A Happy Life Seems Impossible To Me: What Can I Do?
Feeling stressed, overwhelmed, or a little low from time to time is normal. However, continuously having difficulty feeling happiness or hope is generally not. It could indicate a mental health condition, or the need to consider some adjustments to your habits or circumstances and could be a sign that it is time to seek support. What constitutes a happy life can vary widely from person to person; figuring out what it looks like for you and then finding ways to prioritize that is often a good first step. Your teenage years, in particular, are a good time to start thinking about this as you get to know yourself, learn to identify your sources of joy and emotional needs and start designing your life accordingly. Let’s take a look at a few different ways to do this.
Factors that make for a happy life
It can be challenging to answer the question, “What makes people happy?” That said, there are a few general factors that usually contribute to happiness in a person’s life and can point them in the right direction:
- Learning to love and accept your true self
- Creating meaningful relationships with people who love and accept your true self
- Maintaining a living space that brings you peace and comfort
- Having a passion or purpose for your life and energy
- Avoiding or limiting people or things who negatively impact you when possible
It is important to note that these elements can look vastly different from person to person, but each one can be a powerful source of joy. That’s why it’s usually worthwhile to get to know yourself and pay attention to what makes you feel good, safe, fulfilled, and energized. That way, you’ll be able to curate a life where you’re able to maximize your own happiness.
What may be preventing you from living a happy life?
A life of constant, unwavering happiness generally isn’t possible, no one feels glad all of the time. We all go through tough times that often can’t be prevented, and feeling sad or lost at times is normal. Sometimes life is hard, and there’s no getting around that. However, if you’re having trouble finding any kind of lasting happiness or fulfillment or frequently feel overcome with hopelessness or sadness that even the presence of slight cellulite in your body alarms you, there may be other factors at play and you may need more emotional support.
Mental health issues
First, you could be experiencing symptoms of a mental illness. A sense of hopelessness, frequent crying, and loss of interest in activities once enjoyed are all common symptoms of depression, for instance. It’s a serious mental health disorder that typically doesn’t resolve and may get worse without treatment, so seeking support and guidance from your doctor and/or a mental health professional is usually important if you notice these symptoms in yourself or a loved one.
Another possible mental health condition is borderline personality disorder. With this condition, teenagers often experience strong emotional reactions to issues that seem minor. This can make even simple problems feel impossible to navigate. Borderline personality disorder can also lead to feelings of emptiness or loneliness and self-destructive behaviors. The personality disorder can make you feel like you’re struggling more than everyone else, but with the right support you can learn how to manage your symptoms.
Additionally, there could be other mental or emotional factors at play influencing your feelings that could benefit from treatment. Having been impacted by a past traumatic experience, having trouble with negative self-talk or low self-esteem, substance abuse, or experiencing interpersonal difficulties in terms of communication or conflict resolution, for example, can all affect your overall happiness and well-being. They can also all be mitigated with the help of a mental health professional. We’ll discuss this more below.
Life circumstances
External life circumstances may also be playing a role if you are constantly feeling unhappy. While these things are not necessarily within our control, it can be helpful to figure out the ones that are and adjust them when possible. As a child or teenager, especially, there are certain elements of your life that you may not yet be able to change. For example, where you live, who your parents are, and whether or not you go to school are usually not up to you at this age. However, for a kid or teen, making small changes where possible can be helpful, as can gathering details for how to cultivate happiness for yourself as you write your future story.
You might find healthier, more effective ways to manage your stress levels at school or make changes to create a more peaceful, comforting, individualized space for yourself at home for the time being. You might also be mindful of what you don’t like about a certain situation so you can make different choices in the future when you have more control. If you find the social element of school draining, you might plan for a course of study or a career in the future that allows for more autonomous, individual work. If the clutter of your space with your family is stressful to you, you might plan to organize things differently in your own space one day. When life feels overwhelming, taking steps to redirect it on a new path you like can make a huge difference in your present and future happiness.
Tips for creating a happier life
If a happy life seems impossible right now, it might be hard to imagine one for yourself. Remember that things can change and nothing lasts forever. Circumstances may evolve, and you can usually take action in certain ways—big or small—to improve things for yourself or at least shift your perspective in meaningful ways. While some things are always out of our control, using the following tips may help you take more ownership of your life and find more joy in it.
Take care of your body
Self-care is important. Learning to listen to your body and care for it accordingly are helpful skills to learn in your teenage years. Plenty of research has shown how closely linked physical and mental well-being is. For example:
- A 2018 study uncovered a link between sleep quality and life satisfaction.
- A 2019 review of studies suggests “a consistent positive relationship between physical activity and happiness”.
- Research from 2017 shows that “certain types of foods help produce positive emotions in individuals, whereas others can produce negative emotions”, and points to the importance of a healthy diet for overall mental and emotional well-being.
Build a strong social support network
Research shows that “Individuals who say they have family and friends they can count on to help them in times of trouble are consistently more likely to be satisfied with their personal health”, and that social isolation and loneliness are linked to health problems such as heart disease, obesity, anxiety, depression, and more. Building a network of people who can provide you with a listening ear and hear your story, give you advice, and support you when you need it can be integral to happiness—and providing them with love and care in return can increase your own happiness, too. One study found that “a strong correlation exists between the well-being, happiness, health, and longevity” of those who are “emotionally and behaviorally compassionate”. Seeking out friends and others who make you feel accepted, supported, inspired, or fulfilled and offering the same to them can have a significant positive impact on your life and your perspective.
Make time for fun
If you have struggled to find happiness in your day-to-day life, it may be important to develop a process to carve out time and make happiness a reality. Whether you’re a teenager or an adult, making time for fun can sometimes feel like an impossible idea with all the responsibilities and stressors on your plate at any given moment. However, carving out time to do things you enjoy can be important for people of all ages and situations. Taking part in activities that you find fun can help you release and recharge. It’s even been shown to raise levels of the brain's chemical serotonin, which is associated with happiness, focus, and calm.
Speak with a therapist if you feel like a happy life seems impossible
While no one is happy all the time, having difficulty ever experiencing this emotion with any consistency may be a cause for concern. Whether it’s due to a mental illness like depression, harmful thought patterns, or life circumstances that lead to hard times, you may find it helpful to speak with a therapist about it. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) in particular has been shown to be an effective treatment for disorders like depression and anxiety, and it can also help you learn to recognize and shift unhelpful ways of thinking that may be contributing to your unhappiness. If it’s life circumstances that are holding you back from experiencing happiness, a part of a therapist’s job is to help you build the skills or confidence you may need to make changes or to shift your perspective and develop healthy coping mechanisms for situations you can’t control.
For those experiencing mild to moderate symptoms of a mental health condition as well as those who could simply benefit from the support and guidance of a therapist, both in-person and online therapy are available. Since research suggests that the two are equally effective methods for treating a wide range of conditions and concerns, it generally comes down to deciding which one is more available and comfortable for you. If you’re interested in virtual therapy, you can get matched with a licensed therapist who fits your needs and preferences through an online therapy platform service like BetterHelp—or an online therapy platform like TeenCounseling if you’re between the ages of 13 and 18. You begin by answering questions about your specific needs and providing basic information like your name and email address. You can speak with your therapist via phone, video call, and/or online chat to address the concerns you may be facing. These therapists can offer trauma-informed services as well as other types of counseling methods.
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Takeaway
Frequently asked questions
What do you do when something feels impossible?
It's easy to feel discouraged when something feels impossible, regardless of how big or small the task is. However, even the most overwhelming tasks are achievable with a few steps and the right mindset. Here are a few steps you can take to address this feeling:
Practice self-compassion
Perhaps one of the most essential things to do when facing a task that seems impossible is to acknowledge that it's okay to feel that way. Everyone faces things that seem impossible; just because you're having a hard time right now doesn't make you "lazy" or incapable, and it doesn't mean you can't do it.
Think about how rather than why
Sometimes, changing your perspective can help you get started. It might make the task seem more achievable when you begin to look at how you can make it work rather than trying to figure out why you're having a hard time.
Break the task down into smaller parts
Instead of looking at the task as a whole, try breaking it up into smaller, more manageable steps. This can make the task less daunting and help you see smoother progress.
Ask for help
Don't be afraid to ask for help, advice, or support from others with experience with the task or situation. Sometimes, an outside perspective can provide new insights and solutions. Also, having someone to celebrate your successes and hold you accountable for completing your goals can make a big difference.
Practice self-care
Make sure to take care of yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally. Engage in activities you enjoy that help reduce stress and boost your overall well-being.
Why does everything feel impossible right now?
Feeling like everything is impossible sometimes is a common experience—especially during times of stress, uncertainty, or when facing significant challenges. Although you are really the only one who can answer this question for yourself, there are several possible reasons to consider that might give you some insight:
- You're overwhelmed: When you have a lot going on and are dealing with multiple challenges at once (emotionally or literally), it can be easy to feel overwhelmed and like everything is too much to handle.
- You feel a lack of control: Feeling like you have little or no control over a situation can contribute to feelings of helplessness and make even the most minor tasks seem impossible.
- You're engaging in negative self-talk: Negative thoughts and beliefs about yourself, your abilities, or your circumstances can create mental barriers that make things seem impossible.
- You're burnt out: If you've been pushing yourself too hard for an extended period without taking a break or taking care of yourself, you might be experiencing burnout, which can make tasks feel insurmountable over time.
- You struggle with external factors: Things like societal pressures, financial stress, physical or mental health problems, or relationship issues can contribute to feelings of overwhelm and impossibility.
Why does everything feel so intense right now?
There are several potential reasons why things seem overly intense for some people. For example, some people feel intense emotions of all types when they're overwhelmed or experiencing high levels of stress from everyday life. They might be experiencing physical discomfort or bodily changes contributing to intense feelings.
For some people, intense feelings aren't temporary but the default. This might be due to a mental health issue such as anxiety, depression, or bipolar disorder. Past trauma-informed experiences or complex life events can impact how people perceive and respond to certain situations, leading to heightened emotional reactions.
If everything feels intense to the point that it causes discomfort and interferes with your daily life, seek professional support. A therapist or counselor can:
- Help you identify the underlying factors contributing to your intense feelings and develop healthy ways to manage them
- Teach you relaxation strategies such as mindfulness, deep-breathing exercises, or journaling
- Help you establish a self-care routine, including activities that bring you joy and relaxation
- Help you navigate through challenging times with greater resilience and emotional balance
Why is it so hard to do anything?
It can feel discouraging when even the simplest tasks seem hard to do. Still, it's a common experience, especially during times of stress or burnout or if you're experiencing mental health issues like anxiety and depression. Additionally, people who set unreasonably high standards for themselves or have perfectionistic tendencies might find it difficult to do ordinary, everyday things. Putting overwhelming pressure on oneself can lead to procrastination and paralysis. Some might also find it challenging to do things for physical reasons such as illness or injury. In some cases, lifestyle factors like poor nutrition or lack of sleep can affect one's energy levels.
Why does life get difficult?
For most, life is a series of experiences varying in levels of difficulty. Sometimes, it seems effortless and easy; other times, it can feel like everything is a struggle. Regardless, experiencing challenges and obstacles is normal. Potential reasons why life seems hard might include:
Life is unpredictable
Unexpected events such as accidents, illnesses, job loss, or relationship problems can cause stress and difficulty. However, unforeseen events don't have to be negative to make things feel harder. Sometimes, significant positive changes like becoming a parent, getting married, or taking a new job might make some things harder in everyday life.
You have personal struggles
Adversity, like mental health issues, trauma, grief, or addiction, can make life feel overwhelming and difficult to navigate.
You are experiencing external pressures
Financial concerns, societal expectations, family dynamics, and other external pressures can contribute to feelings of stress and make everything seem more difficult.
You have painful past experiences
Past traumas, negative experiences, or unresolved conflicts can impact your ability to cope with challenges throughout life.
You have a lack of support
Without a supportive network of friends, family, or other resources, you might feel isolated and alone, making it harder to cope with life's challenges.
What causes a lack of motivation?
There are many reasons why a person might feel unmotivated to do things, ranging from ordinary and mundane to serious. Sometimes, people lack motivation when engaging in monotonous, repetitive, or uninteresting tasks. They might have a lack of incentive to complete a task or don't have a clear sense of purpose. Becoming or staying motivated might be difficult when faced with too much stress, pressure, or burnout. In such cases, a lack of motivation will likely pass with time.
However, it could indicate a more serious issue when a lack of motivation is chronic and persistent. For example, lack of motivation and anhedonia (loss of pleasure in activities once enjoyed) are common symptoms of depression and anxiety. Mental illnesses like schizophrenia and bipolar disorder also feature symptoms of demotivation. Additionally, people with neurological disorders like Parkinson's or Alzheimer's disease often experience a lack of motivation in daily life.
Why do I struggle to get anything done?
Distraction, procrastination, or poor time-management skills are all potential reasons you might struggle to get things done. But there are also more complex reasons a person might have difficulty such as perfectionism, fear of failure, and a chronic lack of motivation. In such cases, you may consider contacting a mental health professional for support and guidance.
Why do I have to struggle for everything in life?
Struggles in life are normal, and people experience difficulty functioning in some areas occasionally. If you feel like you're struggling in every facet of your life, however, it may be time to do some self-searching. Struggling to get what we want can come from places we may not expect, like an "addiction" to instant gratification or giving up easily when things don't go as we'd like. Some people blame others for their struggles—impeding their self-sufficiency and ability to achieve their goals.
However, issues involving a struggle or lack of motivation to do things can also stem from mental health issues or problems with self-esteem. We might find it difficult to believe in our abilities or see our positive qualities, which can create barriers to productivity. In such cases, guidance from a mental health professional is often necessary.
Why can't I just get up and do things?
Sometimes, the thought of getting up and getting things done seems easy until we actually try to do it. There are several reasons why this might be. For example, when we don't have clear goals in mind to work towards or a plan for making them happen. We might have problems prioritizing our obligations, leaving us feeling overwhelmed and paralyzed from doing anything at all.
Why do I make everything harder than it needs to be?
Whether something is "harder than it needs to be" is often a matter of subjectivity. For example, many people find running a marathon extremely challenging. In contrast, other people who run marathons regularly might think it's harder than it needs to be when they're having an off day or are more tired than usual.
In this way, it might be a good idea to slow down and give yourself a break. In reality, it's possible that what you think should be easier isn't easy at all. If you find yourself thinking that you make everything harder than it should be, consider the following:
- You might be overextending yourself or trying to do more than you can handle
- You might be "overthinking"
- You're neglecting self-care
- You aren't taking sufficient breaks
- You're isolating yourself and not reaching out for help when you need it
- You have unrealistic expectations for yourself or others
- You're making present assumptions based on past experiences
- You're comparing yourself to other people
- You're making assumptions that something will be hard before you try it
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