What Is Insecurity? Exploring The Definition, Symptoms, And Treatments
Insecurity is a common feeling, often prompted by emotions like sadness, loneliness, jealousy, envy, or self-loathing. Whether you feel like your career is going nowhere, don't believe your partner loves you, struggle to act confidently, or have difficulty believing your worth, insecurity may influence you. If you're living with insecurity, looking at the definition, symptoms, and treatments for this challenge may be advantageous.
Insecure definition: What is insecurity?
What does insecurity look like?
Insecurity can look different for everyone. However, there are a few common signs insecure people have, including the following:
- An overwhelming sense of inadequacy in many aspects of life
- Low self-worth, self-confidence, and self-esteem
- Poor communication and the tendency to value others' needs over your own
- Difficulty making eye contact
- Frequently apologizing, even when you haven't made a mistake
- Difficulty believing or trusting others and building healthy relationships
- Feeling unable to cope with stressors
- Feeling overwhelmed by life's responsibilities
- Making excuses when they may not be necessary
- Experiencing a desire to avoid social situations in favor of being alone
- Having uncertainty about the world and your role in it
- Difficulty giving and receiving compliments
- Perfectionism and a tendency to struggle to feel satisfied with results
- Consistently overcommitting due to difficulty setting boundaries and saying "no"
- Experiencing anxiety about relationships
- Difficulty making fast decisions
- Difficulty asking for help, favors, or promotions
- Portraying yourself as more confident than you feel
- Being overly critical of yourself and others
What areas of life can cause insecurity?
Insecurity can be present in many areas of life, and the word insecure can be used in many contexts. For example, you might hear someone say they made an “insecure investment” or hear about “insecure borders” on the news. However, when it comes to personal insecurity, the mental health community has identified several core categories where people often feel insecure, including the following.
Relationships
Some people have difficulty feeling safe in their relationships. They may experience difficulty in believing that they matter to friends, families, and romantic partners. Relationship insecurity can make it challenging to trust that others will love and support you when needed. It may lead to resisting emotional vulnerability or being open with those you love.
Social situations
If you lack self-confidence in your ability to succeed in social settings and behave in a way that doesn't embarrass you or lead to ridicule may be a sign of insecurity. Social insecurity often overlaps with the symptoms of social anxiety disorder, which involve fear and worry over appearing awkward, misbehaving, struggling to carry an intelligent conversation, or failing to understand jokes in social situations.
Body image
Some people feel insecure about the way they look and associate their value with the perception of their appearance. Body image insecurity often focuses on weight, hair, skin, or a specific body part's size or shape. If you're experiencing excessive preoccupation with food or weight, you might be living with an eating disorder, so talking to a professional may be beneficial.
If you are experiencing a crisis related to an eating disorder or would like further resources, contact the ANAD Eating Disorders Helpline at 1-888-375-7767 from Monday through Friday, 9 am to 9 pm CT.
Your career
When a person doesn't feel valued at work or keep in their ability to hold their position reliably, they may be experiencing job insecurity. Constantly worrying about losing your job can make remaining engaged and dedicated to work difficult. It can also make you less likely to ask for a raise or other benefits, which is why many companies use it as a motivating strategy. However, job insecurity can hurt both workers and employers.
Basic necessities
If you don't have necessities such as food, shelter, or clothing, you may have basic needs insecurity. You may also refer to this as being economically insecure or housing insecure. Research shows that when you don't have the basics, it can have a severe negative impact on mental health.
What causes insecurity?
While insecurity can present differently for everyone, some common causes are found among people with insecure tendencies, including the following:
- A lack of emotional support from close friends and families
- A shy or withdrawn temperament
- Adverse childhood experiences with parents or caregivers
- Dissatisfaction with body image
- The inability to meet essential life needs such as food, housing, or safety
- Inadequate emotional intelligence
- Being bullied
- Resistance to openness with close friends, family, or romantic partners
- Being disagreeable, irritable, or unkind
- Aging
- Underlying medical or mental health conditions
- Overdependence on other people
- Disapproval, ridicule, or judgment from others
- Learning disabilities and difficulty succeeding academically
- Guilt or previous failures
- Past traumatic experiences and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
If you are experiencing trauma, support is available. Please see our Get Help Now page for more resources.
How to overcome insecurity and become a less insecure person
Psychotherapy is often the most effective treatment for insecurity. However, you can also try a few other strategies to overcome these feelings. In addition to speaking with a licensed therapist, try the below methods.
Take a step back to evaluate
In some cases, you may feel so close to a situation that you struggle to see it as it is. If your concerns are unlikely or irrational, try taking a step back to reevaluate the situation. Make an effort to look at the circumstances objectively for a new perspective. For example, if you think, "I'm not pretty enough," you might try reframing it as "I often compare myself to other people online, and that is a habit I want to work to change." The second option allows you to validate that you’ve felt insecure but want to be optimistic about the future.
Identify and address the source of your insecurity
Examine the stressors in your life and identify the source of your insecurity. Working with a licensed therapist can allow you to build emotional awareness, intelligence, and literacy to recognize, understand, and express your feelings.
Take action toward meaningful change
If you are unsatisfied with your life, relationships, or career, identify one step you can take and take action toward making a meaningful change. As you progressively overcome each insecurity, you may gain more self-confidence.
Accept what you can’t change
Some aspects of your life may be beyond your control or ability to change. Accept that you don't have the power to affect every situation. Devote your time and attention to issues where you can make a difference. If you struggle with acceptance, you can try a dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) skill called radical acceptance through the following steps:
- Observe how you might be questioning or fighting your reality.
- Remind yourself that your reality cannot be changed in this situation.
- Try to note any causes for the reality.
- Practice acceptance with your mind, body, and spirit. Use positive self-talk to tell yourself you are willing to accept this situation, even if it is difficult.
- List all the behaviors you'd partake in if you already accepted this situation. Then act this way until you find it aligns with your reality.
- Cope ahead by thinking of ways to accept the situation if it worsens.
- Attend to your body sensations using mindfulness or meditation to connect with yourself.
- Allow disappointment, sadness, grief, or anger to arise if they do. Note them and do not act on them. Give them the space to exist.
- Acknowledge that life can be worth living, even when there is pain.
- Create a pros and cons list if you are resisting acceptance further.
Practical unconditional compassion for yourself
Start with yourself rather than relying on others for compassion, validation, and love. Practice unconditional kindness and self-love, noting that sometimes, it's okay to make mistakes and fail.
Engage in regular self-care
Taking proper care of yourself may safeguard your mental, emotional, and physical health and well-being. Ensure you eat a balanced diet, exercise regularly, and maintain healthy sleep hygiene.
Set achievable goals and celebrate progress
If you're feeling insecure about your career progress, ability to perform, or prospects for advancement, try breaking up your goals into more achievable milestones and making time to celebrate your progress.
Know when to reach out for help
If insecurity becomes severe enough to interfere with your functional ability or adversely affect your life and relationships, you might choose to reach out for professional support. Working with a qualified therapist can help you identify and work through the underlying causes of your insecurity while learning healthy ways to communicate your feelings and needs to people in your life.
How therapy can help you manage insecurity
If you struggle to manage the effects of your insecurity and it interferes with your relationships, work, school, or other aspects of your life, consider working with a licensed therapist. Therapists can be found online or in person and can provide expert guidance.
Online therapy platforms like BetterHelp can help you learn healthy ways to reshape your perspective and thought patterns to build self-confidence and healthy relationships. Flexible appointment formats can make fitting treatment into a busy schedule easier. In addition, online therapy is often more cost-effective than face-to-face treatment.
Researchers at the American Psychological Association found that online counseling can provide similar results to treatment in the traditional clinical setting, often with lower costs and shorter wait times. Many patients feel the extra physical distance of teletherapy can make giving intimate information about themselves easier, and the convenience of attending from home made it possible for them to participate more reliably.
Takeaway
What is the meaning of an insecure person?
Synonyms for the word insecure, like doubtful or uncertain, can hint at what it means to be insecure. An insecure person may feel inadequate in one or more areas of their life and lack self-confidence. They may struggle with abandonment, failure, hardship, or uncertainty or feel insecure about their abilities, relationships, or goals.
What is an insecure person like?
Everyone experiences insecurity differently. An insecure person may have low self-worth, self-esteem, or self-confidence and may value other people's needs more than their own. An insecure person may have trouble making eye contact and giving or accepting compliments. They might apologize frequently when there is no need to or make excuses when they may not be necessary. Sometimes, insecure people may present themselves as more confident than they really are, but they can still feel overwhelmed by stress and responsibility. Insure people may have a hard time with relationships, too. They can have difficulty trusting other people and may avoid social situations. Insecure people can also have a hard time asking for help, setting boundaries, or saying no.
What is insecurity in a relationship?
Insecurity can occur in any relationship, whether with a romantic partner, friend, or family member. People with insecurity may have a hard time accepting that they matter, which can lead to challenges in trusting other people and make it difficult to ask for support or help. Insecurity in a relationship may also lead to challenges with emotional vulnerability or being open and honest with other people.
What are the signs of insecurity?
The insecure definition can differ for everyone, but some common signs may appear. People who are insecure may have low self-esteem, self-worth, and self-confidence. They may feel inadequate in many areas of their lives and unable to cope with stressors and responsibilities.
Insecurity can appear in relationships, too. Someone who is insecure may have a hard time communicating their needs. Giving and receiving compliments may be challenging for them, and they may overcommit because they have a hard time saying no. They may apologize even when they haven't made a mistake, make excuses when they're not necessary, and may not be able to trust other people. People who are insecure may feel shy and prefer to be alone and avoid social situations. They can also act more confident than they feel and be overly critical of themselves and others.
Is insecure being toxic?
Insecure people can exhibit some toxic behaviors, including worrying too much about what others think of them, never having a firm opinion, being unable to make decisions, and meddling in other people's lives due to their own insecurity. They may put other people down to make themselves feel better or complain about how busy they are (even when they aren't), so they appear to be sought after and in demand. Everyone has felt insecure at some point in their lives, but if someone is exhibiting toxic behaviors because of their insecurity, talking to a therapist may help.
What are the seven most common insecurities?
It's difficult to rate which insecurities are the most common, but some common insecurities might be believing that you're not as attractive as other people, feeling like everyone else is thinner than you are, feeling that you struggle with money more than other people, believing that you are not as smart as other people, thinking that people are talking about you behind you back, feeling like your romantic partner is no longer interested in you, and believing that you will never find a long-term romantic partner.
Can you trust someone and still be insecure?
Yes, you can trust someone and still be insecure. Relationships are complicated, and everyone is different. It is possible to trust people in some ways while still feeling insecure in others. That said, insecurity may eat away at that trust. Think about your relationship as a building. No matter how strong the lock on the front door is, if the building's rear doors are wide open, the building is still insecure. Learning why those doors are wide open and what you can do to close them can make your relationship stronger. If you are worried about how your insecurities are affecting the trust in your relationships, talking to an online therapist can help.
What triggers insecurity?
Insecurity can come from many places, and it is different for everyone. Some common triggers for insecurity may be external, like an adverse childhood experience, a lack of emotional support from family and friends, being bullied, or being unable to meet essential needs like housing, food, and safety. Insecurity may also come from ridicule, judgment, or disapproval from others. Other triggers for insecurity may be internal, including a withdrawn or shy temperament, inadequate emotional intelligence, underlying medical or mental health conditions, or overdependence on others.
Do insecure people fall in love?
Yes, insecure people can fall in love. That said, insecurity can be challenging in a relationship. Someone who is insecure may have a hard time being vulnerable and trusting their partner, which can manifest in many ways, like believing that their partner is cheating or that their partner no longer finds them attractive. If you make an insecure investment in another person, it may not lead to a fulfilling relationship. If you or your partner are experiencing insecurities that are putting your relationship at risk, you may benefit from talking to a therapist.
How do you fix insecurity?
Fixing insecurity can be challenging, but there are some things you can do to overcome it. Sometimes, taking a step back can help. Try to change your perspective and objectively look at what makes you insecure. For example, instead of thinking, "I am fat" or "I am ugly," you might reframe it as "I often compare myself negatively to others, and it is a habit that I want to change."
If you are unhappy with something, it may be time to make a meaningful change. For example, if you feel economically insecure or housing insecure, are low paid, and don't feel that your employer recognizes your work, it might be time to find a new job. Set achievable goals, encourage yourself to make changes, and celebrate your progress regularly.
Be kind to yourself. Work on providing yourself love, compassion, and validation so you don't have to seek it from others. Practicing self-care can help, too. Prioritize eating healthy foods, exercising, and getting enough sleep.
Finding the source of your insecurity can also help. Working with a therapist can be an effective way to approach this. Figuring out how to recognize, understand, and express your emotions can be challenging, and it may be easier to do with the help of a professional. Think about it this way: when a country's borders remain insecure, it may need outside help to identify vulnerabilities and increase feelings of safety. A therapist can help you figure out what you need to work on to feel more assured about who you are.
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