Relationships And Stress: How To Manage In A Healthy Way
Relationships can often cause or contribute to stress, which can further strain relationships. Pinpointing the underlying causes of stress in your relationship can make it easier to resolve concerns, and learning stress-management strategies can improve your symptoms.
If you and/or your partner find it difficult to manage stress on your own, a licensed couple’s therapist can help.
Read on to explore healthy supportive strategies that can help all members of your relationship to manage stress effectively. We’ve also highlighted resources for those who’d like to speak with a mental health professional about the impact of stress on their relationships.
What causes stress in relationships?
Everyone can experience stress occasionally, and there are many stressors that can impact relationships. These might include the following:
Finances: Differences in spending habits, income disparities and expensive bills can strain relationships. If you resonate with this form of stress, you might consider...
Determining whether bills should be split evenly, or if one partner can afford to pay more.
Implementing spending rules for expensive items (especially if you have a joint account).
Alternating who pays for date nights or using a joint account for common expenses.
Thinking about setting aside time to have a financial check-in each month.
Cheating: Infidelity can cause a lot of stress, and can put you at a higher risk of experiencing depression, anxiety disorders, low self-esteem and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). A couple’s therapist can help many to rebuild trust.
Children: Growing a family can impact many areas of life, including finances, sleep and the availability of free time. Different approaches to parenting, having multiple children or a child with special needs, may cause additional parenting stress. Increased social support from friends, family and neighbors can help.
Distrust: Trust can be an important element of healthy relationships, with a lack of trust possibly leading to jealousy and emotional abuse. Working on communication and forgiveness can help those in committed relationships regain trust and strength. However, there are some times when it may be better to leave the relationship.
Sexual dissatisfaction: Some conditions, such as erectile dysfunction, can increase relationship stress and dissatisfaction.
Work stress: Work stress can be brought home and misdirected at loved ones. Additionally, work preoccupation can reduce time spent engaging in a relationship. Online therapy can help many to find balance.
Talking with a therapist can help you determine if you want to continue a relationship with someone who broke your trust.
To handle work stress more effectively, the APA recommends trying a range of healthy coping strategies—such as exercise, learning a new hobby, reducing caffeine and alcohol consumption, practicing mindfulness, reaching out to a therapist and setting boundaries around checking your email or answering calls after hours.
Tips for handling relationship stress
Stress can be a fact of life for most people, but it doesn’t have to harm your relationship. Making a plan to handle stress together can improve the strength and resilience of your relationship.
Here are a few ways you can do this, starting today:
Work on communication skills
Stress can increase irritability and argumentativeness. Passive aggression, avoidance, hostility, social withdrawal and excessive alcohol use can all be maladaptive coping mechanisms for stress that can harm relationships.
Journaling about your feelings, setting aside dedicated time to talk with your partner, using “I” language to talk about how you feel, listening to your partner intently and working on conflict resolution can help you avoid anger, yelling and hurt feelings.
According to the American Psychological Association, disagreements and fights can be constructive if both partners practice these strategies.
Stop misdirecting stress
Many stressors originate outside of the relationship. You might consider evaluating what is causing your stress, and communicating that to your partner instead of misdirecting your stress at them. In addition to talking with your partner about your stressors, you can try getting enough exercise and sleep, spending time outside, meditating and/or talking with a therapist.
Having trouble doing this? The University of Colorado Boulder suggests considering the HALT acronym if you are feeling irritable or like you might lash out at your partner. We’ve summarized it below:
H: Are you hungry?
If so, you might feel better if you have a snack.
A: Are you angry?
Consider going on a walk or taking some time to be alone to figure out the cause of your anger.
L: Are you lonely?
Has your partner been busy, or are you preoccupied? You could sit down with them and talk about what’s driving your feelings.
T: Are you tired?
A nap, yoga session, or deep breathing exercise may help you feel more refreshed and at ease.
Know how you approach conflict
People might have different styles of managing conflict. Understanding your unique approaches can help you address disagreements and stressors more constructively.
Get the help you need via online therapy
Sometimes it can be difficult to address relationship stress without outside help. A licensed couple’s therapist can be a helpful resource, as they are generally equipped with the knowledge and skills needed to help you reduce your stress and improve your relationship. For couples who find it difficult to talk openly about their relationship, online therapy from sites like BetterHelp can be preferable to in-person therapy.
Is online therapy effective?
Research suggests that online couples’ therapy can effectively reduce stress and conflict, while possibly positively impacting relationship satisfaction. One study focused on the experience of attending online couples therapy found facts that suggest that the physical distance from therapists increased participants' sense of control and comfort. Additionally, a 2022 study out of Frontiers in Psychology found facts that support the hypothesis that online couples therapy effectively improved mental health and relationship satisfaction.
Takeaway
How do you maintain a stress-free relationship?
While stress is normal to have occasionally in a relationship, there are steps you can take to help maintain a less stressful relationship over time. For this, it’s important to communicate openly with your partner, understand each other’s body language, and address external stressors that may affect the relationship. Setting boundaries, making time for each other, and learning how to manage relationship stress effectively can also be beneficial.
How can being in a healthy committed relationship help relieve stress?
Being in a healthy committed relationship provides emotional support, making it easier to cope with external stressors. Having a romantic partner or even a close family member to confide in can reduce feelings of loneliness, make you feel heard, and help in dealing with high stress situations.
How do you cope with relationship problems?
Coping with relationship problems involves open communication, understanding each other's perspectives, seeking external advice when needed, and sometimes asking for help from professionals or trusted co-workers. Taking a moment to recognize the root cause of the issue and working collaboratively towards a solution can be effective.
How do you maintain stable relationships?
Maintaining stable relationships involves consistent communication, understanding, trust, and respect. Recognizing the needs and feelings of the other person, addressing issues promptly, and fostering a positive environment are essential.
How can I be more emotionally stable in my relationship?
Being more emotionally stable in a relationship requires self-awareness, managing external stress levels, seeking therapy or counseling if needed, and practicing mindfulness techniques. It can also be beneficial to discuss feelings with your partner and ask for support when required.
How important is consistency in a relationship?
Consistency is paramount in a relationship as it builds trust and stabiliry. Consistent actions and behaviors lead to predictable outcomes, which can provide comfort and reduce anxiety in the long run.
Why is security important in a relationship?
Security is important in a relationship because it fosters trust, reduces fear, and promotes a feeling of safety, allowing both partners to be vulnerable and genuine without the fear of being hurt.
How do you overcome emotional instability?
Overcoming emotional instability might involve recognizing triggers, seeking therapy, practicing relaxation techniques, focusing on the present moment, and avoiding situations or people that contribute to high stress or negative emotions.
How do I stop letting people control my emotions?
To stop letting people control your emotions, you must set boundaries, practice assertiveness, strengthen your emotional well-being, and remind yourself that you have control over your reactions and feelings.
Do you need to be mentally stable to be in a relationship?
While no one is perfect, having a certain level of mental stability can be beneficial when entering a relationship. It ensures that both partners can provide support to each other, reduces unnecessary strain, and promotes a healthy, positive future for the relationship.
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