What Is A Serious Relationship And Can You Prepare?

If you’ve been dating someone for a while and the relationship seems to be going well, you may want to take your relationship to the next level. But while moving from a casual relationship to a serious one can be exciting, it can also take planning and preparation. Reflecting carefully and taking the right steps early on may help you start the next stage of your relationship on the right foot. This article will guide you through understanding if you and your partner are truly ready to embark on the journey of a serious relationship.

What is a serious relationship?

Before deciding if you're ready for a long-term relationship with someone, you may want to understand what that means, including enjoying each other's company, discussing your financial situation, and planning how to spend time together in your shared life.

What is a serious relationship compared to a casual one?

Generally speaking, there are two types of relationships: casual and serious. A casual relationship, sometimes known as a short-term relationship, often involves less commitment and less planning. People who are casually dating may have a strictly physical relationship, and it may continue more out of convenience than emotional investment. A casual fling is not necessarily a sign of a lack of interest but rather a choice to keep things fun, light, and without long-term goals.

Signs of a serious relationship

On the other hand, couples in a serious relationship (sometimes called a long-term relationship) are not just focused on sex and physical intimacy. Instead, they tend to want to plan ahead to keep things going as long as possible. They might discuss future plans, such as moving forward with living together or even marriage. They are often more emotionally invested in the relationship, want some level of exclusivity, and hope to build a future together. 

Serious relationships may also involve:

• Discussing plans for getting married or having kids
• Spending time with a partner’s family and friends
• Supporting each other’s careers and personal goals
• Being vulnerable, honest, and open with each other
• Making sacrifices for the good of the relationship

In a 2018 UC Davis study, researchers surveyed over 800 people on how their short-term and long-term relationships developed. They found that romance followed a similar course in both types of relationships. The biggest difference they identified was that, in short-term relationships, romantic interest in a potential partner tended to die down at a certain point, while in long-term ones, it kept rising. 

Am I ready for a serious relationship?

Even when you understand what a serious relationship involves, you might still find it hard to figure out if it’s in the cards for you and your partner. You may want to look for signs that you're both truly interested in this journey together and address any fears to ensure you both feel comfortable with the path ahead.

Questions to ask yourself

• Do I feel a deep connection to my partner?
• Do I trust my partner to be honest, faithful, and respectful?
• Do I see myself staying with this person for a long time or even for life?
• Do I feel pressured to be in a committed relationship?
• Am I ready to put significant time and effort into this relationship?
• Are my partner’s goals and values similar to mine?
• Are my partner and I able to handle conflicts respectfully?
• Am I willing to make compromises sometimes for the good of the relationship?
• Can I see this relationship working even during times of stress?

While the decision to get serious can ultimately depend on the couple, the right reflection may help you clarify what your exclusive relationship means and what you hope to get out of it. If you answered "yes" to most or all of the above questions, you and your partner may be ready for a deeper level of commitment.

Preparing for your first serious relationship 

Even if you and your partner feel ready, it can sometimes be intimidating to take the next step in a committed relationship, especially if you’ve never gotten serious with someone before. As you make the transition, there are a few steps you can take that may help set you up for success, including:

Getting on the same page as your partner

Before you move forward with a serious relationship, you can sit down with your partner and determine whether you’re aligned on expectations. Even if the two of you have already discussed getting more serious, you might want to revisit the topic to ensure nothing has changed. Consider discussing your future plans and goals. You may not need to hash everything out, but it can be helpful to at least touch on major matters, like having kids, living in the same house, and where you each see yourselves in five or ten years. 

Practice communication skills

This can also be an opportunity to practice your communication and make sure you both understand what a more serious relationship entails, such as putting in the hard work necessary to achieve dreams and goals. How you and your partner navigate this conversation on serious relationships may help you understand what it will be like to have other serious talks as your relationship progresses. 

Establishing boundaries in the relationship

Boundaries are limits that you and your partner set on your time, personal space, energy, and communication. Communicating your boundaries clearly can help ensure the relationship stays healthy, respectful, and comfortable for both people. 

Some examples of common boundaries in serious relationships include:

• Managing conflict: Not playing the blame game, not shouting, and not resorting to insults or manipulation
• Physical intimacy: Understanding what sexual activities each person is comfortable with, seeking consent, and respecting each other’s personal space
• Time management: Being able to spend quality time together but also have independence and striking a healthy balance between hobbies and relationship activities
• Relationship dynamics: Setting ground rules for interacting with family members, exes, and friends

Before getting serious in your relationship with your partner, try to revisit your boundaries together. Now may be a good opportunity if you haven't discussed the boundaries in your relationship before.

Being proactive in your relationship

When it comes to making your relationship successful, it can be helpful to take initiative. If there are any unresolved issues between you and your partner, work on addressing these relationship issues as you move into the next phase. 

Make a plan for your long-term relationship

You might also consider making a plan for approaching the daily aspects of your relationship, such as:

• How you will divide up chores and responsibilities
• How you will manage your finances
• How you will handle disagreements
• When and how you’ll spend quality time together
• How you will measure the success of your relationship

Even if you don’t have an exact answer for everything, it can be healthier to have these discussions ahead of time than to wait until problems come up later, when they may be harder to resolve. 

Keep your relationship expectations realistic

When you are in a romantic relationship that you are deeply passionate about, it can sometimes be easy to see the relationship through rose-colored glasses. But couples can often benefit from looking at their relationship realistically. Even if your partner is your best friend, serious relationships can bring challenges, and you may not always get along.

This can be easier said than done, though. If you’re having trouble managing the transition from a casual relationship to a serious relationship, relationship therapy may be a useful resource. A counselor may be able to help you get on the same page as your partner and take steps to build a lasting relationship. If you’re still not sure if a serious relationship is right for you, a therapist may also be able to provide suggestions and advice. 

Relationship support with a therapist

Relationship therapy can be a personal and vulnerable experience, and some couples may find it easier to be open and show their feelings in a familiar environment. Through online therapy platforms like ReGain (for couples) and BetterHelp (for individuals), partners can receive counseling without having to leave the comfort of their own homes. 

What the research says about online therapy

Studies have found that online therapy can be as effective for couples as in-person therapy. In 2022, researchers gave 30 couples a relationship therapy program in person or through videoconferencing. Both groups experienced equal improvements in relationship satisfaction, mental health, and the closeness they felt with their therapists.