How To Get Your Spark Back: Finding Motivation For Personal Growth
Losing motivation can be a natural phenomenon, especially as a person ages or transitions to different life phases. Activities that once sparked joy may now seem dull, and it can be challenging to regain motivation for personal growth. However, motivation is often temporary, and individuals can take steps to boost their enthusiasm.
In some cases, a lack of motivation may be linked to moments of stress or a sense of burnout. Strategies to improve motivation and personal growth may include starting a new hobby, stepping out of one’s comfort zone, and practicing mindfulness techniques. Someone who is unmotivated may also consider connecting with a mental health professional to develop a plan for improving motivation.
Factors that slow personal growth
Several factors can hinder personal growth, often without a person realizing it. For example, fear is a common barrier to growth, including fear of failure or judgment. This fear can cause a person to repeat the same actions or fall into the same habits each day, as they gain a sense of security. Over time, a person can become stuck in familiar yet unfulfilling patterns, which can negatively impact growth and motivation.
Another factor that may slow a person's growth is negative self-talk or self-esteem. A person with low self-esteem may struggle to find motivation to grow. There may also be external factors that inhibit personal growth, including but not limited to the following:
- Neglecting self-care: When a person meets their own mental and physical needs, it can help them feel happy and increase motivation; when these needs are not met, it can be draining and reduce motivation.
- Chronic stress: Chronic stress can make it challenging for a person to stay motivated. Stress can cause the mind and body to enter a state of survival, depleting energy and making it challenging to stay motivated.
- Negative work environment: Individuals working in a negative environment may spend time focusing on the harmful elements of their day rather than the positive, which can make growth seem impossible.
- Interpersonal relationship problems: Interpersonal relationship problems with friends, family members, significant others, or work colleagues can add stress, which may reduce motivation.
Pay attention to signs of burnout
Individuals may experience common signs of burnout, including the following:
- Chronic exhaustion: A person may experience mental, physical, or emotional exhaustion even after resting or getting a good night’s sleep.
- Irritability: Often, burnout causes people to become easily annoyed, impatient, or short-tempered with others. This response may be directed at a person’s best friend or loved one.
- Difficulty concentrating: Brain fog or having a rough time focusing on one’s own thoughts can occur.
- Sense of detachment: Losing a sense of connection to work to the point of avoiding responsibilities is a sign of burnout.
- Hopelessness and depression: In the worst-case scenario, burnout can cause a person to become hopeless or believe the future will not improve. Hopelessness is often linked to depression.
The signs of burnout may vary from person to person in both type and severity. In some cases, it may be challenging for the person experiencing burnout to recognize the signs, and friends or family may notice them first. Understanding the signs of burnout and lack of motivation can help individuals or their support networks identify and implement interventions early on, which may reduce the negative impacts.
Mental and physical impacts of burnout
Burnout and a lack of motivation can impact individuals in various ways. Typically, these impacts can be categorized into mental health effects and physical health effects. One impact may be connected to other impacts, which can make managing burnout and related impacts a challenge.
Impacts of burnout on mental health and the mind
One of the most common effects of burnout may be chronic stress. Unmanaged stress keeps the brain in a constant state of fight-or-flight, which may increase anxiety and make relaxing more challenging. Over time, this stress can lead to depression, causing hopelessness, thoughts of low self-worth, and a loss of interest in previously enjoyed activities.
In addition to these stress-related impacts, individuals may also struggle to perform cognitively at work or school. When burned out or unmotivated, a person may not have the clarity of mind to focus on a topic or task. Emotionally, burnout may lead to irritability or detachment as a response to exhaustion. These emotions can strain relationships and create feelings of isolation.
Physical impacts of burnout
In addition to mental health impacts, a person may also experience physical impacts related to burnout. One common physical effect is chronic fatigue, characterized by persistent tiredness in which no amount of rest seems to restore energy levels. This prolonged exhaustion can weaken the immune system, making the body more susceptible to frequent colds and other illnesses. Additionally, individuals who experience stress related to burnout may also experience muscle tension, headaches, and increased blood pressure.
Reconnecting with passions, moving out of your comfort zone, and other motivation techniques
Although a lack of motivation can seem all-encompassing, there are strategies and techniques that individuals can use to regain motivation. These strategies may vary and can include finding a hobby that sparks your passion, stepping out of your comfort zone, and practicing effective goal-setting. Recognize that multiple techniques may be involved to enhance motivation and mitigate burnout.
Pay attention to old passions
For individuals experiencing a lack of motivation, revisiting old passions can be a helpful step before moving forward. Often, the topics or activities people were passionate about in their youth can be rekindled in adulthood. Old passions may also serve as a guide in choosing a path forward, whether that be a new career or starting a new hobby.
Take steps to move out of your comfort zone
In some cases, motivation may be reduced due to the monotony of daily life that can creep in during adulthood. For individuals who are set in their routines, creating a to-do list or bucket list that challenges them to step out of their comfort zone may be beneficial. Activities do not need to be extreme or dangerous to move a person out of their comfort zone; they could include joining a new social group or starting a club at work.
Create healthy journey goals
Moving from unmotivated to motivated may involve creating a system of goals to guide you on your healthy journey to motivation. These goals can be large or small. However, try to create goals that serve as guidelines for success. For example, if a person is unmotivated at work, they may set an overall goal of becoming more motivated by setting smaller goals, such as suggesting a new project or getting to know a new person each day. Goals like these can motivate a person as they begin to check off their to-do list.
Other personal growth strategies
Other personal growth strategies can include techniques such as changing environmental factors. For example, you could try decluttering, organizing an area, or surrounding yourself with supportive and positive people. Additionally, reading motivational books, listening to inspirational podcasts, and attending motivational speaker events can be beneficial. You might also adopt a growth mindset that views setbacks as learning opportunities rather than failures.
Create a support network
Individuals who are uninspired or unmotivated may benefit from establishing a support network of friends and family members. In some cases, close friends or loved ones may be able to notice subtle changes or issues that can impact motivation. These supportive individuals may serve as a sounding board for new ideas or as an early warning system for burnout.
In addition to friends and family, creating an outside support network that may include a therapist or other mental health professionals can increase motivation. While those close to you may have the best intentions, they may also struggle to offer unbiased advice. A professional can consider several motivational strategies aimed at sparking passion and enhancing motivation.
Starting a healthy journey with mind-based strategies
For individuals who are burned out, the journey to becoming motivated may begin with mindfulness strategies. These can include calming techniques, such as deep breathing and meditation, potentially reducing stress and anxiety. While these techniques may not directly increase motivation, they can reduce the body’s fight-or-flight response, which may negatively impact motivation.
Additionally, specific mindfulness strategies can increase motivation. Techniques such as mindfulness and reflective journaling, as well as goal setting, can help individuals see the path forward more clearly. These strategies can also put negative feelings into perspective, which may improve mental clarity and increase motivation.
Connecting with a mental health professional
Individuals experiencing challenges with burnout or a lack of motivation may benefit from working with a mental health professional. Therapists and other professionals can consider a person holistically before recommending changes or therapeutic treatment options.
Attending in-person therapy sessions can be challenging for some people. Online therapy sessions, conducted through platforms like BetterHelp, can be accessed from anywhere with a personal device and an internet connection. For this reason, busy professionals can access support to boost their motivation from a location that is comfortable for them. Additionally, online therapy can be scheduled at a time that suits you outside of standard business hours.
Online therapy techniques, such as motivational interviewing, have been shown to be an effective way to increase motivation and reduce burnout. With motivational interviewing, a therapist can help individuals recognize the gap between their current behaviors and their desired goals and assist in developing a plan to improve motivation.
Takeaway
Why did my spark go away?
If you’ve lost your “spark,” you might be experiencing a temporary period in your life where you struggle to connect with certain behaviors or personality traits you once had. In addition, you might be neglecting your own needs, which can happen when people struggle to set boundaries in a long-term relationship or with loved ones. If you want to reconnect with the person you miss being and “feel alive” again, you may consider finding new interests, going out to have fun with loved ones, listen to your favorite songs from the past, write responses to self-respect and self-awareness journaling exercises, or spend time in nature to reconnect with who you are. You may also end relationships with those who cause you to lose interest in your hobbies or contribute to your feeling stuck and unable to live life.
What is the seven-day relationship reset?
A seven-day relationship reset is a plan partners can use to cope with conflict and “reset” the relationship in hopes of reestablishing a spark and excitement. It involves seven steps, one for each day, including the following:
- Practice self-care and reflection separately on the first day
- Have an open conversation and share your feelings, while actively listening to your partner’s perspective, as well
- Have more physical touch together, even if it isn’t sexual at first (days three and four)
- Express gratitude and appreciation for each other
- Plan and practice shared activities and new things together to get to know the world around you as a couple in new ways
- Recommit to your relationship and set goals for the future
- Complete your goals, and don’t forget about the conversations you had
Do I still love him or not?
Knowing whether you still love someone can be difficult if overwhelming feelings and thoughts are involved. Some people lose interest in someone after having frequent arguments or experiencing difficulty in a relationship. In some cases, falling out of love is just something that happens in relationships, and it doesn’t necessarily mean that someone has done something wrong.
Consider reflecting on your feelings by doing a journaling exercise. Ask yourself when you first noticed your feelings changing and what events seemed to prompt it, if any. Ask yourself if you believe it would be possible to get your love back or if you are pushing against the need to accept the end of a changed situation. Look at this situation in your own way, and be honest about what you need in your life. It’s okay not to love someone anymore, and it’s okay to decide you want to move on.
Can you ever get the spark back?
Many individuals and couples regain their spark by working to become the versions of themselves they want to be or by changing the challenges in their relationships. For example, an individual might get a new job that makes them happier about themselves, go to therapy to become a better person, or work through challenges in their past. Couples might get the spark back by trying couples therapy, changing how they interact with each other when communicating, and trying couples exercises. In some cases, couples decide to end a relationship, either mutually or not, as some relationships may be too far away from change, or those within the relationship don’t believe it’s worth saving.
Can you save a relationship if the spark is gone?
Some relationships can be saved when the spark is gone. Often, when couples talk about losing the “spark” they mean they miss the period of the relationship in the beginning where they were infatuated, excited, and intensely connected. Although this type of connection might not happen all the time anymore, there are ways to create other kinds of love and contentment that couples can learn to become comfortable with over time. Some people mean “sex” when they say the spark is out. Couples having sexual challenges may benefit from sex therapy, where they can talk openly about these challenges and come up with solutions.
What do you do when there's no spark?
When you notice your spark is gone from your personality or relationship, consider following these steps:
- Journal or reflect on what potential causes contributed to the spark being gone
- Label each cause as “possible to solve” or “unchangeable”
- Brainstorm a list of solutions for all the causes you marked as “possible to solve”
- Decide whether any of these solutions are possible to work on now
- Outline small steps you can take to start working toward these solutions
- Notice whether the situation changes after implementing several steps
- If the situation doesn’t change, reexamine the causes and whether you’re willing to put energy into it
Even if a situation or relationship has solutions and could be worked on, you don’t have to stay in it. In addition, if you’re the only one working on change in a relationship and your partner isn’t changing, change is less likely to occur. You can do everything right and still become stressed and hurt if your partner is acting in unhealthy ways.
Why am I falling out of love?
Falling out of love can happen for many reasons, including no reason at all. Below are some of the common reasons people fall out of love with someone:
- They were not in love in the first place, but were experiencing infatuation or lust that they mistook for love
- Their partner was abusive, toxic, or unkind
- They outgrew their partner in some way, whether emotionally or intellectually
- They realized that them and their partner did not share the same core values
- They rushed into a serious relationship before truly getting to know each other
- They fell in love with someone else
- Their partner betrayed them in some way, such as through infidelity
- They’ve realized they have a different sexuality or gender than they initially thought
- They’ve realized their relationship doesn’t allow them to fulfill their goals or be their full self
- They’ve tried to work on the relationship over time, but no changes have occurred
- The relationship is one-sided
- Communication is not present in the relationship
How can you reignite intimacy?
You may reignite intimacy by having in-depth conversations with your partner about your needs and being willing to make changes to reconnect. Talk about what intimacy means to you, and start with non-sexual forms of intimacy, such as cuddling or making out. You can also reignite intimacy by having an emotional connection. Consider setting up a weekly date night and getting to know each other in new ways. If you still struggle with these challenges, you might also try couples therapy.
How do you know if fixing a relationship is too late?
To fix problems in a relationship, both partners must often be willing to make positive changes. If you are both trying your hardest and not seeing changes, you might decide to end the relationship.
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