It can also mean speaking your mind when your partner asks for your opinion and bringing up issues when you notice them.
Intimacy
When you think of intimacy in a relationship, physical needs may be the first thing that comes to mind. Physical intimacy—from affectionate touching to sexual activity—can strengthen the bond between partners. However, emotional intimacy is often just as important as physical touch and affection. This can involve being able to discuss your thoughts and feelings with your partner and being open about your struggles.
Commitment
At its most basic, commitment can mean being actively invested in your romantic relationship. While you may mainly think of it as being faithful to your partner, being willing to make sacrifices for their happiness may be another aspect of being committed. This can also include family commitment if you and your partner have children.
Acceptance
Acceptance and respect often go hand in hand in a relationship. When you accept your partner for who they are and your partner accepts you in the same way, you may be valuing and loving them without trying to change them. This can make them feel safe to be themself around you. It can be important to remember that partners can still grow and learn together while also accepting each other’s imperfections.
As you read through these examples, it may be helpful to reflect on your own emotional needs and what you need to fulfill you. Then, consider whether they are being met in your relationship. If something seems to be missing, bringing it up with your partner can be an important first step toward understanding and addressing it.
That said, this may not always be easy. Even for couples with strong communication, things can sometimes slip through the cracks, and it can be hard to recognize when your needs aren’t being met, which is why counseling can be helpful. A licensed professional may be able to help you and your partner identify, voice, and meet each other’s needs to ensure you’re on the same page about what your relationship means.
Relationship support from an online couples therapist
As helpful as in-office relationship therapy can be, it may not be available for everyone, with sessions that can cost upwards of $200 per hour. Online therapy may be a more cost-effective option. Platforms like BetterHelp or Regain for couples counseling generally allow you to attend counseling from the comfort of your home at times that fit your schedule, with prices starting at $65 to $100 per week (based on factors such as your location, referral source, preferences, therapist availability and any applicable discounts or promotions that might apply) to have sessions with a qualified therapist.
Studies suggest that online relationship therapy may be just as effective as in-person counseling. In one 2021 study, 30 couples were given a relationship therapy program either through videoconferencing or in person. Researchers found that both delivery methods typically led to similar improvements in couples’ relationship satisfaction and mental health.
Takeaway
Emotional needs are frequently defined as the components that make you feel happy and fulfilled in your relationship. These can depend on the person, of course, but some common examples of what is needed for relationship success include a need for acceptance, commitment, quality time, and emotional support. Having your emotional needs met can contribute to relationship satisfaction and overall well-being. For this reason, it can be helpful to reflect on your own relationship needs from time to time, bring up any gaps with your partner, and seek online or in-person therapy if you need help addressing them in your life.
Frequently asked questions
Questions to ask your therapist about meeting your partner’s emotional needs
What are 10 examples of emotional needs in a relationship?
Ten examples of emotional needs in a relationship are:
- Acceptance
- Affection
- Communication
- Companionship
- Connection
- Honesty
- Intimacy
- Empathy
- Respect
- Trust
How can I meet my partner’s emotional needs?
You want to meet your partner’s emotional needs, but before that can happen, you have to know what those needs are. It can be beneficial to sit down and have an intimate conversation with your partner to identify if they have any unmet needs. Doing so also allows you to address whether your own needs are being met and can ultimately help you focus on improving your relationship or marriage.
When having this conversation with your partner, focus on the specific ways you can meet their needs. People tend to be nonspecific when discussing the pain points in their relationships, but the more honest you and your partner are in the process, the more likely you are to be able to work through any frustration and put effort into attaining emotional fulfillment.
What are emotional needs?
Emotional needs are the psychological requirements someone has to make them feel loved, happy, or fulfilled. Emotional needs matter in any relationship but can be particularly important in romantic love. Emotional needs can include recreational companionship and domestic support, but they generally do not include things like financial support.
How do I ensure my emotional needs are met in a relationship?
Talking about your emotional needs with your partner can help ensure they are met. While you and your partner may have a deep sense of connection and appreciation for one another, relationship issues can develop as a result of unmet emotional needs. If you have a willingness to be open about these needs and communicate your expectations, you can work to ensure fulfillment from your relationship.
What are the 5 basic emotional needs?
Basic emotional needs that a person may require in a relationship include affection, communication, companionship, empathy, and respect. That said, what you desire from your relationship is unique, so you may have other basic needs.
What is a lack of emotional connection to your partner?
A lack of emotional connection can mean many things. Some people may feel that they are not emotionally connected if their partner doesn’t share important things with them or has a lack of empathy for their experiences. Others may feel a lack of emotional connection if they don’t spend time doing fun activities with their partners or have conversations that lack depth.
What are a woman's emotional needs?
Everyone’s emotional needs are unique, regardless of their gender.
How to identify emotional needs?
If you are unsure of your own emotional needs, think back to a previous relationship or other past experiences when you felt emotionally unfulfilled. What did you expect from that relationship that you did not receive?
Then, think about a point in your life when you felt your emotional needs were being met. When you focus on identifying what was lacking in some relationships and what was present in others, it can lead you to determining what you need for emotional fulfillment.
If you need help, consider working with a therapist. In therapy, you can talk about what you hope to gain from a relationship as well as the things that can make you feel insecure so you know what to focus on with your partner to create a stable, fulfilling relationship.
How do you know if you have an emotional connection with someone?
When you have an emotional connection with someone, you have a deep sense of trust in them. When you are together, you may share genuine smiles and laughs. While you may excel at open and honest communication about what you treasure and fear, you can also be comfortable sitting in silence together.
Why is emotional support important in a relationship?
Emotional support in a relationship can help build connection, trust, and intimacy between partners. One way to think about it is that when you take action to care for your partner’s emotional needs, you’re making love bank deposits. Each deposit contributes to the health of your relationship.
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