How To Improve Self-esteem For Teens
Self-esteem generally refers to the way someone sees themselves. It can also be thought of as a person’s self-worth. Healthy self-esteem can be crucial for teens to achieve self-actualization and have good mental health. A few signs of low self-esteem in teens may include failing to make eye contact during conversation, putting others down, and generally feeling unworthy. Focusing on self-compassion, capitalizing on their strengths, and helping others may improve self-esteem in teens. Online therapy may be a helpful tool for parents of teens with low self-esteem, as it can guide them in how to best support their children as they work through this challenge and learn how to help build their child’s self-esteem.
What is self-esteem?
Self-esteem is usually defined as a person’s self-worth, or how they see themselves. The way someone acts in any situation, whether that be during a test, a job interview, or a regular social interaction, can be closely linked to their self-esteem.
According to social psychology expert Carl Rogers, self-esteem is often crucial to the development of a healthy personality and is usually highly influenced by childhood experiences.
Without being properly nurtured early on with positive feedback, a person may never develop the personality needed to achieve self-actualization. In other words, they may not be able to bring their self-image into alignment with who they’d like to be and what they’d like to do.
By contrast, people experiencing challenges with self-confidence tend to frequently engage in negative thoughts, dwell on past mistakes, and have low self-regard. They may be afraid to express their opinions and assume any endeavor they pursue will inevitably end in failure. They may also experience anxiety or stress in social situations, and they may be more likely to experience mental health disorders like anxiety and depression.
The importance of healthy self-esteem
Healthy self-esteem can be the key to living a fulfilling life. If someone has low confidence in themselves, they may feel easily discouraged and afraid of challenges. Those with low self-esteem may also distance themselves from loved ones, which could negatively impact their relationships and mental health.
A lack of confidence can be more urgent in young people. Between going to school and family life at home, teenagers may be susceptible to low self-esteem, especially depending on different environmental factors and the kind of parenting they receive. This lack of self-confidence can impact a person later in life and even into old age.
One of the aspects that can influence high confidence in one’s self-development in a young person is that person’s relationships. If you are around supportive people who give you positive feedback when you do something well, you may be more likely to have positive feelings regarding your own abilities later in life. This can be especially important in one’s teens and young adulthood, which is why a young person may need to be surrounded by supportive relationships with family, teachers, and other peers. There may be genetic factors contributing to levels of self-esteem as well.
However, not receiving positive feedback in one’s youth can lead people to develop poor self-esteem. Studies show this, in turn, can lead to a variety of issues later in life, from relationship problems to mental health concerns such as anxiety and depression.
Signs of low self-esteem
There may be various signs of low self-esteem. Here are some indicators to watch out for to determine if you or a loved one could be experiencing low self-esteem:
- Teens with low confidence may look away from the person they are talking to, especially adults.
- Negative “I statements” can be one of the most common signs of a teen lacking confidence.
- If a teen constantly puts others down, their negative critiques may be a way to combat their challenges with self-worth.
- Those with low self-esteem may feel they are unworthy and unable to do anything correctly. They may also have a negative body image.
- Teenagers who don’t feel confident in themselves may be more likely to succumb to peer pressure.
Along with these signs, if a teen is not their usual self, low self-confidence may be the problem.
Tip #1: Focus on self-compassion
A common trait of teens having trouble with self-worth can be comparing themselves to other successful people. In observing how peers and adults they respect find success, a few questions may arise:
- Am I good enough?
- Do I deserve happiness?
- Where do I stand with my peers?
- Will I ever change?
Most people have considered these questions at least once during their lives. It is often more beneficial to exercise self-compassion than to dwell on these questions, which can lead to negativity.
People who actively try to treat themselves with compassion and self-love are generally more likely to have higher self-esteem. People practicing self-compassion often acknowledge that they are human beings. They may experience challenges just like everyone around them, but don’t let these challenges define them.
When someone accepts that they are not alone in their challenges, they may begin to treat themselves with the same kindness they would show to a friend. In the end, being better can mean learning from your mistakes, rather than feeling pressure to be perfect.
Avoid social comparison
One step to develop self compassion is by avoiding comparing yourself to others. Teens may compare themselves with other people on social media or in their high school because they want to match themselves to society’s expectations of a successful person. Teens typically believe there is an invisible audience constantly watching them and they need to perform exactly to the expectations of their audience.
This audience may come in the form of social media. If a teen posts something online, but it’s not getting the same engagement rates as someone they look up to, then they may feel inadequate. This situation can also apply to academic performance and athletic competition in school.
However, teens are typically better positioned to have a healthier life if they are kind to themselves. Instead of beating themselves up after failing, healthy teens may accept that they made a mistake and try to improve for the future.
Tip #2: Capitalize on your strengths
Practicing self-compassion may help teens capitalize on their strengths, which can help boost overall confidence. In fully focusing on your strengths, you may feel less frustrated over not excelling at everything.
For example, teens might feel discouraged if they are not athletic, but they see someone else getting medals for their physical abilities. But if a teen focuses on a single strength of their own, such as writing, they may find satisfaction in the craft and feel better about themselves.
When trying to understand what your strengths are, you might ask the following questions to yourself or a loved one having difficulty with self-esteem:
- What are your values and beliefs?
- When do you feel the most excited about doing a particular hobby?
- Who can you talk to when you want to feel better?
If you cannot think of any skills that you view as strengths, you might ask friends or family to help you determine what your strengths could be. Hearing what they view as your gifts can often make you feel good and be helpful as you try to build self esteem.
Confide in your support system
When you reach out to a loved one and explain your struggles, they may offer advice or kind words that can help you on the road to improving your self-esteem. It can also be just as important to have someone listen to you without having them lecture you about what you should do.
Parents trying to give their children the best life possible may eventually need to learn to trust that they can make decisions for themselves. Not only can it be important that you find someone to listen to you, but you may also wish to make sure that you trust yourself to make a positive change in your life.
Tip #3: Help others
When you can treat yourself with kindness and trust that you can make the right decisions, you may become more willing and able to help others, even those who are not in your close family or friend group.
In a 2017 study, researchers examined over 681 US adolescents’ helpful behavior over four years. They concluded that adolescents with kind and helpful dispositions generally reported higher self-esteem, but those who grew in self-esteem often did so after extending a helping hand toward strangers, not just friends and family.
Being kind to people you do not know can help you understand that you are not alone in the world. Furthermore, by exposing yourself to new situations that are outside of your comfort zone, you can gain perspective on other people’s problems in life and even learn from them regarding how to overcome your issues. This can help you in feeling that you can tackle your own problems instead of relying on other people, such as your parents.
Finally, helping others may help you form new relationships with those people, which can then help you develop healthy self-esteem.
Leave your comfort zone
Dr. Laura Padilla-Walker, a psychology professor at Brigham Young University, suggested that “helping a stranger is more challenging than assisting a friend, and when teens take this risk, they feel more competent.”
People may feel more prone to criticize themselves for not excelling rather than forgiving and moving on as better people. Helping others may give you a chance to feel good about yourself and learn from the experience by practicing self-compassion and focusing on your strengths.
Tip #4: Seek professional help
If you’re a parent of a child or teenager who is experiencing difficulty with self-esteem, you may find it helpful to work with a licensed therapist to identify ways you might guide them through this challenging time. Online therapy can make this simple by connecting you with a mental health professional from the comfort of your home at a time that fits your schedule.
Although many question whether online therapy can be as effective as traditional in-office therapy, a growing body of research has suggested that it can be highly effective for a variety of mental health concerns and other issues. For instance, this study looked at an online program for cultivating self-compassion and found that participants reported significant increases in overall happiness and self-compassion.
Takeaway
Self-esteem, frequently viewed as a person’s self-worth or the way one views themselves, can play a large role in overall mental health. Healthy self-esteem in teens can promote self-actualization and well-being. Teenagers with low self-esteem may believe they are unworthy or not good enough. They may also put others down to help themselves feel better. It can be possible for teens to improve their self-esteem by focusing on their strengths, embracing self-compassion, and helping others. Parents of teenagers with low self-esteem may find it helpful to work with a therapist online so that they can learn how to best support their children.
What causes low self-esteem?
Low self-esteem can have many causes. It is sometimes due to a mental health condition, like depression or anxiety. Mental health concerns have a strong relationship with self-esteem, and the relationship is often cyclical, meaning that a mental health condition can both be caused by and be the cause of low self-esteem. Similarly, high self-esteem is thought to help increase resilience and prevent mental health problems from occurring.
A person’s social environment might also cause low self-esteem. If they are surrounded by unsupportive, unkind people, they may experience frequent criticisms or judgments, which may make it hard for them to bolster their self-worth. Even if others are not directly putting a person down, social comparison may play a role. Social comparison refers to comparing oneself to others regarding success, happiness, wealth, and other frequently desired factors. In the age of social media, social comparison is hard to avoid, often requiring a deliberate effort to remember one’s strengths and achievements instead of envying others.
How can parents help teenage children develop self-esteem?
Adolescents are particularly vulnerable to threats to their self-esteem. They may not have the coping skills or resilience to disregard rude comments from others, avoid social comparison, and recognize their strengths. Parents can often help their teenagers avoid chronically low self-esteem by sticking to a few simple guidelines:
- Offer praise and validation. Teens who explore self-expression, find unique interests, and pursue opportunities to discover their identity are likely to have high self-esteem. Parents can support this by praising their efforts and encouraging them to explore what matters most to them. Rewarding accomplishments and supporting them through challenging times is also likely helpful.
- Celebrate differences. Parents can bolster self-esteem by noting their child's unique and special qualities. Providing a consistent positive message about a teen’s individuality can help remind them they are loved just as they are.
- Teach self-advocacy. Sometimes, a teenager’s self-esteem is threatened because peer group members belittle or demean them. Parents can help by teaching their children to avoid those who treat them poorly, reminding them that it is okay to stand up to those who do not treat them nicely.
- Give social media guidelines. Many parents differ in their approach to social media. Some prefer to limit access as much as possible, while others leave their child’s social media accounts unmonitored. At a minimum, parents should educate their teens about social media’s impact on self-esteem. They should understand that social media does not reflect real life, and comparing themselves to others through social media is likely to create situations that may lower their self-esteem.
What is the difference between confidence and self-esteem?
Confidence and self-esteem are closely related concepts, but they are not interchangeable. Self-esteem typically refers to a person’s concept of their self-worth. Factors like body image, self-respect, and the ability to advocate for oneself are closely related to self-esteem. A person with high self-esteem typically views themselves as likable and capable, while a person with low self-esteem may struggle to see their worth in many circumstances.
Confidence is often defined in a narrower scope than self-esteem. While self-esteem typically refers to a person’s self-worth, confidence usually refers to their belief that they can complete a task or reach a goal. For example, someone who has been playing a sport for years is likely more confident in their ability to achieve a high score than someone who has been playing for less than a week. Those with high self-esteem generally find it easier to be confident in their abilities than those with low self-esteem, which is often associated with self-doubt.
Why is self-compassion important?
Self-compassion is often seen as an essential part of building and protecting self-esteem. Self-compassion typically refers to treating oneself with kindness, respect, and forgiveness. Everyone is human and has the potential to make mistakes, and accepting those mistakes or flaws with compassion can relieve many of the challenging emotions associated with feeling inadequate. Self-compassion is also commonly considered helpful when building resilience, which is the ability to recover from adverse life circumstances.
Self-compassion is closely linked to mindfulness. Many people who prioritize self-compassion practice approaching themselves mindfully, without judgment or critique. Self-acceptance is often easier when a person consciously suspends judgment of their thoughts or actions. A mindful approach often helps people accept painful realities and adverse circumstances more easily, which can help protect self-esteem and quicken recovery.
Does social media cause low self-esteem?
Evidence suggests that social media can contribute to low self-esteem, especially in teenagers. Research indicates that as social media use rises, teenagers have a harder time maintaining healthy self-esteem and body image. One reason for this might be social comparison, which is hard to avoid in the age of social media. Social comparison refers to comparing your appearance, accomplishments, and successes against others. However, social media rarely reflects a person’s true circumstances, making it likely that social comparison will make someone feel inferior. Social media also makes it easier for unkind peers to communicate degrading and rude messages to others, sometimes rising to the point of cyberbullying.
How can I help my friend view themself more positively?
If your friend is having difficulty seeing their worth, you might consider telling them what you like and appreciate about them. It’s sometimes challenging to maintain healthy self-esteem, especially during adverse life circumstances. Kind words from friends can often provide a tremendous boost to someone struggling to be kind to themselves. It might also be helpful to spend time with them doing activities they feel confident in, which offers an opportunity to be reminded of their strengths.
If your friend has struggled to see themselves positively for a long time, you might want to suggest that they talk to their parents or a trusted adult about seeing a mental health professional. Low self-esteem and self-worth are associated with many mental health conditions, most notably anxiety and depression. If your friend is working to overcome an adverse mental health concern, it might be very difficult for them to see themselves in a positive light. A therapist or other professional can help investigate underlying concerns, give them strategies to boost self-esteem and help them find ways to use their strengths to build resilience.
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