Feeling Invisible: Why Am I Ignored?
Being ignored by a partner can have a variety of emotional effects. You may feel insecure, confused, sad, lonely—or you may even feel glad or relieved, which could be confusing too. Below, we’ll explore some of the possible emotional effects of feeling like you simply don’t get the attention you need or expect from a partner, and then we’ll discuss how you might cope by setting boundaries, leaning on social support, meeting with a therapist, and other techniques.
The potential emotional effects of being ignored
In general, most people expect that the person they’re dating or married to will be attentive and respectful toward them. That’s why it can cause emotional confusion and insecurity in the relationship and perhaps even in the self to feel like you’re being ignored by a significant other. Having your thoughts, needs, or even your presence overlooked by this person in particular could damage your self-esteem and contribute to feelings of anxiety, loneliness, resentment, and depression. In some cases, receiving silent treatment for periods of time can even be a potential indicator of emotional abuse in your relationship life.
Relief from negative attention
However, in other cases, some people might actually feel content or relieved to be ignored by their partner instead of having a hard time with it. One potential reason for this is in a case of abuse or an otherwise unhealthy relationship. If you’re used to receiving negative attention from your partner, receiving none instead could come as a relief. You might also feel relief because you’ve realized you don’t want this person’s attention anymore and that you may want to exit the relationship. These are just a couple of examples of many possible sources of the varied emotions you may feel at being ignored by a partner. Typically, it’s important to get to the root and decide what next move might be best for you.
The power of communication when ignored by a partner
Research suggests that strong communication can enhance relationship satisfaction since it increases the likelihood that all parties feel heard and gives each a better chance of getting their needs met. When you feel you’re being ignored by your partner, withdrawing and avoiding communication with them yourself can be tempting in order to let them know how it’s making you feel or to try and protect yourself from further hurt. However, this approach may only exacerbate the problem. Whether they’re barely talking to you or seem to not hear what you’re really trying to say when you talk, it may be worth coming together to express yourself as clearly as possible.
Understanding why am I ignored
First, you might set aside regular, dedicated time to sit down, make eye contact, and spend time checking in about your relationship and how you’re both feeling. That way, you and your partner can give each other the attention and focus needed to have meaningful conversations. If possible, express your feelings calmly and respectfully. You might avoid using language that could be perceived as blame or criticism. Instead, you may try to use "I" statements to express how you feel and what you need. For example, "I feel hurt when you don't listen to me" is often more productive than "You never listen to me."It can also help to remain open to hearing your partner's perspective through actively listening to what they say. It can be okay to disagree, but respecting each other's opinions and finding common ground is normally ideal. They may not realize how you’ve been feeling and might be willing to make some changes to their behavior, or you could learn that they’ve been feeling ignored too and it caused them to pull away. Or, perhaps you’ll find that you have mismatched expectations on how much attention you each need, or that you simply aren’t compatible overall. Remember that in cases of abuse or where your safety is otherwise at risk, communication like this may not always be safe. You have the right to prioritize your safety in such a situation.
If you or a loved one is experiencing abuse, contact the Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Support is available 24/7.
Tips for coping when your partner is ignoring you
Wondering "Why does he ignore me?" can be a difficult experience—even if it makes you feel relieved, which can be confusing. Whether you’ve just noticed this trend in your relationship or are actively in communication with your significant other in an attempt to address it, being ignored in your partnership can represent a challenging time. Here are a few tips that may help you as you work through it:
Lean on friends and family for support and communication
Humans are social creatures, and loneliness can have a variety of negative mental and physical health effects over time. If you’re feeling isolated in your relationship, it can be helpful to seek social support in other places—such as by leaning on family and friends, since research suggests having strong social connections can improve health and stress resilience.
Practice self-care when you feel lonely or unnoticed
Taking care of yourself when you're going through a confusing time can help keep your body and mind equipped to face challenges. Self-care is a highly individualized practice, but examples can include exercising, meditating, journaling, eating well, and engaging in activities that bring you joy.
Set boundaries to prevent isolation
Setting boundaries with your partner to help protect your well-being could be helpful during this time. Examples could include spending some time apart, placing limits on how or when you communicate, or even ending the relationship if it no longer feels right for you.
Seek professional help for feelings of rejection or being invisible
If you’re having trouble making sense of the emotions you feel at being ignored by your partner, it might be helpful to seek the support of a licensed mental health professional or relationship coach. They can provide a safe and non-judgmental space where you can process your feelings and find ways to move forward.
How therapy may help
Whether you’re feeling relieved, upset, or another emotion in response to being ignored by your partner, it can be troubling and hard to work through on your own. In cases like these, therapy can be a helpful tool. Some of the reasons people may meet with a trained therapist in this type of situation is that they can help you gain insight into your emotional experiences, develop effective strategies for communicating them, and make choices that are best for your well-being and happiness.
Benefits of online therapy to answer “Why am I ignored?”
If you find regularly attending in-person therapy sessions to be inconvenient, you might prefer to look into online therapy instead. With a platform like BetterHelp, you can get matched with a licensed therapist who you can meet with via phone, video call, and/or in-app messaging from the comfort of home. Research suggests that online therapy may be “no less efficacious” than in-person sessions, so you can generally feel confident in exploring whichever format works best for you.
Takeaway
Frequently asked questions
Read more below for answers to questions commonly asked about this topic.
What does it mean to feel unnoticed in a relationship?
Feeling unnoticed in a relationship can be devastating, and contribute to negative emotions that impact mental health and well-being.
There are many reasons why a person may feel unnoticed in a romantic relationship. Possible reasons may include one partner carrying the emotional load of the relationship, low self-esteem or low self-confidence that make a person feel overlooked if their partner is temporarily distracted or less emotionally available, or there is poor communication between partners.
Why do I feel invisible and lonely in a relationship?
If you feel that your needs are being ignored in a relationship, you may be carrying the emotional or cognitive burden. This means that you are putting in all the effort, without getting a return on your investment. Such situations can lead to mental health issues, and exacerbate existing relationship and/or communication problems. You may stop feeling love for the person ignoring you if the problem is not addressed.
What does rejection and isolation look like in a relationship?
If you start paying attention to the day to day of your relationship and notice that your partner doesn’t seem interested in what you have to say, or doesn’t respond to your requests, you may be experiencing emotional rejection. You may find that you only make small talk with your partner, and never discuss anything of real importance. You may feel lonely and frustrated.
This rejection isn’t always necessarily intentional. In some cases, it may be an emotional abuse tactic used to control you, but in others it may be that your partner is emotionally unavailable for other reasons. They may struggle with worry over their job, or the state of the world. They may be experiencing depression or anxiety, or some other mental health condition. Past experience with their primary caregiver may have created attachment issues that make them feel uncomfortable sharing their feelings or being vulnerable with others.
Why does ignoring someone get their attention?
This is not a universal phenomenon, but there are some personality types who become intrigued when someone ignores them. Some people simply dislike when others come on too strong, and not showering them with attention makes them feel more comfortable. Others enjoy what they consider “a challenge”, or want what they think they can’t have.
While it may feel good in the beginning, this type of behavior is not the best foundation for a healthy relationship. It sets you up for a push pull dynamic that can be emotionally exhausting in the long run.
Why am I ignored all the time?
There can be many reasons that you feel ignored by others. You may come on too strongly for some people, who feel overwhelmed and use avoidance to cope with that energy. You may experience social anxiety and avoid people yourself at times, which can create rifts. You may be experiencing toxic friendships in which certain people treat you poorly, act friendly when they want your attention, but ignore you at other times.
What to do when you are being ignored?
If you are feeling universally ignored, start by analyzing the situation. Don’t assume that you’re being ignored by close friends or family, but realize that many of us have a tendency to overthink situations. Have your loved ones been especially busy recently, or dealing with crazy school or work life?
If the answer is no, and you still feel that you are being ignored, talk openly and honestly with your loved ones about your feelings, and determine if there is anything you may have done to contribute to the issue.
Why do I constantly feel ignored?
You may actually have friends or family that do ignore you for a number of reasons, but you may also be overthinking certain signs and situations, and exaggerating them in your mind. It can be helpful to bring yourself into the present moment, and make yourself aware of the truth of what is happening.
You may also choose to speak honestly with the person you feel is ignoring you, to discover if anything is wrong, and how you can deal with it. Stay calm, and use active listening skills like “I” language to avoid blame. Watch their body language and clarify for understanding as they talk to you.
If it is a group of people you are concerned about, you may not feel comfortable having a group conversation. If not, you may try reaching out to a representative, or writing a heartfelt text or email to your friends to find out if anything is the matter.
What causes someone to ignore you?
There can be any number of reasons that a person may ignore you, some of which may originate from your own behavior, and some of which have nothing to do with you at all. The other person may be busy, distracted, temporarily emotionally unavailable, focused on other things, trying to get your attention, offended, or dealing with any number of other things.
Why does being ignored trigger me?
Of course, not everyone is the same, but being ignored is almost universally unpleasant. We want to feel seen, loved, and valued and most people become frustrated, fearful, or sad when ignored.
How to attract someone who ignores you?
The best way to become attractive to someone who ignores you is to focus on yourself. When you meet people who don’t seem interested, it can be tempting to try harder, but many people don’t enjoy it when a person comes on too strong.
Focus on becoming the best version of yourself. This shows confidence, which can make you attractive to someone, even if they are not initially interested. Give them space and time and they may come around. If they aren’t really into you, move forward without them. It’s not worth investing time and energy into someone who won’t return the effort.
- Previous Article
- Next Article