How To Make Friends In College And Build Positive Connections

If you are starting college, one of your top priorities may be to connect with other people and make new friends. However, some may find it difficult to know where to start. Understanding what you are looking for in college friends and having a game plan for connecting with others may take some of the pressure off. 

How making friends can contribute to your college experience

College life can differ significantly from high school life. While high school friends may have lived nearby and grown up in the same neighborhood as you, your fellow college students may be coming to your university from different states or countries. One of the most significant benefits of college friends can be the way they broaden your horizons and open your mind to new concepts and experiences. 

Making friends in college can also help individuals develop a strong social support system. Research shows that social connections can improve mental and emotional health and may help you live longer. Conversely, loneliness can contribute to mental and physical challenges like diabetes, heart disease, and depression. 

How to meet other students and make new friends at your university

You might be intimidated by trying to make friends in college, especially when you are adjusting to significant life changes, like moving out of your other home or engaging in more academically rigorous classes. Some people might face other challenges in college, such as homelessness or a lack of parental support. Individuals may find relief in reminding themselves that fellow students can be in the same boat. People may not arrive at their college orientation having figured it all out already, as college is an opportunity for everyone to learn. You might use a few tried-and-true strategies to connect with your fellow college students, including the following. 

Strike up a conversation with your classmates, roommates, or other potential friends

College may not offer as many ready-made opportunities to make friends as high school, where you often repeatedly engage with the same people. However, a few opportunities may be available in this environment. For example, if you are living in a campus residence hall your first year, your college may require you to have a roommate. 

Even if you and your roommate were randomly assigned to each other, you may have more in common than you realize. Spending intentional time together could help you recognize similar interests. Even if you do not connect well, putting effort into a friendship with your roommate can take some of the awkwardness out of sharing a tight space. 

Another option for a connection could be your classmates. In this instance, you have one part of the college experience in common. Invite your lab partner or the person assigned to a group project to coffee and see if your connection goes beyond the subject matter. 

Join a university club and enhance your college experience

Universities often offer a wide range of student organizations or faculty-hosted clubs. If these groups formally register with the college, they may be eligible to receive university funding for events and other club activities. Your university may have a directory of registered clubs that provides contact information for student club leaders and regular meeting times. You can peruse this directory to find a campus club that matches your interests or may challenge you to try a new activity, such as rock climbing or hiking.  

Common categories of college clubs include the following:

• Academic clubs and professional societies: These clubs are designed for students to connect with each other based on what they are studying (i.e., Biology Club, Literature Club) or what they want to do after college (i.e., Pre-Med Club, Pre-Law Club).
• Club sports: Sports teams such as softball, volleyball, football, soccer, kickball, or frisbee are often run through a college’s campus recreation center and can be a fun option for people who like to be active.
• Cultural clubs: Cultural clubs typically bring together students of similar backgrounds and cultural experiences, like clubs for international students, Black/African American students, Asian students, Indigenous students, etc. 
• Food and cooking clubs: These clubs are generally for people who may be interested in specific cooking techniques like grilling or baking, food types like pizza or pasta, or certain cuisines, like Italian food or Mexican food (in this regard, many food/cooking clubs may have potential for collaboration with cultural clubs).
• Support groups: Support groups may be formally hosted by professionals through a college’s counseling center or other mental health services, or they may be informal gatherings of people who are going through similar experiences. Support groups may exist for students who have recently lost someone close to them, who are living with a mental health condition, or who are recovering from addiction. They can be a helpful way for students for whom college life may be particularly challenging to build community and a support system.
• Games clubs: For people who may not enjoy active sports but still like to engage in friendly competition, clubs focused on non-sport games may be a compatible choice. These games could include Dungeons and Dragons, chess, Settlers of Catan, and even Quidditch for fans of the Harry Potter books.
• Political clubs: Political clubs can be based on affiliation with a certain political party, like the Young Democrats or College Republicans, or based on a particular political issue, such as climate change or abortion rights.
• Arts and creativity clubs: Many colleges host numerous clubs for writers, actors, dancers, photographers, painters, cartoonists, and other artists.

Attend campus events

Most colleges host events specifically designed to help students connect, particularly when a new semester begins, and there are a number of new students on campus. Some events, like pep rallies and homecoming celebrations, may promote a collective sense of campus-wide unity. Other events may be designed to foster connections within smaller communities on campus, like networking events for students in a particular area of study. Regardless of what gathering you are drawn to, these events can be a helpful way to meet other students. 

Find an on-campus job

Faculty and administrative staff are not the only people who can work on college campuses. At most colleges and universities, a large component of campus work is completed by student employees. 

On-campus jobs can be a helpful way to meet other students on your campus in an environment that is less structured than a classroom, but still has more structure than casual social events. Working on campus also has the added benefit of putting some extra cash in your pocket, which can help in many ways with maintaining a thriving social life. Plus, many on-campus jobs can more easily accommodate a complicated college class schedule.

Potential on-campus jobs include those listed below:

• Answering questions at a student center information desk
• Helping schedule and execute on-campus events
• Giving campus and residence hall tours
• Cooking and serving food in campus dining halls or on-campus restaurants or coffee shops
• Helping new students adjust to campus life as a new student orientation leader
• Completing administrative tasks at various on-campus offices
• Overseeing campus residence halls as a resident advisor

Ways to strike up a conversation at campus events

If you don’t know anyone else on campus, you may be intimidated by the thought of attending an event alone. Having conversation starters in your back pocket for when you are standing next to someone at a campus barbecue or playing cornhole at a club fair can be helpful. Below are several options. 

Questions that can spark conversation with someone new

Consider the following questions when starting conversations: 

• “What do you like to do outside of class?”
• “What is the coolest fact or skill you have learned this semester?”
• “What is your favorite part of campus?”
• “What part of college life has been most surprising for you?”

What to look for in friends in college

College friendships may be the first adult friendships you have had in your life – friendships that are not bound by the constraints of curfews and house rules. Figuring out what you would gain from these friendships can be complicated, as some may find it more complex than finding someone to sit with at lunch in the high school cafeteria. Below are a few ways to explore what you value in friendships. 

Reflect on what you liked about your high school friends

Even if your high school friendships look different from your college friendships, both can have value. As you seek out college friends, consider what you appreciated in your high school companions. Did their sense of humor match yours? Were they there for you when you were going through a tough time? Your past friendships could offer insight into what you will value in future friendships.

Consider your needs 

Your college friendship needs may differ from your friendship needs when you were a teenager, which can be normal. Think about what you value and want from your friendships. Do you want a friend who is also a good roommate? Do you want a friend in your same major who can be your study buddy and help you build connections in your field? Some people might want a friend who pushes them out of their comfort zone to try new activities or have new experiences. Others might value a friend that reminds them of home and allows them to relax. 

Maintaining college friendships

You may meet many new people in college. Some of these people may become lifelong friends. Some friendships may be more transitory. You may not have much to connect about with your lab partner after the class ends, or you may eventually realize that a club you joined initially isn’t really for you. College is a time of growth and change, and you’re not alone if not all friendships stick—This transition may not reflect you or the other person negatively.  

Resources for student support

Alternative support options 

When you first try to make college friends, your social schedule may be busy. Between balancing your social life, attending classes, holding down a job, and trying to function as an adult, you may find it challenging to squeeze in an in-person therapy appointment. In these cases, online therapy through a platform like BetterHelp may be more convenient. 

Online therapy platforms allow clients to reach support from home or anywhere with an internet connection. In addition, they may have more control over their experience by choosing between phone, video, or live chat sessions. Research has indicated that online therapy may be as effective as traditional in-person therapy. Recently, one group of researchers found that a group of college students who completed online therapy sessions reported lower overall levels of stress and psychological upheaval.