"I Feel Happy When I Didn’t Think I Ever Could Again": Marlie’s BetterHelp Story
Whether you’re experiencing symptoms of a mental health condition like depression or anxiety or you’re simply looking for support navigating life’s many challenges, connecting with a therapist may be helpful. They can provide a safe space where you can express and process your emotions, and they can offer healthy coping mechanisms for difficult feelings and situations that are individualized to you.
Finding happiness
For those who find online therapy to be a more comfortable or convenient option than in-person sessions, platforms like BetterHelp may be worth considering. To help you decide whether this type of service might be right for you, you might read the story below. It’s an honest review from Marlie, a real BetterHelp user who found compassionate, constructive support in their online therapist.
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“I needed strategies for coping with the present and fears about the future.”
I saw an in-person therapist for a few months at the end of last year. At first, I thought the in-person therapy was beneficial because I was getting out a lot of pent-up emotions. I would sit in my therapist's office and cry for an hour while she nodded.
After a few months of that style of therapy, I realized that I was still ruminating on all the same dysfunctional thought patterns that were holding me back from healing, and I wasn't getting any coping strategies. There came a point where I couldn't cry and just talk about the past anymore. I needed strategies for coping with the present and fears about the future.
“...I just need someone to talk to about my struggles…”
At the beginning of this year, I started a new job and realized that, during the probationary period without benefits, I wouldn't be able to afford in-person therapy. I felt devastated and overwhelmed with anxiety because I didn't think I could cope on my own. I literally just broke down and my family didn't understand what I was so upset about—I just needed someone to talk to about my struggles, and the thought of not having that support was so overwhelming.
Considering online therapy
My boyfriend's friend is a doctor and she mentioned BetterHelp to me around Christmas time. At that point, I was still at my former place of work and had benefits, so I didn't see the point in switching therapists. Once I realized I couldn't afford it anymore and had a panic attack, I Googled cheaper alternatives to get help, and BetterHelp came up first. I recalled hearing about it from my boyfriend's friend and decided to give it a shot.
Online therapy: affordability and convenience
At that point, I felt I had nothing left to lose. I needed help because living inside my brain, day in and day out, was becoming unbearable. It was affordable and convenient and I was willing to try anything.
“I grew up feeling so ashamed of who I was…”
At the core of my problems were shame and vulnerability. I grew up feeling so ashamed of who I was and had a lot of external people telling me I was stupid, uncoordinated, chubby…but mostly stupid. Because of that, I developed this shell that always needed to be perfect. Throughout elementary school, high school, and university, I strived to be the top of my class. When I was in high school, I focused on getting into university. When I was in university, I focused on my applications to study abroad. After that, I focused on getting into postgraduate studies. Everything fell into place, and I felt in control. Once I was done with school and I no longer had something tangible like a good grade to achieve, I think my self-confidence issues came to the forefront. I moved to a new city, got a new job, and felt very exposed.
“I was a mess.”
Couple that with a significant death of a loved one in my life (the only person whom I ever felt truly loved me for who I was, without expectations), and the start of a new relationship after getting out of an emotionally abusive one, I was a mess.
If you or a loved one is experiencing abuse, contact the Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Support is available 24/7.
Signing up with BetterHelp
Since signing up with BetterHelp, I'm starting to realize that the dialogue inside my head isn't necessarily accurate. Just having the understanding that vulnerability and shame are at the core of my self-deprecating beliefs has helped me challenge my own narrative. I feel so much more hopeful for the future now. When I first started seeing a therapist late last year, I couldn't take a shower standing up. I had to sit on the floor of the shower and cry the whole time. I called in sick a few times to work and blamed it on migraines, but the truth was I felt so sad and had such a heaviness in my chest that I didn't want to get out of bed.
“I feel happy when I didn’t think I ever could again”
Now, after just a few weeks of talking with my BetterHelp counselor, Peter, I feel a lightness again and I can see the fun sides of my personality coming out. My family has even said that my voice is different in the past few weeks.
Right after our first session, Peter recommended the book, "Daring Greatly" by Brene Brown, which talks about shame and vulnerability. I couldn't believe when I started reading it how well he understood me after just one session. I found myself saying so many times throughout that book that it felt like she was talking directly to me. I read that book in two days, and Peter has since recommended a few more resources to work through challenging my irrational thoughts.
What he said recently resonated with me is that just because you feel something doesn't make it true. There are events that have occurred in my life that most people would respond negatively to, but that's often because we attach an overarching cultural meaning to these events. The narrative inside my head doesn't have to cause me such pain and anguish.
BetterHelp sessions helped me: “I feel happy when I didn’t think I ever could again”
One of the biggest achievements I've experienced since starting with BetterHelp is reaching out and mending some relationships that caused me significant stress in my childhood. I no longer feel resentful or experience pain when I recall those memories. I'm still working towards detaching from more recent painful events, but I feel hopeful that if I continue down this path, I'll be able to lead a happy, fulfilling life.
Being in a healthy, loving relationship
I'm also able to recognize and appreciate that I'm in a healthy, loving relationship, whereas before starting these sessions, I felt so overwhelmed with worry and doubt about whether I was good enough and anticipating the day when this all would be taken away from me.
Peter has given me resources to cope with daily stresses and identify irrational thoughts so that I can build trust and improve my communication skills. I feel happy—and for a while, I didn't think I ever could.
Takeaway
Marlie’s story is just one of many from people who have found the mental health support they needed through BetterHelp. Research suggests that there’s “no difference in effectiveness” between in-person and online therapy, so those who find virtual methods to be more comfortable can feel confident in taking advantage of them. Online therapy is often more affordable as well, with the cost of BetterHelp sessions being comparable to that of most insurance co-pays. All it takes to get started with a virtual therapy platform like BetterHelp is filling out a brief questionnaire about your needs and preferences so you can get matched with a licensed therapist who can help you address the challenges you may be facing.
Is it possible to ever feel happy again?
When you are dealing with depressive symptoms, it can feel like you will never be happy again. While it may take some time, it is possible to heal from these and other negative thoughts and begin to feel more positive.
Is it normal to feel like you've never been happy?
If you consistently feel like you are unhappy and you cannot remember a time when you were, it can be a sign of a mental health condition like depression. If you feel this way consistently, consider seeking professional help.
Why don't I believe I can be happy?
There may be various reasons why you feel like you cannot be happy. For example, you may feel stuck, like your life is not heading in the right direction, or you may feel guilty about something from your past.
If you need support trying to figure out why you are feeling depressed or to get some idea of why you are having these feelings, talk to a mental health professional. A therapist can help you understand where these feelings are coming from and what you can do to address them.
How do I know if I'm happy in life?
Everyone experiences happiness in their own way, but people who are content with their lives are likely to feel comfortable in their own skin and not worry about the opinions of others. They are likely to spend time pursuing their passions and things they find pleasure in. People who are happy may be able to accept failure, hurt, and sadness as temporary states that will eventually pass, but they may also know how to reach out to close friends and family when they need support.
How to be happy even if you've forgotten what it feels like?
There are various things you can try to start feeling happy again.
Stress can affect people in many ways. It can impact one's mood and general outlook on the world, and managing it can benefit one's mood and overall happiness. Several things can be done to try to manage stress, including meditation, exercise, and breathing techniques.
Prioritizing sleep can also help. Create a sleep ritual that you can do every night to help you get more rest, like taking a warm bath or reading instead of using screens in the hours leading up to bedtime.
Do things you like doing and are good at so you enjoy yourself and feel like you’re accomplishing something. Try cooking a meal with your partner or spending a little bit of time dancing in your living room.
Remember that communication is also important. If you are sad or unhappy, contact your support system. Someone you know may have been in a similar situation and can give you hope that you are not alone and that these feelings will pass.
Everyone feels down occasionally, but if you have had these feelings for more than a short time, talking to a mental health professional may be the right thing for you.
Why am I scared to be happy again?
Sometimes, people can be afraid of things that make them happy because they are worried that they will lose the things that matter to them. Someone who is afraid to be happy again may have also experienced a period of happiness at a young age that was followed by negative events, and they may feel that avoiding happiness is a way to avoid emotional pain.
Why do I feel like I never think about anything?
There may be many reasons why you feel like you can’t think. You may feel overwhelmed in the moment and be unsure about what to do next, or you may lack motivation or inspiration. If your mind is blank or you experience brain fog, it can also be a sign of a mental health condition.
Why has my happiness disappeared?
Happiness can disappear for many reasons, including stress, anger, sadness, and grief. In some cases, finding happiness again can be difficult to do on your own. Talking to a counselor can help you get a sense of what feels wrong in your life, come up with a plan to deal with these challenges, and hopefully experience many more years of happiness.
Why can I no longer be happy?
There are many reasons why you may feel that you can no longer be happy, inducing grief, anger, sadness, and anxiety. When this feeling is persistent, though, it can indicate an underlying mental health issue, like depression.
How to regain joy in life?
There is no such thing as a quick fix when it comes to regaining joy. Finding happiness again can take time, but working with a therapist can help you determine what is behind these feelings and work toward feeling more positive about your life. If this sounds like something you happen to be interested in pursuing, reach out to a BetterHelp therapist to take the next step.
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