How To Make Friends At School: Tips For Expanding Your Social Circle As A Student

While getting an education can be valuable for its own sake, school may provide a wide range of other benefits for a young person’s well-being. One of them is the opportunity to make new friends and expand your social network. However, not everyone finds it easy to forge friendships. In this article, we’ll suggest some time-tested and evidence-based strategies for meeting people, making friends, and strengthening your bonds with your peers. We’ll also explore how building social connections can enhance your health and happiness.

Making new friends can require a willingness to get outside of your comfort zone, pushing yourself to start new conversations and try unfamiliar activities. Working on your confidence and interpersonal skills may help as well. Below, we’ll cover some effective techniques for building friendships as a student, along with a look at the benefits for your well-being. If you experience social anxiety or other mental health challenges that make it challenging to form new relationships, consider reaching out to a licensed therapist for support.

Why making friends at school matters

Psychological research suggests that forming close friendships may be a significant predictor of health, achievement, and happiness for young people. Here are a few ways that making friends with your peers can help you.

Better mental health

Better physical health

Better friendships in youth may support physical health throughout the lifespan. For example, researchers have found that individuals with better social integration in early life may be at lower risk for hypertension and obesity. 

Better academic achievement

Having friends may help you do better in school. A review of educational psychology research concluded that friendships were usually associated with better cognitive function and academic performance. 

Greater life satisfaction

In addition to the tangible benefits above, most people simply find it fun to spend time with friends! Having people you like and trust in your life can be a significant contributor to your overall happiness.

Barriers to making friends at school

Many adolescents and young adults find it difficult to lay the groundwork for lasting connections at school. 

For some, shyness may be the primary challenge. If you tend to feel anxious about socializing or sharing your thoughts and feelings, it can be harder to reach out to others and plant the seeds of strong friendships. This obstacle may be exacerbated by negative interpersonal experiences like bullying, shunning, or peer group rejection. 

The increasing prevalence of social media use may also be problematic in some ways. While some adolescents find platforms like Instagram, Snapchat, and TikTok helpful for bonding with their peers, research suggests that heavy use of these sites can hinder real-world connections and lead to increased interpersonal conflict, social distress, and a sense of isolation. 

How can you overcome these hurdles and grow stronger connections with others at school? Here are a few approaches that may help. 

Practice your social skills

Certain behavioral habits can improve almost all of your social interactions. If you’re not used to exercising these social skills, they may seem awkward at first, but repeated practice can help them come naturally. 

Open body language

Some kinds of gestures and postures can help others perceive you as a friendly, approachable person and a good listener, such as the following:

• Smiling
• Keeping your arms and legs uncrossed
• Sitting up straight
• Spreading your shoulders
• Making eye contact
• Nodding or giving other affirmative reactions when someone is talking

Initiating conversations

Many people miss out on possible new friendships simply because both individuals are hesitant to start a conversation. When you practice pushing through the initial sense of awkwardness and being the first to speak, you will likely find that others are more open to chatting than you would expect. If an interaction like this goes well, you can offer to exchange contact information or social media handles to continue the conversation. 

Reciprocal interactions

A satisfying conversation often involves a natural “give-and-take” flow. You may be able to help this flow along by alternating between statements and questions — this can ensure that the other person gets time to talk but doesn’t sense they’re carrying the whole conversation. 

One strategy that’s often useful is to ask a question, then one or two follow-up questions based on the person’s answer. Then you can volunteer an opinion or some relevant information about yourself. Repeating this pattern may lead to a lively and satisfying discussion.

Reading and respecting boundaries

Recognizing when someone doesn’t want to talk or listen, and respecting that preference, can be among the most helpful social skills. You may get better results if you avoid approaching people who are displaying closed body language, such as looking down, crossing their arms, or wearing headphones. If you’re already in a conversation and the other person is looking away or giving only short and noncommittal answers, it can be a sign that they’re uncomfortable. 

Look for people with similar interests

Having common interests with a peer can be an excellent foundation for a friendship. Many schools offer a wide variety of clubs and groups that can introduce you to others who share your passions or hobbies.

For example, if you like puzzles and games, you could try joining a board game club, math league, or chess team. If you enjoy physical activity, joining an outdoor adventure group or sports team can be a powerful way to bond with others. If there’s a cause about which you’re passionate, a charity group or student politics organization could be a great way to find like-minded people. Shared membership in these groups can give you plenty of opportunities to start a conversation with a potential friend. 

Be curious and open to change

Although having existing shared interests can be an easy way to find new friendships, you don’t necessarily have to limit your social network to people who like the same things as you. Instead, you may benefit from approaching a conversation with someone very different from yourself as an opportunity to learn something new. 

When you find someone who has an unfamiliar hobby or interest, you can ask them questions about how they got into it and what appeals to them about it. This can lead to discussions about their history, values, tastes, and more. Research suggests that expressing curiosity about another person can be a powerful way to improve their feelings toward you, and this type of open-minded discussion could wind up making you a good friend. 

You can take this curious approach even further by making a point of trying new activities or going to social events, even if you’re not sure you will like them. This can be a great way to learn more about yourself in addition to meeting new potential friends. You may find this approach particularly helpful for making connections at a new school — joining lots of new clubs, teams, and student organizations may be a great way to widen your social circle. 

Talk to those around you

You may be hesitant to approach some of your peers because you believe you don’t have anything in common. However, your shared experience of school can offer a foundation for bonding, even if you’re different in many other ways. 

For instance, you can talk about your coursework, your teachers, and news about events on campus. If you’re attending a residential college, your roommates and the other people in your dorm can all be potential friends. Something as simple as leaving your door open during the evening and chatting with people who walk by may open you up to new friendships. Using the social skills described above, such as maintaining eye contact and asking questions, can improve your success. 

Let go of negative assumptions

For many adolescents, shyness is partly driven by negative beliefs and assumptions about their likeability and how others perceive them. They may blame themselves for difficulties forming connections, view themselves as “awkward,” and frequently interpret others’ reactions to them as signs of dislike.

Beliefs like this can be self-limiting, preventing you from making the effort to connect with others at school. However, a 2018 paper found that most people tend to underestimate how much others like them. When you’re tempted to avoid interacting with others at school because you’re worried they don’t enjoy your company, you may want to remind yourself that this is likely wrong. You may also want to try to avoid taking it personally when someone doesn’t want to be friends. Instead of assuming that you’re the problem, it may be that they’re just not right for you.

Get mental health support

Mustering the confidence to join a student group, speak up in a group conversation, or start a discussion with a fellow student can be easier when you’re not hampered by conditions like anxiety and depression. Getting appropriate mental health care may help you when you’re trying to expand your network of friends.

Clinical trials suggest that psychotherapy interventions like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can effectively treat social anxiety in young people. Working with a licensed therapist could help you overcome your difficulties with making friends.

Resources for students looking to make friends

Schools typically offer students a variety of programs that provide opportunities for making friends. They may also make mental health services available to those wrestling difficulties like anxiety and depression. In addition, there are a variety of online resources that could support you in building more and better friendships. 

Examples of helpful resources include the following:

• School-supported student clubs and organizations
• Athletic teams 
• High school counseling services or college campus health centers
• After-school programs (either school-run or through local community centers)
• Online therapy platforms like BetterHelp

Internet therapy can often provide a great deal of flexibility in scheduling, which can be helpful for students juggling class attendance, homework, and extracurricular activities. Research suggests it can also be an effective form of treatment for young people. A meta-analysis published in 2020 found that online cognitive behavioral therapy usually reduced symptoms of anxiety in adolescents and young adults, with results comparable to in-person treatment.