What Is A Break In A Relationship? Taking A Break For Your Mental Health

When a relationship has begun to deteriorate, it’s not uncommon for one partner or both to decide to hit the pause button and spend some time apart to figure things out. But what, exactly, does it mean to “take a break”? Some may consider it a “soft breakup” or even an opportunity to explore personal freedom. However, the decision to take a break can also be a sign of self-awareness and consideration, which can be an important step along the way and lead to a stronger, healthier partnership.

Here, we’ll explore what it means to take a break in a relationship, as well as how to approach a break in a way that’s productive and mutually beneficial. With a better understanding of what a break is and how to find the clarity you’re looking for in one, you’ll be prepared to take a brief intermission as a couple before moving forward in a way that’s best for both you and your partner.

What is a break in a relationship?

While the exact reasons for a break may be different for each couple, typically taking a break means spending time apart to evaluate the relationship, work through complicated feelings, and discern in what way you can move forward. A break is different from a breakup in that it typically lasts only for a brief period, anywhere from a few days to a month. Afterwards, often couples decide whether to come back together or to end the relationship. 

What can I focus on while taking a break in my relationship?

During a break, you may spend time reflecting on your needs and experiences, talking to your friends or loved ones about your relationship, and getting a feel for how your life without your significant other in the future may be like. During this alone time you may also prioritize self-care, therapy, and hobbies or activities that bring you inner joy.

At the end of a break, you may reunite with the goal of making some meaningful changes to improve your relationship health, or you may decide that it’s best to part ways. 

Can taking breaks be healthy?

Whether or not a break is healthy often depends on the overall health of your relationship, as well as the circumstances that prompted you to do so. 

Certainly, there may be times when an otherwise healthy relationship could benefit from one, such as if one or both partners are dealing with a personal issue that makes it challenging to devote the necessary time and attention to the relationship. In such a case, you may hope that a break can give you the time and space to deal with the issue at hand so you can return to the relationship with a clearer mind and in a better capacity for tending to your partner.

Taking a step back to evaluate: What is a break in a relationship?

However, the decision to take a break may also be a sign that a relationship is in jeopardy. If you and your partner have been unable to find resolution among ongoing conflict and dissatisfaction, it might be a way to evaluate the viability and future of the relationship and whether both partners are truly committed to making necessary changes.

How to take a break the right way

1. Establish a clear time frame

2. Agree on some rules and boundaries for the relationship break

When taking a break, it is helpful for many to set ground rules so that both you and your partner understand what to expect. Without clear boundaries and expectations, the break may place your relationship in a state of limbo, or become a moving target where you or your significant other risk hurting one another. 

These rules might pertain to things like how much contact, if any, you should maintain with each other, whether you can explore the possibility of relationships with others, or how to manage common responsibilities or social interactions, especially if you have mutual friends or commitments. 

3. Reflect meaningfully on your time together

During your break, take some time to reflect on your relationship and your own feelings. Consider what led up to the break, as well as any underlying problems that may be wedging between you. In addition to the issues you’re experiencing, take stock of what’s working well, including what you love about your partner. 

It is also helpful for some to zoom out and view their relationship in the context of their life as a whole. Here are some questions you can use to help you determine the long-term viability of your partnership:

• Could you and your partner grow and learn as a couple, or do you believe you might achieve more by ending the relationship? Consider the patterns that already exist within your relationship and ask yourself how likely it is that these patterns will change.
• Are there any persistent issues or red flags that make the prospect of a healthy relationship unrealistic? This could be issues like emotional or physical abuse, dishonesty or repeated betrayal, blame or refusal to accept responsibility, resentment, or persistent communication issues.
• Are there any practical or logistical issues that may be influencing your decision to stay together (e.g., mutual living arrangements, financial concerns, or co-parenting responsibilities)? If so, what are some possible solutions for addressing these issues? 
• Are there any fears or worries that may be impacting how you feel about staying in this relationship? If so, what are they? Are these fears well-founded? 
• During your time apart, how has your quality of life been affected? How do you feel?

If you or a loved one is experiencing abuse, contact the Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Support is available 24/7.

Asking yourself these types of questions is one way to gain clarity about what to do when your break ends. If you are still feeling confused, it may be worth talking to a neutral party such as a therapist. A therapist is often able to offer valuable guidance and an outside perspective.

4. Try to stay busy during and after a break to support your own mental health

A relationship break is an emotionally difficult time, and while thinking through issues is helpful for some, it can also be exhausting. Try to stay active and occupy your time in meaningful ways, such as by exercising, connecting with friends or family members, or pursuing a hobby. You may find that the time seems like it’s going by more quickly.

5. End the break with a constructive conversation

When the temporary break is over, taking time for a constructive conversation about the future of your relationship is essential. Check in with the other person. You may take turns discussing your feelings and reflections about the time spent apart. Be sure to listen actively and empathetically to one another, acknowledging both the challenges and growth you’ve experienced. 

Relationship experts recommend that you aim for an open, honest, blameless, nonconfrontational dialogue, taking care to avoid accusations or criticisms that could derail the conversation. Instead, focus on expressing your own feelings, personal goals, and needs, so it is possible to start again on the same page if you choose to continue. 

If you ultimately decide to part ways, it may be worth discussing how best to approach that, particularly if you are married, coparenting, or cohabitating. If you decide to stay together, you might discuss what needs to change and come up with a plan for building a stronger, healthier relationship.

When to see a couples therapist for your mental health

Often, couples who take time apart realize that their long-term relationship is not able to move forward without significant changes. If you and your partner have decided to continue your life as a couple and sense that change is necessary, it may be worth considering couples counseling. 

A couples or relationship counselor is able to offer valuable guidance and other perspectives as you navigate a new chapter with your partner, from practical advice for improving communication to deeper insights into relationship dynamics and emotional patterns. 

Online therapy for relationship conflicts or a breakup