What Is Insight Oriented Couples Therapy And What Can It Do For Your Relationship?

Do you find that you and your partner are clashing or growing distant for reasons you can’t understand? Are you wondering where the unhealthy patterns in your relationship might be coming from? If so, you might be interested in exploring insight oriented couples therapy (IOCT). This type of therapy aims to help distressed couples delve into the psychological roots of their relationship difficulties to learn what’s preventing them from relating in a constructive way, and then develop tools for improving their relationship. 

Insight oriented couples therapy is an integrative approach that combines tools from multiple therapeutic methods. An IOCT therapist can help clients explore the deep-seated causes of the unhealthy beliefs, attitudes, and expectations that may be interfering with their relationships. At the same time, they can offer pragmatic strategies for changing counterproductive behaviors. IOCT may be helpful for couples whose unresolved inner conflicts are putting their partnership under strain. 

What is insight oriented couples therapy?

Insight oriented couples therapy (IOCT) incorporates elements from both psychodynamic theory and cognitive-behavioral tools to help clients work on their relationships. Learning more about these two approaches can be helpful in understanding IOCT. 

Psychodynamic theory suggests that psychological difficulties often spring from past experiences that have distorted a person’s worldview, self-image, and internal drives; psychodynamic therapy aims to help the client identify where their self-sabotaging ideas come from to enable positive change. In IOCT then, a key idea is that unhealthy patterns of behavior in a relationship may be rooted in past experiences and the beliefs those experiences have created. 

Meanwhile, IOCT therapists then also often use behavioral interventions pulled from behavioral couples therapy (BCT), aimed at changing behaviors to improve the relationship. With this approach, they can offer practical strategies for modifying unhealthy behaviors in the present. Insight oriented couples therapy uses elements of both methods to treat relationship distress.

There is evidence suggesting that IOCT can be quite effective. One research study of 79 couples found that insight-oriented marital therapy produced significant improvements in relationship and individual functioning.

These gains may be quite long-lasting. A follow-up study reported that only 3% of married couples who had received insight-oriented marital therapy were divorced four years later. This was significantly better than the other treatment condition in the study—38% of participants who received behavioral martial therapy had experienced divorce. 

How IOCT could help your relationship

There can be a range of potential benefits of IOCT, including the following: 

1. Better understanding of your relationship difficulties

Uncovering these hidden difficulties through IOCT may help you relate to your partner in more loving and healthy ways. It may also leave you better equipped to prevent future relationship distress, because both of you will have a clearer sense of what situations are likely to cause conflict. Though some people might be skeptical of the value of this type of reflection, evidence from research supports the idea that greater insight can be important for better treatment outcomes.

2. Improved conflict resolution skills

Incorporating cognitive-behavioral tools, insight oriented couples therapy can also teach distressed couples more constructive ways to address disagreement and conflict. Examples include active listening, feelings-first language, and focusing on problem-solving rather than accusatory language. IOCT can also dig into the reasons why a couple is having so much difficulty communicating.

In some cases, problems like these may arise because both partners are interpreting each other’s behavior based on past relationships or their own inner conflicts. They may be unconsciously projecting things they dislike about themselves onto one another, or overreacting because the other person has accidentally reopened an old wound. IOCT may be helpful for bringing these unseen factors to light so that they can be managed more productively.

3. Overcome emotional blockage

Some research has found that one of the most common reasons for couples to seek therapy is a lack of emotional affection. This can lead to a feeling of distance and neglect, sometimes accompanied by resentment that drives the wedge deeper. 

If you’re finding it hard to express affectionate feelings to your partner, it might be due to something from your past that you’ve been bottling up, rather than something directly related to the relationship. Insight oriented therapy may be able to help you confront the things you’ve been pushing aside, giving you a framework for processing those emotions constructively. You and your partner may find it easier to express your feelings once you’ve gotten past this inner blockage.

4. Aid in recovery from substance use

Some couples may seek therapy because one or both partners are engaging in destructive behaviors relating to alcohol or other substances. There’s a fair amount of evidence that couple and family therapy can be effective treatment options for substance use disorders. 

IOCT and other psychodynamic treatments may help individuals with substance use disorder better understand why it’s been so hard for them to make positive changes. For instance, a client might discover that their struggles with alcohol are linked to a desire to bond with a distant father who was only able to show affection when intoxicated. Recognizing the unmet emotional needs driving substance-seeking behavior might be important for achieving lasting recovery.

What does insight oriented couples therapy look like?

While every couple (and every therapist) is different, a therapist conducting insight oriented couples therapy may use some of the following common techniques: 

• Discussion of the past: You and your partner may be asked to talk about your personal histories and your past romantic and familial relationships. This can be an important way to uncover the causes of your psychological distress.
• Free association: An IOCT therapist may prompt you to say whatever comes to mind about a certain topic, such as your sex life or your partner’s attitude toward your career. By talking freely without pausing to correct yourself, you may express feelings or beliefs you didn’t know you held.
• Cognitive reframing: If you’re holding onto beliefs, feelings, or habits that are making it hard to relate to your partner, therapy may involve training in ways to consciously change the way you think about the important issues in your relationship.
• Symptom interpretation: Some insight oriented therapists believe that psychosomatic or behavioral symptoms can offer clues as to the source of a client’s distress. If you’re having trouble expressing yourself, for example, a counselor might ask if you developed a habit of silence as a defense mechanism earlier in life.
• Dream interpretation: You and your partner may be encouraged to discuss your dreams to see whether they can offer hints about important feelings of which you’re not consciously aware.
• Mindfulness: This can refer to a variety of different practices intended to help you take better notice of your own thoughts, feelings, and actions. Your therapist might suggest things like keeping a journal, taking time to reflect before speaking, paying attention to internal sensations, or practicing meditation.

Pursuing couples therapy online 

For couples interested in starting couples therapy, it can sometimes be difficult to make it happen when trying to coordinate multiple busy schedules. In these cases, online therapy can be a convenient option, as you can meet with a therapist wherever you have internet, and you and your partner can even join from separate locations, which may make it easier to make time for. 

Research has also demonstrated the effectiveness of online couples therapy. One such study showed that online and in-person couples therapy produced similar levels of improvement in relationship satisfaction and mental health.