What Is A Poly Relationship? A Guide To Non-Manogamy

Many people view romantic relationships as a commitment between two people. But this is not the only way to structure a relationship. Polyamorous relationships, where people can have more than one sexual or romantic partner, can be just as valid. They can also be complex. Understanding the different types of poly relationships, as well as how to keep them safe and healthy, can be important for anyone who’s in one or interested in starting one. 

Poly relationships can be complicated

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What is a poly relationship?

When it comes to romantic relationships, monogamy is often seen as the “norm.” In a monogamous relationship, two people commit to being each other’s only romantic and sexual partner. But some people may prefer to have more flexibility when it comes to emotional and physical intimacy. When everyone in the relationship agrees to this, this is called “consensual non-monogamy.” 

Polyamorous relationships, sometimes called “poly” relationships, are consensual non monogamous relationships. In poly relationships, people may have romantic or sexual relationships with more than one person. This happens with the consent of everyone involved. Therefore, it is not considered “cheating” the way it might be in a traditional relationship. 

Different people may enter poly relationships for different reasons. Some common examples might include:

• A sense of community
• A desire to be intimate with multiple partners
• Sexual needs that can’t be met in monogamous relationships
• A desire to see their partner be happy with others 
• A desire for fluidity and flexibility

It may be important to note that polyamorous people may have multiple sexual or romantic relationships. This is different from an open relationship. An open relationship may involve more than one sexual relationship, but it usually involves only one romantic relationship. 

Types of poly relationships

Polyamory can take different forms. Each of these may have different expectations depending on the people involved. Some common poly relationship structures include:

• Hierarchical: In a hierarchical structure, a person has a primary relationship that they prioritize over others. They may also have other relationships, but they give their primary partner more time and attention than their other partners.  
• Non-hierarchical: In non-hierarchical polyamory, all partnerships are given equal priority. 
• Throuple: A throuple, also known as a triad, is a group of three partners who are all involved with each other. 
• V: A V-shaped relationship is another three-person relationship. In a V, not everyone is romantically or sexually involved. For example, someone might have two partners and date each one separately, but those partners might not have a relationship with each other. 
• Quad: A quad is a poly relationship that involves four people. This can take various forms. For example, two couples could date each other’s partners, or all four people might be involved with each other.
• Polyfidelity: Polyfidelity is a more exclusive arrangement. It usually happens when everyone in the relationship agrees to only date people within the group. 

These are just a few of the ways polyamorous relationships might look. That said, there are many other possible forms. The specific structure often depends on each person’s needs, sexuality, and goals. 

Tips for having a successful poly relationship

Whether you’re interested in starting a poly relationship or you’re already involved in one, you may want to ensure that it’s healthy and fulfilling for everyone involved. Some tips for doing this include:

• Communicate: The more people are involved in a relationship, the more important it can be to practice healthy communication. Aim to practice open and honest communication. If disagreements happen, be proactive and address them respectfully. It may be helpful to bring up issues as they come up to keep them from getting bigger.
• Emphasize consent: Consent is important in any relationship. Poly relationships are no exception. Make sure everyone agrees on what is allowed, and that no one feels pressured to do anything they don’t want to. If you ever have doubts about something, it can be a good idea to get clarification.
• Be mindful of emotions: Poly relationships can involve a lot of conflicting emotions and perspectives. That’s why learning to be aware of your and other people’s emotions can be important. Pay attention to your partners’ emotional cues, and practice empathetic, active listening. Mindfulness meditation may also be useful for building emotional awareness.
• Set healthy boundaries: No matter how many people are involved, it can be important for everyone to be on the same page. Discuss ground rules and boundaries early in the relationship. Be clear on expectations about things like exclusivity, and intimacy. This may help you avoid conflicts and hurt feelings. 
• Practice safe sex: It’s generally a good idea to prioritize your and your partners’ well-being, especially if there is sex involved. Being open about sexual wellness, practicing safe sex, and getting regular exams can help keep everyone healthy. 
• Maintain a support network: Poly relationships can provide lots of emotional connections. That said, it can also be important to have relationships outside the group. Ensure everyone involved has a support network of friends, family, or other people they can turn to if needed. 

While polyamory can be a fulfilling type of relationship, it can also raise challenges. Different people in the group may have different emotions, views, and needs. This can lead to conflicts and other complications. Having a mental health professional to support you may be helpful for managing these complexities.

If you’re in multiple relationships at once, it may not always be easy to take time out of your day to visit a therapist. Online therapy may be an easier option. Platforms like BetterHelp allow you to attend therapy from your home, eliminating the need to add commutes to a busy schedule. 

Studies have found online therapy to be as effective as in-person therapy at treating various mental illnesses. In a 2021 study, researchers studied more than 5,000 participants in an in-person therapy program, an online therapy program, or both. They found that online therapy led to similar outcomes as in-person therapy. 

Takeaway

Monogamous relationships are relationships where both partners commit to being exclusive. The people in polyamorous relationships agree that they can have romantic or sexual relationships with others. A poly relationship can take many different forms. No matter the structure, it can be important to prioritize communication, boundary-setting, and outside support—including therapy, if needed.