5 Tips For Teens: Breaking Up With Someone You Love And Care For

Medically reviewed by Elizabeth Erban, LMFT, IMH-E
Updated October 10, 2024by BetterHelp Editorial Team

Regardless of whether you've been dating your high school sweetheart since freshman year or for a couple of months, breakups are no fun. Not only can it be hard to break the news to someone that you no longer want to be romantically involved with but losing someone you respect and care deeply about can lead to personal pain as well. Of course, people break up for a myriad of reasons and sometimes it hurts more than you thought it would to lose a boyfriend or girlfriend even if it wasn’t a healthy relationship. Contained in this article are five tips for teenagers that are thinking of breaking up with a significant other they still love and care for.

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Tips to remember when ending a relationship

1. Stay firm in your decision

Once you’ve committed to a decision, it’s important to stick with it. This can be difficult as outside influences can sometimes persuade you to retract something you had already made up your mind about in the first place. This involves people you talk to about the situation as well as the partner you’re thinking about breaking up with. You might be included to reflect only on their good qualities and ignore the rough patches you had in your relationship. Be prepared to deal with feelings of regret; this is absolutely normal.

However, it’s important to talk things out with a thoughtful support system while you’re working through a breakup, as we are often poor observers of our own relationships. Your support system could be best friends, family, or trusted guidance counselors and teachers. Those closest to you often know you the most and can give advice with your well-being in mind giving them a phone call can help you to transition from your relationship to single life.

Those you confide in should listen as you process your thoughts and feelings and support you in your decision, rather than trying to convince you to change your mind. It’s important that the people you talk to don’t create a toxic environment that's only looking out for their personal interests in seeing you single or separated from your current partner.

While it's helpful if they understand the dynamic of your current relationship, it's not necessarily a requirement for helping you work through this difficult moment. The conversations you have with your support system should consist of kind, helpful words of encouragement. Their efforts should attempt to bring you peace, support, and even positive distraction during the breakup process. 

2. Be honest

Once you've figured out how you'll break up with your partner, your next focus should be on remaining honest. While you may want to find the most respectful way to discuss your feelings, avoid the temptation to sugarcoat your feelings. It’s usually unhelpful to provide a false sense of hope that you may get back together in the future if you have needs that aren't being met. 

If you're under the belief that you two can remain friends, this can be an easy way to cushion the blow, but it's crucial for you to mean it. This means if you're not sure if you two can remain friends, express that you'd like to, but you think spending time away is best for now or that you both need space. The more your sense of identity is individualized and not intertwined with them, the easier this may be.

It’s understandable that there may be topics you’re not comfortable being totally honest about. If you’re concerned about their reaction to anything, consider asking a trusted friend or adult to be nearby to help de-escalate any situation that grows out of control. It’s likely your partner will become upset and have some hurt feelings after this difficult conversation, but you shouldn’t put yourself in the way of any harm (physical or mental) when breaking up with someone. When you speak with your partner, it is important to prepare and not to argue, be confident that you are making your decision for the right reasons.

3. Communicate fair options

It's not uncommon for couples to have a similar circle of friends, activities, and hang-out spots; this is especially the case for teenagers and young adults whose lives can have a lot of overlapping elements. Plan ahead and prepare to discuss what you are and aren't comfortable with continuing. That may be nothing more than a friendship if you feel you will be able to stay friends. Sometimes, it can feel like you're breaking up with a whole friend group or letting go of your favorite place to loiter at. However, remember that it’s often healthy to set boundaries, even though it may feel difficult at first. 

Consider what you’re willing to relinquish, if necessary. If you’re not interested in staying friends or being around them, you may need to have an additional conversation with your friends and family to withhold invitations or make separate plans. Family and friends who are involved should be considerate of your feelings, but you also should consider that they may want to spend time with mutual friends and in similar spaces.

4. Take time to heal

Just because you're the one establishing the breakup doesn't mean you're not feeling a medley of negative emotions. In deciding to end something you've held dear, it's difficult to come out entirely unscathed even if you do form a friendship with your ex. If you're feeling lonely, afraid, disappointed, or if you are hurting, you don’t have to wait, contact your trusted support system and take time to rebuild your self-image as an independent individual. This is especially important if you were on the receiving end of any emotional abuse (such as name calling) during your relationship or breakup. 

Try to practice self-care, which could include various hobbies, activities, or habits you pick up to feel better. You might take long baths, read, paint, or play a sport. Taking time to be by yourself can give you time to heal. If possible, avoid jumping right into a new relationship, as it could be a rebound. If you’ve tried multiple things to get in higher spirits and still feel down, confiding in a mental health professional can be especially beneficial to your well-being.

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5. Focus on self love and mindfulness

Working through a breakup isn't just hard for the partner you're leaving. It can take a toll on your mental health too, especially if this is someone you expected to be with for a long time. If you're feeling uneasy or deeply hurt by the breakup as well, it's crucial to continue reaching out to your support system.

This may include seeking the help and advice of mental health care professionals.

One thing to remember is that your decision about the relationship should be for your long-term happiness. Regardless of how you'll feel in the morning and regardless of the other person’s feelings, you need to think of what's best for the future of the two of you.

Once you've decided you’re ready to end your relationship, develop a plan that encourages you to stick to it. While you may still have strong feelings for the person, be careful not to give mixed signals. If you don't want to settle for a break or time apart, you need to clearly communicate your intentions and expectations of the breakup. It's unhelpful to give others false hope that you may eventually come back to them if you've already made up your mind that the relationship is no longer working for you.

Online therapy with BetterHelp

Teen dating and breakups can be stressful experiences. A therapist can not only help you work through the decision of breaking up with someone you love but can also provide insight into your personal needs that aren't being met in the relationship. As an individual, there will be boundaries you shouldn't relinquish and lines that you can make flexible. However, it can be difficult to figure out the balance between standing firm and providing wiggle room.

Seeking mental health support to help cope with breaking up with someone you love 

If you’re ready to seek professional help in breaking up with someone or moving forward with a new relationship, BetterHelp can match you with an online therapist. Since most people are already on the internet regularly nowadays, online therapy can be a convenient, easily available option for getting the care they need.

Effectiveness of online therapy

Online therapy can help people of all ages overcome the challenges they’re facing in life. For couples, online interventions may be particularly useful if each person has a busy schedule. In one study, researchers found that online couples therapy was just as effective as traditional marriage education. Since then, many couples have found success in turning to web-based interventions for help in their relationships. 

"I was going through a very tough time after going through a breakup. Struggling for a few weeks. Dawn was amazing!!! She became one of my biggest support systems. She helped me navigate and helped me develop. I want to send my deepest appreciation to her for everything!!"
— BetterHelp member’s review of their therapist

Takeaway

As difficult as it may be, sometimes a breakup is what’s best for everyone involved. A breakup doesn’t have to come after a toxic or abusive relationship—it happens even among people who care for and love each other. If you or your teenager is having mental health challenges during or after a breakup, a licensed online counselor may be able to help. 

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