Know Yourself: True Happiness Comes From Within
Understanding and appreciating yourself may be one way to understand and appreciate the world and people around you more deeply. Although you might believe that you already know yourself well, there could be ways to get to know yourself further as you pass through life.
Many people may get so caught up in daily life that they don't bother to consider themselves. Asking yourself open-ended questions can be beneficial, as you might find that sometimes you're a stranger to yourself. In addition, rebuilding a relationship with yourself may boost your mental and physical health and ensure your well-being.
What is self-actualization?
Self-actualization is a state of being you may achieve when you have genuinely connected with yourself profoundly. Although the psychologist Abraham Maslow did not coin the term, he is often credited with bringing it to life when he developed the "hierarchy of needs" theory. To Maslow, specific core needs must be met to reach self-actualization.
However, reaching the level of self-actualization that Maslow spoke of can be challenging for some because not everyone has their basic needs met due to personal, societal or financial challenges. When looking to get to know yourself better, try not to focus on achieving perfection but instead on taking the time to explore, reflect, and discover what makes you perceive that your life is whole and meaningful.
Maslow's hierarchy of self-actualization
Aspiring toward self-actualization may involve differentiating between what you want and need. Abraham Maslow conceived and outlined this concept in his book Motivation and Personality, discussing what he believed to be the critical characteristics of self-actualized people. Although Maslow's theory may be helpful for some, note that everyone is different and may face different circumstances, so the order of needs doesn't have to be rigid.
From the bottom of the hierarchy upwards, the needs include the following:
- Physiological needs
- Safety needs
- Love and belonging needs
- Self-esteem
- Self-actualization
According to Maslow, the needs lower down in the hierarchy must be satisfied before individuals can attend to the higher ones.
Physiological needs
The physiological category includes biological requirements for human survival. You may have health challenges or risks but not have these biological needs. Because of this factor, all other needs become secondary when basic needs are unmet. These include water, food, shelter, and air.
Safety needs
In the second tier of Maslow's hierarchy, safety needs involve the safety of the body, employment, housing, financial safety, and other areas that can keep you safe. This section is less about your body's needs and more about what keeps your body safe from outside harm.
Love and belonging needs
As you move up the hierarchy, you can see the need for social interaction, highlighting the importance of romantic, familial, and platonic relationships. This need can also include the sense of belonging that might come with being a part of a group. For example, being in a choir or being a student at a school can fill belonging needs. Humans are social creatures who crave connection with others. Anxiety and depression are common in people who do not feel loved or accepted by others or lack social interaction.
Self-esteem needs
People often have the desire to be respected and appreciated for their achievements. For example, if you are working hard at your job, having someone tell you you're doing a superb job can motivate you and help you perceive that you're being seen and heard. You might meet this need in various ways, such as joining a sports team, taking up a new hobby, or joining a club at school. It might not always be possible to receive external praise, so finding esteem in yourself can be beneficial and may lead to self-actualization.
Self-actualization
According to Maslow, self-actualization is defined as follows: "It may be loosely described as the full use and exploitation of talents, capabilities, potentialities, etc. Such people seem to be fulfilling themselves and doing the best that they are capable of doing...They are people who have developed or are developing to the full stature of which they are capable." Self-actualized people may feel less concerned with what others are doing or whether they're being judged.
Traits of self-actualized people who know that true happiness comes from within
Once you get to the point where you can meet all of your needs healthily, you may have more mental capacity to develop into a more earnest version of yourself. Self-actualized people may not feel threatened or afraid of the unknown, instead embracing it or using acceptance skills. They may have learned to accept themselves holistically, perceiving themselves as they want to be while working to change aspects of themselves that they consider growth areas.
They might enjoy the moment at hand for its own sake, enjoying their existence as a human instead of seeing it as a means to an end. It can also be beneficial to be spontaneous in both thought and action. While many crave control and certainty, this behavior and thinking might not allow for growth. Maslow also believed that self-actualization involves the kindness and empathy you give to others.
Ways to get to know yourself more profoundly
Below are a few ways you might get to know yourself better as you strive for self-actualization.
Accept change
Self-actualized people may be spontaneous, open-minded, and understanding. Many aspects of life may be outside of your control. Instead of trying to change these areas, focus on what you can control and accept that you might not have the power to change every situation that arises to meet your desires.
Be yourself, knowing that true happiness comes from within
Finding your purpose in life can be challenging and may take time. If you feel afraid to be yourself, ask yourself if it is related to criticism from others. Many people may craft their life choices based on what their family or friends might think, even if their opinion isn't told. For example, you might want to pursue a job but don't because your parents, spouse, or best friend have expressed disapproval.
Ask for help when you need it
Talking with a mental health professional may allow you to identify how you are progressing in getting to know yourself. In addition, a professional can teach you new coping mechanisms that may aid you in reducing any problem areas in your life that make it challenging to reach self-actualization. Finding an in-person therapist can be a beneficial way to get started. However, you might also consider online therapy if you face barriers to receiving support, such as cost or availability.
Many therapists partner with online therapy platforms like BetterHelp to make assistance for people more affordable. Flexible scheduling allows quality care to reach thousands of clients around the world. When you sign up for an online counseling session, you can choose between phone, video, or chat sessions and get extra tools like worksheets or webinars.
In addition, studies have found online therapy as effective as in-person therapy for most mental health conditions, including anxiety, depression, and PTSD. Whether you're experiencing a mental health condition or looking for guidance as you get to know yourself, you may be able to find an online specialist to support you.
Takeaway
Does true happiness come from within?
While there is some truth to the phrase “true happiness comes from within”, the definition of true happiness will likely vary from person to person, as will the process to achieving that happiness. One way to improve your outlook in life could be to challenge instances of negative self-talk. This type of internal dialogue can be harmful and lead to feelings of worthless or self-doubt, which may lower a person’s quality of life. In order to challenge these thoughts, a person may want to practice mindfulness, which can help individuals understand and improve their thought patterns. By identifying negative thoughts and intentionally replacing them with positive ones, a person may be able to find happiness and increase their self-esteem.
What does true happiness depend on?
True happiness can mean different things to different people and may depend on a person’s goals, experience, and background. In order to feel content and find true happiness, you may want to start by finding what creates happiness for you. One way to accomplish this is by listing out what you value in life and creating a subsequent list of goals relating to those values. From there, you can create a concrete plan to achieve those goals; this plan may involve numerous smaller objectives and could stretch out over months or years.
Why happiness should come from within?
While happiness doesn’t necessarily have to come from within, learning to generate your own happiness may be a more sustainable and healthy way to live. This doesn’t necessarily mean you can’t derive happiness from interpersonal relationships or helping others. Rather, one may benefit from healing one's mindset and acquiring a positive perspective on life. One field that focuses on improving perspective is positive psychology. Positive psychology recommends focusing on the “root positives of life”, which include creativity, courage, wisdom, love, spirituality, and altruism.
Does true happiness come from satisfaction?
While it's difficult to determine whether true happiness results from satisfaction, research suggests that the two concepts do have their own distinct definitions and roles in one’s life. One study noted that satisfaction in life is a long-term feeling resulting from the achievement of one’s goals, while happiness tends to be a fleeting experience that comes about at specific moments. The conclusions drawn by this study may indicate that achieving satisfaction and contentment through achievement may lead to a better quality of life than seeking the momentary pleasure that comes from happiness.
Can you find happiness within yourself?
In many cases, it's possible to find happiness within yourself and have a more positive outlook on life. Here are four strategies recommended by the American Psychological Association.
- Visualization: Looking forward and visualizing your future can help you establish goals and acknowledge your progress in life. This visualization can be done by thinking about where you see yourself in the future, writing in a diary, or recording videos expressing your thoughts.
- Gratitude journaling: Writing down the things that you are grateful for may help to boost happiness in both the short and long term. These items can be anything in your life you appreciate, such as loved ones, accomplishments, or various events that you cherish.
- Kindness to others: Being kind to others may help individuals be kinder to themselves and can increase the depth of connection they have with those around them In addition, practicing acts of kindness could lead to higher life satisfaction. This can be done through acts of service like choosing to spend time working with a charity. It may also be done with simple gestures, like giving a smile to those you encounter in daily life.
- Exercise: Exercise has a number of potential benefits, including the reduction of anxiety and depression. Exercise can also increase self-esteem and improve cognitive function, both of which may lead to more frequent feelings of happiness.
How is true happiness achieved?
Achieving true happiness will likely depend on one’s personal definition of the phrase, as well as one's experience and current life situation. In some cases, the pursuit of happiness may not be the best goal, as it's common to associate happiness with feelings of pleasure. Living for the pursuit of short-term pleasure is often referred to as hedonism, which may have negative effects on a person’s well-being and long-term welfare. By choosing to spend less time focusing on the pleasure brought by external things, it could be beneficial to start by looking within. There are numerous ways to do this, including by improving one’s self-image, practicing mindfulness, or discussing life struggles with a counselor.
How should a person live in order to find true happiness?
While there may not be a “wrong way” for a person to live, it could be possible to find true happiness by living life according to your values. Your values are the components of life that matter most to you, such as your family, romantic relationship, work, religious beliefs, or anything else in which you find enrichment and purpose. In order to live by your values, one must typically start by identifying what those values are and why they are important to you. From there, you can create goals and happy habits that serve those values. Over time, this may help you to find your own personal version of true happiness.
Is achieving happiness the purpose of life?
While achieving an inner feeling of happiness may be a goal for some, it is not necessarily the purpose of life. In many cases, determining the purpose of life is up to the individual. For some, their purpose may be helping others or contributing to the betterment of their local community. Others may find purpose in their work, aiming to achieve success in their field or create a lasting legacy through their accomplishments. Finding your purpose in life may be a complicated process that could take years to complete. In some cases, it may be helpful to talk to a counselor in order to discuss your thoughts surrounding life's purpose. They could offer an unbiased perspective that may shed light on what your values are and what direction to take your life in.
How can you create your own happiness?
There are many ways you may be able to create your own joy and feel happier, including:
- Choosing the right job for you: Having an engaging career that you enjoy may help to create a sense of happiness and satisfaction in your life. Because money is often a basic need for someone to survive and our work can take up a large part of our day, a negative or unengaging work environment could contribute to feelings of worthlessness, self-doubt, or boredom.
- Avoid obsessing over the opinions of ohers: While it can be important to take the opinions of others into account, worrying too much about what others think may be detrimental to your health and happiness. If you find yourself obsessing or ruminating about what others think, it may be helpful to speak to a counselor or therapist.
- Practice mindfulness and gratitude: Learning to be present in the moment and aware of your current surroundings may help you lead a happy life. In addition, showing gratitude for the positive elements of your life may improve your mindset and lead to long-term satisfaction.
Why is it important to create your own happiness?
Creating your own happiness can help you be more self-reliant or avoid negative relationship aspects like codependency. A codependent relationship involves one individual deriving their happiness or sense of purpose from taking care of another person. While this may make them feel better in the short term, it can lead to a power imbalance that could result in an abusive relationship. In many cases, happiness comes from within; by learning to create your own happiness, you may be able to avoid toxic relationships and their negative consequences.
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