Divorce Stress And Mental Health

It may not come as a surprise that divorce tends to be associated with high stress levels, as well as concerns like depression and anxiety. However, the impacts of divorce often depend on certain risk factors and protective factors. For example, being unemployed and experiencing severe conflict with one’s former spouse are usually associated with increased stress. Still, divorce can also be an opportunity for personal growth, and it can be important for individuals to give themselves grace during the healing process. A licensed therapist can help those going through divorce navigate this challenging time.

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Divorce stress 

The American Psychological Association (APA) notes that "divorce may significantly influence well-being, with many individuals experiencing depression, loneliness and isolation, self-esteem difficulties, or other psychological distress."

Moreover, the Holmes-Rahe Life Stress Inventory, also known as the Social Readjustment Rating Scale, places divorce as the second most stressful event that can occur in one's life. The scale generally rates events in relation to the degree of change and readjustment they require, regardless of the change being positive or negative. 

Risk and protective factors

Findings suggest an association between divorce and adverse health outcomes among adults, with divorced individuals typically reporting more symptoms of stress, anxiety, depression, and social isolation compared to the general population. 

However, many factors can reduce these potential effects, with studies indicating that "adverse effects of divorce depend on a number of risk and protective factors experienced during and following the divorce process."

Risk factors may include the following: 

• Being unemployed
• Lower family income
• Lower standard of living
• Conflict with former spouse

As divorce-related conflict may negatively affect the decision-making process around matters like division of property, co-parenting, and child custody, for example, it might induce considerable stress, which may impact mental health. 

Of the risk factors, divorce-related conflict tends to be strongly associated with impacts on health and well-being. This has led some researchers to emphasize the need for divorce interventions to improve health-related quality of life.

Positive changes related to divorce

Some research has focused on the positive growth aspect associated with life after divorce. Divorce may promote the following:

• A deeper sense of oneself, others, and the world at large
• Improved interpersonal relationships
• A greater appreciation of life
• A deeper sense of meaning, purpose, and spirituality 
• Increased self-esteem and psychological maturity

Researchers note that growth does not necessarily entail a reduction of negative symptoms associated with divorce distress, as these two dimensions of the experience may coexist. 

Healthy coping skills

According to Mental Health America (MHA), one's experience of divorce or separation can potentially "turn your world upside down," making it challenging to get through the day and remain productive and focused. 

In an article titled "Coping with Separation and Divorce," MHA suggests the following: 

• It's understandable to feel sad, angry, frustrated, and have different emotions regarding the divorce or separation. Such feelings can sometimes seem contradictory. Many people also experience anxiety about their future without the former spouse, regardless of how healthy or unhealthy the relationship might have been. These reactions are likely to lessen over time. 
• Allow yourself to function at a less than optimal level for a while, as it may take some time to heal and regain your focus and energy. For example, you might not be as productive or juggle responsibilities in exactly the way you previously did.
• Share your feelings with others, including family and friends. Joining a support group may also benefit you by allowing you to connect with others who are going through similar experiences or situations.
• Avoid isolation, as it may raise stress levels, reduce concentration, and impact your overall health and well-being. 
• Consider seeking a therapist’s help to navigate some of the challenges and emotions you're experiencing. 
• Practice self-care by taking care of your physical and mental health. Exercise, eat nutrient-rich meals, and take time to relax and do activities you enjoy.
• Refrain from using alcohol, substances, and cigarettes as coping tools. 
• Postpone making major decisions or life plans for some time. 
• Avoid arguments and power struggles with your former spouse. If you find that a discussion is turning into a fight, you can suggest speaking again when you've both calmed down. Then, you can step away from the situation.
• Invest in new interests, such as taking a class, picking up a hobby, or meeting new friends. 
• Aim to think positively by trying new activities and maintaining reasonable expectations for the future. 
• Accept that the "new normal" will be a little different than before. 
• Take time to enjoy life.

Navigating divorce with children

If you have children, it can be important to reassure them and listen to their concerns and fears. Moreover, a few tips may help children cope with and navigate the changes in their lives:

• Accept that some family traditions may need to be adapted to reflect your new situation. You may also want to create new family traditions. 
• Reassure your children that the divorce is not their fault. 
• Show your children that they can count on you for support.
• Avoid oversharing your thoughts and emotions about the divorce with your children.
• Listen to your children's fears, concerns, and doubts, and offer compassionate but direct responses. 
• Aim to keep their routines and schedules as familiar as possible. 
• Try to coordinate curfews, bedtimes, and decisions with your former spouse. 
• Avoid criticizing your former partner and putting children in situations where they must take sides. 
• Avoid arguing with your partner in front of the children. 
• Avoid asking your children to report on your former spouse's activities. 
• Speak directly to your spouse or use another appropriate channel, such as a mediator, rather than sending messages through your children. 

Reduce stress and foster well-being in online therapy

Connect with a licensed therapist

Seeking support

Changes can be stress-inducing, regardless of their potential long-term benefits. Therapy may help you find ways to cope with change and manage your emotions during this process, potentially reducing stress and fostering overall well-being. 

If attending in-person sessions doesn’t seem feasible, however, you may want to consider online therapy. A platform like BetterHelp can connect you with a licensed therapist, and you can choose between phone call, video conference, and online chat for each session.

A 2020 study investigated the efficacy of an online intervention for individuals going through divorce. It found that “the intervention platform significantly reduced anxious, depressive, and somatization symptoms among divorcees in the intervention group,” suggesting that online therapy could be a helpful option for people experiencing mental health concerns related to divorce.