Will I Ever Get Married? What To Do When You Feel Unlovable
Our years of being single can be a fun and happy time for many. However, for some, being single might seem like rejection. An individual may wonder, ‘Will I ever get married?’ and worry that there might be something wrong with them that has kept them from forming deep romantic relationships.
"Will I ever get married?"
If being single leaves you feeling left behind, different from others or unlovable, it can be helpful for you to consider the tips contained in this article—all of which are listed with the goal of helping you to elevate your quality of life. Read on to learn more.
Work on improving yourself
Self-improvement can be a powerful way to spend the time you would otherwise be devoting to a loved one if you were married or in a committed relationship. During this process, you can boost your self-confidence and self-esteem, which can be useful when you do decide to date or get into a relationship. You’ll also get the opportunity to learn, grow, and discover more about who you are. If you were married, these self-improvements can contribute positively to your marital relationship.
Tips for improving yourself
Not sure where to start? You can go out, try new things, and meet new people. Ironically, you could even wind up meeting your future significant other or spouse by partaking in events. Some relationships or marriages may begin when we least expect them, and being open to new experiences can increase the likelihood of getting married.
Focus on what you bring to the table
Many people become so caught up in their preferences, desires, and wants in a partner that they may forget to look inward and consider what potential partners may be seeking. This can lead to disappointment when people wind up in relationships or marriages that do not suit them or fulfill them. Reflecting on what you bring to a marriage can enhance your chances of forming a successful marital bond.
Know yourself to know what you want from marriage
It can be natural to desire a happy relationship or getting married. However, to attract a person who is a great complement to you, it can be important to ensure that you are who you want to be, and know yourself well.
Focus on your positive qualities
Recognizing what you bring to the table can boost your self-esteem, helping you to realize that your relationship or marital status doesn’t generally define your worth as an individual. It can allow you to focus on your positive traits and become comfortable in your own skin. Additionally, the hobbies, interests, passions, and qualities you have can make you interesting and unique and may eventually draw another person to you, potentially leading to getting married.
Appreciate who you are outside of a marriage
While you may have the power to change many things about yourself, it can be important to practice self-acceptance and appreciate who you are at each point along your journey. Learning how to love yourself and have compassion despite your mistakes can allow you to make improvements as needed while still holding space for the person you are in the present moment.
Cultivate self-love
Aside from loving yourself and being comfortable with who you are, it’s likely you’re looking for a significant other who might also love and respect who you are. Appreciating yourself and having a healthy level of self-love can help you recognize the healthy type of love you deserve.
Struggling with self-esteem? Find the support you need
If you’re feeling unlovable or excessively overwhelmed, this might be an indication that you are living with an anxiety disorder or low self-esteem. While it’s possible that you might be feeling momentarily sad, you may find that your symptoms are more severe, or long-lasting—possibly indicating the presence of clinical depression. To determine your next right step, you may watch for signs like changes in appetite or sleep patterns, feelings of sadness, hopelessness, helplessness, and/or indecisiveness for an extended period. It is advised that you consult with your doctor if you notice such symptoms occurring.
Online therapy with BetterHelp
Your question about "Will I ever get married?" might just be a passing thought. However, if you continue to worry about your future relationships including marriage or develop depression or anxiety because of this want for marriage, you may consider speaking with a counselor who has experience working with singles and people in loving relationships or marriages.
With online therapy through a platform like BetterHelp, you don’t necessarily have to do the work of searching for a therapist on your own. Instead, you can simply fill out an online form and get matched with a provider who meets your preferences and needs. Then, from the comfort of your home or anywhere else you have a Wi-Fi connection, you can begin getting the support and advice you need.
Does online therapy work?
If you’re worried you will never get married, it’s possible that you might be lacking confidence in yourself and doubting what you have to offer to another person. In these instances, online therapy could be beneficial.
In one study, researchers found that an internet-based cognitive behavioral therapy intervention was efficacious in improving self-esteem, self-compassion and quality of life. It also decreased symptoms of depression and anxiety disorder.
Takeaway
Wanting to get married or get into a committed relationship one day can be a natural feeling that lots of other people have. However, when this desire is all you can focus on, or you believe your singleness says something about your worth, it may become detrimental to your mental health.
While being married can bring a lot of joy and happiness with it, it can also be possible to find contentment—whether you’re single or in a committed relationship or marriage. Working with a therapist can help you figure out how to maintain your self-confidence and self-esteem regardless of your relationship or marital status.
Reaching out to a counselor might feel intimidating at first but can go a long way toward pinpointing the elements in your life that are preventing you from leading a full life. Online therapy can be instrumental in this process, allowing you to receive care from anywhere at any time. BetterHelp can connect you with an online therapist in your area of need.
Frequently asked questions
Read more below for answers to questions commonly asked about love and marriage.
What makes people feel unlovable?
Feeling unlovable can result from various factors, such as past experiences of rejection, abuse, or neglect, negative self-perception, unresolved emotional issues, and mental health conditions like depression or borderline personality disorder. These issues can also impact one's ability to form marital relationships, making the prospect of getting married seem unattainable.
What does it mean to feel unlovable?
Feeling unlovable means believing that you will not be worthy of love, care, or affection from others. It often involves a deep sense of unworthiness and can lead to negative thoughts and self-sabotaging behaviors. This feeling can interfere with marriage and the ability to maintain healthy marital relationships.
How do you unlearn feeling unlovable?
Unlearning feeling unlovable involves seeking support from a therapist or licensed clinical psychologist, working on self-esteem and self-worth, challenging negative thoughts, addressing past traumas, and building a strong support system of friends and family members. These steps are crucial for anyone hoping to improve their prospects of getting married and sustaining a healthy marital life.
Why do I feel unloved so quickly?
Feeling unloved quickly may be related to attachment issues or a pattern of seeking external validation for self-worth. It's essential to explore these emotions with a therapist to understand their root causes, which can affect one's view of marriage and the ability to get married.
What does being unloved do to a person?
Feeling unloved can have profound emotional and psychological effects, leading to low self-esteem, depression, anxiety, self-sabotaging behaviors, and difficulties in forming healthy relationships and marriages. It also could lead one to have thoughts that they will never get married, which can also damage one's self-esteem.
What is the unloved daughter syndrome?
The “unloved daughter syndrome” is a term used to describe the emotional and psychological impact on individuals who experienced neglect, emotional abuse, or a lack of affection from their parents or caregivers during childhood. Wondering whether you will ever find love can lead to deep feelings of unworthiness and unlovability.
How do I stop feeling lonely and unloved?
Overcoming loneliness and feeling unloved may require therapy, building a support system, practicing self-compassion, and working on self-esteem. It is essential to address the underlying emotional issues and seek professional help if needed.
What is the root cause of unworthiness?
The root cause of feeling unworthy or that you will never find love can vary from person to person but often stems from early life experiences, trauma, negative self-perception, or societal influences that promote unrealistic standards of self-worth.
Why do I feel I don’t deserve love? Will I ever get married?
Feeling undeserving of love or that you will never get married may be related to negative self-beliefs, past traumas, or emotional wounds. It's crucial to challenge these beliefs and seek support to develop a healthier self-image.
How do unloved people behave?
Unloved people may exhibit behaviors such as seeking constant validation, pushing others away, struggling with trust issues, experiencing intense emotions, and engaging in self-destructive behaviors as a way to cope with their feelings of unlovability.
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