Feeling Worthless? Improving Self-Esteem A Day At A Time

If you're feeling worthless or helpless, you're not alone. However, with support and specific coping mechanisms, you may find ways to further understand why these thoughts are occurring and how to reframe them. Feelings of worthlessness often have an underlying cause and may be a sign of a serious mental health condition like depression. By taking specific steps to improve your self-esteem, you may find relief from this feeling.

Causes of low self-esteem

Self-esteem issues can stem from several sources, and the cause may vary from person to person. Below are potential causes for feelings of worthlessness: 

• Early interpersonal traumas, including abuse, maltreatment, neglect, or frequent criticism from caregivers 
• Childhood or adult bullying 
• Termination from a job, financial issues, or divorce
• Feeling ostracized at school or work or in social situations
• Stress and pressure to meet demands
• Discrimination or rejection 
• A mental illness like depression, anxiety, or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) 

The list above may not be exhaustive. If you're experiencing low self-esteem, reaching out to a professional like a therapist for guidance can be beneficial. 

The connections of thoughts and feelings in therapy

Unwanted thoughts and thinking patterns can sometimes feel overpowering, and it might seem challenging to escape the negativity. However, many thoughts are learned through life experiences or common messages from others. A lack of self-esteem is one of the most common reasons people seek professional help, and therapy can effectively restructure learned thought patterns. 

How therapy can help improve confidence and self-worth

One of the most popular techniques for restructuring distressing thoughts is cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT). CBT has been referred to as the "gold standard" of therapy and helps clients identify connections between emotions, thoughts, and behavior. It may also help you develop practical skills to manage the causes of unhealthy behavioral patterns. Common goals of CBT are to increase positive thoughts, reduce unwanted behavior, and control emotional responses. 

CBT in action

For example, if you believe you are uninteresting, annoying, or not fun, you might avoid social activities with friends. In CBT, you can learn to challenge this behavior by pinpointing the cause of the thoughts. If you feel inferior or fear social situations because you feel embarrassed or unlovable, changing thought patterns may help you change your behavior. CBT could also empower you to learn affirmations like, "I am full of life experiences, and I have a unique point of view. My ideas and perspectives are valid and interesting".

How to improve self-esteem and get rid of self-doubt

It can be human to make mistakes and embarrass yourself. Rather than striving for perfection and comparing yourself to others, try to focus on what makes you unique and how you can improve the lives of others and yourself. Below are a few tips for improving self-esteem one day at a time. 

Avoid "should" thoughts 

Try to avoid cognitive distortions like telling yourself what you "should" do or who you "should" be. Telling yourself that you should act a certain way, achieve a specific goal, or have certain material items may cause you to feel adversely toward yourself if you don't meet those expectations. 

"Should" thoughts are not often self-directed goals and values but instead messages you may have learned in childhood, from society, or due to pressure in academic or career life. For example, if a teacher often told you as a child that you "should" be less creative, you might believe that your desire to express your emotions creatively is harmful and that you should be "more logical." 

Communicate your feelings of sadness

At times, feeling unappreciated may lower your self-esteem. When interacting with others, communicate your feelings and boundaries. Valuing yourself can mean valuing the inner compass that tells you what you value. Celebrate your accomplishments, let others know when you need space, and talk positively about yourself in conversation. 

Be realistic about your limits 

If you feel overwhelmed, consider lowering your expectations or taking a break. Take your time if you're not ready to complete a difficult task. Try not to pressure yourself to succeed in all areas of life at once. Some people may feel shameful about themselves when struggling with multiple life challenges and don't know how to organize them all. 

One task at a time to discourage self-doubt

In these cases, try taking on one task at a time not to overwhelm yourself. For example, you can work on getting out of bed at the same time each morning before you try to start eating healthier, exercising, and practicing mindfulness. You can add these skills later as you feel more comfortable getting out of bed in the morning.

When is feeling worthless a symptom of depression?

Persistent and profound feelings of worthlessness can be a symptom of depression. Many depressive disorders leave individuals feeling alone and unworthy of social interaction and support. However, these feelings can become a cycle that may cause worsening symptoms. 

Causes of depression

Note that depression is not a choice that a change of thought can quickly remedy. Depression, like all mood disorders, can occur due to various factors and is not a sign of "laziness" or caused by a lack of motivation. Genetics, brain differences, and environmental factors can all contribute to the development of this condition. Symptoms of depression may include: 

• Feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness
• Anxiety 
• Numbness or apathy 
• A lack of enjoyment in previously enjoyed activities
• Withdrawal from social support systems
• Profound sadness or low mood
• Difficulty smiling, laughing, or connecting with others in joyous ways
• Difficulty caring for your hygiene or well-being
• Thoughts of death or suicide 

For those who have had symptoms of depression for at least two weeks, consider seeking support from a professional, as you might be living with a depressive disorder. Your therapist or medical professional can ask questions and perform a screening to support you. You might also be referred for medication, outpatient therapy, treatment facilities, or case management. 

Counseling options 

If you're living with feelings of worthlessness, reaching out to a therapist may be beneficial, even if you aren't living with a mental health condition. Mental health professionals are trained in specific skills to help individuals cope with challenging emotions and thoughts. However, if you're experiencing difficulty leaving home due to these thoughts or symptoms of a condition like depression, you might try online therapy through a platform like BetterHelp, which can be done from home. 

Benefits of online therapy for low self-esteem

Online therapy is flexible with scheduling and can be more affordable than traditional, in-person sessions. In addition, researchers in the mental health field have confirmed online therapy is also an effective treatment option. One study suggests that internet-based interventions can reduce symptoms of depression and increase self-esteem. Study participants also reported an enhanced quality of life post-treatment.