How To Find A Roommate: What To Look For In A Roommate

College students may wonder how to find a roommate who is the right fit for them. While there may be several helpful tools for a roommate search, finding a good roommate may help you ensure you’re on the same page about matters like sharing household chores, living habits, and roommate safety. Below, explore ways you can increase your chances of finding the right new roommate and establish expectations from the start. 

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Searching for a roommate that benefits your mental health 

When looking for potential roommates, focus on your values and the qualities you want in a roommate. Instead of rooming with the first person who comes your way, be picky about who you live with. This knowledge may help you avoid problems that can be stressful to deal with down the road when you're already living with someone. Having a set of questions to ask prospective roommates may ensure roommate compatibility and improve your mental health when living with them. 

Factors to consider about yourself before seeking a roommate

A roommate can change one’s living situation significantly. Below are a few factors to consider about yourself when looking for someone to live with you. 

Your sleep schedule

Depending on your sleep schedule, you may find it challenging to have a roommate who is up and active during the time you're sleeping. For example, if you have morning classes and wake up early, having a roommate who has friends over most nights may make it difficult to get your sleep. If you are a night owl and your roommate gets up early, they may also have issues with the schedule. However, compromising and being thoughtful of your roommate’s time may reduce the chances of conflict in this situation, especially if they do the same for you. 

Study habits

If you tend to study at home, ensure that the apartment or house is relatively quiet during those times. You might ask potential roommates to also be quiet during study hours. Some people choose to study together. 

Cleaning habits

What do you expect the common areas to look like? How do you envision dividing up household chores like vacuuming and taking out the trash? Do you consider yourself more relaxed about tidiness, or does it annoy you to see dirty dishes that are not immediately cleaned? Knowing your preferences can help you find someone with a similar understanding of cleanliness and chores.

Socializing and party habits

Do you have friends over regularly, only on weekends, or during certain occasions? Do you like having parties at your place, and if so, what are the expectations for them? Some people may be strictly against partying and substance use, whereas others might be open to some types of socialization at home. Differing party habits can lead to conflict and distress. 

Personality

Do you consider yourself more of an introvert or extrovert? Do you tend to keep to yourself, or do you like to socialize with roommates? These factors can influence your living arrangement with a roommate. 

Ways to find a roommate safely 

There are many ways to find roommates to share a space, such as finding a roommate online or asking mutual friends if they know anyone looking to share a space. Possible ways to find a roommate include the following. 

Asking friends if they are interested in sharing a space

While living with friends can have pros and cons, as good friends are not necessarily compatible as roommates, some may find it possible to successfully share an apartment with a friend. Often, expectations, habits, and agreements are made beforehand. Asking mutual friends if they know anyone looking for a roommate may also be an option. 

Using college roommate apps and roommate matching sites

Apps may help you find a potential roommate who shares similar interests, habits, personalities, and preferences. They allow members to exchange messages prior to meeting in person. Talking to someone before you meet them can give you a feel for their communication style. If you don’t connect with the person well, you might have more issues with them offline. 

Using social media, such as Facebook groups

Some colleges and universities have closed Facebook groups for students looking to share information, network, and connect. Post an ad in one of these groups looking for a roommate. When you post, mention the type of person you’re looking for and what they can expect at home. 

Using alumni networks

Once you leave college, you may also want to find a roommate. For example, some recent graduates moving to a new city benefit from alumni networks. These networks can help one connect with those from their alma mater to share an apartment, network, and find job opportunities. 

Qualities to look for in a new roommate

While individual preferences may be unique to each person, there are roommate qualities that tend to make living arrangements smoother, including the following traits: 

• Respectful of personal space and boundaries 
• Willing to share chores
• Willing to compromise
• Communicative
• Honest 
• Secure
• Friendly 

Communication strategies between compatible roommates 

When addressing concerns with compatible roommates, consider the following: 

• The timing: Schedule a time when your roommate is alone to discuss concerns. For example, speaking to them in front of their friends may make them defensive. 
• Use "I" statements: Saying, "I have difficulty with not being able to use the common areas as much because you're often there with your friends," may make your roommate more receptive to listening to your perspective than saying, "It's not fair. You always have friends over."
• Focus on the issue: Focus on the problem and be direct but tactful. For example, if your roommate often has a friend over who sleeps on the couch, you may want to express how this is affecting your living arrangement to find a compromise and solution. 
• Aim to give your roommate your full attention: Avoid texting others or multitasking when you speak to your roommate.
• Listen to their perspective: After expressing your concerns, listen to what your roommate has to say and repeat what they say to them to see if you understood correctly. 
• Speak to them in person: While it can be tempting to email or text your roommate, speaking to them in person can be more personable.

Often, problems arise from a lack of communication or miscommunication among roommates. Moreover, avoiding uncomfortable but necessary talks may intensify problems. 

Setting boundaries with potential roommates

Potential roommates benefit from having a roommate agreement that sets guidelines for their living situation. A roommate agreement is a legal agreement between roommates that lists the rights and responsibilities of roommates sharing a living space. This type of contract is separate from the contract with a landlord but is also legally binding. You may also list deal breakers on the agreement, such as stealing or repeatedly paying the rent late. The agreement with potential roommates may include rules around the following:

• Cleaning schedule
• Paying for communal items like paper products
• Noise 
• Parties
• Guests
• Pets
• Use of the kitchen and mealtimes
• Personal property
• Communal bills

Tips about sharing the rent in an apartment

A potential part of sharing an apartment with someone is paying rent and bills on time. Regardless of how well roommates get along, living with someone who doesn't pay their share on time can be challenging. If you are the one who is late, you may also want to know what to expect in case you cannot pay your share on time. 

Establishing rules that are fair for all involved can help roommates hold each other accountable without being punitive, which can lead to resentment. Ways to address apartment rent and bills may include:

• Having expectations and fines for paying late written on the roommate agreement
• Including a grace period on the agreement
• Setting security deposit rules
• Establishing rules around the paying of communal bills

Resources for student support to build relationships and foster mental wellness

Some college students living with roommates face challenges that can affect their well-being and mental health. Challenges may include paying rent on time, newfound responsibilities, and sharing living space with others. While campuses may offer support services, there may be waitlists to see a counselor. Other resources and organizations available for students may include: 

• Online therapy platforms: Online therapy services allow you to connect with a licensed therapist from home. 
• National mental health organizations: Organizations like the National Alliance on Mental Health (NAMI) have student-led mental health clubs on various campuses. In addition, NAMI offers multiple resources, education, and articles for students looking to foster their mental health. 
• On-campus counseling centers: Some campuses have counseling centers that help students address mental health challenges and stressors associated with going to college and their personal lives. As there may be a waitlist to see a provider, consider scheduling an appointment ahead of time. 

Finding a therapist 

College students are often busy juggling various demands with their schedules and time. When you face barriers to in-person therapy, you might consider online therapy through a platform like BetterHelp. Online therapy lets you connect with a licensed therapist without traveling to appointments. You can also send messages to your therapist anytime, which can be helpful when you're finding it challenging to handle daily stressors and would like your therapist to get back to you soon. 

One meta-analysis explored the effectiveness of cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) delivered online. The study's findings suggest that online CBT can be effective in addressing mental health conditions like depression and anxiety, especially with the help of a therapist. The researchers concluded that there is compelling data to support the integration of internet-delivered CBT into clinical care. CBT addresses the connection between thoughts, emotions, and behaviors while reframing unhelpful patterns of thinking and behaving.