How To Protect Your Mental Health And Avoid Self-Hatred

People can experience self-hatred for many reasons, and defining self-hate can sometimes be challenging. Many people consider self-hate to be synonymous with low self-esteem and self-loathing, but others consider negative thoughts that amount to despising oneself to be more severe. Regardless of where self-hate comes from or how it presents, it can likely have adverse effects on mental health. Below, explore the importance of self-esteem in mental health and how someone can stop hating themselves through self-compassion and forgiveness. 

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Understanding self-hatred and mental health

Mental health professionals typically associate self-hatred with low self-esteem, which refers to thoughts of inadequacy and a lack of confidence. Individuals may struggle to see their value as human beings and think they have very few—if any—positive traits to offer others or themselves. 

How self-hate contributes to mental health conditions

Self-hate and self-loathing are often used to describe specific acts, while low self-esteem refers to a persistent state of low self-worth. Acts of self-hate might involve someone putting themselves down verbally, unfairly criticizing themselves, holding themselves to unachievable standards, or partaking in other behaviors that reinforce their idea that they are a person of low value. Engaging in self-loathing occasionally or after a huge mistake can be normal, but ongoing or persistent acts of hate can make it challenging or impossible to feel positively about oneself. 

For example, low self-esteem is often associated with depression. A diagnosed person might believe they don’t have the capability to overcome their condition and feel positively about themselves. Low self-esteem often contributes to the feelings of hopelessness and helplessness that drive mental health conditions like depression. 

Self-talk’s role in mental health

Self-talk refers to how people speak to themselves in their minds or out loud, their “inner critic.” Self-talk can be both positive and negative. Positive self-talk is encouraging and generally associated with good self-esteem, while negative self-talk is demeaning and discouraging, often making achieving meaningful change difficult. Self-criticism is a critical skill in many situations, but excessive criticism may amount to self-contempt, wherein a person feels disdain for who they are. 

Positive self-talk is typically a foundational component of self-love. However, it can be challenging to believe one is worthy if one’s internal dialogue is frequently associated with worthlessness. Psychotherapies like cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) often include strategies to help people identify and challenge negative self-talk as part of an intervention to improve their self-worth. 

Self-hate, body image, and eating disorders

The concept of self-hatred and low self-esteem includes intangible elements, such as a person’s confidence level when completing specific tasks. However, self-esteem also typically refers to a person’s physical body image. Self-hatred associated with one’s appearance can substantially affect self-esteem, implicating self-esteem as a significant risk factor for eating disorders. While low self-esteem can be a foundational component of many mental health conditions, eating disorders can involve unique characteristics and symptoms related to self-worth. 

Eating disorders need extra support

Eating disorders have the highest mortality rate out of any mental health condition. Hateful thoughts related to body image can lead to dangerous levels of calorie restriction, such as what is observed in anorexia, and harmful purging behaviors, such as vomiting or laxative misuse, commonly seen in bulimia. Eating disorders likely represent one of the strongest direct connections between self-esteem and physical health that can be observed in modern healthcare. 

A person with an eating disorder typically benefits from supportive actions from friends and family, especially if they are recently diagnosed. They may benefit from extra reassurance, positivity, and acceptance from those around them. While introducing positivity may help people manage many mental health conditions, the strong link between eating disorders and self-esteem can make support especially important.

Identifying negative thoughts

Regardless of underlying mental health conditions or how they can affect someone, many people can benefit from introducing more positivity into their thought processes. Self-hatred and low self-esteem don’t amount to a mental health condition alone, but a vulnerable person might experience symptoms of a mental disorder if self-hatred is excessive. Whether or not someone is concerned about their mental health, experts typically agree that managing negative thoughts is an integral part of self-care. 

Using cognitive restructuring to change negative thoughts

One common tool used in psychotherapy, cognitive restructuring, can be used independently to identify and change negative thoughts about oneself. A five-step process is commonly used:

1. Describe: Summarize and write down a distressing or upsetting situation in one sentence. In this case, the situation can be related to thoughts or feelings associated with low self-esteem, negative thoughts, or other factors related to self-worth. 
2. Identify your feelings: Target the feeling most closely associated with the situation that produced emotions. Guilt, shame, and anger can be common when accompanying self-hatred. 
3. Explore your thoughts: Identify the thoughts most closely associated with the adverse feeling. For example, if someone feels guilt or shame, they can ask themselves, “What happened that made me feel guilty?”
4. Challenge the thought: Make a case against the negative thought. Look for alternative explanations, competing evidence, different perspectives, or anything else that could make the adverse thoughts untrue. 
5. Make a decision: Consider the thought's accuracy. Cognitive restructuring requires deliberately confronting a negative thought and choosing to believe the argument against it. Reaching the point of making that decision can be painful at times, but evidence suggests that the process can become quicker and easier with practice. 

Self-care for mental and physical health

Alongside self-esteem, self-care is commonly considered foundational to overall well-being. A robust self-care routine may improve positivity and lessen the impact of self-hate. This process can often be accomplished without addressing mental health directly. For example, regular exercise is known to considerably reduce symptoms of depression due to the endorphins (“feel good” chemicals) released during exercise. 

In addition to exercise, eating nutritious foods and getting adequate sleep are considered necessary for mental and physical health. Self-care tasks are often enjoyable, but many may require concentrated effort. Other common examples of self-care include:

• Socializing with family and friends
• Setting aside time for cleaning and maintaining a living space
• Spending time in nature
• Learning new skills or hobbies
• Avoiding procrastination

Not everyone can perform all forms of self-care, so you may start with more achievable activities. For example, someone may want to commit to regular exercise but struggle to manage five days of the week in the gym. In that case, they may try starting with a short walk a few days per week to begin building self-care habits.  

Self-care helps prevent other mental health conditions

Evidence suggests that self-care is closely related to the concept of resilience. Resilience is a person’s ability to “bounce back” from adverse or stress-inducing situations. Self-care likely improves resilience and makes it easier to recover from difficult circumstances, which can bolster positivity. In addition, resilience is associated with a reduced risk for most mental health conditions, suggesting that self-care plays a protective role. 

Managing hate through self-compassion

Self-hatred is often one-sided. Many people treat themselves worse or hold themselves to higher standards than they do others. When considering self-hate, it’s also helpful to consider its opposite: self-compassion. Self-compassion is characterized by acceptance, forgiveness, and understanding.

The importance of self-forgiveness

Those with low self-esteem often find accepting accomplishments or noticing success difficult. They may also struggle to recognize their mistakes critically, perhaps holding onto the negativity associated with the error for a long time. The burden of carrying that self-hate may lower self-esteem further and increase self-doubt. Considering whether one would forgive others for the same mistake they made or if their mistake can be excused can be difficult. 

Other useful strategies

Introducing self-care, confronting negativity, and increasing compassion may all reduce self-hate. Other interventions that bolster overall well-being might also be helpful, including but not limited to the following: 

• Adopting mindfulness practices that promote self-love and self-acceptance
• Avoiding people, places, or situations that are unkind, overly critical, or otherwise introduce negativity
• Journaling about accomplishments and successes, even if a person’s feelings don’t fully align 
• Setting small, achievable goals that reinforce a person’s capabilities 
• Seeking out new experiences and new people’s company to enjoy 
• Joining a support group of like-minded individuals who can provide a judgment-free atmosphere

Getting help from therapy

Often, addressing negative self-talk and low confidence may be more accessible with the help of a mental health professional, even if someone doesn’t have a mental health condition. A therapist or other professional can rule out underlying conditions, offer coping strategies, and initiate psychotherapy to bolster positivity and improve self-esteem. 

While addressing self-hate alone is possible, overcoming negative perceptions a person might hold against themselves can be difficult. Therapists are often adept at creating non-judgmental environments, and confronting negative thoughts about yourself with the help of an encouraging mental health professional may make the process go quicker. 

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Online therapy

While many people stand to benefit from therapy, not everyone has access, often due to the high cost and travel requirements. Insurance benefits covering mental health care vary significantly based on the client’s location and the specific insurance provider. Individuals may also struggle to find a local therapist near them who provides the services they desire, having to travel a significant distance to meet with a therapist in person, adding additional time and cost to the process. 

While there are multiple ways around those barriers, online therapy through platforms like BetterHelp is one of the most popular. Online therapy allows a person to attend therapy sessions with a licensed mental health provider from their home or another comfortable location. 

Many of the same services offered in person are available online, including mainstays of psychotherapy like cognitive-behavioral therapy, which is frequently used to help individuals improve positivity and self-esteem. Online therapists have the same training and credentials as traditional therapists. Many techniques have been adapted to make them easier to administer online, and evidence suggests that those techniques are as effective as in-person methods.