5 Ways You Can Improve Your Self-confidence As A Teenager
Without the right strategies and some intentionality, it can be hard to build self confidence and self esteem throughout your teen years, especially if you’re experiencing a lack of confidence right now. A lot is changing in your life as a teenager. You’re in the process of figuring out who you are and what you want, and there’s often pressure to fit in with your peers and act like other confident people you notice. That said, building self-confidence now can help you strengthen your mental health and set you up for success later in life. Let’s take a look at a few effective ways to build your confidence.
What is self-confidence and why is it important?
The dictionary definition of self confidence is, “a feeling of trust in one's abilities, qualities, and judgment”. It can apply to any aspect where you want to feel good about yourself, from your academic or athletic abilities to your appearance to your personal strengths or other characteristics. A sense of confidence can help you set realistic goals, believe in your own skills, weather challenges, develop healthy relationships with friends and family, feel more empowered when taking risks or chances, and cultivate good mental health. A lack of self confidence may cause you to experience a fear of failure or judgment that holds you back from going after what you really want. Plus, knowing how to create and hold on to self-confidence can benefit you for years to come.
Tips for increasing self-confidence
Increasing your self-confidence is like building any other skill in that it takes patience, practice, and commitment, and is unlikely to happen overnight. Here are a few tips you can try to work on to build confidence over time.
Care for yourself
It’ll likely be easier for you to see the positives in yourself and your life if you eat well, exercise regularly, and keep a consistent sleep schedule. Developing such physical health practices can help you not focus as much on thoughts that make you feel bad about yourself, such as “I need to lose weight,” or “I’m not good enough as I am.” Being able to show yourself love in the form of self-care can remind you that you’re deserving of this type of care, which can boost your confidence over time.
Practice setting boundaries
Learning to set boundaries for what you do and do not want or feel comfortable with is another way to increase your confidence. Confidence comes from feeling capable and in control, and the experience of standing up for yourself can lead to you feeling safer and happier as a result. Boundary-setting is also an important skill that can help you feel more confident with relationships in your adult life.
If you’re feeling daunted at the prospect of standing up for yourself, you can start by practicing speaking up for what you want or need when the stakes are low. For instance, you can suggest your own topic idea when working on a group project at school, or you can say no to extracurricular activities you don’t have time for or simply aren’t interested in. Over time, you’ll likely grow more confident in knowing what you want, and in communicating that to others.
Avoid mental filtering
Mental filtering is just one of over a dozen common cognitive distortions, or flawed, unhelpful ways of thinking and speaking to ourselves that can affect our mental health. Noticing these potentially negative patterns is the first step toward being able to work on them, since they’re usually automatic thoughts that many of us aren’t normally aware of.
Mental filtering involves magnifying the negative aspects of a situation and minimizing or ignoring the positive ones. Once you start noticing this tendency in yourself, you can work on building yourself up. Try not to minimize your achievements or overemphasize your mistakes, and regularly remind yourself of your skills, good qualities and accomplishments. Research has demonstrated that when you practice positive self-talk, you are likely to experience less anxiety and perform better in a variety of situations. Making an effort to replace thoughts that show signs of mental filtering with more positive ones can have significant benefits.
Practice mindfulness
It’s never too early in life to learn how to cultivate mindfulness. Mindfulness can offer a host of benefits, including being present in the world to experience joy more fully and not feeling as much stress when negative emotions arise, both of which may also help you feel more confident. Studies have also shown that mindfulness may be linked to better mental health outcomes in general, including lower levels of depression and anxiety. To start practicing mindfulness, you might try a free guided meditation that you can find online, or practice pausing a time or two throughout your day to ground yourself in your breath by inhaling and exhaling deeply a few times. You can also focus on the present by taking a break to listen to the sounds around you, or to write about what you see and feel.
Speak with a therapist
Some studies point to a link between low self-esteem and depression. If you feel you may be experiencing symptoms of a mental health condition, it can be important to get appropriate treatment. However, note that even if you don’t have concerns about a specific mental health condition, receiving guidance from a trained therapist can be useful. They can help you uncover past trauma, limiting beliefs, or other cognitive distortions that may be holding you back from feeling confident enough to pursue big goals. They can also assist you in identifying healthy ways to manage your emotions, take care of yourself, and grow your confidence overall. A therapist may be able to help you figure out your strengths and weaknesses and how to overcome challenges you face while maximizing things you’re naturally good at. They may also encourage you to try new things to build your confidence that you may find scary at first, such as public speaking or making new friends with people you wouldn’t have thought of spending time with.
If you’re interested in the convenience of online therapy, there are plenty of resources available. Virtual therapy platforms such as TeenCounseling can match you with a licensed mental health professional whom you can speak with via phone, video call, and/or online chat. They can help you address the concerns or challenges you may be facing and work with you on strategies for building a sense of self-confidence that can help you now and in the future, whether that is within your relationships, your job, or your overall sense of well-being.
Takeaway
Why am I losing confidence as I get older?
There are several reasons why some people experience a decline in confidence as they age. For example, individuals might feel less confident because of the natural changes that affect their minds and bodies as they age—some experience physical changes like wrinkles, weight gain, or health issues. A decline in memory or other cognitive changes can also impact how we feel about ourselves.
Life transitions as we age, like retirement, empty nesting, or loss of loved ones, can challenge our sense of purpose and identity, creating a lack of confidence. Ageism and unrealistic societal standards of attractiveness can challenge our self-esteem and confidence. When we compare ourselves to people we see on social media, it can make us feel as if we don’t measure up to those unrealistic standards, especially with inadequate examples of realistic beauty in aging.
For some, traumatic or negative experiences from the past can linger and impact self-confidence. These experiences might create limiting beliefs or negative self-talk, holding us back from feeling confident. Additionally, as we age, there may be a fear of mistakes or failure, which can erode our confidence and prevent us from taking risks or trying new things.
What are the signs of low confidence?
Low self-confidence is a highly personal experience, and signs often emerge differently between people in nature, length, and severity. However, there are some trademark signs you may watch for if you or someone you know has a lack of self-confidence. Here are just a few examples:
- Negative self-talk: Constant self-criticism, focusing on perceived flaws or shortcomings, and doubting your abilities are all examples of negative self-talk.
- Avoidance of challenges: Fear of failure or rejection can lead to avoiding new challenges or opportunities—even if they could be beneficial.
- Approval-seeking behaviors: Relying on external validation from others rather than trusting in one’s self-worth is a hallmark of low self-confidence.
- Perfectionism: Setting unrealistically high standards for oneself, then becoming overly self-critical when those standards aren’t met, is also a sign of low self-confidence.
- Lack of assertiveness: People with low self-confidence often have difficulty speaking up for themselves, setting boundaries, or expressing opinions and needs.
- Difficulty accepting compliments: Dismissing or downplaying compliments and feeling unworthy of praise or recognition are typical behaviors of people with low self-confidence.
- Comparison to others: “Upward social comparison” can lead to feelings of inadequacy or inferiority.
- Avoiding social situations: People lacking self-confidence might avoid social interactions and isolate because they feel anxious or insecure in social settings.
- Procrastination: Putting off tasks or goals due to fear of failure or self-doubt is common for people with low self-confidence.
- Lack of boundaries: People who lack confidence may have a hard time setting boundaries with others out of guilt or fear that people will think about them negatively.
What is the best therapy for low self-esteem?
There are several types of therapy that can be effective in addressing low self-esteem; what works best often depends on the individual and their personal experiences. The most commonly recommended therapy for low self-esteem is cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), a talk-based therapy focused on identifying and changing negative thought patterns and beliefs that contribute to low self-esteem. Numerous studies show that CBT is among the most effective interventions for low self-esteem. Through CBT, individuals can learn to challenge and reframe negative self-talk, build self-awareness, and develop healthier coping strategies.
Other types of therapy include:
Acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT)
ACT is a mindfulness-based therapy that helps individuals accept their thoughts and feelings without judgment, build self-compassion, increase self-awareness, and develop a sense of purpose and meaning in life.
Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT)
DBT combines cognitive behavioral techniques with mindfulness practices to help individuals regulate their emotions, improve interpersonal relationships, and build distress-tolerance skills.
Compassion focused therapy (CFT)
Compassion-focused therapy focuses on cultivating self-compassion as a way to alleviate emotional distress and self-esteem issues. It draws on concepts from several schools of psychology to help people who struggle with self-criticism, shame, and feelings of inadequacy.
Positive psychology interventions
Positive psychology techniques focus on identifying and building upon strengths and positive qualities in individuals. These interventions can help individuals cope with negative thoughts and emotions and cultivate gratitude, self-compassion, and optimism to improve self-esteem and overall well-being.
What is the biggest confidence booster?
Various conditions influence which confidence-boosting strategy is the most effective for a person. Different strategies or practices might resonate more with some individuals than others based on their unique needs and preferences. Here are a few common techniques you might try to build confidence:
Engaging in positive self-talk and self-compassion
Challenge negative self-talk when it arises and replace it with positive affirmations and encouraging statements to help shift your mindset. Treat yourself with kindness, understanding, and acceptance, especially in moments of struggle or self-doubt. Cultivating self-compassion can help you build resilience and self-esteem.
Practicing self-care
Caring for your physical, emotional, and mental well-being can help nurture self-confidence. Get plenty of exercise and quality sleep, and eat a nutritious diet. Do things that bring you joy and fulfillment, and spend plenty of time with people who make you feel good about yourself. A big part of self-care includes learning to manage your stress. Try mindfulness activities like meditation and breathing techniques designed to cultivate calm.
Stepping out of your comfort zone
Taking risks, trying new things, and facing fears can help you build courage and resilience. Learn a new skill or engage in other activities that encourage personal growth. Embracing challenges and pushing yourself past your comfort zone can promote self-confidence.
Setting and achieving goals
Setting small, achievable goals and taking steps towards accomplishing them can boost confidence. Be sure to celebrate your progress and acknowledge your achievements along the way, no matter how small.
Reflecting on your past achievements
“Take stock” of your past successes, strengths, and moments of resilience to give yourself a boost during times of self-doubt. Reminding yourself of what you’re capable of can promote self-confidence and reinforce a positive self-image.
How do you regain confidence after anxiety?
Strengthening your confidence after experiencing anxiety might be a gradual process involving self-care, self-compassion, and intentional steps to build resilience and boost your confidence. Self-care, mindful self-reflection, and stress-reduction activities are often effective for managing anxiety and cultivating self-confidence. Still, these strategies might seem overwhelming if you must handle them on your own. If you’re experiencing anxiety, speak to a mental health professional about the best ways to cope. They can help you isolate the potential causes and develop a treatment strategy tailored to your unique needs.
What mental illness causes extreme insecurity?
There are several mental health conditions that can cause extreme insecurity, one of the most common being borderline personality disorder (BPD). People with BPD typically struggle with intense and unstable relationships, self-image, and emotions. They might have an extreme fear of abandonment, feelings of emptiness, and chronic feelings of insecurity and inadequacy. Other examples of mental health conditions associated with extreme insecurity include, but aren’t limited to:
- Social anxiety disorder (SAD): SAD is characterized by intense fear and anxiety in social situations. This fear and anxiety often lead to avoidance of social interactions and fear of judgment or negative evaluation by others. People with social anxiety might feel extreme insecurity about their appearance, social skills, or performance in social settings—particularly in situations involving things like public speaking or performing.
- Generalized anxiety disorder (GAD): GAD is a chronic condition characterized by excessive worry, fear, and anxiety about everyday life experiences like work, interpersonal relationships, and health. Persistent feelings of insecurity and self-doubt are common symptoms of GAD.
- Avoidant personality disorder (AVPD): Similar to SAD, people with AVPD tend to avoid social situations and relationships, but unlike SAD, they don’t usually meet the standard diagnostic criteria for anxiety. People with AVPD often have an extreme sensitivity to rejection and criticism but typically have a strong underlying desire for relationships.
- Mood disorders: Feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, and low self-esteem often manifest in depressive and bipolar disorders. People with mood disorders might experience intense self-consciousness in social situations.
Is overthinking an insecurity?
Even confident people sometimes engage in overthinking, which isn’t necessarily an insecurity. However, it can result from insecurity and vice versa. Overthinking can be caused by a variety of reasons, such as depression, anxiety, or trauma. If it’s interfering with your personal and professional life, consider contacting a therapist or counselor for help.
Is overthinking self-sabotaging?
There is often a bi-directional relationship between overthinking and self-sabotage. Sometimes, people with low self-esteem engage in overthinking and self-sabotage to avoid failure.
What is the root of insecurity?
There are several possible causes for insecurity. It may stem from adverse early life experiences like abuse or bullying or other past trauma, cultural or social conditioning, involvement in abusive relationships, perfectionism, or recent life events.
How do I regain my confidence skills?
Regaining your confidence might take some time and perseverance and often begins with addressing the sources of your diminished confidence and working to overcome them. Speaking to a mental health professional can help. Self-care activities like eating nutritiously, sleeping well, and getting enough exercise can help you feel more confident, as can participating in activities that make you feel good about yourself. Surround yourself with people who support and believe in you, and engage in stress-relieving activities like meditation, spending time in nature, and guided breathing exercises.
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