How To Manage Financial Stress In Marriage: Navigating Finances And Money Issues
In a survey conducted by the American Psychological Association, 31% of adults with partners reported that money was a significant source of conflict in their relationship. Financial stress can lead to serious distress in relationships. As life circumstances change, married couples must often adapt to changes in their financial situation, which can put a strain on their relationship. This article will discuss financial stress in marriage and introduce ways that couples can get help with financial challenges, including financial and couples counseling.
Financial stress in marriage: Differences in ideas about money
After a couple gets married, financial stress can arise from several sources. Living together often means dividing expenses, and two people may have different ideas about money and spending habits. One person may have been raised to save with caution, whereas another may have been raised in a household that allowed for more spending.
Differences in salary
When two people have a major salary difference, this gap can sometimes lead to arguments about money. The person with the higher salary might sometimes sense they are contributing more to the couple’s expenses. Meanwhile, the person with the lower salary might not know if they should be contributing more, or if their spouse is upset about the way their finances are split. These conflicts might arise even if a couple entered the marriage knowing they had a major salary gap.
Children and finances
Some couples might experience financial stress when they have children. One person might stay home with the children either part- or full-time. This often means that the other spouse must contribute most of their income to household expenses. The spouse who stays home might go through an adjustment period when they see their income reduced. Also, as the children get older, some couples might disagree about how to teach them about money. There may be disagreements about when to give in to a child’s requests and when to remain firm and teach them about the importance of having savings.
How married couples can reduce financial stress
Despite the significant challenges that financial stressors can cause for married couples, several strategies may mitigate the effects of financial stress.
Schedule time to communicate about financial stress
Sometimes, marital conflict related to money can arise because of a lack of communication. Couples might avoid the topic of money and choose to remain silent instead of discussing their financial concerns. They might do this to avoid conflict, but this strategy could end up harming the relationship more. Couples may find that they can make progress by scheduling time to communicate once per week to discuss their budget or any concerns about upcoming expenses. This strategy may prevent both partners from being caught off guard by unexpected expenses.
Create a budget
Another strategy that may reduce financial stress is to create a budget together. To save time, couples might consider using a budgeting app. Budgeting apps sometimes allow individuals and couples to link their debit or credit cards to the app so that they can automatically track expenses. This may help with weekly or even daily monitoring so that couples can track their spending in relation to their budget.
Create and write down financial goals
Many couples talk about financial goals but don’t write them down. Research suggests that writing goals down may make it more likely for a person to achieve them. Whether a couple is saving for a down payment on a home or paying off student loans, writing down goals and progress made may reduce conflict about spending. This can also serve as a form of encouragement as couples make progress together toward their goals.
Getting help with money issues
Couples may also find that they can make progress with the help of a financial counselor. Financial counselors often have strategies that are useful for specific financial challenges faced by couples. For example, they may be able to help couples who are facing credit card debt by advising them on which balances to pay off first. In some cases, financial counselors may be aware of assistance programs available to couples at different income levels in various parts of the country. Financial counselors might also have advice on ways to refinance loans in a way that saves couples money and helps them build an emergency fund.
Talking to a therapist to improve the relationship and mental health
In addition to consulting a financial advisor, couples experiencing financial difficulties may benefit from speaking with a licensed therapist. Therapists typically have experience helping couples navigate conflict related to financial matters. In some cases, a therapist may be able to uncover other concerns that may underlie financial disagreements. In some cases, these concerns may surface as financial conflict. Therapy may offer insight into marital conflict, regardless of whether finances are truly at the root of the issue.
Online therapy to improve mental health and address relationship challenges
Some couples might live in a community with few couples therapists. Others might prefer to meet with a therapist outside of their local community. In these cases, couples might consider online therapy. Online therapy allows couples to connect with a licensed therapist from anywhere in the United States via audio, video, or live chat. This means that even couples who are not in the same physical location can participate in couples therapy together.
Over the last 15 years, numerous studies have provided compelling evidence supporting the effectiveness of online therapy. One study published in 2022 found that online couples therapy was as effective as traditional in-person couples therapy. The study’s authors cited “improvements in relationship satisfaction, mental health, and all other outcome scores over time.”
Other studies have found individual online therapy to be helpful for a variety of mental health disorders, including depression and anxiety, which may be common among people experiencing financial stress in marriage. Future research may shed light on the effectiveness of specific types of online therapy for various mental health challenges.
Takeaway
Financial stress in marriage can be one of the most common sources of conflict between couples. Couples may benefit from scheduling time to communicate and have financial discussions in a calm environment. They may also benefit from talking to a financial counselor to devise a financial plan that is realistic and reasonable. While working toward solutions to their financial problems, it can be helpful for couples to speak with a licensed therapist who has experience helping partners navigate financial stress.
How can married couples address money issues and questions related to finances?
Couples might find that they can reduce their financial stress by discussing financial matters with a financial counselor. A financial counselor might be able to offer advice specific to each couple and the type of financial challenges they face. For example, a financial counselor may answer questions about various types of debt and help couples form a plan that not only solves immediate problems but also leads to financial success.
What is the root cause of financial stress in marriage?
The root cause of financial stress can be different in each couple. Some couples might experience financial stress due to factors beyond their control, such as an illness that leads to medical expenses. Others may experience a job loss, and still others might experience challenges with spending habits. Regardless of the root cause, there is help available for both money problems and stress.
What happens when one person in a marriage isn’t financially responsible, and can it affect mental health?
When one spouse has trouble with spending, it can have repercussions on the trust in the relationship. A breach of trust can affect the mental health of both people in the relationship, as well as that of other family members. People in this situation may benefit from talking to a therapist to improve individual well-being and form a plan for moving forward.
How can you deal with a spouse who is bad with money?
Rather than playing the “blame game,” it can be best to approach handling money as a team. You may find it helpful to set up a budget, track spending, pay bills, and set financial goals together. Your spouse may not realize the major role they have in your overall financial situation, but sitting down and looking at your finances together may give them more insight and lead them to change their behavior.
Is financial stress a cause of divorce?
If you asked couples whether financial stress can lead to divorce, many would say yes. Financial problems are thought to be the second leading cause of divorce after infidelity. Finances affect many aspects of daily life, and when couples face differing financial priorities and other issues related to money, it can negatively impact the relationship.
What are the financial red flags in a relationship?
Financial red flags in a marriage include avoidance of discussions about money, excessive debt or spending, gambling, lying about money, one partner controlling the finances and/or not allowing the other to work, and bad credit. Relationships often struggle when these red flags are present.
What is financial infidelity in a marriage?
Financial infidelity occurs when one partner lies about their finances or hides financial information from their spouse. While this can be challenging to achieve when a couple has joint accounts, some individuals find creative ways to hide purchases and debt from their partners.
How much should a wife contribute financially?
Every couple’s relationship is different, which means that every couple tends to split their finances differently. For example, in some relationships, one person is the breadwinner, and the other stays at home to care for the house and the couple’s three children. In other relationships, both partners work and split the bills equally. Some couples split their expenses in proportion to each person’s income.
Should you marry someone with financial problems?
It’s ultimately your decision to either marry or not marry a person who has financial problems. In general, it may be wise to ensure the person has a plan to manage their financial issues before marrying them. In some cases, you may become responsible for their debt if you get married.
How do you protect yourself from a financially irresponsible spouse?
Try sitting down and having an open conversation with your partner about your understanding of the financial situation and your feelings about it. How does it feel when your partner spends cash without regard for what it will cost the relationship? You might express that you want to enjoy life and spend money occasionally, but you’d prefer to set goals together. Maybe you’d like to save up for a house or retirement, for example. If your partner isn’t receptive to this conversation, it may be best to seek help from a financial counselor or mental health professional.
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